Author Topic: George Costanza Moments  (Read 21924 times)

Iron Mike Sharpe

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #50 on: June 08, 2016, 11:39:45 AM »
When I show my displeasure on conference calls:


SaskyStache

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #51 on: June 08, 2016, 12:00:55 PM »
The best Costanza moment I can think of comes from one of my old roommates. This is the story as best I can remember it.

The office she was working at kept old paper files in a fairly large room above their main office space. They didn't often need these files, so people rarely went up there, but every year someone needed to go through them to make sure they were organized and to get rid of any old files they didn't need to keep anymore. She volunteered to go through knowing it would be a nice quiet job she could do at here own pace. There was also a couch in this room.

She organized for awhile until it was around break time and figured she would just relax on the couch for a few minutes. As you've might have already guessed, she ended up falling asleep and woke up a couple hours later not long before work ended. When she realized what time it was she started frantically going through files and moving around boxes. This is when her boss decided to check up on her. She was flushed from exertion and slightly out of breath when the boss arrived. The boss seeing this, sent her home early saying something along the lines of, "It looks like you've really working hard. Why don't you head home and finish the rest of this tomorrow?"

The next morning when she arrived at work there was a bottle of wine on her desk with a little note that said 'Thanks for all of your hard work."

Unintentional Costanza, but I think it counts.

mak1277

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #52 on: June 08, 2016, 01:25:25 PM »
Not sure if these are really true Costanza-esque but:

I never answer unexpected phone calls to my office (unless it's our CFO/CEO).  About half the time, people find someone else to ask and don't even leave a message.

I schedule a lot of fake meetings on my Outlook calendar.  Nobody can see what my meetings represent, so I'm always blocking off time so people don't schedule other meetings.

kudy

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #53 on: June 08, 2016, 01:49:12 PM »
This thread is great. After reading through it though, I am happy that I am basically our "IT" department at work, and no one would ever think to install software that monitors mouse movements... although I am usually productive throughout the day. I'm curious, for all of you who's productivity is tracked automatically via computer, what happens if you're "idle" regularly?

Brokenreign

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #54 on: June 08, 2016, 01:59:14 PM »
Not sure if these are really true Costanza-esque but:

I never answer unexpected phone calls to my office (unless it's our CFO/CEO).  About half the time, people find someone else to ask and don't even leave a message.

I schedule a lot of fake meetings on my Outlook calendar.  Nobody can see what my meetings represent, so I'm always blocking off time so people don't schedule other meetings.

I thought everyone scheduled fake meetings? That one's just common sense. It also dissuades those monsters that book 1PM or 8AM meetings.

I have a couple more:

1) I used to work at a sports shop with a large attached warehouse. When hungover, it was de rigeur to build a nest out of padded racket cases. You would construct said nest within stacked bike boxes and seal the opening with another box. It took a lot of integrity not to make a noise when someone was in the warehouse screamjng that you return to the sales floor.

2) I had a summer job doing maintenance on small plots of leased land in the country. I was given the exact same tasks two summers in a row, despite the tasks being completed the first summer. Not being one to miss such a glorious opportunity, I spent the entire second summer swimming, picking berries, hiking etc.

I was once caught sleeping on a cold pipeline (where a high pressure line fed into a higher volume line) on a very hot day. Luckily, the Costanza ethos runs strong in the field staff and the incident was forgotten. I was caught napping with my truck parked behind a bush weeks later. I am reasonably sure the only reason I was caught is that the operator himself had planned on pulling in for a nap.

A Definite Beta Guy

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #55 on: June 08, 2016, 02:07:28 PM »
SOX compliance.  My sympathies.
That's easy part, just time consuming. There's no management oversight on SOX compliance, because management doesn't care. :)

The bad parts are where management has a lot of touch points. Ex: Last week, someone told me Relay Health and McKesson are totally different companies:
http://www.mckesson.com/about-mckesson/our-company/businesses/relayhealth/relayhealth/
http://www.bizjournals.com/eastbay/stories/2006/06/12/daily7.html

Facepalm, man, facepalm.

sistastache

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #56 on: June 08, 2016, 02:22:03 PM »

My solution: extra laser mouse plugged in and tucked away behind the computer, sitting on top of a watch that has a second hand.

Thank you for this. This has elfin magic has changed my life!

partgypsy

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #57 on: June 08, 2016, 02:29:01 PM »
These are hilarious! Though I have to admit George Constanza is funny, I would hate to work with him. When I was breastfeeding my first child, I would walk to the library's private pumping room, where there was a signup calendar where you marked off the time you were using it. About half the time I went in there, there would be this same women taking a nap on one of the couches, who was irritated when I interrupted her and told her I needed to use the room. I remember one time she angrily said "I need to take naps, doctor's orders!" and I said "Sure you can but not here!" I guess the room didn't get much use and that was her hideout spot.

