Author Topic: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life  (Read 10876 times)

wing117

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20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« on: July 21, 2013, 02:57:02 PM »
Man, it was a rough weekend for the mustchian mindset I've come to love. I have other 25-32 year old friends wished to go to a fresh in-house noodle restaurant (12-18/person) and then head out to a bar/club for drinks (5-12/drink). I declined. I just couldn't justify it, and didn't want to put up with the "why aren't you drinking? eating? what's wrong??". Or the 30 minute drive in to "downtown".

This morning, however, I broke and went to a brunch with the SO and the group of friends, since we hadn't seen them (or really anyone outside of work) for over a month - we were jonsing for company of our friends. It set me back a horrible 40 dollars after tax + tip for the two of us. Arrghhhhh! It's breakfast food! (And mandatory buffet - there was no ala cart option here so I could just grab a coffee, toast and an egg over easy).

I am not about to try to convince these folks of the Mustchian way of life and I still would like to have a social life. How do I combine the two appropriately? Anyone else out there having these conflicts as you get into the Mustache Way?

Russ

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2013, 03:13:04 PM »
get your current friends to do the kind of Mustachian activities you want to do (board games? potluck? hiking?)
or
get new friends

BPA

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2013, 03:18:14 PM »
This issue isn't unique to people your age.  In fact, I found my friends were cheaper when we were younger.

I participate in what I want and offer alternative choices for socializing.  I'm still friends with some spenders but my closest group of friends tends to be frugal. 

footenote

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2013, 03:22:10 PM »
White Lie Alternative: "SO and I would love to see you! We have an earlier brunch commitment at [someone else's] home; could we just join you for coffee?"

Eat brunch at home. When you show up (halfway into friends' brunch), apologize for being double-booked and just order coffee.

It's the only alternative I can think of to either persuading friends to pursue other entertainment / socializing options (per Russ) or getting new friends.

Joel

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2013, 03:28:57 PM »
Host breakfast? Or have get togethers at your house? As opposed to at a restaurant...

hoodedfalcon

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2013, 04:00:56 PM »
This issue isn't unique to people your age.  In fact, I found my friends were cheaper when we were younger.

I participate in what I want and offer alternative choices for socializing.  I'm still friends with some spenders but my closest group of friends tends to be frugal.

This is definitely not unique to 20-somethings. As you get older and friends have more disposable income, it becomes even more of a challenge.

Personally, I am not a fan of the white lie approach, especially if this is something that will come up with the same friends over and over. They are probably going to notice when you keep making excuses, and feelings might get hurt or they may interpret it incorrectly. Plus, it's a lie, and those are always messy regardless of what color they are. I say tell the truth if you feel like you have to explain yourself.

I think you have to get used to the idea that your social life might have to look a little different than what you are used to. Hosting breakfast (or any meal) can end up being pretty expensive. Potlucks are awesome though. Taking dogs to the park. What Russ said. I think you just have to get creative and offer alternatives (or find alternate friends).

Michelle119

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2013, 04:34:57 PM »
Being another 25yo, I have similar issues. I usually just skip the dinner out and just go for drinks, and only get one or two. Or if its someone birthday I try and just order something small such as an appetizer and one drink at the restaurant and skimp after. My friends do like to partake in board game nights and days/evenings spent by the pool or beach which are a lot cheaper (most of the time). I don't think you have to choose new friends nor skip the activities, just do a few especially cheaper/no cost activities and just be choosy as to where you go and what you order for food. Its hard but it will always be this way. I just budget $x per month for eating out and drinking for my DH and I and we just make it work.

Albert

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2013, 04:57:02 PM »
I simply set aside my frugal instincts once in a while in order to not lose all my friends. I don't do it often, but when I do I don't care about an extra 50$ spent in a restaurant or in a bar anymore. I find some other areas to save.

FitStash

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2013, 05:39:06 PM »
I simply set aside my frugal instincts once in a while in order to not lose all my friends. I don't do it often, but when I do I don't care about an extra 50$ spent in a restaurant or in a bar anymore. I find some other areas to save.

