Ever had your investment advice discounted because you don't act rich enough?

[FreshPrincess]

Yes.  A friend of mine was talking to me about her potential move and mentioned she asked another one of her friends as well because we are her "most responsible-with-money-friends".  Which is fun! Turns out the other friend is not the same kind of responsible, but likely in a fine position with savings for the normal path to retirement. 

Fast forward... my friend is now renting a $450k house for $3,100/mo because her other responsible friend said that it was smart to rent it first to be sure you're comfortable with that payment before getting locked into a mortgage.  I assure you, that was not my advice. 

I will say it may have had less to do with how "rich" I don't look and more to do with her wanting validation when she was asking for "advice"; other responsible friend evidently gave her that.  And has a fancier house/car/life to boot :)

[Much Fishing to Do]

The only thing resembling investment advice I really ever give is, whenever I hear someone talking about whether to rent or buy, pay off home or loans or save, passive versus active investing, etc, is that spending a little less will make a much more significant difference than any of those decisions. I think they just assume I missed the whole point of the argument and continue on....

[scottish]

Yes.  A friend of mine was talking to me about her potential move and mentioned she asked another one of her friends as well because we are her "most responsible-with-money-friends".  Which is fun! Turns out the other friend is not the same kind of responsible, but likely in a fine position with savings for the normal path to retirement. 

Fast forward... my friend is now renting a $450k house for $3,100/mo because her other responsible friend said that it was smart to rent it first to be sure you're comfortable with that payment before getting locked into a mortgage.  I assure you, that was not my advice. 

I will say it may have had less to do with how "rich" I don't look and more to do with her wanting validation when she was asking for "advice"; other responsible friend evidently gave her that.  And has a fancier house/car/life to boot :)

Just curious, did you advise her to buy, or to get something less expensive?

[FreshPrincess]

Yes.  A friend of mine was talking to me about her potential move and mentioned she asked another one of her friends as well because we are her "most responsible-with-money-friends".  Which is fun! Turns out the other friend is not the same kind of responsible, but likely in a fine position with savings for the normal path to retirement. 

Fast forward... my friend is now renting a $450k house for $3,100/mo because her other responsible friend said that it was smart to rent it first to be sure you're comfortable with that payment before getting locked into a mortgage.  I assure you, that was not my advice. 

I will say it may have had less to do with how "rich" I don't look and more to do with her wanting validation when she was asking for "advice"; other responsible friend evidently gave her that.  And has a fancier house/car/life to boot :)

Just curious, did you advise her to buy, or to get something less expensive?

I was pretty vague.  Essentially I told her not to get more house than she needs.  I didn't discourage her from looking even though I felt like her current house was fine.  She didn't feel that way, and I thought that was fair and her decision to make.  But when she was showing me the houses she was interested in, I asked leading questions about why she felt they needed "all that".  And we talked through how it would feel and what it would impact if her payment essentially doubled (which it did).  I also told her that FreshPrince and I set a payment budget, not a house cost limit; just because the bank said we could afford something didn't mean that we should.  But in the long run... not my payment, not my problem.  Her house is gorgeous.  So is her BMW in the driveway.  I still adore her and will enjoy going over there with all the free time I have when I'm FIRE.

[talltexan]

When my wife and I were house-hunting we realized that the "sticker price" on a house bore no relationship to anything in our daily lives. It's not like the price of a movie ticket or a bag of chips. So we agreed that $20,000 of purchase price equaled $100/month (at today's mortgage rates it would probably be $18,000, which makes the math a little trickier)

[partgypsy]

I hear you on the new Englander perspective. I have a coworker/friend who comes from money (and also was a vp to a major corporation, and before that worked in stocks...). She and her partner exchanged rings from a local-from-where-she is originally, and they are modest rings. She said something to extent she really liked this other ring better, but it was I don't know, a thousand dollars more "but she didn't feel comfortable spending that much on a ring". To me it boggled my mind, because I know it has nothing to do with being able to afford it. She has told me stories such as the local eccentric in the town, who walks around wearing galoshes and dressed like a homeless person, but is one of the wealthiest persons in the town. But everyone knows him and looks out for him. OTOH, someone who moves into the that town with new money wanting to build a big mansion, would not be as respected as the local eccentric.

[BTDretire]

A couple months ago a neighbor, my son's best buddy's father, died at 49 years old. I've been wanting to approach the
wife and check on her financial savvy ( I don't think there is much) and try to keep her from falling prey to any
financial sharks that may try to convert her money to their money.
  I don't show any wealth in a neighborhood of under $180k homes and driving a 20 year old truck,
but, we have assets putting us in the top 6% of Americans.
 I don't really know how I would start the conversation and don't want to give up my stealth wealth,
but a couple weeks ago, I rode my bike over and rang the door bell. It was bad timing, She stood at the
small window like she was covering up after getting out of the shower. She said she would come over
to my home in an hour or so. She never did.
  Her son mentioned some money earning 1.5%, like that was a good rate, I mentioned with inflation at 3%
she is losing money every year. His comment made me want to have a discussion even more.
She has no kids at home.
  Some poor choices, she still has 3 cars, 2 newer and one an older Mercedes Benz.
Plus they had just spent $40k on a new swimming pool.
  I want to approach her, but then it's none of my business.
 Conundrum!

[partgypsy]

BTD, that's a tough one. I guess it depends on how close you feel to the widow, or the son, that you can have that conversation in a way that is comfortable and natural. Maybe start by talking about her goals, such as "I want this money to last through retirement" or I want to help my child pay for (school, house). Then you can help her with that specific goal.

[talltexan]

A couple months ago a neighbor, my son's best buddy's father, died at 49 years old. I've been wanting to approach the
wife and check on her financial savvy ( I don't think there is much) and try to keep her from falling prey to any
financial sharks that may try to convert her money to their money.
  I don't show any wealth in a neighborhood of under $180k homes and driving a 20 year old truck,
but, we have assets putting us in the top 6% of Americans.
 I don't really know how I would start the conversation and don't want to give up my stealth wealth,
but a couple weeks ago, I rode my bike over and rang the door bell. It was bad timing, She stood at the
small window like she was covering up after getting out of the shower. She said she would come over
to my home in an hour or so. She never did.
  Her son mentioned some money earning 1.5%, like that was a good rate, I mentioned with inflation at 3%
she is losing money every year. His comment made me want to have a discussion even more.
She has no kids at home.
  Some poor choices, she still has 3 cars, 2 newer and one an older Mercedes Benz.
Plus they had just spent $40k on a new swimming pool.
  I want to approach her, but then it's none of my business.
 Conundrum!

I'm not sure there's a way to do this approach directly--about finances--and come off as anything other than a predator. Perhaps a more general line like: "I had a lot of experience going through this myself a few years ago, so I know how to handle particular tasks".