Author Topic: Engagement Ring  (Read 9904 times)

Johnez

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #100 on: January 03, 2020, 10:21:18 PM »
Lot of discussion on Moisannite and CZ stones. I've wanted to pop the question for a little while and my lady is full bore mustachian, to the point that she does not like it when I get anything expensive. So my question is, has anyone ever gone a completely non traditional route...such as a bent wood ring? I know it sounds crazy, but I've been a wood worker (rough furniture carpentry) in the past and she loves old woodwork. I know it probably wouldn't last 40 years, but that's a good reason to crank out multiples to suit her style at the moment. My crazy idea is to give her one every anniversary. I've made one to try out the process....not as easy as it looks, lol-but very fun.

TomTX

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #101 on: January 04, 2020, 06:45:06 AM »
Durable and Mustachian - plain tungsten carbide bands. Good quality for around $20. I love the slightly darker but still shiny look.

For somewhat fancier looking, you can get the tungsten carbide inlaid with something like Koa wood, or abalone and Koa - which is going to be less durable than 100% tungsten carbide, but should be far more durable than plain wood.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #102 on: January 04, 2020, 07:53:32 AM »
One thing to keep in mind--carbide rings are very,very difficult to remove in an emergency, e.g. You're injured in a way that makes your fingers swell.

FWIW, DW's fingers swelled during pregnancy,so she couldn't wear her white gold engagement ring and wedding band. I bought a few stainless bands of different sizes off eBay for under $5 each, and nobody seems to notice or care.

At the end of the day, it's a metallic band around your finger,and after the initial oohing and aahing when you get engaged, life's too busy for anyone to care.

ol1970

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #103 on: January 04, 2020, 08:27:30 AM »
My wife is constantly having women ask to see her ring and compliment it.  I went with a 2 ct SI1 F clarity.  I literally had 5 diamonds out on the table go pick from that differed in clarity color and price.  My buddy and I both kept coming back to the same one.  We then had the jeweler mix them up when we turned our back and again came back to the same stone.  It turns out I picked the one with less clarity but colorless over much more expensive diamonds rated higher.  You really have to see them in person to see how brilliant they are.  In the end I spent a lot, my wife was crazy happy and Iím glad I shelled out the money for something spectacular. 

Simpli-Fi

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #104 on: January 04, 2020, 10:09:32 AM »
I love this topic b/c I feel like I mustached the shit out of my wife's engagement ring.

Do not:
- buy 1 carat. prices are jacked up at that size b/c it is popular. The price for .9 is way less than 90% of the price for 1ct. And no one will know the difference.
- buy at a retail place in the mall or whatever. Major markup. Avoid at all cost.

Do:
- care about quality. My wife's is very good quality and people notice it compared to their own stones, which are bigger but not as good.
- buy the diamond separate from the setting. Use a diamond broker. Most large cities have them. If you don't live in a large city, grab your best-man and take a road trip to the closest one. You'll likely need a referral so ask around your friends/teammates/colleagues to see if they know of a good broker. Bonus: great story for your wife to tell "oh no he would never buy something at [store in the mall]. He found has a guy in [big city]. He really put thought into this.....he's better than other husbands....etc...etc...."  : )
- having said the above, I've heard great things about blue nile. Story isn't as great...but the price will be.

Solid.  I did this and the appraised value was $5k above what I spent.

Super Ideal cut, D color, .93ct, very slight inclusion...made the appraisers diamonds look very yellow

iris lily

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #105 on: January 04, 2020, 10:57:19 AM »
I love this topic b/c I feel like I mustached the shit out of my wife's engagement ring.

Do not:
- buy 1 carat. prices are jacked up at that size b/c it is popular. The price for .9 is way less than 90% of the price for 1ct. And no one will know the difference.
- buy at a retail place in the mall or whatever. Major markup. Avoid at all cost.

Do:
- care about quality. My wife's is very good quality and people notice it compared to their own stones, which are bigger but not as good.
- buy the diamond separate from the setting. Use a diamond broker. Most large cities have them. If you don't live in a large city, grab your best-man and take a road trip to the closest one. You'll likely need a referral so ask around your friends/teammates/colleagues to see if they know of a good broker. Bonus: great story for your wife to tell "oh no he would never buy something at [store in the mall]. He found has a guy in [big city]. He really put thought into this.....he's better than other husbands....etc...etc...."  : )
- having said the above, I've heard great things about blue nile. Story isn't as great...but the price will be.

Solid.  I did this and the appraised value was $5k above what I spent.

Super Ideal cut, D color, .93ct, very slight inclusion...made the appraisers diamonds look very yellow
I will bet that thing sparkles like an SOB. Smart to stay just a hair below 1 carat.

But appraised value has no meaning, it is just collusion within the diamond industry. Ask the appraiser if he would buy it for the price you paid since that would seem like a good deal.