I tend to do the same thing.  Even MMM does this :-)  "King for just one day"

http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/06/28/king-for-just-one-day/

Jamesqf

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2013, 06:10:26 PM »
White Lie Alternative: "SO and I would love to see you! We have an earlier brunch commitment at [someone else's] home; could we just join you for coffee?"

Or non-white lie alternative: "We'd love to, but SO and I had planned to go for a long (bike ride, hike or whatever) that morning.  We could drop by for a coffee, or you could come join us."  Then go do whatever you said you'd be doing.

minimalist

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2013, 08:01:16 PM »
I go to more parties than bars, so I usually end up spending $10 for a decent 6 pack. When I'm meeting friends at bars, I drink some good beers at home, take public transit, and then order the cheapest thing available (usually $3 per beer).

I make my own breakfast, lunch, and dinner almost everyday, but I go to Sunday lunch with a group of friends weekly, which ends up being $15-$20. If I knew it was going to be $40, I would eat before I arrived and then just have coffee/tea (I actually know someone who does this almost every week and it's not a big deal at all).

spider1204

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2013, 08:29:36 PM »
Quote
get your current friends to do the kind of Mustachian activities you want to do (board games? potluck? hiking?)
or
get new friends

It may suck at first especially if you're not able to accomplish the former, but this is pretty much the truth.  The other thing is that convincing people to make changes is pretty much impossible.  It'll only work if they really are interested in those kinds of activities but feel trapped just like you.

swick

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2013, 08:37:35 PM »
SO and I are in the same boat, I guess we are really lucky because we live in a relatively small town with even fewer options for going out. We do lots of entertaining at home, potlucks/board games.

As spider1204 just posted, look out for those in your social circle who may feel "trapped" if you get into any in depth conversations with your friends, or even just see how they respond in casual conversations, they should be easy to pick out - then team up and between you and the activities and ideas you suggest, you may be able to shift the dynamic and habits of the whole group - or at least the ones who are truly your friends - especially as you said it was their company you were jonesing for, and it is awfully hard to socialize in a crowded restaurant or nightclub.

SO and I do this for board games, when we meet someone we may be interested in getting to know, we casually ask them if they play board games. If they answer with anything other then "Yes I Love Monopoly!" or "No I hate games" we know they'll probably be great to play with. We should see how we can apply this to finding new frugal friends too.

Khan

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2013, 10:04:43 PM »
Another 25 year old. What I do is I just turn off mustachian instincts mostly when going out, and I tweak the situation towards the more frugal end somewhat. You could pre-game if you enjoy being buzzed as I do, and then nurse a single whiskey or somesuch while out. You can pay attention to happy hours. You can try and establish game-nights, wherein you play videogames or board games(which are way better then going out. Make some great food, enjoy cheap alcohol, it's a superior experience.

But the bottom line is that, for me at least, it's mainly about conscious spending, not -no- spending.

lifejoy

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2013, 11:21:50 PM »
Balance!

Unless you're heavily in debt, maybe find a way to be ok with the fact that to run in some circles, you're going to be in situations that require money. And, you might just enjoy it! :D

2527

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #15 on: July 22, 2013, 03:33:04 AM »
Maybe find an alacarte diner and steer them to that for breakfast.  Basic breakfast doesn't have to be expensive.

jrhampt

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #16 on: July 22, 2013, 05:35:58 AM »
I just budget for it, keep it to a reasonable level of frequency, and suggest happy hours with great specials.

brand new stash

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #17 on: July 22, 2013, 07:30:47 AM »
The person doing the planning usually sets the tone for the expenditures.  So by being the planner you can make it cheaper.   Instead of waiting for another friend to plan the noodle place and bar evening, email everyone in advance and suggest cheaper alternatives.  This time of year a lot of places have free outdoor movies or concerts...those make great activities with a group.

wing117

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #18 on: July 22, 2013, 09:05:30 AM »
I agree with a lot of points (but forget Monopoly - it's all about Settler's of Catan!) I also had one friend make a comment that rang out and we're getting together at my place for a drink and to talk about FI/his path later in the week. He was recently laid off at 30 years old and is running a little ragged trying to figure out what the heck to do.

