Author Topic: Enjoying quarentine too much  (Read 9013 times)

Ann

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 295
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #50 on: April 25, 2020, 05:32:21 AM »
Quarantine isn’t so bad for me, but I am an essential worker and still doing my regular shifts.   Therefore I do get interaction with people.

I’m so glad so many people here are doing well.  I ask those doing well not to be dismissive of others who may be struggling in other ways. I was certainly a lot more anxious last month when my mother was in the hospital for a non-elective surgery.  No one could be there with her, and I knew she was a greater risk of COVID because of her age and what was going on.  I would have certainly described my anxiety as more than just “not getting my nails done”.  As for “everyone has trauma” comment —   It’s  annoying and disrespectful for someone to assume everyone has the exact same experience.  Please don’t do the same. 

Please share positive experiences. Let’s not use this to bash people who *are* having a hard time.

Personally, I find that people are reaching out to me who normally wouldn’t because they are busy, which is nice.

kei te pai

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 504
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #51 on: April 25, 2020, 08:10:41 AM »
My feeling of contentment at this time is not about "doing well" but finding the experience of reduced social contact suits me. Its coupled with quiet and drastically reduced options of how to spend each day. It has been surprising and almost a profound or spiritual experience.

Our experience in NZ is obviously quite different than other countries, as there has been a consistent national policy with a high level of restriction of most business and social activity for the last month. This has been balanced with a lot of messaging about "we are all in this together", "a team of 5 million". There has been extensive testing, fewer than 20 deaths and a low rate of hospitalisation. It appears that community transmission is not occuring.
We will have a massive economic hit as a nation (tourism was our major income earner) and no immunity. Whether this is the best outcome we wont know.
But I have learnt about myself, and value this stillness I feel without losing compassion for others.

LWYRUP

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1059
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #52 on: April 25, 2020, 08:58:36 AM »
Quarantine has been fine here -- in part that's just because we've been blessed with good health and steady employment.  Leaving aside those major factors, here's how it's been shaking out here:

Benefits:

I am relatively introverted, and have enjoyed working from home.  I think my optimal situation would be two days in office, two days from home.  (Right, and a three day weekend).  Potentially achievable over time.    I hadn't been working from home because the setup wasn't right but I made some improvements there.  Also, in the beginning I was distracted but I've gotten used to it and I'm fine now. 

Our expenses are down and we've been doing a great job just cooking and made some good food.  We've been slowly cooking more and eating out less and our eating out budget was really low in January and February anyways, and so this has been a great way to just kick it into high gear.   I personally would be fine just eating out for group celebrations once a month or so. 

Lots of time with kids and family.  DW has gotten more into the vegetable garden this year and we had time to do things like get grow lights, etc.  DD is getting better at reading.

Work is steady.  Down just enough to be a bit of a breather, but still consistently occupied from at least 9-5.

Regular and enhanced savings hopefully going into the market at a time when it's reasonably low.  Typically, those that can just "hang on" and keep working and saving during a recession come out great on the other side.  Fingers crossed. 

Cons:

24/7 with three little kids is challenging, especially on DW who is a SAHM but previously we had 1.5 kids in school.  I also used to take the kids away to give her days off, but there's not really anywhere I can take them or she can go so her "break" is like a short walk around the neighborhood.  I hate to list this as a negative because we love our family and the time we have with them now while they are little, but breaks like school and grandparent visits are really healthy for everyone.

Net worth decline (will come back, but this is basically a lost year/two for world economy).

Some higher prices on groceries, bought some extra health supplies that might not have been necessary.

Not getting to see friends and go to networking events. 

Not getting to take kids to big parks and out camping (had two trips planned, with dad and a friend).  (Camping is pretty socially distant, and so I would have kept state parks open).

Lots of worry and stress in the beginning, but I've gotten used to it and it looks like total CFR is going to be around 0.5-1.0 (previously were higher estimates such as 3-5 in a hospital collapse scenario).  I do still have some worry for my parents and for elderly in my community, but I think for folks under 50 once the first wave is passed we should just engage in healthy, safe practices (eat well, wash hands) and live our lives.

Still paying for kid preschool and parochial school kindergarten even though kids aren't going.  Teachers need to eat too so haven't complained but it sucks. 

