Author Topic: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)  (Read 3965 times)

bmjohnson35

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FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« on: May 10, 2022, 08:42:28 PM »

We are about to take off on a 2 month road trip across the US.  My wife informed me this evening that we need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier in preparation for our roadtrip.  I found her comment humorous.

G-dog

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2022, 08:51:42 PM »
My schedule is very free and open - while those of my friends, who are still working, are not <cue sad trombone sound>

Ladychips

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2022, 09:12:11 PM »
I have two: 1) I have a hard time keeping track of what day it is.  Occasionally, I need that information if I have an appointment.  I have to work to remember. 2) I no longer get excited about holidays because they don't mean an extra day off. 

I hope this thread is for fun like the MPP thread!

gooki

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2022, 09:14:31 PM »
So true to both of the above. Thankfully I have a few friends that work shifts, so can find someone to hang out with.

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2022, 10:54:24 PM »
Remembering when peak hour is so I don’t make appointments at that time.

davisgang90

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2022, 03:52:21 AM »
Losing track of days and wanting to go someplace to pick up some things and realizing it's the weekend. Nope, just gotta wait til Monday.

ixtap

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2022, 08:05:23 AM »
Losing track of days and trying to make a drop off at the Goodwill truck in the commuter lot.

Trying to decide the ideal day to do a sewing project. I have decided the answer is next week.


spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2022, 08:42:31 AM »
People are always trying to find me a job. No. Just...no.

Along with them trying to find me things to do because I must be horribly bored without a job. Poor me ;-).

Initially FIREing as a younger single (divorced) woman I thought I must be a "catch". Attractive (my Mom says so!), healthy, fit, fun and very financially independent with a paid off house and a steady passive income from investments. But the reality is every guy I met didn't find any of that attractive and wanted me to get a job. No. Just...no.

bmjohnson35

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2022, 09:05:48 AM »
We recently took a cruise. It's been over two years since our last cruise. We have always enjoyed traveling, but cruises always gave me the opportunity to unplug, decompress and relax.  We would joke about the fact that we used the elevators to keep track of the days.  They update the threshold plate everyday with the day of the week.  I wouldn't say it was a bad cruise, but I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to. When you start the cruise already fully relaxed, it's simply not the same experience. 

clarkfan1979

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2022, 09:32:34 AM »

We are about to take off on a 2 month road trip across the US.  My wife informed me this evening that we need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier in preparation for our roadtrip.  I found her comment humorous.

I'm still working and not FIRE. However, I teach community college and get 3 months off during the summer. My semester ends tomorrow. We are going to Kauai for two months, then we go camping at Steamboat Lake for 7 days and then 12 days in ELY, MN to visit family and do some fishing. For winter break, we spend about 3-4 weeks in Fort Myers, FL.


Dreamer40

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2022, 03:01:16 PM »
Certain family members expect me to be available and willing to do stuff for them. I got tired of babysitting pretty quickly. Now I’m always busy.

dblaace

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2022, 04:10:31 PM »

We are about to take off on a 2 month road trip across the US.  My wife informed me this evening that we need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier in preparation for our roadtrip.  I found her comment humorous.
I just wish I could stay up later and sleep in once in a while.

Jesstache

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2022, 08:57:56 PM »

We are about to take off on a 2 month road trip across the US.  My wife informed me this evening that we need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier in preparation for our roadtrip.  I found her comment humorous.

I'm still working and not FIRE. However, I teach community college and get 3 months off during the summer. My semester ends tomorrow. We are going to Kauai for two months, then we go camping at Steamboat Lake for 7 days and then 12 days in ELY, MN to visit family and do some fishing. For winter break, we spend about 3-4 weeks in Fort Myers, FL.

Do you own a house and if so, what do you do when you are away?  We are going to take a 1 month road trip July-August and are thinking of hiring our 16 year old neighbor to get the mail, mow the lawn, feed the fish and hamster while we're gone.

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2022, 04:56:01 PM »

We are about to take off on a 2 month road trip across the US.  My wife informed me this evening that we need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier in preparation for our roadtrip.  I found her comment humorous.

I'm still working and not FIRE. However, I teach community college and get 3 months off during the summer. My semester ends tomorrow. We are going to Kauai for two months, then we go camping at Steamboat Lake for 7 days and then 12 days in ELY, MN to visit family and do some fishing. For winter break, we spend about 3-4 weeks in Fort Myers, FL.

Do you own a house and if so, what do you do when you are away?  We are going to take a 1 month road trip July-August and are thinking of hiring our 16 year old neighbor to get the mail, mow the lawn, feed the fish and hamster while we're gone.
I just had a friend, neighbor or family member check on the house a couple of times a week (or occasionally had a roommate or house sitter). I put a mail slot in my garage door so didn't have to stop the mail and got a gardener for my front yard. Other then my general uneasiness of leaving my house vacant, I wasn't too worried. I also had a "decoy" car - an old pick up truck - I'd leave on my driveway to make it look like someone (warning: gender stereotype ahead...) a man, was home. Im a woman, it was my truck and I lived alone.  Timers for outdoor and indoor lights, water turned off at the meter, etc...
« Last Edit: May 12, 2022, 05:01:08 PM by spartana »

redbird

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2022, 04:58:55 PM »
Losing track of days and wanting to go someplace to pick up some things and realizing it's the weekend. Nope, just gotta wait til Monday.

Same. I really try to avoid going to stores on the weekend as it's way too crowded. It annoys me when I decide to go shopping and it's Saturday or Sunday. Nope, unless it's an emergency, I'm going to wait until Monday.

Some businesses aren't open in the evening and have limited weekend hours, so it's nice to not be constrained by those like I was when working.

clarkfan1979

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #15 on: May 12, 2022, 06:03:58 PM »

We are about to take off on a 2 month road trip across the US.  My wife informed me this evening that we need to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier in preparation for our roadtrip.  I found her comment humorous.