Two other friends (39/42 yo respectively) and I get together once a week for a home cooked meal and some old fashioned's (real ones), so those are keepers.

FitStash That's one article I don't think I've read yet. Thanks! (Also I'm catching up to you on the Mustache Bicycle Challenge this month!)

I'm not really super attached to any of the people I went to see this weekend, so losing them isn't too big of a deal. Looks like I need to go on the hunt again for new friends!

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #19 on: July 22, 2013, 10:19:18 AM »
We started a dinner party circle with the other couples in our groups of friends-- we take turns hosting each other.
Previously everyone had gone out for dinners, but it turns out all it took was one of them stopping by for lunch, adoring our cooking, and the ball just started rolling. It's just that no one had considered breaking out of the 'go out for a drink' mode before.

They still go out and spend far more than we do, and we'll occasionally accept an invitation to join them, but... this lets us see our friends nearly as often as everyone's busy schedules allow, all without breaking the bank. If schedules loosen up, we might set up a board game night. Settlers of Catan is really just the gateway drug for a whole world of games, some are which are free for the printing! (For example, I've been meaning to try Cheapass Games' "Kill Dr. Lucky," because I'm a bad person and it looks funny.)

radcrast

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #20 on: July 22, 2013, 10:22:53 AM »
Another 25 year old here! (there are a lot of us)

I can definitely relate. I have a few friends who are self-described "foodies" and beer/wine/fancy cocktail enthusiasts, which can lead to some very expensive nights out, if I'm not careful.

I used to make excuses and white lies, but I've found that honesty works best. I simply say "sorry, that's not in the budget this week" - no need to over explain. The last time this happened, my friends had invited me  & SO to a fancy restaurant. When I told them I was not down for spending (having just returned from a spendy trip), they suggested that they pick up a growler and come over to our place instead.

I also really like the idea of finding like-minded friends and working together to change the group dynamic. We hosted a Settlers of Catan night with some more budget-friendly friends and it was a huge hit - now our spendy friends all want to come next time.

Balance is important as well. I keep some money set aside for birthdays and for when a friend who is serving in the military is home to visit. He can only visit maybe twice a year, so it's nice to go a little wild for the weekend and have fun without worrying too much about spending.

One final suggestion: we have a weekly "family dinner" that rotates houses. We bring whatever food we have (often CSA stuff) and cook dinner together. This is a good way to get together on the cheap, and because we rotate houses, no one gets burned out from hosting every time.

swick

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #21 on: July 22, 2013, 12:20:00 PM »
(For example, I've been meaning to try Cheapass Games' "Kill Dr. Lucky," because I'm a bad person and it looks funny.)

Kill Dr. Lucky is great fun! Although it really helps if you have a group who can really get into it and can be theatrical/slightly silly. We ended up buying it because we wanted to support the game makers - and I was gifted some birthday money with the explicit instructions to "go buy a game"

Radcast - I love the idea of a weekly family dinner! Kinda throw the old expression "You can choose your friends but not your family" right out the window!

Wing117 - The game playing world is divided into those who love monopoloy and everyone else:P We find that those who love monopoly aren't really interested in the types of games we play - or maybe it is a mind-set thing?

We have been working on creating a Stargate themed Catan...but now I want to get all side-tracked and come up with MMM the board game :P

Eric

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #22 on: July 22, 2013, 12:39:40 PM »
Eat dinner separately.  Meet later at the bar.  Bring your own flask.  Depending on the bar, you may have to purchase one drink to make it work.  Total cost between $5.00-$13.00.

beeth_oven

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #23 on: July 22, 2013, 09:51:40 PM »
I live in NYC where there's social temptation a plenty. I usually suggest a happy hour after work to help offset costs. If I'm out at a bar, then I'll order the cheapest thing, and probably nurse it the whole time. It's not a big deal.

I almost never regret hanging out with my friends in any capacity. If you spend a little extra one week, could you do some scrimping in another area?

Osprey

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #24 on: July 23, 2013, 07:30:17 AM »
A big problem is that so much socialising happens around food. I have found almost no workarounds, apart from hosting get togethers at home. And boredgames are all well and good, but sometimes you just want the atmosphere of being out at a bar!