I say this as someone who completely supports buying a diamond for an engagement ring. I do not regret having one, have had it for 30+ years.Quality counts, your wife will love it forever.

Michael in ABQ

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #106 on: January 04, 2020, 11:19:45 AM »
My wife's engagement ring was semi-custom and made by a jeweler who worked out of a back room in the salon his wife ran. It's a gold ring with a heart-shaped ruby and it cost around $1,600 as I recall. At the time gold prices were much lower, maybe $650 an ounce so between that and our two gold wedding bands it was $2,000 - $2,500.

I found this guy through my best friend's dad who is the kind of person who knows a bunch of people and has a guy for everything. The jeweler worked totally off word of mouth and didn't have a sign because he didn't want to attract thieves. I told him what I was looking for, we looked through some jewelry catalogs and he basically charged $100 over the list price for his labor/minimal markup.

The only downside is my wife rarely wears it anymore because the setting has sometimes caught on clothing or babies so she usually just wears her wedding band.

GrumpyPenguin

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #107 on: January 05, 2020, 06:26:22 AM »
Kudos to you for wanting to please her. And some people are more into jewelry than others.
That said, we married 40 years ago this month. We were broke, so went with simple gold wedding bands, and said we'd get the diamond ring later, when we had the money. But when that time came, I wasn't really interested. My plain gold band means more to me and it's no fuss. (His gold band broke years ago, now he wears one of those cheap silicone rings. It works for him.)

I'm a tad surprised no other MMMers are talking about silicone rings.  My fiance gave me a silicone ring earlier this year, and I proposed to her with a silicone ring recently.  I will be getting her a (probably lab created) diamond ring soon that she/we will pick out, though there is a very good chance I will continue to wear my silicone ring and not get another wedding band. It's comfortable, while symbolizing both my values and our love for each other.

Malkynn

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #108 on: January 05, 2020, 06:35:07 AM »
Kudos to you for wanting to please her. And some people are more into jewelry than others.
That said, we married 40 years ago this month. We were broke, so went with simple gold wedding bands, and said we'd get the diamond ring later, when we had the money. But when that time came, I wasn't really interested. My plain gold band means more to me and it's no fuss. (His gold band broke years ago, now he wears one of those cheap silicone rings. It works for him.)

I'm a tad surprised no other MMMers are talking about silicone rings.  My fiance gave me a silicone ring earlier this year, and I proposed to her with a silicone ring recently.  I will be getting her a (probably lab created) diamond ring soon that she/we will pick out, though there is a very good chance I will continue to wear my silicone ring and not get another wedding band. It's comfortable, while symbolizing both my values and our love for each other.

A few of my staff have these and love them.

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #109 on: January 20, 2020, 07:41:07 AM »
Update:  We went ring shopping together mostly just to get her ring size.  The sales lady was super annoying and kept trying to upsell which is to be expected, but very inconsiderate since you are basically setting expectations for one person's gift to another while they are both there.  But the experience was helpful because I realized that the only two things that really mattered to future fiance were color (anything I-J looks yellow), size (she liked the 1.5 ct), shape (round).  Neither she nor I could tell a difference between cut qualities or inclusions.  So I ended up ordering a lab created diamond from Brilliant Earth.  1.5 ct solitaire for $4k.  I'm supposed to get it in 2 weeks and there's a 30 day return policy, so I'll make sure it passes the eye test. 

**I feel bad for the people that feel like they have to take out a second mortgage in order to meet expectations set by the industry and peers.  Its a terrible corruption of a supposedly beautiful event.

Here4theGB

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #110 on: January 20, 2020, 08:33:49 AM »
So I ended up ordering a lab created diamond from Brilliant Earth.  1.5 ct solitaire for $4k.  I'm supposed to get it in 2 weeks and there's a 30 day return policy, so I'll make sure it passes the eye test. 

**I feel bad for the people that feel like they have to take out a second mortgage in order to meet expectations set by the industry and peers.  Its a terrible corruption of a supposedly beautiful event.
You spent 4k on a "fake" diamond.  I don't think you get to claim the high road here. 

Malkynn

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #111 on: January 20, 2020, 08:40:00 AM »
So I ended up ordering a lab created diamond from Brilliant Earth.  1.5 ct solitaire for $4k.  I'm supposed to get it in 2 weeks and there's a 30 day return policy, so I'll make sure it passes the eye test. 

**I feel bad for the people that feel like they have to take out a second mortgage in order to meet expectations set by the industry and peers.  Its a terrible corruption of a supposedly beautiful event.
You spent 4k on a "fake" diamond.  I don't think you get to claim the high road here.

What an odd thing to say...

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #112 on: January 20, 2020, 08:56:14 AM »
I'm glad you and your intended were able to find something (beauty, budget) that worked for both of you. I hope it looks great when you receive it. 
It is true both natural and ma nmade diamonds have poor resale value. But some things are not bought for their resale value.