Frustrated with the high costs and taxes of my area.  We live a relatively modest lifestyle that in other areas would cost 1/2 as much as it does where we live (just outside a very expensive city).  I don't spend money on most of the fancy things (Hamilton tickets, etc.) anyways, and with three little kids and a budget we weren't out in the hip bars and restaurants very often anyways.  So I was mostly here for career and family reasons anyways, but now I'm just working remotely and can't see my family.  I literally sit inside my split level house and rarely buy anything other than groceries and it's costing me easily 2x the privilege of most other people with the same lifestyle.  I get paid a bit more for that, but not 2x.  My own personal choice on that but it's making me seriously consider moving in 5-10 years once we've saved a little more, unless we've found jobs or career networks that are just too good to walk away from (as opposed to just "fine."). 
« Last Edit: April 25, 2020, 09:10:49 AM by LWYRUP »

totoro

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2188
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #53 on: April 25, 2020, 09:07:24 AM »
I enjoy quarantine but I have my family with me, lots of personal projects, and am already ER.  Love not having extra social obligations, but otherwise, my life is pretty close to pre-quarantine except for the lack of discretionary travel.  I also appreciate how quiet things are and the environmental benefits.

My appreciation for quarantine is tempered by sadness at the economic toll this virus is taking on others, and the illness and deaths it is causing.  Hopefully when this passes we will have a renewed focus on the environment and humane animal handling practices.  I'm already vegetarian for a number of reasons, but it occurs to me now that reducing or eliminating meat consumption can also help prevent future pandemics by preventing some zoonotic transfer.

LWYRUP

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1059
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #54 on: April 25, 2020, 09:19:06 AM »
I enjoy quarantine but I have my family with me, lots of personal projects, and am already ER.  Love not having extra social obligations, but otherwise, my life is pretty close to pre-quarantine except for the lack of discretionary travel.  I also appreciate how quiet things are and the environmental benefits.

My appreciation for quarantine is tempered by sadness at the economic toll this virus is taking on others, and the illness and deaths it is causing.  Hopefully when this passes we will have a renewed focus on the environment and humane animal handling practices.  I'm already vegetarian for a number of reasons, but it occurs to me now that reducing or eliminating meat consumption can also help prevent future pandemics by preventing some zoonotic transfer.

Yes, I am hoping there will be a silver lining here where we reflect on things like the difference in air quality, whether long commutes to cubicles make any sense, ethical and responsible supply chains (esp. in food and medicine), importance of emergency funds (for individuals and corporations alike), how quiet time with family / gardening / cooking can be more fun than blowing lots of money on consumer experiences, etc. 

Specifically, I switched jobs to one very near my house before all this.  I've resolved that if I get a job in the CBD again, there's no way I'm coming in more than 3x a week.  I'm just going to negotiate that from the start and turn down the job if they find that unacceptable. 

John Galt incarnate!

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2038
  • Location: On Cloud Nine
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #55 on: April 25, 2020, 01:40:12 PM »

Yes, I am hoping there will be a silver lining here where we reflect on things like the difference in air quality, whether long commutes to cubicles make any sense, ethical and responsible supply chains (esp. in food and medicine), importance of emergency funds (for individuals and corporations alike), how quiet time with family / gardening / cooking can be more fun than blowing lots of money on consumer experiences, etc. 

Specifically, I switched jobs to one very near my house before all this.  I've resolved that if I get a job in the CBD again, there's no way I'm coming in more than 3x a week.  I'm just going to negotiate that from the start and turn down the job if they find that unacceptable.

If I were employed by an  employer who hadn't allowed WFR but was forced to due to  the pandemic, and my WFH performance was just as good or better than when I worked  at employer's premises, I would tell employer I want to continue WFH and if they decided not to continue the WFH policy I would quit.

This terrible pandemic's silver lining  is a forced experiment that's turned out to be a great   boon for employees who want to WFH as it proves WFH is workable and beneficial.







« Last Edit: April 25, 2020, 01:42:08 PM by John Galt incarnate! »

mbl

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 331
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #56 on: April 25, 2020, 03:12:44 PM »
I feel a bit guilty, but my life hasn't changed much. I'm really a homebody. I'm actually enjoying having dh working from home.

I'm already retired. We have enough of everything. Our house is paid for.


I miss the library and my knitting friends and getting my hair cut and walking in the park (too crowded now.) But I guess I don't miss them enough to feel bad about them.


Same here, both of us are retired or not "attending work" anymore...:)

I do miss the library, very much. Got a free trial from Amazon's Audible and have listened to James Taylor's autobiography, Breakshot, and James Patterson's Texas Outlaw.  I'd never done audio books before and quite enjoyed it.  Will cancel the trial in a few weeks before the $14.95/month gets charged to my account.  My library system has audio books but there seems to be a wait for the ones I want..all good.

Rode my horse today as it was finally dry enough.  A good time was had by all.

As others have mentioned,  the release from any and all outside obligations is pure heaven.


