Engagement Ring

[partgypsy]

Just to be completely pendantic man made diamonds can be accurately called synthetic/lab created/man-made diamonds. They ARE diamonds (chemically, compositionally etc) and all equivalent ways of saying the same thing. If you are a jeweler you have to disclose or state that the diamond is man made. Otherwise be accused of fraud/be in trouble with the law.

If you see something that says simulated diamond, that can refer to cz, moissanite, Austrian crystal, or any number of things. NOT a diamond. Simulating or imitating a diamond in appearance/optical or other properties.

[KBecks]

Princess cuts are kind of a bitch for light reflection.  I would suggest looking online at the ideal princess cuts.

https://www.whiteflash.com/about-diamonds/diamond-education/why-are-there-so-few-ideal-cut-princess-diamonds-on-the-market-1267.htm

https://www.whiteflash.com/princess-diamond/

You want a stone that does not look like crap and with princess cuts your odds of a not so great cut are higher.

I have a not so great princess and if I could change one thing, it would be to get the stone cut right (aka replace the stone)

[haflander]

Thanks KBecks, I didn't know anything about that. Definitely something to consider.

[CodingHare]

... I asked if she was fine with the whole blood diamond thing and she said yes. I asked why exactly she wanted a mined diamond and she said something along the lines of "it's more special if it's from the earth/natural." ...

Uh, I'd have a HUGE issue if my SO was okay with supporting murderous regimes, child labor, and slaves to acquire a shiny rock.  That doesn't speak well to her values.  You can have a natural from the ground diamond that doesn't come from an area where they are mined to support outright human abuse.  I personally would refuse to purchase such a diamond on my own ethical grounds.  Especially when there are natural alternatives, not even mentioning lab grown diamonds, that can be compromised on.

[marty998]

... I asked if she was fine with the whole blood diamond thing and she said yes. I asked why exactly she wanted a mined diamond and she said something along the lines of "it's more special if it's from the earth/natural." ...

Uh, I'd have a HUGE issue if my SO was okay with supporting murderous regimes, child labor, and slaves to acquire a shiny rock.  That doesn't speak well to her values.  You can have a natural from the ground diamond that doesn't come from an area where they are mined to support outright human abuse.  I personally would refuse to purchase such a diamond on my own ethical grounds.  Especially when there are natural alternatives, not even mentioning lab grown diamonds, that can be compromised on.

+1. I would definitely have a problem with this too. Strikes me as utterly selfish and privileged.

[haflander]

I think it has more to do with her NOT wanting anything artificial and me NOT wanting to pay a premium for something certified ethical or Canadian or whatever. The only remaining choice is a mined diamond from unknown origins. If anybody has a better solution, I'm all ears.

I'd also like to hear if there is anyone out there who met someone perfect for them and thought the natural (yet modest) diamond thing was a deal-breaker. Prove me wrong! We're not talking about insisting on a 100k ring like that thread from a long time ago.

[Cassie]

Haf, your girlfriend’s expectations are reasonable. If something like a reasonably priced ring was a dealbreaker that person wasn’t committed and in love.

[GreenToTheCore]

I think it has more to do with her NOT wanting anything artificial and me NOT wanting to pay a premium for something certified ethical or Canadian or whatever. The only remaining choice is a mined diamond from unknown origins.

What about a a ring from https://www.idonowidont.com/?
She gets a "natural" diamond, your wallet is happy, and diamond waste is minimized. Win win win?

[StashingAway]

Haf, your girlfriend’s expectations are reasonable. If something like a reasonably priced ring was a dealbreaker that person wasn’t committed and in love.

Mmmmm... that entirely depends on what you're requiring them to spend the $ on. If you told a vegan they had to buy $5K of premium steak to prove they were in love, they wouldn't contest on the basis of the cost, they'd contest where the funds were going. Whereas a meat eater might find that gift appealing and romantic.

For some people, spending any $ on jewelry is preposterous when you're not yet financially independent; that $ could go toward securing your lives together better. For others the gesture is encouraged and applauded. But you can't make a blanket judgement on commitment and love on the basis of buying a ring.