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #113 on: January 20, 2020, 10:30:07 AM »
So I ended up ordering a lab created diamond from Brilliant Earth.  1.5 ct solitaire for $4k.  I'm supposed to get it in 2 weeks and there's a 30 day return policy, so I'll make sure it passes the eye test. 

**I feel bad for the people that feel like they have to take out a second mortgage in order to meet expectations set by the industry and peers.  Its a terrible corruption of a supposedly beautiful event.
You spent 4k on a "fake" diamond.  I don't think you get to claim the high road here.


What an odd thing to say...

I agree, weird comment.  No high road taken, I bought what I think she wants for a price I'm willing to pay.  No diamonds are a "good deal" - natural or man made.  Yes, I could have bought the same natural diamond for $8k and it might have a resale value of $3k but I'm not buying it for resale value, just looks and meaning.

mm1970

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #114 on: January 20, 2020, 10:34:49 AM »
So I ended up ordering a lab created diamond from Brilliant Earth.  1.5 ct solitaire for $4k.  I'm supposed to get it in 2 weeks and there's a 30 day return policy, so I'll make sure it passes the eye test. 

**I feel bad for the people that feel like they have to take out a second mortgage in order to meet expectations set by the industry and peers.  Its a terrible corruption of a supposedly beautiful event.
You spent 4k on a "fake" diamond.  I don't think you get to claim the high road here.
A lab created diamond isn't "fake", but it certainly isn't a blood diamond either.

CodingHare

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #115 on: January 20, 2020, 10:56:09 AM »
Lot of discussion on Moisannite and CZ stones. I've wanted to pop the question for a little while and my lady is full bore mustachian, to the point that she does not like it when I get anything expensive. So my question is, has anyone ever gone a completely non traditional route...such as a bent wood ring? I know it sounds crazy, but I've been a wood worker (rough furniture carpentry) in the past and she loves old woodwork. I know it probably wouldn't last 40 years, but that's a good reason to crank out multiples to suit her style at the moment. My crazy idea is to give her one every anniversary. I've made one to try out the process....not as easy as it looks, lol-but very fun.

When SO was feeling out if I was ready to be proposed to, he asked what kind of ring I would want.  I requested a no stone, bent wood ring.  He found me a rosewood with a turquoise inlay.  It held up really well for the 9 months of constant wear, loved the look of it!  It was very comfortable, too.

For our wedding rings we also went on Etsy--Decided to go for titanium with a copper inlay so I wouldn't have to take it off.  I don't really like the look of diamonds, and I wanted a smooth ring that wouldn't catch on my knitting.  :)  $140 for the wedding ring, I think about $150 for the wooden one.

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #116 on: January 20, 2020, 12:35:02 PM »
Best wishes wageslave!  Let us know when you need cheap wedding planning ideas.  Note -- the simpler the better! 

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #117 on: January 20, 2020, 12:45:58 PM »
Best wishes wageslave!  Let us know when you need cheap wedding planning ideas.  Note -- the simpler the better!

Thanks!  We both agreed that a very small (25 ppl) wedding at a church and then dinner at a restaurant afterwards was the way to go.  No bridal party, my brother will marry us, no tuxedo for me.

Mellabella

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #118 on: January 20, 2020, 03:37:29 PM »
Iíll chime in as a female. My fiancť spent $1000 AUD on a Emerald with some cluster diamonds around it and I loved it. Donít feel pressure to spend so much unless you want to and think sheíd appreciate it. I was totally happy and Iím not that frugal.

24andfrugal

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #119 on: January 22, 2020, 06:20:44 AM »
You spent 4k on a "fake" diamond.  I don't think you get to claim the high road here.

A lab diamond is not "fake". It has the same chemical composition as a mined diamond. Though I do agree OP spent a little much to be pontificating...but my moissy was $2k, so I'm sure there are others who could say the same about me.


24andfrugal

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #120 on: January 22, 2020, 06:26:16 AM »
Lot of discussion on Moisannite and CZ stones. I've wanted to pop the question for a little while and my lady is full bore mustachian, to the point that she does not like it when I get anything expensive. So my question is, has anyone ever gone a completely non traditional route...such as a bent wood ring? I know it sounds crazy, but I've been a wood worker (rough furniture carpentry) in the past and she loves old woodwork. I know it probably wouldn't last 40 years, but that's a good reason to crank out multiples to suit her style at the moment. My crazy idea is to give her one every anniversary. I've made one to try out the process....not as easy as it looks, lol-but very fun.

I am interested to hear if you go this route and how it works out. My FI works in the wood products industry and has long wanted a wooden band. We bought a cheap one at a craft fair but he didn't like the fit, and since we would also like it to be durable, we've been trying to look for wood-inlaid rings as a compromise of ideals. *No* jewelry stores we've been to have had anything remotely close to what we've been looking for.