Villanelle

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6657
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #57 on: April 25, 2020, 03:43:42 PM »
I feel a bit guilty, but my life hasn't changed much. I'm really a homebody. I'm actually enjoying having dh working from home.

I'm already retired. We have enough of everything. Our house is paid for.


I miss the library and my knitting friends and getting my hair cut and walking in the park (too crowded now.) But I guess I don't miss them enough to feel bad about them.


You can download a free Kindle app and then check out Kindle books from your library, via their website, for free.  I can't imagine too many libraries in 2020 don't offer that service (although some may require an in-person visit to set it up initially, though many don't).

Same here, both of us are retired or not "attending work" anymore...:)

I do miss the library, very much. Got a free trial from Amazon's Audible and have listened to James Taylor's autobiography, Breakshot, and James Patterson's Texas Outlaw.  I'd never done audio books before and quite enjoyed it.  Will cancel the trial in a few weeks before the $14.95/month gets charged to my account.  My library system has audio books but there seems to be a wait for the ones I want..all good.

Rode my horse today as it was finally dry enough.  A good time was had by all.

As others have mentioned,  the release from any and all outside obligations is pure heaven.

Buffaloski Boris

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2121
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #58 on: April 25, 2020, 03:48:06 PM »
I'm enjoying quarantine too much.  Both my spouse and myself are WFH, so our economics have actually improved as a result of this. Home schooling is sucking less over time, and we're sleeping a lot more. Less traffic has improved our life and I doubt we've gone through a tank of gas in a month.  Shopping is more efficient; get your stuff and go and we're much more meticulous about having a robust list.  There are great take-out food deals.  Stores are offering all sorts of creative pickup options. I do miss going to the gym and library, and I hate what it's doing to the economy and other people. For our tiny, little civilization though it's been just fine.     

ohio4life

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 80
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #59 on: April 26, 2020, 02:54:35 AM »
I am also enjoying it. I like social interaction for about 2 to 3 hours a day. In a typical work day before the "stay at home" order in my state I would spend 8 to 10 hours around work people then feel totally drained by the time I was able to see friends/family. After two weeks of working from home, I was abruptly asked to switch to a late night shift (11:30 PM to 8:00 AM). At first, I really didn't like it due to sleeping issues, but I have grown to enjoy the time. I can handle issues with normal shift workers via emails instead of endless meetings. The few people I am working with during my shift have agreed to put all our communication through online chat. I really enjoy this form of work communication. I'm a quick typer and using chat cuts down on so much extraneous details. Even working from home during my normal work hours required roughly 5 hours a day of phone calls and virtual meetings when I was working normal hours. I've been taking a lot more walks and finding more time for projects around the house. I'm typically awake (5 to 11) when others are available for texting, phone calls, video hangouts and I sleep when everyone else is working.

I'm missing visiting family/friends, sports, and the gym, but I'm good. When things go back to normal, it will be a tough transition for me.

BlueMR2

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2313
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #60 on: April 26, 2020, 09:41:13 AM »
Absolutely loving quarantine here as well.  I still get social contact via ham radio and occasional teleconferences (not too many though as I have a pretty restrictive Internet data cap).  What makes it so great is that all these contacts are by choice.  I'm not randomly bumping into the great mass of humanity (a very large percentage of which are just plain rude and obnoxious).  While there's a great many individuals that I like, this has really highlighted to me exactly how terrible humanity is in general, and how much better off we are when not forced to interact socially with the larger community.

somebody8198

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 113
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #61 on: April 26, 2020, 11:59:01 AM »
I've been oscillating between feeling pretty good and suicidal depression.

I feel okay when I get lots of outdoors exercise time, read books, and cook some good food. I hate going into the office and being able to work from home is great. I can do that for a few daysThen I start to feel like I'm likely going to die alone and single, stuck in a tiny apartment for the rest of my life, as the freedoms we once enjoyed are eroded and dismantled.

I live in a small space in a downtown area where rent is high but there are (or were) lots of events going on all the time. I didn't like my job and had lots of career problems with frequent layoffs. But I had a social life. I had many friends through my local gym and social sports. That's gone now, maybe for the rest of the year – maybe for several years. I will probably move in with a family member if I'm not able to do that anymore, because what's the point of having your own place if you can't date, or make dinner with friends, or anything else,  and you can't go to the gym and there is nothing to do. Maybe we'll never be able to do  that again? I had a friend come drop off some tools yesterday and that was the most social interaction I've had in months. It's not sustainable.

Buffaloski Boris

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2121
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #62 on: April 26, 2020, 12:56:37 PM »
I've been oscillating between feeling pretty good and suicidal depression.