[partgypsy]

... I asked if she was fine with the whole blood diamond thing and she said yes. I asked why exactly she wanted a mined diamond and she said something along the lines of "it's more special if it's from the earth/natural." ...

Uh, I'd have a HUGE issue if my SO was okay with supporting murderous regimes, child labor, and slaves to acquire a shiny rock.  That doesn't speak well to her values.  You can have a natural from the ground diamond that doesn't come from an area where they are mined to support outright human abuse.  I personally would refuse to purchase such a diamond on my own ethical grounds.  Especially when there are natural alternatives, not even mentioning lab grown diamonds, that can be compromised on.

Yes, I'm sure she phrased it that way, that she PREFERS a blood diamond over any other diamond possibly acquired. I'm sure that's what she meant.   PS, it's 2020, not 2006 when the movie was made. The movie "Blood Diamond" while definitely highlighting a terrible human rights issue, was considered out of date by the time it was released, in that many changes had already been made to prevent human rights abuses and use of diamond money for terrorism (The Kimberly process was agreed to in 2002, 4 years before the movie came out).
If you want to talk about blood diamonds you also have to recognize thousands of Africans earn a living and support their families by working in the diamond trade. Boycotting diamonds may make you feel morally superior but also puts these people out of work. The problem is not the diamonds. Whether it is diamonds, gold, precious or rare minerals including the minerals used to make your smart phone, or the gas you put in your car, what the outcome for the people and workers is about the governments and presence or lack of human rights in these countries. Consumers can make a difference. But to be honest most of us do not know where the raw materials and components of many products we consume actually comes from (clothing, cars, phones and other electronics and yes jewelry). Anyways, it is easy enough if someone wants a mined diamond, to avoid buying a conflict diamond. Not so easy for many other things us Americans routinely buy but don't give a 2nd thought to.     

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/03/blood-diamonds-myth/

[CodingHare]

I think it has more to do with her NOT wanting anything artificial and me NOT wanting to pay a premium for something certified ethical or Canadian or whatever. The only remaining choice is a mined diamond from unknown origins. If anybody has a better solution, I'm all ears.

I'd also like to hear if there is anyone out there who met someone perfect for them and thought the natural (yet modest) diamond thing was a deal-breaker. Prove me wrong! We're not talking about insisting on a 100k ring like that thread from a long time ago.

Make sense, and I wanted to apologize for my unnecessarily harsh words.  I was projecting my own dislike of the diamond industry here.  Valuing natural is obviously not equivalent to directly endorsing bad things, and I see that it's the price point causing the issue.

Yes, I'm sure she phrased it that way, that she PREFERS a blood diamond over any other diamond possibly acquired. I'm sure that's what she meant.   PS, it's 2020, not 2006 when the movie was made. The movie "Blood Diamond" while definitely highlighting a terrible human rights issue, was considered out of date by the time it was released, in that many changes had already been made to prevent human rights abuses and use of diamond money for terrorism (The Kimberly process was agreed to in 2002, 4 years before the movie came out).
If you want to talk about blood diamonds you also have to recognize thousands of Africans earn a living and support their families by working in the diamond trade. Boycotting diamonds may make you feel morally superior but also puts these people out of work. The problem is not the diamonds. Whether it is diamonds, gold, precious or rare minerals including the minerals used to make your smart phone, or the gas you put in your car, what the outcome for the people and workers is about the governments and presence or lack of human rights in these countries. Consumers can make a difference. But to be honest most of us do not know where the raw materials and components of many products we consume actually comes from (clothing, cars, phones and other electronics and yes jewelry). Anyways, it is easy enough if someone wants a mined diamond, to avoid buying a conflict diamond. Not so easy for many other things us Americans routinely buy but don't give a 2nd thought to.     

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/03/blood-diamonds-myth/

Thanks for pointing this out!  It's a good point that I have a cell phone (which has a highly dubious supply chain) and wear cheap clothes from Costco (probably produced in a sweatshop.)  I think it's important to research the ethics of the companies we deal with and to support steps to protect human rights.  If diamond mining is now safe and fair, then it is no skin off my nose if people choose to spend their money on them.  There is no ethical consumption under capitalism, as they say.  We all just try to make the best choice available with the funds and needs we have.