So, when going out for a good time: if I'm expected to eat I won't order drinks, and if I'm not expected to eat I'll nurse one drink for as long as possible and pre-load on food at home. Doesn't work with "let's all order lobster and split the bill" types though.

Outdoor and cultural activities are a good way to break out of the going-out-to-dinner/drinks rut. I almost never regret the money I spend to gain access to parks, live music, fun runs, exhibitions, etc - the tricky part is keeping your wallet closed once you're in!

StarswirlTheMustached

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #25 on: July 23, 2013, 01:20:52 PM »
Another 25 year old here! (there are a lot of us)

I can definitely relate. I have a few friends who are self-described "foodies" and beer/wine/fancy cocktail enthusiasts, which can lead to some very expensive nights out, if I'm not careful.

Funny, as a self-described (25-year-old) foodie, I'd much rather not go out. Maybe it's because we're not in the big city, but I've gotten to the point where I can cook most things I like better than the local yokels will sell me for 30 or even 50$/plate.
(the only exception being pricey/exotic cuts of meat, which I don't have much practice cooking.)

As for beer/wine/cocktail enthusiasts, there are still options. A cocktail party at someone's house can involve more unique and interesting cocktails than your bartender will know, and is, of course, cheaper. (I think art of manliness might have a guide on how to throw such a shindig.) Or you could start home-brewing and invite everyone over to test your batches as they come ready. (If they like beer and wine, maybe you could start with a mead or cider so they are less judgemental? I don't know, but I do know I adore the wine my friends had home-brewed with for their wedding... but I'm a terroire guy, and only drink Ontario VQA wines anyway.)

MakingSenseofCents

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #26 on: July 23, 2013, 01:24:49 PM »
I try to budget for these instances. If not, I will ask if everyone wants to pregame at my house. Always works!

brandino29

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #27 on: July 23, 2013, 07:47:03 PM »
I feel like the key is finding free local events.  Even though we live in a small city there are still lots of free activities on a regular basis, like a free local concert series on the river every weekend---vendors sell food and beer for 5 bucks a pop but grab a bite at home before heading down and pick up a good six pack on your way and voila, night out with the wife and a group of friends for $10.

Infants at home also change the social dynamic---other than a couple of weddings this year, I don't think we've been "out" out since before our daughter was born.  Fortunately, I don't feel like we're missing much because we've reached that point where the majority of our friends have small kids as well, they're not going out either, and social events are now children's birthday parties. 

I'm in the golden months of my 20s -- I turn 30 in a few months -- so I speak with some authority here. :)

Eric

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #28 on: July 24, 2013, 10:27:55 AM »
And boredgames are all well and good, but sometimes you just want the atmosphere of being out at a bar!

Well there's your problem right there.  You should try board games instead.  Much more fun than bored games.  :)

Osprey

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #29 on: July 24, 2013, 02:24:30 PM »
And boredgames are all well and good, but sometimes you just want the atmosphere of being out at a bar!

Well there's your problem right there.  You should try board games instead.  Much more fun than bored games.  :)

Hehe the spelling was intentional :p My SO and some of my friends are really into board games but I like to socialise in bigger groups than what fits around a kitchen table... Also, they're all geeky genius types and I get frustrated because I never win!
Does anyone have suggestions for quick-n-dirty cooperative games? I played "Pandemic" once and that was fun because you're all working together against the game.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2013, 02:27:24 PM by Osprey »

Eric

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #30 on: July 24, 2013, 03:17:40 PM »
Have you seen this thread about board games in the off topic area?

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/what-are-your-favorite-board-games/

wing117

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #31 on: July 24, 2013, 04:19:23 PM »
Have you seen this thread about board games in the off topic area?

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/what-are-your-favorite-board-games/

I have not! Heading over there now!

Osprey

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Re: 20's somethin' social life + mustachian life
« Reply #32 on: July 25, 2013, 03:27:57 AM »
Have you seen this thread about board games in the off topic area?

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/what-are-your-favorite-board-games/

Thank you thank you!