I feel okay when I get lots of outdoors exercise time, read books, and cook some good food. I hate going into the office and being able to work from home is great. I can do that for a few daysThen I start to feel like I'm likely going to die alone and single, stuck in a tiny apartment for the rest of my life, as the freedoms we once enjoyed are eroded and dismantled.

I live in a small space in a downtown area where rent is high but there are (or were) lots of events going on all the time. I didn't like my job and had lots of career problems with frequent layoffs. But I had a social life. I had many friends through my local gym and social sports. That's gone now, maybe for the rest of the year – maybe for several years. I will probably move in with a family member if I'm not able to do that anymore, because what's the point of having your own place if you can't date, or make dinner with friends, or anything else,  and you can't go to the gym and there is nothing to do. Maybe we'll never be able to do  that again? I had a friend come drop off some tools yesterday and that was the most social interaction I've had in months. It's not sustainable.

Say what?

This is sounding to me like you're really down in the mouth.  Please take some advice from an internet stranger and get an appointment with a doctor ASAP.  You can do them online.  Tell them what you're feeling.  I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on TV, but this is sounding an awful lot to me like depression.  It's a chemical imbalance, and for a lot of folks some cheap chemicals and/or therapy can make it a whole lot better.  Don't let your life become a living hell or worse, do something rash.  There are a LOT of folks on this forum who are under some sort of treatment. Feel free to reach out or PM me if you want to talk. 


somebody8198

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 113
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #63 on: April 26, 2020, 04:21:53 PM »
I've been oscillating between feeling pretty good and suicidal depression.

I feel okay when I get lots of outdoors exercise time, read books, and cook some good food. I hate going into the office and being able to work from home is great. I can do that for a few daysThen I start to feel like I'm likely going to die alone and single, stuck in a tiny apartment for the rest of my life, as the freedoms we once enjoyed are eroded and dismantled.

I live in a small space in a downtown area where rent is high but there are (or were) lots of events going on all the time. I didn't like my job and had lots of career problems with frequent layoffs. But I had a social life. I had many friends through my local gym and social sports. That's gone now, maybe for the rest of the year – maybe for several years. I will probably move in with a family member if I'm not able to do that anymore, because what's the point of having your own place if you can't date, or make dinner with friends, or anything else,  and you can't go to the gym and there is nothing to do. Maybe we'll never be able to do  that again? I had a friend come drop off some tools yesterday and that was the most social interaction I've had in months. It's not sustainable.

Say what?

This is sounding to me like you're really down in the mouth.  Please take some advice from an internet stranger and get an appointment with a doctor ASAP.  You can do them online.  Tell them what you're feeling.  I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on TV, but this is sounding an awful lot to me like depression.  It's a chemical imbalance, and for a lot of folks some cheap chemicals and/or therapy can make it a whole lot better.  Don't let your life become a living hell or worse, do something rash.  There are a LOT of folks on this forum who are under some sort of treatment. Feel free to reach out or PM me if you want to talk.

The "chemical imbalance" bit is blatantly wrong, based on junk science. I know, I've been pumped with drugs before, and it doesn't make life any better. The thing that makes life better is being able to live your life, and I'm being denied that. Therapy is useful, but I can't access it anymore. My insurance doesn't cover mental health, and in any case, all medical treatment is suspended indefinitely to save some 80 year old billionaires in New York.

lhamo

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Location: Seattle
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #64 on: April 26, 2020, 05:58:34 PM »
I'm continuing to have sessions with my therapist via a HIPPA compliant app (doxy.me) -- not quite the same as in person, but have gotten to the point where I feel comfortable going to sessions every other week instead of weekly.

If you can't find a local provider who can do telehealth appointments you could try one of the online services like Better Help or Talkspace. Several podcasters have discount codes for those that are only a google away.




mozar

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3503
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #65 on: April 26, 2020, 06:17:49 PM »
I haven't called myself but suicide hotlines are probably still operating @deathpanels
As a person who is pumped full of chemicals,  anti depressants didn't directly improve my life. What they did was made my thinking clearer and less anxious,  which helped me do other things that made my life better.

This has been a multiyear process with trying different medications. For many years my thoughts were well if this doesn't work out I'll just kill myself. I realized that planning suicide was very tiring and when I gave myself a break from thinking about it I had energy to think of other solutions. I'm not saying I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore, but that I'm able to occupy myself with other thoughts. And that's enough.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7946
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #66 on: April 26, 2020, 06:36:10 PM »
We have been retired for 8 years and are extroverted so hate it. Of course it’s necessary. Tomorrow is the start of week 7. We are in a high risk group. Only going for groceries monthly. We cancelled all our medical appointments. Keeping in touch with my kids by phone. We are seeing the kids because they are quarantining as strict as us. We didn’t see them the first month.