[haflander]

Maybe obvious, but I was in the middle of looking and shopping for a ring on my own when things shut down. I have a pretty good idea of what she wants. Of course, the vacay is scrapped also. Delta even canceled the flight on their own, which made the refund process pretty simple.

I've been really bummed about the whole thing for the past month, for mostly selfish reasons. Today, I would have been packing for a big trip and finding a place to squirrel away the ring in the luggage and waiting for the perfect moment like in the movies.

Alas, it's been put on hold with just about everything else. Jewelry stores are exactly the kind of thing (I imagine) that should stay closed longer than anything else. Perfect place to spread germs.

I guess I could take this opportunity to go the online route, but I'd rather not. I'll just have to wait until all the retails stores are open again. May actually not be that long (Texas).

[PhilB]

Here's a thought.  How about spending a small amount on some type of left field ring online such as wood or inlaid titanium or something and giving it to her along with a promise that she can have the diamond one when the lockdown is over?

It avoids having to put everything on hold for an unknown time and, if you're really lucky, she might love it so much that she decides she doesn't need the diamond after all.

[TomTX]

I really like the "promise ring" approach. Example:

https://www.amazon.com/Platinum-Sterling-Solitaire-Engagement-Swarovski/dp/B01MYCAOTI?th=1

[hybrid]

Sorry, late to this game, but I just declared FI and left full time work earlier this week. It took seven years to get there making good money and having a head start (and a better half that got to keep family health insurance in retirement). I cannot fathom being months or even years behind getting to where I am now because we went down rabbit holes like "pretty rocks".

A good friend once said you can have anything you want, you can't have everything you want. If you are looking at spending thousands on the engagement ring, I do hope you and the future missus are making big coin to offset and paper over such a splurge (if so, grats). And if not, I have to wonder about whether this site is right for the newly wed couple when the freaking warm-up ring is a four digit proposition. Sorry to be judgy, but in an MMM forum there are going to be lots of folks with values like mine. You need to figure out your monetary values as a couple and be comfortable with it, and good luck.

(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

[TomTX]

A good friend once said you can have anything you want, you can't have everything you want. If you are looking at spending thousands on the engagement ring, I do hope you and the future missus are making big coin to offset and paper over such a splurge (if so, grats). And if not, I have to wonder about whether this site is right for the newly wed couple when the freaking warm-up ring is a four digit proposition. Sorry to be judgy, but in an MMM forum there are going to be lots of folks with values like mine. You need to figure out your monetary values as a couple and be comfortable with it, and good luck.

Eh? The "warm up ring" I posted is only "4 digits" if you count the pennies. It's $25.

Plus, I'm hoping she gets sentimental about it and drops the whole "I wanna blood diamond" thing.

[charis]

(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

Most people, even somewhat frugal ones, can't see past the end of their nose on the engagement ring issue. I can definitely see the silent competition between intelligent women over their rings. I can tell that I'm pitied for not having a nice, pricey diamond and they'd never believe that I don't like/want one so it's never been discussed. 

[LWYRUP]

My DW used hand-me-down rings from her grandmother.  Cost $0. 

Rocks used to be A LOT smaller back in the day.  Neither of us care. 

The savings has been compounding in VTSAX for 8 years.  We were meant to be.  :)

[Apple_Tango]

I inherited a nice ring from my stepmom, 1 from my great grandmother, one from my grandmother, and I will inherit one from my mother. Honestly I only like 2 of them- the 1920s vintage ring from my great grandmother, and the ring with the nice setting from my stepmom. I probably will ask family if they want the others for free, and if they don’t I will probably sell them. Why not ask family if any old rings are lying around that you could have or buy? Or you can probably go to a pawn shop and get a nice used one.

