Feeling stuck in the rat race

[Off the Wheel]

How do you cope with feeling stuck in the rat race? FIRE is realistically still a decade away, and the stress of pursuing corporate success and saving in a HCOL area makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed.

How do you keep your eye on the prize when the prize seems so far away, and the path to get there feels like such a slog?

[Rhoon]

I do some or all of the following:

- Update my financial spreadsheets
- Learn something new
- Plan more time with the family
- Find things the family can do and experience for as little as possible, instead of buying stuff
- Plan the next vacation
- Other Hobbies
- Read MMM forums

Next to spending time with my family, adding money to my index funds is the most exciting thing I do these days. Seems sad, but I get to see those retirement dates decline.

[ixtap]

If you can't find ways to enjoy your life now, you are unlikely to do so later.

Find a hobby.

[tawyer]

Have you considered not pursuing corporate success? If you win the rat race, you are still a rat.

As I have become more established (confident/experienced), I have become a lot less interested in being promoted, and a lot more interested in doing a good job for its own sake. This is not typically considered corporate success, but its reward is more satisfaction and lower stress.

[Nudelkopf]

How do you keep your eye on the prize when the prize seems so far away, and the path to get there feels like such a slog?

I structure my life NOW the way I want. I chose to live in a very LCOL situation to maximize my savings. I'm not applying for & am turning down promotions because I don't want that stress.

[SC93]

Don't feel alone. There are a lot of people that feel the same way. Personally, I couldn't take it. That's why I had to start working for me. Every day I woke up, got in the wheel and spun all day... it was driving me crazy so I had to get out. I'm very thankful to those of you that can stay in those jobs. So atleast know you are appreciated and 10 years will be here before you know it. Thank you and thank everyone that lives in the rat race.

[Freedomin5]

I break it up into smaller goals. First, it was aiming for  the first $100k in my taxable account after maxing out retirement accounts. Then it was working towards having FU money, which meant I had the freedom and flexibility to switch to a different, more comfortable, hamster wheel though I couldn't quite leave the rat race just yet. Now, it's aiming towards lean FIRE. Once I hit that goal, I'll work towards full FIRE.

In addition, I also look for ways to optimize expenses to reduce time to FIRE. I'm not talking about little expenses cuts here and there, though I do those as well sometimes. I'm talking about major rethinks about our entire lifestyle, like questioning whether we need a car in our HCOL area with a great transit system (no, we don't), or how big of an apartment we really need (3 people in a 600 square foot 2-bedroom is comfortable for us and ensures that we fully utilize the space), or whether DD really needs to go to a $50,000/year preschool. By revamping the way we thought about the "necessity" of these major money sucks big ticket items, we dramatically increased our savings rate and reduce time to FIRE by several years.

Finally, we also played with the idea of low-stress side hustles that capitalize on our existing skills. SO and I both have side hustles that generate enough to cover our fun money and groceries. We spend maybe 2-3 hours per week on this.

[simonsez]

I coped by getting out.  I had been in the DC area for several years and loved what I did, felt like I was making a contribution, enjoyed who I worked with, great relationship with the boss, the salary/benefit:stress ratio was good for that level - but something was eating at me that it was unsustainable and that my carefree 40 hours per week was going to morph into a lot more if I didn't do something.

I actually still have the same job but no longer feel the pressure to continue to move up and take on more stress.  I told my boss I was moving (back to where my wife and I are from) for life/balance reasons but that I did enjoy what I did and that if there was a glimmer of hope of me teleworking full-time that I'd be interested.  If not, thanks for the experience.  Lo and behold, I now live in a LCOL area and get to enjoy my job without the stress.  Not being a headquarters employee essentially takes me out of the running for promotions and being ensconced in a go-go-go environment.  I get to enjoy my niche duties without any distractions.

My tolerance for misery is admittedly low and while I would never call my DC life miserable (it was great actually!), I could foresee stressors becoming more prominent.  I'd much rather work a little longer enjoying what I do in a calm environment rather than stay in the rat race to earn more money while getting burnt out.  That seems soul-sucking.  To each their own though - I like having a little of my cake and eating it too spread fairly evenly over adulthood.  Things may change but the goal for me personally is more FI than RE.