WranglerBowman

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #58 on: June 08, 2016, 02:47:01 PM »
My solution: extra laser mouse plugged in and tucked away behind the computer, sitting on top of a watch that has a second hand.

:| 

This needs some recognition, as it is pure genius.

This is pretty great!  I just hang my mouse on one of those little desk fans so it would sway back and forth in the breeze just slightly but this way is more energy efficient.

One issue I haven't found a way to beat is receiving an IM when your "working hard at your desk", but I'm almost there... Occasionally I'll work from home and set up the fan mouse, turn the volume up really high on my computer and then do other work around the house.  When an IM comes through it just about blows the speakers so this way I can also hear it out in the yard, then run inside and answer the IM.  This fails though if I'm running loud equipment and then people think I'm just being rude for not responding to them...  I'm curious how other people might deal with this situation?
Write a bot to respond automatically with sentences composed with markov chains based on your previous IMs with that person.  If you're careful, you'll only seem drunk, not absent.

I also do the volume thing, but typically only for inside work.

The bot thing might not work depending on how locked down your system is. I can't run anything off of thumb drives (we only recently got the ability to open docs on a thumb drive, and we are banned from saving to them), and I can'trun anything other than approved software. That's where my 100% hardware solution came from.

How kosher is "Do Not Disturb" status? In Microsoft Lync/Skype for Business, you can't even send an IM to someone with that status, so they're forced to send you an email. But in my particular department, that's frowned on because we're supposed to be available for questions. "Busy" status is sometimes a deterrent to the random IMs, but not in keeping with a "be available" mentality. Sometimes I'll create fake private meetings, so then I'm actively "in a meeting", and I can later use the excuse that I was screen-sharing and unable to respond.

Haha.  I can't use a thumb drive or any hardware besides a keyboard and mouse on my computer, and I'm locked from adding or removing programs.  I can put up "Do Not Disturb" but that doesn't stop IM's from coming through.  Ideally I guess I need to schedule more fake field meetings which should eliminate most of the issues.  By the way I do all of this not to be lazy but to work on my home projects during work hours.  I seem to be constantly running out of time to complete home and work projects so I try to create time by overlapping the 2...it can be very effective sometimes.

Goldielocks

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #59 on: June 08, 2016, 03:12:15 PM »
Not sure if these are really true Costanza-esque but:

I never answer unexpected phone calls to my office (unless it's our CFO/CEO).  About half the time, people find someone else to ask and don't even leave a message.

I schedule a lot of fake meetings on my Outlook calendar.  Nobody can see what my meetings represent, so I'm always blocking off time so people don't schedule other meetings.

I put my phone on "do not accept voice mail" and it also doesn't forward anywhere.  Did this once to go on vacation, no one commented, so it is on all the time now. 

CU Tiger

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #60 on: June 08, 2016, 07:13:14 PM »
The opposite game also works extremely well when acting like you don't care and don't need the job. I give my rate, tell them take it or leave it, and it works every time. The more I charge, the more they value my input!

I have noticed that the less I care about work, and the more I let it be known, the better my performance reports are. I do my work, but refuse to do any of the rah-rah bullshit team building stuff they expect. Many times I have hoped I would be laid off, but they are delighted with me and tell me how much they appreciate me.

I wish I had known this when I was in my 20s.

libertarian4321

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #61 on: June 09, 2016, 12:36:11 AM »
I've been trying to get into Kruger Industrial Smoothing for YEARS.

It's my dream job. 

Sadly, I just don't meet their high standards.

HenryDavid

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #62 on: June 09, 2016, 02:49:15 AM »
This thread makes me so happy I've never had to have an office/face-time job, as an adult.
(Went into academia, which is not without its own forms of bullshit. But face-time at a deck isn't one of those forms.)

All this discussion of dodging supervision reminds me of high school and the Hallway Monitors.
We used to get rounded up to attend horrible bullshit mandatory "pep rallies" to support the football team and "build school spirit."
Already as a kid this made my skin crawl.
So my friends and I would follow the herd down the corridor, deke into the boy's room, and exit via the windows (they opened back then!)
Off to the park for some genuine spirit-building via tree-climbing, rock-throwing-in-water (splash!), or even Talking About Books and Music and Ideas (forbidden at the pep rally).
Best part of school, with one or two exceptions, was the truancy.
Seems like the Working World is the same.

toodleoo

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #63 on: June 09, 2016, 05:20:58 AM »
The opposite game also works extremely well when acting like you don't care and don't need the job. I give my rate, tell them take it or leave it, and it works every time. The more I charge, the more they value my input!

I have noticed that the less I care about work, and the more I let it be known, the better my performance reports are. I do my work, but refuse to do any of the rah-rah bullshit team building stuff they expect. Many times I have hoped I would be laid off, but they are delighted with me and tell me how much they appreciate me.