I'm still working and not FIRE. However, I teach community college and get 3 months off during the summer. My semester ends tomorrow. We are going to Kauai for two months, then we go camping at Steamboat Lake for 7 days and then 12 days in ELY, MN to visit family and do some fishing. For winter break, we spend about 3-4 weeks in Fort Myers, FL.

Do you own a house and if so, what do you do when you are away?  We are going to take a 1 month road trip July-August and are thinking of hiring our 16 year old neighbor to get the mail, mow the lawn, feed the fish and hamster while we're gone.

We are forwarding our mail and hiring someone to mow the lawn. That is about it. We have ring doorbell that let's us know if any unexpected packages show up. We have a friend that will put those in the house.

Loren Ver

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2022, 06:04:07 AM »
So now when people find out I FIREd at a nice young age, I get a new question... Was it using crypto?  (Uh, no)

Unless the market downturn drastically changes things, this may become my most asked question for FIRE.  Very different from when I retired in 2019.  Back then I got the usual mix: what will you do with your time?  Will your husband keep working?  How can I do that? Etc.

Loren

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2022, 08:40:52 AM »
It was more a "you must have won the lottery" kind of thing for me. Or, much more commonly, I must have taken the ex-DH for everything's he was worth, or have a rich sugar daddy, or a trust fund or do something shady like hooker, stripper, drug runner, thief, hit person, etc to earn an income since I don't have a job, or I'm taking gov handouts welfare queen style. Um...no..I just saved and invested my meager-ish salary. Now that I've been FIREd for a couple of decades and am older I don't get those kinds of comments as often unless I tell them I haven't worked a paid job in 20 years and was single.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2022, 08:48:19 AM by spartana »

ixtap

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #18 on: May 14, 2022, 09:02:13 AM »
It was more a "you must have won the lottery" kind of thing for me. Or, much more commonly, I must have taken the ex-DH for everything's he was worth, or have a rich sugar daddy, or a trust fund or do something shady like hooker, stripper, drug runner, thief, hit person, etc to earn an income since I don't have a job, or I'm taking gov handouts welfare queen style. Um...no..I just saved and invested my meager-ish salary. Now that I've been FIREd for a couple of decades and am older I don't get those kinds of comments as often unless I tell them I haven't worked a paid job in 20 years and was single.

DH has embraced the term digital nomad for now. Never y'all mind that he is only expected to work 20 hours a week, rather than 40+... Although the one person who insisted that makes him retired also wanted him to talk to her husband who is in his 70s and doesn't seem to have a transition plan in place for his business.

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #19 on: May 14, 2022, 09:19:25 AM »
It was more a "you must have won the lottery" kind of thing for me. Or, much more commonly, I must have taken the ex-DH for everything's he was worth, or have a rich sugar daddy, or a trust fund or do something shady like hooker, stripper, drug runner, thief, hit person, etc to earn an income since I don't have a job, or I'm taking gov handouts welfare queen style. Um...no..I just saved and invested my meager-ish salary. Now that I've been FIREd for a couple of decades and am older I don't get those kinds of comments as often unless I tell them I haven't worked a paid job in 20 years and was single.

DH has embraced the term digital nomad for now. Never y'all mind that he is only expected to work 20 hours a week, rather than 40+... Although the one person who insisted that makes him retired also wanted him to talk to her husband who is in his 70s and doesn't seem to have a transition plan in place for his business.
I often wonder if men get a harder time when FIREd then women - AR least married women. There's still.alot of old school gender bias about men being lazy bums if they don't work but it's ok for women if they have a spouse to support them. I know that having a much younger BF who was working I would get comments about how he must be supporting me. One reason I didn't want to live together until he FIREd too as the comments about being a "kept woman" was just a PITA to deal with.  Of course once he FIREd and we started living together he got all the "kept man" with a sugar mama cougar comments ;-).
« Last Edit: May 14, 2022, 09:24:22 AM by spartana »

poxpower

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #20 on: May 14, 2022, 09:36:28 AM »
I bike but it's hard to find people/clubs to do anything with since everyone works/studies all week so they force themselves to do these 6am or 5pm rides only.

Also hard to date not only as a man but if you're not rich and not working, people don't understand your existence lol. Most people's outlet from the stress of their lives is to spend money and definitely when my ex was concerned I can tell resentment had built up about the fact I could work from home and not that many hours and she couldn't. I didn't retire early so I could be your maid and activity planner...

Harder to make friends in general as well. Most people's friend circle comes from forced social interactions and family, as far as I can tell. Everyone is always "busy". Even when I can shift my schedule to accommodate almost anyone, it's still a pain in the ass somehow.

But anyway there's way more bonuses than drawbacks to this life so :P

ixtap

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #21 on: May 14, 2022, 10:36:32 AM »
It was more a "you must have won the lottery" kind of thing for me. Or, much more commonly, I must have taken the ex-DH for everything's he was worth, or have a rich sugar daddy, or a trust fund or do something shady like hooker, stripper, drug runner, thief, hit person, etc to earn an income since I don't have a job, or I'm taking gov handouts welfare queen style. Um...no..I just saved and invested my meager-ish salary. Now that I've been FIREd for a couple of decades and am older I don't get those kinds of comments as often unless I tell them I haven't worked a paid job in 20 years and was single.

DH has embraced the term digital nomad for now. Never y'all mind that he is only expected to work 20 hours a week, rather than 40+... Although the one person who insisted that makes him retired also wanted him to talk to her husband who is in his 70s and doesn't seem to have a transition plan in place for his business.
I often wonder if men get a harder time when FIREd then women - AR least married women. There's still.alot of old school gender bias about men being lazy bums if they don't work but it's ok for women if they have a spouse to support them. I know that having a much younger BF who was working I would get comments about how he must be supporting me. One reason I didn't want to live together until he FIREd too as the comments about being a "kept woman" was just a PITA to deal with.