He's wearing a cheap silicone ring for the time being ($10 I want to say for a pack of 3 at Kohl's - I've had my eye on an Enso)

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #121 on: January 22, 2020, 07:39:55 AM »
You spent 4k on a "fake" diamond.  I don't think you get to claim the high road here.

A lab diamond is not "fake". It has the same chemical composition as a mined diamond. Though I do agree OP spent a little much to be pontificating...but my moissy was $2k, so I'm sure there are others who could say the same about me.

Again, not pontificating, I would have gone for silicone rings, >$1000 is too much to spend on any piece of jewelry.  Just saying how I tried to make the best of a terrible industry.  And that I feel bad for people who are on a tight budget but have to stretch in order to meet inflated expectations.   

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #122 on: January 22, 2020, 08:29:11 AM »
Best wishes wageslave!  Let us know when you need cheap wedding planning ideas.  Note -- the simpler the better!

Thanks!  We both agreed that a very small (25 ppl) wedding at a church and then dinner at a restaurant afterwards was the way to go.  No bridal party, my brother will marry us, no tuxedo for me.

This honestly sounds perfect, something around 25-40 people. I didn't want a big fancy wedding so eloped. But because I eloped I hurt the feelings of my parents. If I had to do it over I would do what you are thinking. AND, if you decide to go to a restaurant to have the wedding dinner DONT tell them it's for a wedding. Say anything else (family reunion, business meeting), otherwise they will put the "wedding" tax on it. 

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #123 on: January 22, 2020, 08:33:16 AM »
Lot of discussion on Moisannite and CZ stones. I've wanted to pop the question for a little while and my lady is full bore mustachian, to the point that she does not like it when I get anything expensive. So my question is, has anyone ever gone a completely non traditional route...such as a bent wood ring? I know it sounds crazy, but I've been a wood worker (rough furniture carpentry) in the past and she loves old woodwork. I know it probably wouldn't last 40 years, but that's a good reason to crank out multiples to suit her style at the moment. My crazy idea is to give her one every anniversary. I've made one to try out the process....not as easy as it looks, lol-but very fun.

I am interested to hear if you go this route and how it works out. My FI works in the wood products industry and has long wanted a wooden band. We bought a cheap one at a craft fair but he didn't like the fit, and since we would also like it to be durable, we've been trying to look for wood-inlaid rings as a compromise of ideals. *No* jewelry stores we've been to have had anything remotely close to what we've been looking for.

He's wearing a cheap silicone ring for the time being ($10 I want to say for a pack of 3 at Kohl's - I've had my eye on an Enso)

A quick search shows this. I have no idea how they hold up/feel, but they look attractive.
https://www.happylaulea.com/collections/best-selling-rings/products/black-zirconium-ring-with-hawaiian-koa-wood-offset-inlay-6mm-flat-shape-comfort-fitment

What I think are absolutely gorgeous is mokeme gane, which is creating a wood grain look with different metals. Making it with different gold colors is very durable. Not cheap, but they are hand fabricated and each piece is one of a kind. (just don't get a copper and silver mokeme gane ring...)
« Last Edit: January 22, 2020, 08:41:09 AM by partgypsy »

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #124 on: February 13, 2020, 09:26:48 AM »
Posting here for several reasons...first of all, to the OP @wageslave23 how did you like it when it arrived? Everything as you expected? Did you order the loose artificial stone or was it already in the setting and everything?

And now to join the crowd of those thinking of proposing and considering rings. We have had some conversations about expectations and such, but I'd like to have more. I believe she is wanting a real stone, but may like something other than a diamond (mainly sapphire) and may or may not be open to used rings. We need to talk about $, such as: how much is embarrassingly low? how much would you be mad if I spent, ie, way too much?

My lady is pretty reasonable as far as $, but also leans more traditional as far as the engagement ring goes. I have plenty of $ I've been saving for this exact reason, but she is pretty broke right now. I'm not sure how all that will translate into what she is expecting me to spend...we'll talk about that.

We have talked about looking at rings together and my plan is to go look for the first time on V-day or Saturday. Please let me know if this is a terrible idea :) We are both very ignorant about the 4 Cs, settings and styles, what we can expect in certain price ranges. Going together to one or a few places should be a lot of education as far as what is out there in general AND what she wants specifically.

?s for the group:
I'm open to looking online, but pretty nervous with something like this. What could make me more comfortable with the process and what to expect? If doing this online, I think I would want to look at new rings only, not loose stones or used stones/rings.
As far as looking at used rings in person, are pawn shops the only option? What about wholesale dealers and smaller retail guys? Do they only deal in new rings, or do they have used ones also?

Thanks all. I'd like to have a conversation with her tonight, especially if we'll spend time looking on Friday/Saturday. Maybe I'll update with the results.