Daisy

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2263
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #67 on: April 26, 2020, 08:53:53 PM »
I'm enjoying it but since I'm FIRE and live alone (distancing from BF for another 2 weeks or so) it's not that much different from my day-to-day life. I still go out everyday for several hours to run, walk, bike, etc, binge watch some movies, binge eat on occasion, hit Costco once a week for TP and food, and generally can do most things I enjoy solo. While we are technically in lock down here in SoCal, my city has left beaches and parks open as long as people stay apart and don't congregate so lots to do for us outdoorsy types. My only peeve is that I love my pre-covid solitary weekdays outdoors but now with so many people off work and out doing physical activities weekdays are starting to be as crowded as weekends. Can't wait for everyone to go back to work and school so I can have my little FIRE weekday solo time ;-).

And don't forget that TGIM cocktails are still possible during quarantine.

TGIM is my favorite spartana-ism. I've used it extensively with friends when they ask me how FIREd life is.

somebody8198

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 113
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #68 on: April 27, 2020, 07:52:17 AM »
I'm continuing to have sessions with my therapist via a HIPPA compliant app (doxy.me) -- not quite the same as in person, but have gotten to the point where I feel comfortable going to sessions every other week instead of weekly.

If you can't find a local provider who can do telehealth appointments you could try one of the online services like Better Help or Talkspace. Several podcasters have discount codes for those that are only a google away.

My understanding is this only apply if you are covered by insurance. I'm not. I have a very limited HMO through my garbage job, not the gold plated insurance everyone here seems to have.

I've done therapy before and may even become a therapist myself some day. There's a big difference between "person who is catatonic and unable to get out of bed because of some comorbidity" and "person whose life has been destroyed, with no end in sight." The second person will not benefit from drugs anymore than they will benefit from drinking a handle of vodka every night. Psychiatry is a scam to funnel profits into pharmaceutical companies, blaming poor living conditions on mysterious biological origins. I'm not depressed because there is something mis-titrated in my brain. I'm depressed because my idiot government has imprisoned me and destroyed everything that gave my life meaning. I'm having to re-build my life from scratch. Wanting to die is a normal and natural consequence of total isolation and the destruction of everything you know and love.

maizefolk

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7400
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #69 on: April 27, 2020, 08:33:31 AM »
I'm continuing to have sessions with my therapist via a HIPPA compliant app (doxy.me) -- not quite the same as in person, but have gotten to the point where I feel comfortable going to sessions every other week instead of weekly.

If you can't find a local provider who can do telehealth appointments you could try one of the online services like Better Help or Talkspace. Several podcasters have discount codes for those that are only a google away.

My understanding is this only apply if you are covered by insurance. I'm not. I have a very limited HMO through my garbage job, not the gold plated insurance everyone here seems to have.

My understanding is that services like Talkspace are usually paid entirely paid out of pocket but cost less than in person therapy.

If misery loves company, my employer plan didn't have any in network providers in my town that I could find, so when I went to one I was paying entirely out of pocket and it was a major financial hit. Still glad I did it.

FWIW, it looks like betterhelp is 1/3 to 1/5 expensive than I was paying (based on how long a block of time you sign up for), and the highest level talkspace plan is about 1/3 as much.

Quote
I'm not depressed because there is something mis-titrated in my brain. I'm depressed because my idiot government has imprisoned me and destroyed everything that gave my life meaning. I'm having to re-build my life from scratch. Wanting to die is a normal and natural consequence of total isolation and the destruction of everything you know and love.

Yet talk therapy is still really valuable to people who are depressed or otherwise partially mentally incapacitated based solely on their external circumstances or experiences, no? Soldiers coming back from war with PTSD. Survivors of natural or manmade disasters. Victims of domestic abuse.

Human beings aren't built to function in isolation (with rare exceptions). When we're called upon to do and survive things that are outside our normal capacities it makes sense to employ whatever strategies we can to actually make it through what life is throwing at us.