I just let them think I am a kept woman unless I am in the mood to complain about how his health issues affect our joint quality of life. I doubt anyone except my mother (and you, dear reader) knows that even on my own I would be at the very least coast FIRE.

DH likes the "digital nomad" nomenclature because it entirely side steps the question of being too young to "retire" while not necessarily bringing up any questions of wealth. He is just one of millions of millennials setting similar priorities. And it is a lot like "consultant"... hardly anyone ever follows up.

Tempname23

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #22 on: May 14, 2022, 10:57:22 AM »
I recently deposited a mortgage payoff check into my checking account. It cleared, so I grabbed my checkbook and went to the bank to payoff a HELOC I took out about 7 months ago. My favorite banker is there, we do the payoff. This HELOC payoff would now drop my checking account balance from $248k to $178k. I then went to Lowes, I picked up a bottle of drain cleaner, I went to pay and, I don't have my wallet, Oh great, I have my checkbook, I ask if they take checks, yes they do, I only write about 6 or 7 checks a year, 4 of those to the IRS. I go ahead and write the check, then she asks for my Drivers license. I don't have my wallet, so no license. My FIRE People Problem, I have $178k in my checking account, but I can't even buy a bottle of drain cleaner!
 Next move is to pay off a margin loan, so that much money won't be in my checking account for very long. (in case you were going to bring that up!)

 PS, I'm home now, I have my wallet and about to go on my errands, again!

Morning Glory

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #23 on: May 14, 2022, 11:28:53 AM »

My friend is not fully fire but she has a paid off house and very low expenses and works only a few hours per week. She likes to just hang out in the park and read/sunbathe/whatever. One day she got cold  and grabbed her sleeping bag out of her car and laid back down. Someone must have complained because the park security guy rousted her thinking she was homeless and threatened to call police if he saw her there again.  Even if she was homeless they still should have left her alone or at least approached politely.  She was very embarrassed. 

A few days later my husband found a family size tent in the free pile at the apartment complex. I need a place to set it up and clean it, make sure it isn't ripped, etc. before we actually go camping. I am thinking that specific park would be a very good place to do that, right?

Fomerly known as something

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #24 on: May 14, 2022, 06:33:46 PM »
I’m still working but don’t expect the losing track of days problem.  I have a standing run club group runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I also see myself adding in some of the Saturday runs or volunteering at more races because I find it to be fun.

Shane

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #25 on: May 14, 2022, 06:58:24 PM »
I recently deposited a mortgage payoff check into my checking account. It cleared, so I grabbed my checkbook and went to the bank to payoff a HELOC I took out about 7 months ago. My favorite banker is there, we do the payoff. This HELOC payoff would now drop my checking account balance from $248k to $178k. I then went to Lowes, I picked up a bottle of drain cleaner, I went to pay and, I don't have my wallet, Oh great, I have my checkbook, I ask if they take checks, yes they do, I only write about 6 or 7 checks a year, 4 of those to the IRS. I go ahead and write the check, then she asks for my Drivers license. I don't have my wallet, so no license. My FIRE People Problem, I have $178k in my checking account, but I can't even buy a bottle of drain cleaner!
 Next move is to pay off a margin loan, so that much money won't be in my checking account for very long. (in case you were going to bring that up!)

 PS, I'm home now, I have my wallet and about to go on my errands, again!
FYI, It doesn't always work, and you may not be comfortable keeping ID stored in the cloud, but in case you are alright with it, many places will accept scanned versions of your driver's license/Covid vaccination cards/etc., on your phone. I rarely carry physical ID anymore, but I usually have my phone on me and, more than once, it's saved me when I needed to show ID. YMMV.

Tempname23

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #26 on: May 14, 2022, 08:07:12 PM »
FYI, It doesn't always work, and you may not be comfortable keeping ID stored in the cloud, but in case you are alright with it, many places will accept scanned versions of your driver's license/Covid vaccination cards/etc., on your phone. I rarely carry physical ID anymore, but I usually have my phone on me and, more than once, it's saved me when I needed to show ID. YMMV.
That's a good idea, I should at least take a picture of my license. In the summer, I slip in and out of shorts and long pants, sometimes I don't move the wallet as I should. So I have been driving a few times without my wallet/ID.

Morning Glory

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #27 on: May 14, 2022, 08:47:35 PM »
I recently deposited a mortgage payoff check into my checking account. It cleared, so I grabbed my checkbook and went to the bank to payoff a HELOC I took out about 7 months ago. My favorite banker is there, we do the payoff. This HELOC payoff would now drop my checking account balance from $248k to $178k. I then went to Lowes, I picked up a bottle of drain cleaner, I went to pay and, I don't have my wallet, Oh great, I have my checkbook, I ask if they take checks, yes they do, I only write about 6 or 7 checks a year, 4 of those to the IRS. I go ahead and write the check, then she asks for my Drivers license. I don't have my wallet, so no license. My FIRE People Problem, I have $178k in my checking account, but I can't even buy a bottle of drain cleaner!
 Next move is to pay off a margin loan, so that much money won't be in my checking account for very long. (in case you were going to bring that up!)

 PS, I'm home now, I have my wallet and about to go on my errands, again!
FYI, It doesn't always work, and you may not be comfortable keeping ID stored in the cloud, but in case you are alright with it, many places will accept scanned versions of your driver's license/Covid vaccination cards/etc., on your phone. I rarely carry physical ID anymore, but I usually have my phone on me and, more than once, it's saved me when I needed to show ID. YMMV.

The pharmacy has accepted a picture of my husband's credit card before when he was stuck without a wallet! I texted it to him when he realized.