I wish I had known this when I was in my 20s.

Yeah, but in your 20s you might not have gotten away with it, since you might have been seen as young and inexperienced. Now you have more experience, so you have more clout.

Dezrah

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #64 on: June 09, 2016, 07:38:42 AM »
Semi-related.

Among my group of friends, we like to share our Larry David Moments.

This one is my favorite:  The friend was a white female professional.  She was out in downtown on business so she was dressed in nice business formalwear.  She parks her car and starts rifling through her purse to find change for the meter.  She has to dig fairly deep so her arms kind of flail around the car in her frustration and she bumps the lock button on the car... right as a black male is walking past her car.  The both of them startle and make eye contact and he gives her one of those disgusted "Seriously?  What the hell, lady." looks.  She panics and tries to gesture, "Oh my gosh...  No...  That wasn't...  I didn't mean to...  My purse...", but all this just makes her look more like a crazy person and he just walks away sadly shaking his head.

Iron Mike Sharpe

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #65 on: June 09, 2016, 09:53:12 AM »
I started a new job this week.  We got a cool t-shirt.




I also own:




The Money Monk

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #66 on: June 09, 2016, 11:57:13 PM »
My solution: extra laser mouse plugged in and tucked away behind the computer, sitting on top of a watch that has a second hand.

:| 

This needs some recognition, as it is pure genius.

This is pretty great!  I just hang my mouse on one of those little desk fans so it would sway back and forth in the breeze just slightly but this way is more energy efficient.

One issue I haven't found a way to beat is receiving an IM when your "working hard at your desk", but I'm almost there... Occasionally I'll work from home and set up the fan mouse, turn the volume up really high on my computer and then do other work around the house.  When an IM comes through it just about blows the speakers so this way I can also hear it out in the yard, then run inside and answer the IM.  This fails though if I'm running loud equipment and then people think I'm just being rude for not responding to them...  I'm curious how other people might deal with this situation?

you could try wireless bluetooth headphones

StartingEarly

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #67 on: June 10, 2016, 01:40:37 PM »
I used to refer to performance reviews as the airing of grievances when I worked for a horrible company.

Spitfire

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #68 on: June 10, 2016, 02:11:52 PM »

When someone asks me to explain something, I make them research it and explain it to me.

I had a lazy boss who used to do this (this didn't make him lazy by itself but he did it). He would say something like "I could tell you but it would be better if you learn it on your own."

This thread is amazing.

Edit: hadn't gotten to it yet when I wrote this, but seeing "cartwright" on that summer of george tee nearly brought me to tears laughing. 

« Last Edit: June 10, 2016, 02:43:25 PM by Spitfire »

Beridian

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #69 on: June 10, 2016, 03:16:50 PM »
I found this little script-program on line years ago, it is called "caffeine".  When you launch it it hits your F17 every thirty seconds or so, and F17 does nothing but it keeps your computer awake.  It works great to keep my computer from constantly logging me off.  I have been using it for years on both Windows XP and Windows 7.  So far all the security scans and windows policy updates have not noticed it.

If the I.T. Nazi's ever discover it and remove it I will be the first to purchase a shaker mouse.

arebelspy

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #70 on: June 30, 2016, 05:41:05 AM »
This thread is hilarious.  Subscribing!
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
I (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out the Now page to see what I'm up to currently.

Million2000

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #71 on: June 30, 2016, 01:54:03 PM »
Rigging Rube Goldberg mouse moving devices. Developing Turing test beating chat bots. Sounds like a lot of work to avoid working.

It's not work when you love what you're doing. . .

Not Seinfeld but it is Costanza-esque:

"Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done."
~Ron Swanson

 

Curbside Prophet

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #72 on: June 30, 2016, 06:01:36 PM »
Had to do a presentation on a book at the end of the class year.  I basically found a TED talk that was close enough to the book's premise and used that.  I think this is pretty similar to when Costanza tried to outsource rather than read Risk Management.

G-dog

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #73 on: June 30, 2016, 07:36:14 PM »
Following ....

arebelspy

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #74 on: June 30, 2016, 09:00:59 PM »
I totally have "Ca...STANZA" stuck in my head thanks to this thread.
I am a former teacher who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, spent some time traveling the world full time and am now settled with three kids.
If you want to know more about me, this Business Insider profile tells the story pretty well.
I (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out the Now page to see what I'm up to currently.

MoneyCat

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #75 on: June 30, 2016, 09:57:03 PM »
At my job, they are real Nazis about tracking everyone's internet use and getting on your ass if you are surfing any non-work-related websites. I get around this problem by bringing my own laptop from home and tethering to my grandfathered unlimited data plan on my smartphone using PDAnet. They have no idea that I'm checking my stocks and reading MMM when I'm supposed to be doing busywork. Stick it to the Man!