[Guesl982374]

I think of all of the humans who have had, and currently have, it a lot worse than I do. Just running water, plenty of food, and not being chased by predators, etc. put you way up there. Never mind the fact that my household (and probably yours as well) is in the upper tiers of income & wealth globally.

I also utilize the multiple abilities FU money provides:

-Knowing that I could quit in <5 minutes if I really wanted to (I have a letter of resignation just missing the date ready to go at any moment)
-Knowing that coming to work is a choice that I am making every morning, therefore I am not 'trapped', only making logical decisions about my life
-While I might have 5-10 years left, others in their 30s have 30-40 years left
-Pushing back on pointless work because I am not afraid of being laid off (this has actually helped my career and income surprisingly)
-Know that you are operating from a position of strength and that the company needs you more than you need it

[Retire-Canada]

How do you cope with feeling stuck in the rat race? FIRE is realistically still a decade away, and the stress of pursuing corporate success and saving in a HCOL area makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed.

How do you keep your eye on the prize when the prize seems so far away, and the path to get there feels like such a slog?

I wouldn't "slog" for a decade in the hopes of being happy later. As ixtap notes if you are not happy now there is no telling if you will be happy later...especially after a decade of suffering. I would start to figure out what the main problems are and see if you can resolve them at your current employer, if not can you resolve them at a different employer, if you can start looking for that new opportunity and if you can't see any path to being happy I would go talk to a professional who can give you an objective opinion on what is going on.

Having a bad stretch at a job is par for the course and I would just soldier through a tough project for a few months, but it shouldn't be a situation you anticipate for a decade. The amount of damage you can do to your physical and mental health in 10yrs is staggering.

[soccerluvof4]

How do you cope with feeling stuck in the rat race? FIRE is realistically still a decade away, and the stress of pursuing corporate success and saving in a HCOL area makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed.

How do you keep your eye on the prize when the prize seems so far away, and the path to get there feels like such a slog?

I wouldn't "slog" for a decade in the hopes of being happy later. As ixtap notes if you are not happy now there is not telling if you will be happy later...especially after a decade of suffering. I would start to figure out what the main problems are and see if you can resolve them at your current employer, if not can you resolve them at a different employer, if you can start looking for that new opportunity and if you can't see any path to being happy I would go talk to a professional who can give you an objective opinion on what is going on.

Having a bad stretch at a job is par for the course and I would just soldier through a tough project for a few months, but it shouldn't be a situation you anticipate for a decade. The amount of damage you can do to your physical and mental health in 10yrs is staggering.

To this point I left money on the table when I got out of my business. When you start getting out of bed in the morning dredding going to work the odds of things getting better are pretty slim. I would start looking to make a change before letting a decade go by like i did. It sucked. Finally i grew a pair and just got out before it killed me. Seemed like all I thought about was how much I was done.

[Livingthedream55]

10 years of misery is too long. Can you change any of the elements now? Change jobs within your field (find another employer with more work-life balance?) Change your role with current employer? Make a decision to stay with current employer but give up on the corporate ladder? Change your housing location? Change from owning to renting if it made more financial sense? Take in roommates? Perhaps a case study would be helpful?

Book suggestion - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson. Don'y buy it! Borrow it from your library.  Basically he doesn't espouse indifference but being very selective about what you give a F*ck about! A very good message.

For me I made a lateral move a year and a half ago (changed agencies for basically same salary) to drastically reduce the stress/toxicity/hours worked of my former workplace. Made a huge difference.

The other thing I do - now - is find fun things to do every week. I also make it a game to find things that are free or practically free. Living in or near a HCOL area practically guarantees you can find fun things to do for almost no cost.

[L8_apex]

To the OP: can you work remotely?  Can you then relocate?  If not, can you acquire the skills to make that a reality? 

Have you looked into other ways to make money?  And other ways to save more money...

It would drive me crazy to just sit tight and try to count down the days.  Do some research, figure out what your options are, and what you'd have to do to follow through with one of those options.

As for myself, I changed employers in my field and chose a company where there was the possibility to work remotely (a rarity).  I put in 2 + years of complete dedication then brought up my desire to work remotely, which was grudgingly accepted.  I then relocated to a LCOL spot, cashed out all of my 401k to buy rental properties and become a landlord.  4 years of that and I've now retired from the regular 50 hour a week job to being a landlord, which is usually just a few hours a week.