My solution was to purchase a phone case with card slots in the back so I don't have to carry a wallet. Of course since there isn't a lot of room this has stuck me with the problem of using a suboptimal card sometimes,  the horror.

GreenSheep

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #28 on: May 15, 2022, 08:08:20 AM »
I needed to transfer $200,000 from one bank to another so the entire amount would be all in one place for the purchase of our house. The guy at the bank politely informed me that for such a small amount, it would be easier/cheaper to just take out cash and drive over to the other bank and deposit it. Then he looked at the amount again and realized he had overlooked several of the zeros. Apparently I look too young to have that amount of money.

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.

We really need to get a "no solicitors" sign. I'm almost always home when yet another pest control guy or neighborhood kid selling cookies for school knocks on the door, and I hate to be rude, so I end up wasting time and mental energy being polite until they go away without making a sale. And these days, it's boiling hot on our front porch, so getting stuck out there is even worse.

Well, that's enough complaining for one day. I'll still take all of this any day over going back to work!!

Hadilly

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #29 on: May 15, 2022, 09:59:18 AM »
Highly recommend Apple Pay on your phone for those times you are wallet less.

Shane

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #30 on: May 15, 2022, 10:44:20 AM »
Highly recommend Apple Pay on your phone for those times you are wallet less.

Thought this strategy might work with GooglePay, as well, but when I checked the app, it told me, "You won't be able to tap to pay with this phone. This phone (Moto Power 2021) doesn't support contactless payments."... :(

Morning Glory

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #31 on: May 15, 2022, 07:42:40 PM »

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #32 on: May 17, 2022, 12:20:31 PM »

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.
This is my experience too. When I was working I mainly worked alone (outdoor job) and so my work socialization, just like my non-work related friendships, happened after hours. Once I retired I found a whole subset of people around my age who were somewhat free and doing thing I did mid week during the day. SAHPs, night shift people, college people, remote workers, lazy surf bums :). And I still had my regular working friends I could hang out with just as much as I did before after work and on weekends. For me, a pretty big introvert, I really really really loved my weekdays free to do whatever I wanted (including hated chores blech) and it gave me a lot more free time and quality time to spend with working friends and family when they were off work since I no longer had to cram everything in on my limited time off while working.

GreenSheep

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #33 on: May 17, 2022, 12:50:09 PM »

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.
This is my experience too. When I was working I mainly worked alone (outdoor job) and so my work socialization, just like my non-work related friendships, happened after hours. Once I retired I found a whole subset of people around my age who were somewhat free and doing thing I did mid week during the day. SAHPs, night shift people, college people, remote workers, lazy surf bums :). And I still had my regular working friends I could hang out with just as much as I did before after work and on weekends. For me, a pretty big introvert, I really really really loved my weekdays free to do whatever I wanted (including hated chores blech) and it gave me a lot more free time and quality time to spend with working friends and family when they were off work since I no longer had to cram everything in on my limited time off while working.

I can't say I made a ton of friends at work, either. We were all insanely busy... working. But outside of work/school, where do you find potential friends? I hear volunteering as an answer sometimes, but I'm very reluctant to get myself into another work-like situation that just happens to have an income of $0. Maybe that's just because I haven't found a cause I'm passionate about plus a group that supports it. Most of my recently-made friends are also my neighbors, which has obvious benefits, but I know there are good people outside my neighborhood, too! I just don't know how to find them, short of grabbing someone at the grocery store and saying, like a five year old, "Do you want to be friends?!"

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #34 on: May 17, 2022, 12:59:42 PM »
I thought of another that's probably pretty common among the ER set. Trying to schedule a trip or vacation with working people who are very restricted on with their time off. As well as willing to spent top dollar to go somewhere far away for a short time period and want to split those with you. I've found ways to incorporate their limited time with my unlimited time by staying somewhere longer or going early...or both. Splitting expenses is a harder thing though.

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #35 on: May 17, 2022, 01:36:35 PM »

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.
This is my experience too. When I was working I mainly worked alone (outdoor job) and so my work socialization, just like my non-work related friendships, happened after hours. Once I retired I found a whole subset of people around my age who were somewhat free and doing thing I did mid week during the day. SAHPs, night shift people, college people, remote workers, lazy surf bums :). And I still had my regular working friends I could hang out with just as much as I did before after work and on weekends. For me, a pretty big introvert, I really really really loved my weekdays free to do whatever I wanted (including hated chores blech) and it gave me a lot more free time and quality time to spend with working friends and family when they were off work since I no longer had to cram everything in on my limited time off while working.

I can't say I made a ton of friends at work, either. We were all insanely busy... working. But outside of work/school, where do you find potential friends? I hear volunteering as an answer sometimes, but I'm very reluctant to get myself into another work-like situation that just happens to have an income of $0. Maybe that's just because I haven't found a cause I'm passionate about plus a group that supports it. Most of my recently-made friends are also my neighbors, which has obvious benefits, but I know there are good people outside my neighborhood, too! I just don't know how to find them, short of grabbing someone at the grocery store and saying, like a five year old, "Do you want to be friends?!"
Meet Up groups are a good place to start depending on your interests and locations. A pretty easy way to meet new people of all ages and situations as well as do an activity you're also interested in. I've met most new friends (including dates!) thru meet up groups and outdoor recreation and sports groups. Many which are active I the midweek daytime hours.

Morning Glory

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #36 on: May 17, 2022, 01:57:09 PM »

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.
This is my experience too. When I was working I mainly worked alone (outdoor job) and so my work socialization, just like my non-work related friendships, happened after hours. Once I retired I found a whole subset of people around my age who were somewhat free and doing thing I did mid week during the day. SAHPs, night shift people, college people, remote workers, lazy surf bums :). And I still had my regular working friends I could hang out with just as much as I did before after work and on weekends. For me, a pretty big introvert, I really really really loved my weekdays free to do whatever I wanted (including hated chores blech) and it gave me a lot more free time and quality time to spend with working friends and family when they were off work since I no longer had to cram everything in on my limited time off while working.

