Author Topic: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia  (Read 10625 times)

Turtle

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Re: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia
« Reply #100 on: February 03, 2025, 10:14:14 AM »
For work - that's one reason I would consider meds. I'm coping well enough on the personal side. Some days at work however are quite difficult in respect to the procrastination.

That was my problem, especially with the more boring tasks.  I don’t expect to use meds much if at all once I’m retired.

Just Joe

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Re: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia
« Reply #101 on: February 03, 2025, 10:40:17 AM »
Yup. Doing my homework so I understand what my needs might be so I can have an informed conversation with the doctor.

Just found out that overeating can be a form of stimming.

I've always been a snack monster. If ADHD help could also help that too I would not be unhappy about it. ;)

Laura33

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Re: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia
« Reply #102 on: February 03, 2025, 11:22:42 AM »
For work - that's one reason I would consider meds. I'm coping well enough on the personal side. Some days at work however are quite difficult in respect to the procrastination.

That was my problem, especially with the more boring tasks.  I don’t expect to use meds much if at all once I’m retired.

I actually got turned down for meds, because by the time I figured out I actually had the non-hyper version of ADHD, my doc said I had developed a bunch of coping skills and no longer needed them.  Ugh. 

My one piece of advice for parents going through this:  from my experience with my own family, the single-most important thing parents can do is accept and work really hard to understand their kids.  I think back to when I was a kid and how I forgot so many things -- like, say, walking to school in February without a coat, having not noticed it was cold.  I must have driven them batshit crazy.  But my mom just called me her "flaky brilliant" child and treated it as just part of me.  I still had all sorts of imposter syndrome and knowing I didn't fit in but not knowing why, but I had that strong baseline of a family who truly saw me and yet loved me unconditionally despite all those weirdnesses.  And thank GOD I went to school when the teachers still gave you some slack for work that was late-but-fantastic.

Like others, I figured out my ADHD when I was getting my DD diagnosed.  She was really fucking hard for me to manage, because she is my opposite -- uber-hyper instead of going within, over the top tantrums as a kid, insistent on doing everything herself and thus resistant to any advice, went to the moon and back when anyone got mad at her, etc.  I will spare you all the details; the point is that I realized it was my job to adapt to her, instead of sticking with my natural parenting style and expecting her to come to me.  She needed structure; I absolutely suck at structure (ADD, helloooo), but I had to create it for her.  She needed calm; I needed to learn to control my anger (and head off DH's) to be who she needed to be.  Because if I didn't do that for her, who would? 

She didn't need me to manage her; she needed me to help her figure out how to manage herself.  She didn't need me to fix everything for her; she just needed me to be there to help her pick herself up when everything went into the shitter.  Learning how I could help her was the second-hardest thing I have done in my life; actually doing it was the hardest.  But it is also the thing I am most proud of -- just as I am ridiculously proud of her, because I know how much harder it has been for her to get to where she is than it has been for many of her friends.

Hula Hoop

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Re: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia
« Reply #103 on: February 03, 2025, 03:20:39 PM »
So glad to see that this thread has been revived.

@Laura33  parenting my two neurodiverse teens has been very similar. 

My younger one was diagnosed recently with autism, ADHD and dyslexia and older sister has ADHD and anxiety.  Our kids are so different from each other and need such different things though.  Older teen has always refused any kind of help or imposed structure.  However, recently she's been asking me for help in writing essays etc which is a nice feeling.  But she insists on doing everything on her own as otherwise, apparently, we make her feel anxious.  Strangely enough, our autistic younger daughter has a lot less social anxiety and difficulty with making friends than her older sister.  So many of my ideas about these things have been challenged by parenting these 2 kids.

Laura33

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Re: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia
« Reply #104 on: February 04, 2025, 09:10:06 AM »
So glad to see that this thread has been revived.

@Laura33  parenting my two neurodiverse teens has been very similar. 

My younger one was diagnosed recently with autism, ADHD and dyslexia and older sister has ADHD and anxiety.  Our kids are so different from each other and need such different things though.  Older teen has always refused any kind of help or imposed structure.  However, recently she's been asking me for help in writing essays etc which is a nice feeling.  But she insists on doing everything on her own as otherwise, apparently, we make her feel anxious.  Strangely enough, our autistic younger daughter has a lot less social anxiety and difficulty with making friends than her older sister.  So many of my ideas about these things have been challenged by parenting these 2 kids.

+1000.  One of my biggest parenting fails was taking too long to notice when my son was having problems, because his were just so different than DD's.  He is much more like I was as a kid -- spends a lot of time in his own head, has to work things out for himself before sharing with other people, much more mellow personality than DD, by and large happy to go along.  I think he figured out very very young that, with DD demanding all of the light and attention, if he just smiled and stayed quiet, he could get away with whatever he wanted.  Which was a great strategy for the most part.  ;-)  But when he started struggling (had a hard time getting back to "normal" when schools returned after Covid, ended up masking his depression and anxiety until he just couldn't any more), it was hard to tell the difference, until things got very bad. 

(BTW, that was the first time I was ever grateful to have gone through a major depression myself, because I was able to explain to DH what was going on in DS' head, and connect with DS when he was struggling to communicate at all)

Just Joe

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Re: FIRE and learning disorders like ADHD and dyslexia
« Reply #105 on: February 04, 2025, 10:49:57 AM »
@Laura33 and everyone -great posts.

We made alot of the same mistakes. It also had to get really bad before we really started to figure it out.
« Last Edit: February 05, 2025, 08:45:22 PM by Just Joe »