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #125 on: February 13, 2020, 10:49:33 AM »
Posting here for several reasons...first of all, to the OP @wageslave23 how did you like it when it arrived? Everything as you expected? Did you order the loose artificial stone or was it already in the setting and everything?

And now to join the crowd of those thinking of proposing and considering rings. We have had some conversations about expectations and such, but I'd like to have more. I believe she is wanting a real stone, but may like something other than a diamond (mainly sapphire) and may or may not be open to used rings. We need to talk about $, such as: how much is embarrassingly low? how much would you be mad if I spent, ie, way too much?

My lady is pretty reasonable as far as $, but also leans more traditional as far as the engagement ring goes. I have plenty of $ I've been saving for this exact reason, but she is pretty broke right now. I'm not sure how all that will translate into what she is expecting me to spend...we'll talk about that.

We have talked about looking at rings together and my plan is to go look for the first time on V-day or Saturday. Please let me know if this is a terrible idea :) We are both very ignorant about the 4 Cs, settings and styles, what we can expect in certain price ranges. Going together to one or a few places should be a lot of education as far as what is out there in general AND what she wants specifically.

?s for the group:
I'm open to looking online, but pretty nervous with something like this. What could make me more comfortable with the process and what to expect? If doing this online, I think I would want to look at new rings only, not loose stones or used stones/rings.
As far as looking at used rings in person, are pawn shops the only option? What about wholesale dealers and smaller retail guys? Do they only deal in new rings, or do they have used ones also?

Thanks all. I'd like to have a conversation with her tonight, especially if we'll spend time looking on Friday/Saturday. Maybe I'll update with the results.

Haflander - couple of things I learned:
1.  Don't go together.  Ask her if she has any specific wants like white gold, rose gold, princess cut, round cut, etc.  If she needs to go looking in order to see what she likes, let her go by herself and report back.  Don't go together on V day - it could potentially ruin your day.

2. I ordered from Brilliant Earth.  I went with the lab created diamond, absolutely no difference between it and natural diamond.  It was S2, H color (I-J you can start to see a hint of yellow), 1.74 ct, round cut, ideal cut (we could not tell a difference in quality of cut between good, ideal, super ideal).  I ended returning it because there was an inclusion that was sort of noticeable by the naked eye.  Otherwise it looked amazing!  I ended up showing her the ring to see if she liked it and she LOVED it!  I ordered the diamond set in the ring, returned it within their 30 day window, so no risk.  Now I know exactly what I want.  S1, H color, about 1.5 ct.  Total is about $4k.  Looks exactly like the $15k diamonds we looked at in the store. 

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #126 on: February 13, 2020, 11:05:10 AM »
That's the thing, we don't know anything about cuts. I've asked her a few times to look online and she keeps saying she wants to go in person. I don't think she'll go alone..."that's not romantic" and on top of that, I think the salesmen would inflate expectations. If I'm there I think they will chill out a bit with a few stern looks from me. I was viewing the V-day thing as a romantic gesture on my part, but I do see how it could backfire...I'll have to think about that.

Thanks for the info about the online process, very helpful.

Dicey

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #127 on: February 13, 2020, 11:37:41 AM »
That's the thing, we don't know anything about cuts. I've asked her a few times to look online and she keeps saying she wants to go in person. I don't think she'll go alone..."that's not romantic" and on top of that, I think the salesmen would inflate expectations. If I'm there I think they will chill out a bit with a few stern looks from me. I was viewing the V-day thing as a romantic gesture on my part, but I do see how it could backfire...I'll have to think about that.

Thanks for the info about the online process, very helpful.
Go look together at Costco. Small (not overwhelming) selection, great prices, and no salespeople. You can get in free if you're not a member by saying you want to check out the pharmacy. They'll let you in easily and they don't give a rip where you go. You can also buy a lovely Valentine's meal at the Food Court. The tables are red and white, so the ambiance is perfect. Just pay cash, they don't check for membership.

If you fall in love with something, you can join on the spot. Just google their membership requirents and have whatever you need in your pocket. However, the mustachian move would be to wait, open a Costco CC and a membership, then buy, thus maxing out the available rebates. There could be someone in the store shilling Executive Memberships and/or CC's so ask them.

And since it's Costco CC rebate time, here's a slightly off-topic PSA: Never, ever use your rebate check to pay for something in the warehouse. Cash it out (it's easy) and keep charging to accrue even more ca$h rebates. Of course you won't fritter away the cash elsewhere. You're welcome.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2020, 09:16:57 AM by Dicey »

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #128 on: February 13, 2020, 11:49:39 AM »
That's the thing, we don't know anything about cuts. I've asked her a few times to look online and she keeps saying she wants to go in person. I don't think she'll go alone..."that's not romantic" and on top of that, I think the salesmen would inflate expectations. If I'm there I think they will chill out a bit with a few stern looks from me. I was viewing the V-day thing as a romantic gesture on my part, but I do see how it could backfire...I'll have to think about that.