I can't say I made a ton of friends at work, either. We were all insanely busy... working. But outside of work/school, where do you find potential friends? I hear volunteering as an answer sometimes, but I'm very reluctant to get myself into another work-like situation that just happens to have an income of $0. Maybe that's just because I haven't found a cause I'm passionate about plus a group that supports it. Most of my recently-made friends are also my neighbors, which has obvious benefits, but I know there are good people outside my neighborhood, too! I just don't know how to find them, short of grabbing someone at the grocery store and saying, like a five year old, "Do you want to be friends?!"
Meet Up groups are a good place to start depending on your interests and locations. A pretty easy way to meet new people of all ages and situations as well as do an activity you're also interested in. I've met most new friends (including dates!) thru meet up groups and outdoor recreation and sports groups. Many which are active I the midweek daytime hours.

I need some neighbor friends!
I met everyone I know here through meetup/ Facebook groups, or through other people who I initially met on Meetup.  My issue is that nobody is walking distance from where I live and gas is getting expensive. I'm in a large apartment complex but haven't gotten past small talk with any neighbors here.

spartana

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #37 on: May 17, 2022, 02:11:58 PM »

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.
This is my experience too. When I was working I mainly worked alone (outdoor job) and so my work socialization, just like my non-work related friendships, happened after hours. Once I retired I found a whole subset of people around my age who were somewhat free and doing thing I did mid week during the day. SAHPs, night shift people, college people, remote workers, lazy surf bums :). And I still had my regular working friends I could hang out with just as much as I did before after work and on weekends. For me, a pretty big introvert, I really really really loved my weekdays free to do whatever I wanted (including hated chores blech) and it gave me a lot more free time and quality time to spend with working friends and family when they were off work since I no longer had to cram everything in on my limited time off while working.

I can't say I made a ton of friends at work, either. We were all insanely busy... working. But outside of work/school, where do you find potential friends? I hear volunteering as an answer sometimes, but I'm very reluctant to get myself into another work-like situation that just happens to have an income of $0. Maybe that's just because I haven't found a cause I'm passionate about plus a group that supports it. Most of my recently-made friends are also my neighbors, which has obvious benefits, but I know there are good people outside my neighborhood, too! I just don't know how to find them, short of grabbing someone at the grocery store and saying, like a five year old, "Do you want to be friends?!"
Meet Up groups are a good place to start depending on your interests and locations. A pretty easy way to meet new people of all ages and situations as well as do an activity you're also interested in. I've met most new friends (including dates!) thru meet up groups and outdoor recreation and sports groups. Many which are active I the midweek daytime hours.

I need some neighbor friends!
I met everyone I know here through meetup/ Facebook groups, or through other people who I initially met on Meetup.  My issue is that nobody is walking distance from where I live and gas is getting expensive. I'm in a large apartment complex but haven't gotten past small talk with any neighbors here.
You could join a local bike riding meet up group and go for a group ride and a picnic. No gas. Zero expense. Exercise. And (hopefully) some nice people. I don't really have any "friends" in the traditional "let's get together and chat" kind of way. I mainly have friends and/or acquaintances, or new people I do a specific activity with. Sometimes we hang out after the activity or get together occasionally outside the activity but really it's just that we go do a thing, eat or grab a beer and then see each other "next time" our activity happens - which could be everyday or less. Im mostly deaf since age 30 so hanging out and chatting is hard but fun activities (mostly sports and recreation) can be very fulfilling types of friendships. And people get to yell at me all they want when I suck and I can't hear them ;-).
« Last Edit: May 17, 2022, 02:14:15 PM by spartana »

GreenSheep

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #38 on: May 17, 2022, 04:43:31 PM »
Mostly I've just been lucky that I have awesome neighbors. It almost feels like college again, knowing so many people who live within walking distance. It helps that all of the houses were built within the past 2-3 years, so everyone is "new." I took a little welcome basket to the people who moved in on each side of us, and we've become friends with one side. (The others are nice, and they wave, but that's as far as they go.) And the people across the street brought us a gift when we moved in, and they've become friends, though not quite as close. Another friend down the street is just super social. And there are a couple of others that I just happen to have something in common with, so we text occasionally.

The neighborhood already had a Facebook page before we moved in, and that has helped us all feel like a community. I despise FB and only joined so I could be part of the neighborhood group, but it was worth it for that.

So I guess I would say, if you want to get to know your neighbors... go in person with a small gift to welcome anyone new (they'll be pleasantly surprised), start a FB page or other easy way for everyone to communicate, and maybe extend a no-pressure invitation (like coffee or beer or something, and for multiple neighbors at a time, like everyone on your block or floor or something, or the whole neighborhood if it's not very big). Oh, and/or you could use my mom's method... she's lived in the same neighborhood for decades and goes for at least one walk daily without fail, so she knows everyone and their dogs!

Beyond the neighborhood... thanks for the suggestions. I'm unfortunately not very sporty. Or not organized sports, anyway. I used to hike all the time, but there's no hiking where we live now, which is sad. Meetup is unfortunately not really a thing here. I have been to some Meetup events in the past, in another location, but they never met often enough for me to really get to know anyone.

MarciaB

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #39 on: May 18, 2022, 04:24:44 PM »


I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.
 
But outside of work/school, where do you find potential friends?

ppp

I agree that it's hard to make friends. Repeated chance encounters with the same people are unlikely, and most people are busy with work/family. It's also hard to make friends who are smart, organized, and driven because people assume I'm not. See below.

