Lots of thoughts on these topics:
- Saving money doesn't mean foregoing a life for now. You say your wife thinks this way, but your post sounds like you do too, at least to some extent.
- We had a van when the kids were smaller and we were toting strollers and so forth, but once it wore out, we didn't find a need for another large vehicle. Sports equipment should fit into a smaller car -- it may mean keeping the trunk cleaned out or making the kids sit closer together, but it's do-able. We drive small cars now (because they fit our lifestyle), and we occasionally rent a van when it seems appropriate for a vacation; for example, when we took our nieces with us on a vacation, we could not all fit into our small car. This is cheaper than keeping the big car all the time.
- Your travel choices are not limited to two options: 1) Buy an expensive RV or 2) Buy four expensive plane tickets. You have a wealth of options in addition to these. Don't limit yourself.
- A few years ago we wanted to do a cross-country driving vacation (emphasis on western national parks). WONDERFUL TRIP. We began with the idea that we'd rent an RV, our main motivation being saving money; however, when we began to run the actual figures, we found that we could stay in hotels for MUCH, MUCH LESS money. Like less than 50% less. I had numbers at that point, but it was several years ago -- we over them multiple times and double checked ourselves because we were so surprised at the difference between the actual cost and our expectations. We stayed in cabins in the national parks sometimes, hotels other times, but the math wasn't even close. In all fairness, we were looking at renting the RV rather than buying (because we have no desire to own the RV long-term and couldn't find a way to borrow/barter from a friend). We came to this conclusion: If you enjoy the lifestyle, buying an RV can be a viable choice -- but it is not a budget choice. Not when you consider the gas, the insurance, the campsite fees.
- No, poor people don't always camp, and rich people don't always do the plane-ticket vacations. That's an oversimplification of the world. Some poor people spend beyond their means to do the plane flights. Some rich people enjoy camping. Most people do a little of each.
- The other thing about buying the RV is that its initial large expense "locks you into" the camping choice. Whereas, if you look into driving trips you can do in your own car, you can do a skimp-cost trip this year because your other expenses are high right now, but save for an expensive trip that requires plane tickets next year.
- Since you do own the RV, you might consider supplementing your vacation income by renting it out to friends. Or, if you don't want to rent it yourself, there are companies that "hold" your RV on their storage lot and handle rentals for you. As I said, when we looked into renting an RV, it was VERY expensive.