When I hit typical retirement age I'll probably sell all of the properties and put everything in stocks/bonds so that I won't be clearing shower drains, fixing sprinklers, etc.

[PhilB]

As others have said, you can't spend 10 years waiting for FIRE and hating the journey.  It WILL drive you crazy.  You have two basic options - change the journey, or change your mindset.
If you can change the journey - eg by moving to a job you enjoy more even if it takes a little longer - then that would be the ideal solution.  If that isn't practical, then you have to change your focus to maximising your happiness over the course of the journey despite the job.  Ration your thinking about FIRE and concentrate instead on finding something enjoyable in every single day of the journey.  Those things needn't cost money and could be as simple as finding time for a run or looking at the colours of the leaves or reading a book in the sunshine, but you need to make them the things that occupy your mind, not the prospect of 10 years hard labour.

[WerKater]

Have you considered not pursuing corporate success? If you win the rat race, you are still a rat.

I think I will print that out and pin it onto my office wall.

[FI4good]

Seems to me the choice you have is to change what is or accept it .

I chose the path of acceptance. For me the reasonable amount of effort i'm willing to put into my craft it offers me a comfortable life, without any promotions it can give me FI in 10 years or thereabouts & i'm ok with that, sooner would be nice but i'd have to screw myself up real tight to achieve it, an effort too far for me.   

For me it was the ache of desire that was painful in life, especially if it's something i couldn't have. I gave up on such self torment.

I tread carefully round FIRE because of this, i don't want to make myself miserable today by comparing what is with the fantasy life of 10 years time. I don't want to make myself a miserable 43 y/o by comparing where i am on my journey with people younger and more successful than i'll ever be.

Where i am is ok, i live quite a green low impact life, i work my craft in a small way helping the environment. i'm steadfast in my path to FI and R .

I take satisfaction in the process, the job of my working life well done .

[Laserjet3051]

How do you cope with feeling stuck in the rat race? FIRE is realistically still a decade away, and the stress of pursuing corporate success and saving in a HCOL area makes me feel stressed and overwhelmed.

How do you keep your eye on the prize when the prize seems so far away, and the path to get there feels like such a slog?

your closer to FIRE than I am, I am also in a HCOL area. I think the most relevant solutions to your problem can be summed up by the previous poster's statement:

"If you can't find ways to enjoy your life now, you are unlikely to do so later"

This, is your solution.

[Zikoris]

We focus on doing a lot of the things we plan to do post-FIRE now - hobbies, travel, reading, learning, outdoor activities. I expect that will also make for a smoothie eventual transition, since we will pretty much just ramp up what we do now, rather than have to build a whole new life.

If I were you, I'd also boost the savings rate way up and get that finish line way closer, because 10 years is a LONG timeline.

[Off the Wheel]

Thank you all for the advice, all wise.

I made my situation seem worse than it is because this is the worst time of year for my industry, and I have a position of significant responsibility in a huge growth start up on the edge of profitability so stress is high... but I also have a very supporting boss, decent work-life balance (most of the time) and a happy home life.

The comments around making the current state worth living really resonated though, as I can get into the state of pushing all my plans/hopes into the future state, I need to make a real effort to create the time and space for the things I love now too.

[Stubblestache]

it's a big and ballsy step, but quitting the rat race and moving my entire life to a LCOL area on the coast was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

It has allowed me to reevaluate so much in my life, including what FIRE and money means to me, and lets me enjoy the life i want, rather than decades spent doing  commute>work>commute>eat>sleep>WEEKEND THANK FUCK>repeat

[Imma]

Realistically, I'm still about 2 decades away from FIRE. FIRE is nice goal I have, but it's not what my life is about. Who knows if I'll even live long enough to reach FIRE?

I don't like my job that much, but it's not terrible. I try to find jobs that aren't terrible. I have a job that thankfully doesn't have unpaid overtime - if it had, I would have looked for a different job. We chose to buy a very cheap house so our monthly bills are low, so we don't have a lot of stress. In our spare time, we have cheap fun. We don't go out to eat or drink or to the cinema like 'regular' people, but we do like to cook or bake special foods and watch Netflix late at night. I like to sew and craft and I make lots of stuff around the house, often from repurposed textiles. I want to take up gardening next year. Our life is fine now and will hopefully be even better when we can do this stuff 24/7 when we are FIRE'd.