Wanting to die is an extraordinarily unpleasant way to feel. Even when it is perfectly natural to be feeling that way. To me it seems worth seeking outside assistance, if possible, to bring an end to, or at least mitigate, that natural outcome of your circumstances. Do you disagree?

sixwings

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 534
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #70 on: April 27, 2020, 09:33:52 AM »
I've been really enjoying this period to be honest. My wife and I are spending lots of quality time together, our jobs are unaffected, we're learning to cook awesome food, I've had more time to learn new things and work in my yard. I'm expecting this will continue for a while, my province administrators are saying that we will need multiple days in a row of 0 new cases and we had 90 the other day so we have a way to go. I do find some of the weekdays all kind of blend together so I need to figure that out.

js82

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 520
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #71 on: April 27, 2020, 09:49:18 AM »
I've been oscillating between feeling pretty good and suicidal depression.

I feel okay when I get lots of outdoors exercise time, read books, and cook some good food. I hate going into the office and being able to work from home is great. I can do that for a few daysThen I start to feel like I'm likely going to die alone and single, stuck in a tiny apartment for the rest of my life, as the freedoms we once enjoyed are eroded and dismantled.

I live in a small space in a downtown area where rent is high but there are (or were) lots of events going on all the time. I didn't like my job and had lots of career problems with frequent layoffs. But I had a social life. I had many friends through my local gym and social sports. That's gone now, maybe for the rest of the year – maybe for several years. I will probably move in with a family member if I'm not able to do that anymore, because what's the point of having your own place if you can't date, or make dinner with friends, or anything else,  and you can't go to the gym and there is nothing to do. Maybe we'll never be able to do  that again? I had a friend come drop off some tools yesterday and that was the most social interaction I've had in months. It's not sustainable.

It's psychologically difficult, I hear you.  I'm in lockdown living by myself and outlets I'd like to have(going for a run or bike ride) are off the table as I'm still recovering from foot surgery.  I'm WFH and spend 6 hours a day on the damn phone.  This is making me a little crazy too.

That said, there are things I've found that make this a little easier to deal with.  I've done "virtual happy hours" with friends - which basically entail hanging out, (optionally) enjoying a drink, and just talking over video chat(and even more often, over voice chat).  I've spent more times on video/voice chats talking with family scattered across the country than I usually do.  I've been much more conscious of my social needs, and made more of a deliberate effort to meet them.  It's a long way from perfect, but it helps.

I'm not going to lie - it's not the same as in-person interaction.   You can't hug someone through a webcam.  But there are ways to make this situation more tolerable in the near term.  Living by yourself is hard right now - but there are things we can do to help make it a little more bearable for ourselves.

And if you're feeling really awful - find a qualified professional to talk to so you can make it through this situation.  This situation isn't going to last forever, and things eventually WILL return to normal.
« Last Edit: April 27, 2020, 09:54:33 AM by js82 »

Arbitrage

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1405
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #72 on: April 27, 2020, 10:07:27 AM »
I definitely prefer working this way; I don't feel like I'm missing out on that much compared to being in person, and I've been far more productive.  I'm getting a bit more sleep; it's nice to roll out of bed and be able to get right to work.  One problem is that management isn't really being sensitive to the workloads they're demanding of some people.  Other than that, the main nit I would have is the attempt at micromanaging by some managers - since they can't see us, they're going overboard in trying to track us.  I'm mostly ignoring them on that front, though.

I mainly miss riding my bike/being outside and seeing friends.  There are some nice things about grocery delivery, but overall I probably prefer getting them myself on my bike.  I also miss my gym.  I'm managing with at-home workouts, and this is giving me a boost to my confidence that I will be willing and able to continue working out at home regularly in early retirement, but I don't have the full setup to maintain my physique. 

Also, managing the kids' school while working from home full-time is not great.

lhamo

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3094
  • Location: Seattle
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #73 on: April 27, 2020, 11:16:01 AM »
I'm continuing to have sessions with my therapist via a HIPPA compliant app (doxy.me) -- not quite the same as in person, but have gotten to the point where I feel comfortable going to sessions every other week instead of weekly.

If you can't find a local provider who can do telehealth appointments you could try one of the online services like Better Help or Talkspace. Several podcasters have discount codes for those that are only a google away.

My understanding is this only apply if you are covered by insurance. I'm not. I have a very limited HMO through my garbage job, not the gold plated insurance everyone here seems to have.

My understanding is that services like Talkspace are usually paid entirely paid out of pocket but cost less than in person therapy.

If misery loves company, my employer plan didn't have any in network providers in my town that I could find, so when I went to one I was paying entirely out of pocket and it was a major financial hit. Still glad I did it.

FWIW, it looks like betterhelp is 1/3 to 1/5 expensive than I was paying (based on how long a block of time you sign up for), and the highest level talkspace plan is about 1/3 as much.

Quote
I'm not depressed because there is something mis-titrated in my brain. I'm depressed because my idiot government has imprisoned me and destroyed everything that gave my life meaning. I'm having to re-build my life from scratch. Wanting to die is a normal and natural consequence of total isolation and the destruction of everything you know and love.