[TheFrenchCat]

I inherited a nice ring from my stepmom, 1 from my great grandmother, one from my grandmother, and I will inherit one from my mother. Honestly I only like 2 of them- the 1920s vintage ring from my great grandmother, and the ring with the nice setting from my stepmom. I probably will ask family if they want the others for free, and if they don’t I will probably sell them. Why not ask family if any old rings are lying around that you could have or buy? Or you can probably go to a pawn shop and get a nice used one.

My husband got my engagement ring from a pawn shop.  I wasn't really big on engagement rings at all before, but I ended up loving what he picked so much that I still wear it all the time.  Most women in my family don't wear their engagement rings except for special occasions. 

But I'm not sure if that'll work here if the intended is really set on the "traditional" ring.  I would've been upset if my husband had spent that much on a ring, especially since we'd talked about it before.  So that's a pretty different mindset to compare.

[hybrid]

(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

Most people, even somewhat frugal ones, can't see past the end of their nose on the engagement ring issue. I can definitely see the silent competition between intelligent women over their rings. I can tell that I'm pitied for not having a nice, pricey diamond and they'd never believe that I don't like/want one so it's never been discussed.

I see the same thing with guys and their vehicles. There are lots of threads in this forum about the awesome cars that guys splurge on. Which is 100% fine if that is your thing and you can pay your bills, I simply equate these sorts of discussions as going to a vegan get-together and asking about whether vinegar or tomato based barbecue is best.

(It's vinegar.)

[mm1970]

Sorry, late to this game, but I just declared FI and left full time work earlier this week. It took seven years to get there making good money and having a head start (and a better half that got to keep family health insurance in retirement). I cannot fathom being months or even years behind getting to where I am now because we went down rabbit holes like "pretty rocks".

A good friend once said you can have anything you want, you can't have everything you want. If you are looking at spending thousands on the engagement ring, I do hope you and the future missus are making big coin to offset and paper over such a splurge (if so, grats). And if not, I have to wonder about whether this site is right for the newly wed couple when the freaking warm-up ring is a four digit proposition. Sorry to be judgy, but in an MMM forum there are going to be lots of folks with values like mine. You need to figure out your monetary values as a couple and be comfortable with it, and good luck.

(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

I think you are kind of exaggerating a bit, depending on the individual.

My engagement ring was $3000.  Back in the mid-1990s.  (a princess cut!  I like it!  Don't care if it's not perfect!)

I've now been married nearly 24 years.  That $3000 is literally a drop in the bucket over 24 years.  What is not a drop in the bucket?  A global pandemic.

It's a nothing-burger. 

A $5000 ring if you can't make rent?  A $10k ring when you are saving for a down-payment on a house?  Eh maybe.

[charis]

(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

Most people, even somewhat frugal ones, can't see past the end of their nose on the engagement ring issue. I can definitely see the silent competition between intelligent women over their rings. I can tell that I'm pitied for not having a nice, pricey diamond and they'd never believe that I don't like/want one so it's never been discussed.

I see the same thing with guys and their vehicles. There are lots of threads in this forum about the awesome cars that guys splurge on. Which is 100% fine if that is your thing and you can pay your bills, I simply equate these sorts of discussions as going to a vegan get-together and asking about whether vinegar or tomato based barbecue is best.

(It's vinegar.)

I think cars and diamonds are both stupid things to waste money on.  This is the MMM so baseline isn't 100% fine if you can pay your bills. That is every other consumer's rationale.  Do what you want but don't pretend it's different just because it's something you really want.

[Metalcat]

Sorry, late to this game, but I just declared FI and left full time work earlier this week. It took seven years to get there making good money and having a head start (and a better half that got to keep family health insurance in retirement). I cannot fathom being months or even years behind getting to where I am now because we went down rabbit holes like "pretty rocks".

A good friend once said you can have anything you want, you can't have everything you want. If you are looking at spending thousands on the engagement ring, I do hope you and the future missus are making big coin to offset and paper over such a splurge (if so, grats). And if not, I have to wonder about whether this site is right for the newly wed couple when the freaking warm-up ring is a four digit proposition. Sorry to be judgy, but in an MMM forum there are going to be lots of folks with values like mine. You need to figure out your monetary values as a couple and be comfortable with it, and good luck.