Thanks for the info about the online process, very helpful.

You should be alright then.  As long as you are aware going into it that it will be a battle between you and the salesperson to manage expectations! 

ETA: Actually you probably should go with in order to manage expectations.  Just don't expect it to be "romantic".
« Last Edit: February 13, 2020, 11:52:32 AM by wageslave23 »

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #129 on: February 13, 2020, 11:53:56 AM »
That's the thing, we don't know anything about cuts. I've asked her a few times to look online and she keeps saying she wants to go in person. I don't think she'll go alone..."that's not romantic" and on top of that, I think the salesmen would inflate expectations. If I'm there I think they will chill out a bit with a few stern looks from me. I was viewing the V-day thing as a romantic gesture on my part, but I do see how it could backfire...I'll have to think about that.

Thanks for the info about the online process, very helpful.

You should be alright then.  As long as you are aware going into it that it will be a battle between you and the salesperson to manage expectations!

Oh yeah. I kind of enjoy the battle in a weird way. I'm expecting it to be like the slimy used car salesmen, only with the loooooove factor thrown in.

"You can't put a price on love!" "Maybe so, but I sure as hell can put a price on a house down payment or a car, which is what we'll be doing with the remainder."

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #130 on: February 13, 2020, 01:55:39 PM »
That's the thing, we don't know anything about cuts. I've asked her a few times to look online and she keeps saying she wants to go in person. I don't think she'll go alone..."that's not romantic" and on top of that, I think the salesmen would inflate expectations. If I'm there I think they will chill out a bit with a few stern looks from me. I was viewing the V-day thing as a romantic gesture on my part, but I do see how it could backfire...I'll have to think about that.

Thanks for the info about the online process, very helpful.

You should be alright then.  As long as you are aware going into it that it will be a battle between you and the salesperson to manage expectations!

Oh yeah. I kind of enjoy the battle in a weird way. I'm expecting it to be like the slimy used car salesmen, only with the loooooove factor thrown in.

"You can't put a price on love!" "Maybe so, but I sure as hell can put a price on a house down payment or a car, which is what we'll be doing with the remainder."

Exactly!  Maybe have this conversation with her before going.  I had it after.  I told her I'm willing to spend a lot more on you, you mean a lot more to me than a few thousand dollars.  I want you to ultimately be happy with the ring and proud to wear it, but just keep in mind that the more money that is spent on the ring the less that is available for X, Y, and Z.  I also asked, do you really want to be wearing a $10k+ ring and the stigma that brings with it, especially around friends and family who don't have a lot of money? That way you take the "this is how much our love is worth" bullshit out of the equation.

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #131 on: February 13, 2020, 02:26:04 PM »
Yes. My lady is also a teacher and artsy person...activities I imagine would make a gaudy ring more than inconvenient on a day-to-day basis.

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #132 on: February 14, 2020, 08:32:40 AM »
@haflander If you go looking for a ring on Valentine's Day, I think you have consumer sucka written all over you.

Just MHO. 

Find a freaking well-rated local jewelry store (Google reviews, Yelp, etc.) if you are going to shop in person. Don't even THINK of going to the mall.

I think online gives people a lot more choices and options.  Cut is everything in terms of sparkle.  Just find out what shape she likes and then go online to learn about the best cut proportions, etc. etc. etc.  Pricescope has an amazing diamond and simulant forum.

Focus on learning her style and emphasize "just looking".  No impulse purchase crap! 

Now this is likely to leave her disappointed since it's Valentine's Day and everyone will be looking at you to whip out a credit card to be a hero.  Forget it.  You are going to have so much freaking pressure on you it's ridiculous.

My husband and I went to look at a car on his B-day and it sold before we could get to the dealership. He was sad. It was a shitty birthday.  We found a better car later but still the expectation was there and he was disappointed.  You can't tell me that your woman won't be sad to "just look" on Valentine's day. For goodness sakes.   And you will have no negotiating power whatsoever.

Find her style.  That's it.  Make sure she knows you aren't buying today.

« Last Edit: February 14, 2020, 08:36:59 AM by KBecks »

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #133 on: February 14, 2020, 09:06:57 AM »
Good thoughts.

We talked about it last night and I learned a lot about what she is wanting in broad terms such as $ and talking about just looking for now. She doesn't know any specifics about what she wants and we can figure that out when looking.

I don't think she would be disappointed. She was honestly really happy that I wanted us to go look together. We are pretty low-key with holidays and gifts and stuff, so she knows there would be 0% chance of actually buying something. She would probably think I was stupid if I fell for it and bought something right then and there. I trust my lady when she says she won't be affected if we didn't buy something. I even specifically asked her if she was cool with just looking on V-day and she said yeah. Maybe I shouldn't trust what she says...(you can't understand women!?!) but only years of wisdom and age that comes with being married to her would answer that question.