[Lmoot]

I got a second job, part time. Sounds counter-intuitive, but I got the type of job I could see myself doing if I didn't have to work, but still wanted to. It made me feel like I was living my dream. Also I use up 100% of my vacation days. And in general I just try to include as many activities and things into my present life, that I would do if I weren't working. I can't do as much of it as I'd like (or work as little as I'd like), but living in the temporary happiness of those activities continues to motivate me towards achieving that happiness more long-term.

[simonsez]

it's a big and ballsy step, but quitting the rat race and moving my entire life to a LCOL area on the coast was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

It has allowed me to reevaluate so much in my life, including what FIRE and money means to me, and lets me enjoy the life i want, rather than decades spent doing  commute>work>commute>eat>sleep>WEEKEND THANK FUCK>repeat

Wait, so when you were in the rat race you spent the bulk of your weekends thanking and fucking?  ;-)

Weekend-long sexathons and gratitude sessions don't sound half bad unless the two are closely inter-related and you had to incessantly thank someone for allowing carnal knowledge with them, in which case that is a bit sad.

[Thegoblinchief]

People who treat retirement as a magic talisman are rarely happy when they get there. Figure out what your passions are and start adding them into your life now.

[toodleoo]

it's a big and ballsy step, but quitting the rat race and moving my entire life to a LCOL area on the coast was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

It has allowed me to reevaluate so much in my life, including what FIRE and money means to me, and lets me enjoy the life i want, rather than decades spent doing  commute>work>commute>eat>sleep>WEEKEND THANK FUCK>repeat

Wait, so when you were in the rat race you spent the bulk of your weekends thanking and fucking?  ;-)

Weekend-long sexathons and gratitude sessions don't sound half bad unless the two are closely inter-related and you had to incessantly thank someone for allowing carnal knowledge with them, in which case that is a bit sad.

LOL!!

[toodleoo]

I got a second job, part time. Sounds counter-intuitive, but I got the type of job I could see myself doing if I didn't have to work, but still wanted to. It made me feel like I was living my dream. Also I use up 100% of my vacation days. And in general I just try to include as many activities and things into my present life, that I would do if I weren't working. I can't do as much of it as I'd like (or work as little as I'd like), but living in the temporary happiness of those activities continues to motivate me towards achieving that happiness more long-term.

I've been toying with the idea of getting a second job to speed this along but I'm already so tired from the first one...

[Lmoot]

I got a second job, part time. Sounds counter-intuitive, but I got the type of job I could see myself doing if I didn't have to work, but still wanted to. It made me feel like I was living my dream. Also I use up 100% of my vacation days. And in general I just try to include as many activities and things into my present life, that I would do if I weren't working. I can't do as much of it as I'd like (or work as little as I'd like), but living in the temporary happiness of those activities continues to motivate me towards achieving that happiness more long-term.

I've been toying with the idea of getting a second job to speed this along but I'm already so tired from the first one...

 Surprisingly, my second job gives me more energy. It helps that it is an active job. But also I get energy from looking forward to work. The idea though is that you don't get a second job just to speed things along. The opposite actually. I work for a nonprofit, nothing is speeding along LOL. It helps me to live in the moment, and glimpse what my future would be like if I could pick any job or career I wanted, salary be damned.I got a job 100% on the factor of whether I would enjoy it or not. That's when I realized that my lack of energy from my full-time job, was just the weight of unhappiness dragging around behind me.

[Lmoot]

People who treat retirement as a magic talisman are rarely happy when they get there. Figure out what your passions are and start adding them into your life now.

 You've just put into words something I have always felt, especially reading sites like this. This is precisely why I made the conscious decision not to torture myself with the promise of a sweet reward at the end. For one, there's no guarantee were going to make it to get that reward (stress is a major killer), and two, it takes time to discover what brings true joy; best to make those discoveries now, as much as possible. That way you know what to cut out of your future plans, and can focus on growing the things that truly make you happy. 

Constantly working, or refraining from enjoying life, with the hope of enjoying it later, probably has a psychological effect as well. You could break your fun muscle and not know how to relax or find happiness in down time. People who work a lot see this often times when they get a vacation, and don't know what to do with themselves.

[SC93]

^^^ YES!!^^^

And like I've said before, who knows if you will make it to the end of the week let alone several years down the road. We are all lucky just to have woke up this morning.