Yet talk therapy is still really valuable to people who are depressed or otherwise partially mentally incapacitated based solely on their external circumstances or experiences, no? Soldiers coming back from war with PTSD. Survivors of natural or manmade disasters. Victims of domestic abuse.

Human beings aren't built to function in isolation (with rare exceptions). When we're called upon to do and survive things that are outside our normal capacities it makes sense to employ whatever strategies we can to actually make it through what life is throwing at us.

Wanting to die is an extraordinarily unpleasant way to feel. Even when it is perfectly natural to be feeling that way. To me it seems worth seeking outside assistance, if possible, to bring an end to, or at least mitigate, that natural outcome of your circumstances. Do you disagree?

Like @maizeman , I was not able to find a suitable therapist covered by my current insurance so I am paying out of pocket for my therapy sessions ($120/hour).  It is one of my largest monthly/annual expenses.  But worth every penny because it is helping me cope/feel a little better every day.  Of course there are days that suck, but it feels good to be on a generally upward-trending spiral instead of a downward one. 

You have mentioned that for now you have a decent-paying job and savings.  It's obviously your choice, but maybe now would be a good time to be investing some of that money in a building support system for yourself.  You are worth it/deserve it.

Finding a way to volunteer might also help.


life_travel

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 239
  • Location: Australia
Re: Enjoying quarantine too much
« Reply #74 on: April 27, 2020, 08:34:54 PM »
Thank you for starting this post. I feel guilty but I ENJOY my time immensely and honestly dread once we have to go back to " normal". For more than a decade I was a breadwinner in a stressful job.

Well I am on indefinite stand down as of 1 April and I thought I may get bored but nope..
I am an introvert but like social aspects, well as I live with DH and some other family members I still get plenty of that.
I don't miss my colleagues.
I don't miss awful noisy open office.
I don't miss radio on ALL DAY , every day in the office because my boss and most others ( all extroverts) can't be without it.
I don't miss after hours corporate events , that are "fun" and " non-compulsory" but kinda are compulsory so you are seen as a team player.
I don't miss my commute.

I doubt if I wanted a few months unpaid break Pre-covid I could got it from work easily, but here I am.

I had no alarm for 6 weeks. I choose how much I do, most days not much :) I still go outside, I jog, I do yoga from my favourite teacher via online class. I see family. I read a lot. I research certain topics in depth so I feel that mentally I am stimulated.

My parents live in another country and I usually visit in person once in 2 years so we still talk via Viber as per normal.

I don't care about not being able to go to cafes and restaurants , I love cooking and now with stress from work eliminated I can concentrate on cheap, healthy , fun meals.

I usually don't go to concerts, sporting events or cinemas. So this simple life suits me.

Last time I remember feeling the same when I was on maternity leave for 2 years 20+ years ago.

I guess being in Australia I feel safer than people feel in other countries, our government is doing a good job, I don't personally know anyone who is actually infected with Covid19, let alone died from it.

I realise I am lucky and I literally wake up saying gratitude every single day.

LWYRUP

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1059
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #75 on: April 27, 2020, 09:02:28 PM »
@Villanelle I agree.  I was so upset in early March from watching leaked videos from Iran and China I couldn't concentrate.  I got through it, mainly by just detaching from it, but this is a serious event and tens of thousands are dying and many more are sick and suffering.  Nobody deserves a facepunch for caring about their neighbors. 

Eventuality

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 92
  • Location: By The Lake
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #76 on: April 27, 2020, 09:23:23 PM »
It is a weird mix of extremely stressful and a paid staycation for me. I work directly with patients in healthcare and have actually been furloughed for the last few weeks. Financially, unemployment works out to be exactly what I make normally, and I kept my normal benefits through my employer. I've been hanging out at home, organizing and doing lots of hiking since I live in an area with lots of sparsely populated trails - 100+ miles so far this month. I'm staying in touch with friends and family and my SO is working from home. In some ways, it's been pretty nice.

However, I know multiple people who have died from COVID. I'm extremely worried for my coworkers who are on the front lines working directly with COVID patients. That makes it real. I feel guilty that I'm not actually doing anything at the moment to help (minus some donations to local charities). I'm incredibly lucky, but I feel guilty for how lucky I've been.