I think she is getting sick right now, so the looking may be on hold for a day or three anyway. I'm just glad we had a conversation last night. She was really reasonable as far as $ expectations go. Numbers are relative and mean different things to us right now, because she's broke and I have some savings.

PDXTabs

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #134 on: February 14, 2020, 09:17:52 AM »
My wife and I agreed on a used ring. We got a really nice platinum circa 1940 ring with ~0.5ct for ~$2200. We love the story of the ring way more than any new ring, and we found it in a local shop specializing in vintage rings. Amazingly, vintage engagement rings are cheaper than new ones.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2020, 09:19:39 AM by PDXTabs »

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #135 on: February 14, 2020, 09:37:30 AM »
@halflander, I think the people on the Pricescope forums are diamond geniuses.  Actually, they are diamond nerds and can help you with all the specs and finding a good value.

A ring is *a lot* about the setting.  You can also look at a lot of photos of settings online and she should try some things on in a highly-rated local store with a good reputation. It's possible to buy a ring local and you should get good service, but the online world has made so much difference in consumer information and access. 

Custom rings are also special and there are a lot of very well reputed designers that you can access online too.
But it's all about making some decisions about style and budget, etc.

Have fun with it and happy Valentine's Day weekend!

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #136 on: February 14, 2020, 10:48:25 AM »
@haflander If you go looking for a ring on Valentine's Day, I think you have consumer sucka written all over you.

Just MHO. 

Find a freaking well-rated local jewelry store (Google reviews, Yelp, etc.) if you are going to shop in person. Don't even THINK of going to the mall.

I think online gives people a lot more choices and options.  Cut is everything in terms of sparkle.  Just find out what shape she likes and then go online to learn about the best cut proportions, etc. etc. etc.  Pricescope has an amazing diamond and simulant forum.

Focus on learning her style and emphasize "just looking".  No impulse purchase crap! 

Now this is likely to leave her disappointed since it's Valentine's Day and everyone will be looking at you to whip out a credit card to be a hero.  Forget it.  You are going to have so much freaking pressure on you it's ridiculous.

My husband and I went to look at a car on his B-day and it sold before we could get to the dealership. He was sad. It was a shitty birthday.  We found a better car later but still the expectation was there and he was disappointed.  You can't tell me that your woman won't be sad to "just look" on Valentine's day. For goodness sakes.   And you will have no negotiating power whatsoever.

Find her style.  That's it.  Make sure she knows you aren't buying today.

ditto. If you want to find a recommended jeweler in your area, look here. https://www.pricescope.com/jewelers
The website has a tone of information about how to educate yourself about cut quality, and what the 4 c's mean, etc. Sometimes you can find really beautiful rings at antique stores (and yes, even pawn stores). You may not know as much information about the stone, etc, but it may be another place to look.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2020, 10:52:43 AM by partgypsy »

A440

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #137 on: February 14, 2020, 04:35:18 PM »
We got a ring on Craigslist for $2500 1ct diamond--had a jeweler check it out.

I eventually lost it, as unfortunately I have to take off ring at work frequently.  Decided to get a ring on ebay.  It is has a pink stone--morganite, which I liked, and was only about $200. 

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #138 on: February 14, 2020, 06:26:38 PM »
My wife lost her engagement ring months after I gave it to her. Years later and happily married, we don't care. Please consider this is possibly the least most important purchasing decision in your life.

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #139 on: February 14, 2020, 06:33:57 PM »
We got a ring on Craigslist for $2500 1ct diamond--had a jeweler check it out.

I eventually lost it, as unfortunately I have to take off ring at work frequently.  Decided to get a ring on ebay.  It is has a pink stone--morganite, which I liked, and was only about $200.

Phew! I had to read that twice, as I saw "milorganite" the first time.

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #140 on: March 04, 2020, 09:44:08 AM »
Totally forgot to update. We went and looked over the weekend, but not on Vday itself. We have done a lot of learning and looking and thinking since then. We've agreed on a $ amount that we'd feel comfortable spending/wearing. After some inconsistent initial preferences, she's settled on liking the idea of a princess cut on a mostly solitaire or pretty simple setting (for now). A lot of the bigger and flashier options have been completely ruled out as she says they're too much. On the other hand, she's also completely against anything artificial, even chemically identical lab-grown diamonds. Surprisingly, she's ok with used diamonds, although I do want to talk to her again about that. That would enable us to get something bigger and higher graded than we could on our # with a new diamond.

As for everyone saying the Vday thing was a bad idea? It was fine. I chose to listen to my lady and talk about our expectations, and trusted when she said that she'd be cool with it and liked the idea. She's been really happy that we're looking and thinking about this together.