People assume I'm a dumb trophy wife (even though I don't look like a typical trophy wife) and my husband is the one making the big bucks. He's very smart, has a college degree, and does well, but you can't tell by looking at me that I have a graduate degree and made 4x what he did some years. And it sounds awful to say that out loud, so I just let people assume unless/until they ask if I ever worked.


I'm having an easier time making friends now that I'm not working.  Not being as busy helps, but I think for me it's more important that I'm not burning up my social energy dealing with people at work, so I'm more likely to want to participate in group activities and get to know potential friends. The people that I hang out with most are all 10+ years older than me and have either no kids or grown kids, but I'm OK with that.
This is my experience too. When I was working I mainly worked alone (outdoor job) and so my work socialization, just like my non-work related friendships, happened after hours. Once I retired I found a whole subset of people around my age who were somewhat free and doing thing I did mid week during the day. SAHPs, night shift people, college people, remote workers, lazy surf bums :). And I still had my regular working friends I could hang out with just as much as I did before after work and on weekends. For me, a pretty big introvert, I really really really loved my weekdays free to do whatever I wanted (including hated chores blech) and it gave me a lot more free time and quality time to spend with working friends and family when they were off work since I no longer had to cram everything in on my limited time off while working.

I can't say I made a ton of friends at work, either. We were all insanely busy... working. But outside of work/school, where do you find potential friends? I hear volunteering as an answer sometimes, but I'm very reluctant to get myself into another work-like situation that just happens to have an income of $0. Maybe that's just because I haven't found a cause I'm passionate about plus a group that supports it. Most of my recently-made friends are also my neighbors, which has obvious benefits, but I know there are good people outside my neighborhood, too! I just don't know how to find them, short of grabbing someone at the grocery store and saying, like a five year old, "Do you want to be friends?!"
Meet Up groups are a good place to start depending on your interests and locations. A pretty easy way to meet new people of all ages and situations as well as do an activity you're also interested in. I've met most new friends (including dates!) thru meet up groups and outdoor recreation and sports groups. Many which are active I the midweek daytime hours.


I read an article in The Atlantic a while back where the author used Bumble (a dating app) to find friends. Huh? Turns out that Bumble has the traditional dating app stuff for folks looking for romantic partners, and also a "BFF" section for folks looking for friends. Bumble is free. You just download the app, upload a photo (or not) and create a little profile (takes 5 minutes). And then start swiping.

So I tried it! Felt a little weird, but worked really well. I was looking for women friends between 55 and 65 and in a 10-mile radius of me. There were lots of interesting women, and I've had good luck meeting up with some of them for walks and hangouts.  And one of the women and her husband have become friends with me and the hubs.

So - it's worth a try if you want be adventurous. It's free, you have nothing to lose.

Arbitrage

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #40 on: May 23, 2022, 11:54:07 AM »
I often wonder if men get a harder time when FIREd then women - AR least married women. There's still.alot of old school gender bias about men being lazy bums if they don't work but it's ok for women if they have a spouse to support them. I know that having a much younger BF who was working I would get comments about how he must be supporting me. One reason I didn't want to live together until he FIREd too as the comments about being a "kept woman" was just a PITA to deal with.  Of course once he FIREd and we started living together he got all the "kept man" with a sugar mama cougar comments ;-).

At least in my and my wife's experience, the attitudes are absolutely biased based upon gender.  We were shocked.  I have fairly consistently received responses of silent judgment, 'why would you do that,' bafflement upon wanting to be with my family more, thinking it must be a phase and then I'll got back to work, etc.  My wife has received nothing but kudos and best wishes. 

I haven't received too many comments about the monetary side of things, though I did receive a "you must have married into money" a couple of weeks ago.  I basically tell them I'm super cheap, which receives dubious looks.

Freedomin5

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #41 on: May 23, 2022, 08:34:00 PM »
Mostly I've just been lucky that I have awesome neighbors. It almost feels like college again, knowing so many people who live within walking distance. It helps that all of the houses were built within the past 2-3 years, so everyone is "new." I took a little welcome basket to the people who moved in on each side of us, and we've become friends with one side. (The others are nice, and they wave, but that's as far as they go.) And the people across the street brought us a gift when we moved in, and they've become friends, though not quite as close. Another friend down the street is just super social. And there are a couple of others that I just happen to have something in common with, so we text occasionally.

The neighborhood already had a Facebook page before we moved in, and that has helped us all feel like a community. I despise FB and only joined so I could be part of the neighborhood group, but it was worth it for that.

So I guess I would say, if you want to get to know your neighbors... go in person with a small gift to welcome anyone new (they'll be pleasantly surprised), start a FB page or other easy way for everyone to communicate, and maybe extend a no-pressure invitation (like coffee or beer or something, and for multiple neighbors at a time, like everyone on your block or floor or something, or the whole neighborhood if it's not very big). Oh, and/or you could use my mom's method... she's lived in the same neighborhood for decades and goes for at least one walk daily without fail, so she knows everyone and their dogs!

Beyond the neighborhood... thanks for the suggestions. I'm unfortunately not very sporty. Or not organized sports, anyway. I used to hike all the time, but there's no hiking where we live now, which is sad. Meetup is unfortunately not really a thing here. I have been to some Meetup events in the past, in another location, but they never met often enough for me to really get to know anyone.

What gift would you bring? I get so anxious trying to select a gift. It can't be something edible if you don't know if they're allergic to anything or if they have any dietary restrictions or dietary preferences. It can't be candles or household decorations if you don't know their decor style, and I knew someone who was deathly afraid of fire/candles. Nothing with a scent due to allergies and odor sensitivities. I get so anxious trying to select something appropriate that I end up doing nothing. But I agree that a welcome basket is a very sweet idea -- what do you put in your welcome basket?

