So sorry to hear this.
I did not struggle with infertility, but I have had an early miscarriage. I was surprised by how devastating it was. I'm not sure why I thought this, but somehow I believed that if it happened earlier it would be less painful. But a miscarriage, even an extremely early one, is a hard loss. You lose all your hopes and your plan for the future. I did not have a DNC and never even saw the doctor for my miscarriage, but I vividly remember all the painful emotions.
What was especially hard was that it is not something that people talk about. And it makes people uncomfortable. For a few weeks, my husband and I were carrying around this exciting secret of my pregnancy that only we knew. Then that happy secret turned into a painful secret, because I didn't feel comfortable telling many people about the miscarriage. This was very isolating and contributed to the depression. I only ended up telling women who I knew had already had a miscarriage. I only told my mom and my sister in the family. It's weird to think about my emotions at the time, but one reason I didn't tell more family was because if I never become pregnant again, I didn't want to be known as the mom who wanted another kid but couldn't.
Plus there was much less information online about what would happen to my body in the weeks after the miscarriage. I ended up having morning sickness and various other hormonal problems. It was terrible to feel pregnant but to know that no baby was growing inside of me. I was lucky to get pregnant again two months later, but even then, I still thought about the lost baby and felt sadness around the earlier due date. 18 months later, I still think about who that baby would have been.
I don't really have any advice, just sympathy. To suffer through that along with infertility must be extremely difficult.