I'm close to cutting SO out of the process and looking at some smaller places on my own, as well as recruited my sis to help me. She's close with the gf, got married a few years ago, and has a similar ring, even though it's a moissanite. I'm also going to start asking friends for their ring guy, so I can visit a few and settle down on one. I'd like to start actually making some progress on The Ring, because...

I don't think I mentioned it, but I'm thinking about popping the ? on our vacation in mid/late April. No changes in our plans (Dallas to Madrid/Barcelona through Atlanta) due to coronavirus, yet. That would put us about six weeks away. Doable in the jewelry world, but I do need to get my act together. The numbers we've talked about are anywhere between 2 and 5k, probably depending on if the diamond is used or new. That number isn't a problem for me and I could pay cash, but may think about doing a 0% interest deal if they have it. I could use some credit score building right now.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #141 on: March 04, 2020, 10:20:56 AM »
If you were to get a lab-grown diamond, how would SO ever know?  Yes, I know it's a terrible, horrible idea to substitute it without her permission.

I'm curious about what SO's objection to a lab-grown diamond would be.

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #142 on: March 04, 2020, 10:43:49 AM »
I have a similar thing (against) manmade. It's like wanting an original print even if is poorer quality, than a beautiful reprint of same piece of art.  It's not rational, just is. 

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #143 on: March 04, 2020, 11:27:23 AM »
I think the general objections are culture and a conversation with her mom (altho I like her and that family is quite reasonable) have reinforced what she already thought. I asked if she was fine with the whole blood diamond thing and she said yes. I asked why exactly she wanted a mined diamond and she said something along the lines of "it's more special if it's from the earth/natural." I've also asked a few things such as, "do you think that'll be important to you in 20 years?" That has turned out to be a bad idea...the suggestion that a middle-aged version of her would be more sensible and not care as much is both incorrect (I'm skeptical about this) and insulting, I guess.

You're right, she would absolutely not know the difference, but that's not really the way I want to start our marriage :) On the other hand, if I choose the wrong ring guy, he could fool ME into selling me a lab-grown for a mined price and give me fake paperwork, and no one other than him would know the difference. I guess maybe it would be revealed if I got it appraised, but maybe they wouldn't be able to tell either.

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #144 on: March 04, 2020, 11:50:25 AM »
The thing is many diamonds you think are new are used. Jewelers buy used diamonds and put them into new settings all the time. I would buy a nice diamond at a pawn shop and have it set into a new setting. They will melt down the gold and remake it into anything you want.

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #145 on: March 04, 2020, 01:06:39 PM »
The thing is many diamonds you think are new are used. Jewelers buy used diamonds and put them into new settings all the time. I would buy a nice diamond at a pawn shop and have it set into a new setting. They will melt down the gold and remake it into anything you want.

That's exactly true. And what often happens is old diamonds if the cut is wonky, are recut and then given a new grading report. No way to know how old or how many times a diamond has been around the block, other than provenance (tracing whose hands it's gone through). Oldest mined diamonds were from India, then south America, then Africa starting in mid/late 1800's. Diamonds are currently mined in those countries in addition to Russia, Canada, and Australia.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2020, 01:16:01 PM by partgypsy »

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #146 on: March 04, 2020, 01:21:57 PM »
If she wants a "from the ground" diamond and you don't want a blood diamond, you could always go Canadian.  Although given the geology, any diamond mine has ecological effects.  Older diamond seems a good way to go.

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #147 on: March 04, 2020, 01:26:46 PM »
I don't care about it so much. I want her to actually think about it for more than 2 seconds, which has proven difficult. If you map out all of the options and still decide that you want mined, cool. But I haven't been able to bring up the topic without her being automatically dismissive about artificial ones.

There are a lot of "choose your battle" type decisions in long-term relationships and marriage, and maybe this is one of them.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #148 on: March 04, 2020, 01:30:16 PM »
I don't care about it so much. I want her to actually think about it for more than 2 seconds, which has proven difficult. If you map out all of the options and still decide that you want mined, cool. But I haven't been able to bring up the topic without her being automatically dismissive about artificial ones.

There are a lot of "choose your battle" type decisions in long-term relationships and marriage, and maybe this is one of them.

They are not "artificial" in that sense - chemically and structurally they are identical.  The only difference is where the heat and pressure were applied to the carbon - in the earth or in a lab.  Synthetic would be a more accurate description. 

haflander

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #149 on: March 04, 2020, 01:54:11 PM »
...whether it is "artificial" has nothing to do with whether they are identical. The definition on Merriam-Webster, which is the dictionary I use as an editor, is "humanly contrived, often on a natural model; man-made." In that sense, lab-grown diamonds are definitely artificial.

I'll grant you that synthetic is also an accurate description in this case.