GreenSheep

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #42 on: Today at 05:09:37 AM »
Mostly I've just been lucky that I have awesome neighbors. It almost feels like college again, knowing so many people who live within walking distance. It helps that all of the houses were built within the past 2-3 years, so everyone is "new." I took a little welcome basket to the people who moved in on each side of us, and we've become friends with one side. (The others are nice, and they wave, but that's as far as they go.) And the people across the street brought us a gift when we moved in, and they've become friends, though not quite as close. Another friend down the street is just super social. And there are a couple of others that I just happen to have something in common with, so we text occasionally.

The neighborhood already had a Facebook page before we moved in, and that has helped us all feel like a community. I despise FB and only joined so I could be part of the neighborhood group, but it was worth it for that.

So I guess I would say, if you want to get to know your neighbors... go in person with a small gift to welcome anyone new (they'll be pleasantly surprised), start a FB page or other easy way for everyone to communicate, and maybe extend a no-pressure invitation (like coffee or beer or something, and for multiple neighbors at a time, like everyone on your block or floor or something, or the whole neighborhood if it's not very big). Oh, and/or you could use my mom's method... she's lived in the same neighborhood for decades and goes for at least one walk daily without fail, so she knows everyone and their dogs!

Beyond the neighborhood... thanks for the suggestions. I'm unfortunately not very sporty. Or not organized sports, anyway. I used to hike all the time, but there's no hiking where we live now, which is sad. Meetup is unfortunately not really a thing here. I have been to some Meetup events in the past, in another location, but they never met often enough for me to really get to know anyone.

What gift would you bring? I get so anxious trying to select a gift. It can't be something edible if you don't know if they're allergic to anything or if they have any dietary restrictions or dietary preferences. It can't be candles or household decorations if you don't know their decor style, and I knew someone who was deathly afraid of fire/candles. Nothing with a scent due to allergies and odor sensitivities. I get so anxious trying to select something appropriate that I end up doing nothing. But I agree that a welcome basket is a very sweet idea -- what do you put in your welcome basket?

If someone walked over to your new house, rang the doorbell, greeted you with a smile, and handed you a nice basket full of things that aren't particularly to your taste, or maybe you're allergic to one or two of them... would you be mad? Would you consider them a terrible neighbor and never speak to them again? Of course not. As grandmothers everywhere are always saying, it's the thought that counts. If they're so allergic to something that they'll die if you bring it to their doorstep, well, they should have a sign in the yard.

For the two most recent neighbors... I gave them each a basket containing a bag of coffee beans from a local coffee shop, a loaf of bread I'd made myself and wrapped in a pretty tea towel, a jar of jam, and a nice note with our cell phone numbers at the end.

I think this "guide" from Emily Henderson is helpful:

https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/gifting-closet-organization

We’ve started to go over this, but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that the best, most thought-out physical gifts have five parts (we all know that experiences are a whole different ballgame!!):

Something solid: You know, like a mug or a tray or a book.
Something consumable-ish: Bread! Pens! A bath bomb! Cheese! Wine! Markers! Just something that the recipient can actually use or enjoy. (I’d also argue that “a plant” could fit into this category, but it felt weird to call that “consumable,” so here we are.)
Something thoughtful: A heartfelt note in a card means EVERYTHING…or you can take a page outta the EHD playbook and gift a compliment jar, which is an absolute tear-jerker every. dang. time. 🙂
Nice presentation: I talk a big game but transparently, this is still where I struggle. I didn’t have a bag or basket on hand a few weeks ago, so I literally handed Jess her unwrapped Christmas presents and was like “HERE YOU GO, NOW OFF ON YOUR WAY!” (Also YES, I was EIGHT MONTHS LATE. And I had her gifts the whole time!! I just kept forgetting to *gift* them!!) But actually putting effort into wrapping or presenting your gifts shows the recipient how much you care, which is really sweet. (I’ll do better this year, Bunge!!)

Freedomin5

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #43 on: Today at 06:40:45 AM »
Mostly I've just been lucky that I have awesome neighbors. It almost feels like college again, knowing so many people who live within walking distance. It helps that all of the houses were built within the past 2-3 years, so everyone is "new." I took a little welcome basket to the people who moved in on each side of us, and we've become friends with one side. (The others are nice, and they wave, but that's as far as they go.) And the people across the street brought us a gift when we moved in, and they've become friends, though not quite as close. Another friend down the street is just super social. And there are a couple of others that I just happen to have something in common with, so we text occasionally.

The neighborhood already had a Facebook page before we moved in, and that has helped us all feel like a community. I despise FB and only joined so I could be part of the neighborhood group, but it was worth it for that.

So I guess I would say, if you want to get to know your neighbors... go in person with a small gift to welcome anyone new (they'll be pleasantly surprised), start a FB page or other easy way for everyone to communicate, and maybe extend a no-pressure invitation (like coffee or beer or something, and for multiple neighbors at a time, like everyone on your block or floor or something, or the whole neighborhood if it's not very big). Oh, and/or you could use my mom's method... she's lived in the same neighborhood for decades and goes for at least one walk daily without fail, so she knows everyone and their dogs!

Beyond the neighborhood... thanks for the suggestions. I'm unfortunately not very sporty. Or not organized sports, anyway. I used to hike all the time, but there's no hiking where we live now, which is sad. Meetup is unfortunately not really a thing here. I have been to some Meetup events in the past, in another location, but they never met often enough for me to really get to know anyone.

What gift would you bring? I get so anxious trying to select a gift. It can't be something edible if you don't know if they're allergic to anything or if they have any dietary restrictions or dietary preferences. It can't be candles or household decorations if you don't know their decor style, and I knew someone who was deathly afraid of fire/candles. Nothing with a scent due to allergies and odor sensitivities. I get so anxious trying to select something appropriate that I end up doing nothing. But I agree that a welcome basket is a very sweet idea -- what do you put in your welcome basket?