Daisy

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2263
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #77 on: April 27, 2020, 09:35:54 PM »
I'm enjoying it but since I'm FIRE and live alone (distancing from BF for another 2 weeks or so) it's not that much different from my day-to-day life. I still go out everyday for several hours to run, walk, bike, etc, binge watch some movies, binge eat on occasion, hit Costco once a week for TP and food, and generally can do most things I enjoy solo. While we are technically in lock down here in SoCal, my city has left beaches and parks open as long as people stay apart and don't congregate so lots to do for us outdoorsy types. My only peeve is that I love my pre-covid solitary weekdays outdoors but now with so many people off work and out doing physical activities weekdays are starting to be as crowded as weekends. Can't wait for everyone to go back to work and school so I can have my little FIRE weekday solo time ;-).

And don't forget that TGIM cocktails are still possible during quarantine.

TGIM is my favorite spartana-ism. I've used it extensively with friends when they ask me how FIREd life is.
LOL! Yes but drinking alone at the beach at 8 am on Monday just seems....wrong... for some reason. It's not as much fun if you can't play volleyball on the beach first but that activity has been banned. Although the crowds this weekend means my city is likely to close down beachs and parks now as it was crazy like a summer weekend.

I didn't realize TGIM cocktails required physical activity before or after. I thought they could be done on my back porch. Well this goes to show I don't know much. I guess I will continue to enjoy my lazy cocktails on my back porch in blissful ignorance.

Retire-Canada

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8685
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #78 on: April 28, 2020, 08:41:19 AM »
One thing that's surprising about this thread is how many people have completely locked down at home and don't seem to go out at all.

Personally I am not locked down at all. I am still going to work for short days 4 times a week. I get out for exercise regularly. I go grocery shopping. The only things we aren't doing are eating out/socializing and travelling outside the local area. We are still seeing some friends for bike rides and hikes, but we aren't doing that as much as normal.

Noodle

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1316
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #79 on: April 28, 2020, 07:59:32 PM »
It hasn't been as bad as I feared or as good as I hoped. A couple years back we had a natural disaster in our city, and while I was not affected in terms of home or job, we were effectively locked down for a week while the city got put back together. I almost lost my mind with the isolation. In this version, I still work full time and between that and people making extra efforts to reach out to each other, I am mostly fine. On the other hand, I have been hearing all this stuff about people who are doing major projects or watching everything in their Netflix queues or whatever, and that hasn't happened either (see full-time job above). I don't have to commute, but I do have to build extra time into my day for walking since I don't get the regular activity built into my job, and it has to be at the beginning of the day because our temperatures are starting to rise. So I actually get up EARLIER than I did before lockdown. I have been getting a lot of reading done, which is nice.

What I am dreading, to my surprise, is going back to work. I have zero desire to work from home long-term (hated giving up my space, hated shouting over the incessant landscaping noise to make calls, not a big fan of Zoom calls) and if we were going back to mid-February I would be champing at the bit. The short version is that the parts I love about my job are on hold indefinitely, and the aspects I hate, normally rather minor, are being exacerbated by social distancing.

honeybbq

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1468
  • Location: Seattle
Re: Enjoying quarentine too much
« Reply #80 on: April 29, 2020, 12:51:10 PM »
I'm enjoying parts but over all: thumbs down.

Caveats: I am a health care worker and still working in the hospital several days a week. So is my spouse.

Cons:  I am doing all the grocery shopping, I am also running errands for elderly neighbors and shopping for them too. So it's a lot of work. Add on top of that the issue of lack of basic supplies like TP. No, I'm not going without. I had to go 5 stores over a couple weeks until I finally found some. Sometimes basic foods you don't think should be sold out are (like garlic??). It's frustrating and hard to meal plan and use lists when you don't know what you're doing to get. I don't like being creative on the fly.

Sob sob, but we haven't had our cleaning lady come since this whole thing started. House is dirtier and I've been trying to keep up but it isn't easy. We used to run our roomba ever day, but since we are home now, it's hard to work with the noise of running it.

Homeschooling - our kiddo is pretty easy but it has it's challenges. She has few outlets and needs a lot of social stimulation which she isn't getting. Trying to work with the schools is frustrating and the different websites and applications don't always work.

My main drag is that my mental health outlets all involved sports and being outside. Most of that is gone. I am still running and biking around the neighborhood, but quite frankly it's getting old. The trails and picturesque places are slammed with people and it's not worth the risk. So we've been doing the same loops around the houses in our hood. It gets old and not satisfying. I want to go on a nice long hike or play my team sports and get beers with friends afterwards.

Pros: I have a stable job and healthy income. The commute has been great. Work has been slowish (I am not a front line worker). Our schedules have worked out so there have been no real calamities. I have been spending extra time getting my garden tip top since there's no where to go on the weekends.

I just miss the old way of life though I have very little to really complain about.