SaskyStache

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #76 on: June 30, 2016, 11:23:37 PM »
Had to do a presentation on a book at the end of the class year.  I basically found a TED talk that was close enough to the book's premise and used that.  I think this is pretty similar to when Costanza tried to outsource rather than read Risk Management.

Along these same lines, but mine might be a bit off topic. Although, don't we all interpret the message of Costanza in our own way? Personally I think this embodies his spirit.

All throughout school I chose ants for my biology projects. It seemed like at least once a year we would have to do a report on some type of animal, so I figured why not stick with one. 6-7 year old SaskyStache's reasoning at the time was "ants are cool". I still stand by that sentiment. So I kept my notes while making incremental improvements and additions year over year, to keep up with the increasing demands of each level. It saved me some work over the years, and lead me to the glorious last project I could use ants for in high school. I already knew what I was going to say for the presentation and had the written part mostly done, but for this project there were bonus marks for props.

The thing is I didn't have any props, but I wanted those easy bonus marks. Was I going to spend the extra time I saved on research, writing and preparation creating awesome props? Hell no. My solution was to pair the bristle board with an ant farm. I didn't have an ant farm, but I had easy access to the next best thing -- dirt. I filled a large mason jar with dirt partially chiseled from the ground (winter) and potting soil (I tried to keep this to a minimum but frozen soil isn't the best thing to dig in).

The presentation was going well and I had pre-explained that since it was winter the ants were huddled in the middle in a resting phase, but it almost came crashing down when someone exclaimed that they saw one. I was so close to losing my shit because I have near certainty that there were no ants in that jar of dirt. But somehow I managed through it and got the bonus marks. The jar then sat with bristle boards on display for a couple weeks before my teacher told m that I could take it home. When I did pick it up he looked at me with a straight face and said that, " I think that your ants are dead." He probably knew from the onset and most definitely knew at this point that there was never anything in that jar other than dirt. But did he think it was as hilarious as I did? Probably.


I can't use ants anymore, but there's something almost as good. PANEL SESSION! (read this as you would pool party!) I had to do a presentation at a conference. I was not really looking forward to filling an hour on this particular topic, so I shifted to a panel session. I asked a few people, they said yes and all I had to do was put together a couple intro slides and start up questions (a few hours before the session). I felt like I was scamming the system. I didn't really do anything. I just let everyone else talk. My bosses seemed happy, the panelists seemed happy to be included, the attendees were happy or didn't give a shit. It was pretty much outsourcing all of the work to positive reviews. It felt weird getting positive remarks for avoiding work.

I have a feeling the first person to float this idea must have been trying to dodge work as well.


GuitarStv

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #77 on: July 01, 2016, 05:37:58 AM »
In the same vein as Sasky above . . . I used The Lord of the Rings for about seven or eight essays throughout elementary and highschool.  I really liked the trilogy and knew it well, so writing a report on it was very easy.  There was a report about the politics of LotR, the role of women in literature from the 50s, comparison of modern and Shakespearean writing styles, etc.

Greenroller

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #78 on: July 01, 2016, 10:08:03 AM »
Every year my kids have a science fair project they have to do. These are done on tri-fold boards with pictures, explanations, etc. Every year I have both my kids help with the oldest child's board. That board then becomes my youngest childs in the science fair the following year. I say why work harder when you can work smarter. No one of the judges at these fairs has caught on yet that they judged the same board the year before.

afuera

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #79 on: July 01, 2016, 12:12:03 PM »
If George Costanza is your favorite TV character, you should check out the lesser known show "Curb Your Enthusiasm."  Its main character is Larry David, who George is based off of.
Yes!   I only found out about Curb Your Enthusiasm in the last couple years and I can't figure out how I lived without it.

ChicagoGirl

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #80 on: July 04, 2016, 08:35:22 PM »
I started a new job that gave me zero training, they put me in an empty office with one file and I basically had to figure the job out on my own. I have to admit I spent A LOT of time working on the 'Penske File' in that empty office of mine. LOL.

dividendman

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #81 on: July 05, 2016, 09:19:08 AM »
I started a new job that gave me zero training, they put me in an empty office with one file and I basically had to figure the job out on my own. I have to admit I spent A LOT of time working on the 'Penske File' in that empty office of mine. LOL.

Haha - amazing.

rahby1us

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Re: George Costanza Moments
« Reply #82 on: July 05, 2016, 11:16:07 AM »
What you need to do is just get of messenger. Make it a point to not be logged on but still remain visible. If anyone ever asks just say you prefer email because you can reference old conversations if need be.

if you MUST remain logged in on messenger, just open a window of someone who you will never talk to, and put something heavy (aka a small rock) on your keyboard so it keeps typing. minimize that window and put a piece of paper on top of the rock