If someone walked over to your new house, rang the doorbell, greeted you with a smile, and handed you a nice basket full of things that aren't particularly to your taste, or maybe you're allergic to one or two of them... would you be mad? Would you consider them a terrible neighbor and never speak to them again? Of course not. As grandmothers everywhere are always saying, it's the thought that counts. If they're so allergic to something that they'll die if you bring it to their doorstep, well, they should have a sign in the yard.

For the two most recent neighbors... I gave them each a basket containing a bag of coffee beans from a local coffee shop, a loaf of bread I'd made myself and wrapped in a pretty tea towel, a jar of jam, and a nice note with our cell phone numbers at the end.

I think this "guide" from Emily Henderson is helpful:

https://stylebyemilyhenderson.com/blog/gifting-closet-organization

We’ve started to go over this, but I’ve recently come to the conclusion that the best, most thought-out physical gifts have five parts (we all know that experiences are a whole different ballgame!!):

Something solid: You know, like a mug or a tray or a book.
Something consumable-ish: Bread! Pens! A bath bomb! Cheese! Wine! Markers! Just something that the recipient can actually use or enjoy. (I’d also argue that “a plant” could fit into this category, but it felt weird to call that “consumable,” so here we are.)
Something thoughtful: A heartfelt note in a card means EVERYTHING…or you can take a page outta the EHD playbook and gift a compliment jar, which is an absolute tear-jerker every. dang. time. 🙂
Nice presentation: I talk a big game but transparently, this is still where I struggle. I didn’t have a bag or basket on hand a few weeks ago, so I literally handed Jess her unwrapped Christmas presents and was like “HERE YOU GO, NOW OFF ON YOUR WAY!” (Also YES, I was EIGHT MONTHS LATE. And I had her gifts the whole time!! I just kept forgetting to *gift* them!!) But actually putting effort into wrapping or presenting your gifts shows the recipient how much you care, which is really sweet. (I’ll do better this year, Bunge!!)


Yes, that's helpful!

Sigh...I've had people tell me, "Oh, thank you, but I don't drink coffee," or "That's so kind of you, but I'm allergic to gluten, so you can keep the cookies." Or "I can't accept the proscuitto; I'm Jewish and can't have any pork products in my home." And also, "I don't drink wine and can't have wine in my home. I'm a recovering alcoholic." (all situations I've experienced) Then there are also the cultural differences, and I worry I may inadvertently offend someone. For example, we can't gift clocks to Chinese people -- that's equivalent to wishing that their time is limited and that they die -- it's basically you cursing them. So now I'm very hesitant of giving the *wrong* thing to someone whom I do not know well. Maybe this is just an idiosyncrasy of the social circles in which I find myself.

A plant and a welcome card in a pretty basket seem relatively inoffensive. The Emily Henderson guide is helpful. Thank you!

iris lily

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #44 on: Today at 07:13:26 AM »
I have two: 1) I have a hard time keeping track of what day it is.  Occasionally, I need that information if I have an appointment.  I have to work to remember. 2) I no longer get excited about holidays because they don't mean an extra day off. 

I hope this thread is for fun like the MPP thread!

We bought a “weekend”  house after we retired. Friends still ask us “ are you going to Hermann for the weekend?”  But that’s a moot point because we go there when we feel like it, and really plan trips around the weather. Will it rain or not? If no rain we can go work in the garden.

Now we’re moving there permanently so it’s a different deal.

I remember reading in a Victorian novel a comment from a member of the aristocracy. That person thought the concept of “the weekend”  was a vulgar concept. It was “vulgar “because it indicated there was a class of people who worked Monday through Friday for a living. Those people are not the sort of people you will associate with! Ha ha

GreenSheep

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #45 on: Today at 07:24:07 AM »

Yes, that's helpful!

Sigh...I've had people tell me, "Oh, thank you, but I don't drink coffee," or "That's so kind of you, but I'm allergic to gluten, so you can keep the cookies." Or "I can't accept the proscuitto; I'm Jewish and can't have any pork products in my home." And also, "I don't drink wine and can't have wine in my home. I'm a recovering alcoholic." (all situations I've experienced) Then there are also the cultural differences, and I worry I may inadvertently offend someone. For example, we can't gift clocks to Chinese people -- that's equivalent to wishing that their time is limited and that they die -- it's basically you cursing them. So now I'm very hesitant of giving the *wrong* thing to someone whom I do not know well. Maybe this is just an idiosyncrasy of the social circles in which I find myself.

A plant and a welcome card in a pretty basket seem relatively inoffensive. The Emily Henderson guide is helpful. Thank you!

Wow! Why are people so easily offended these days? I'm guessing (most of?) these people don't realize how rude they sound, but it would be SO much more polite to just accept the gift and then either re-gift it or throw it away. Surely they all understand you weren't TRYING to insult them or make them uncomfortable. Didn't we all learn this at birthday parties when we were five? I remember my mom being mortified when I announced to my little friend that I already HAD that toy!

If you get to know each other better, the truth will come out and your gifts can be more fine-tuned, and if you remain very loose acquaintances... well, no harm done because there probably won't be any more gifts! People mean well and do their best, but if you react with offense (or even a "Thanks, but"), you end up with a nice neighbor like Freedomin5 who is afraid to do nice things like gift-giving. It seems to me that the ONLY correct response to ANY gift that was given with good intentions is exuberant gratitude without any qualifiers. For heaven's sake, this person went out of their way to spend their hard-earned money and time on you!

jrhampt

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Re: FIRE People Problem (As apposed to Mustachian problems)
« Reply #46 on: Today at 09:47:32 AM »
I've given and/or received the following as a welcome gift:

Bottle of wine/champagne
Potted plant (depends on time of year - mums in the fall are popular, tulips/daffodils in spring)
Evergreen wreath (winter)