(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

I think you are kind of exaggerating a bit, depending on the individual.

My engagement ring was $3000.  Back in the mid-1990s.  (a princess cut!  I like it!  Don't care if it's not perfect!)

I've now been married nearly 24 years.  That $3000 is literally a drop in the bucket over 24 years.  What is not a drop in the bucket?  A global pandemic.

It's a nothing-burger. 

A $5000 ring if you can't make rent?  A $10k ring when you are saving for a down-payment on a house?  Eh maybe.

On the flip side, my ring was about $3000 five years ago, and despite us making well over 30K/mo, it still seems like a lot to have spent on a ring, especially since I never wear it.

I'm not about to judge anyone for what they spend on, but I do think engagement rings really are a fantastic opportunity for couples to really hammer out their collective financial, I guess "mission statement" as it were.

It's such a perfect example of key financial stress points that they will encounter along the way: how much to spend on wants vs needs, the value of a dollar today vs in the future, one sided spending, if this the first expensive jewelry purchase or the last, ethics of what you spend your money on, etc, etc.

It's just such a rich source of productive money talk. Whatever a couple settles on, I respect, as long as they've actually talked through the potentially challenging basis of the decision.

[CodingHare]

...
(My daughter is fairly frugal but got a shiny rock for her engagement/wedding last year. Now she and hubby are saving for a down payment for a house. They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

Meanwhile, husband and I each got a $150 rings with no stone that we love and are now closing on a house a year later.  Feels great!  I feel lucky to not care about shiny rocks.

[24andfrugal]

Jewelry stores are exactly the kind of thing (I imagine) that should stay closed longer than anything else. Perfect place to spread germs.

I guess I could take this opportunity to go the online route, but I'd rather not. I'll just have to wait until all the retails stores are open again. May actually not be that long (Texas).

Not to turn this into a Covid thread, but jewelry stores seem like the sort of thing that could open up fairly easily. You have a pretty good idea of what people have touched and there are only ever a few people in the store at a time. Jewelry stores also lend themselves fairly easily to an appointment-only model.

[24andfrugal]

...I cannot fathom being months or even years behind getting to where I am now because we went down rabbit holes like "pretty rocks"...

...If you are looking at spending thousands on the engagement ring, I do hope you and the future missus are making big coin to offset and paper over such a splurge (if so, grats). And if not, I have to wonder about whether this site is right for the newly wed couple when the freaking warm-up ring is a four digit proposition...

...They would be SEVERAL THOUSAND dollars closer to having a house instead of a pretty rock if they had made a different decision about an engagement ring.)

I agree with you that people should not go into debt for an engagement ring or any other discretionary purchase. And I don't see the point of anyone spending tremendous amounts of money on a ring.

That said...my ering, a moissanite with a gold setting, was about $2k (I may have mentioned this before). It is good quality, the band is thick and won't break, the stone came from a reputable source. I love it. It's exactly what I hoped for, and it brings me happiness. I wonder if your daughter feels the same way?

Also - the "warm-up" ring I presume you mean the wedding ring is the "real one"? Because wedding rings tend to cost a lot less than erings.

[TomTX]

My engagement ring was $3000.  Back in the mid-1990s.  (a princess cut!  I like it!  Don't care if it's not perfect!)

I've now been married nearly 24 years.  That $3000 is literally a drop in the bucket over 24 years.  What is not a drop in the bucket?  A global pandemic.

It's a nothing-burger. 

If it had gone into the S&P500, it would be worth close to $30k today, even after our recent market drop.

[mm1970]

My engagement ring was $3000.  Back in the mid-1990s.  (a princess cut!  I like it!  Don't care if it's not perfect!)

I've now been married nearly 24 years.  That $3000 is literally a drop in the bucket over 24 years.  What is not a drop in the bucket?  A global pandemic.

It's a nothing-burger. 

If it had gone into the S&P500, it would be worth close to $30k today, even after our recent market drop.

So, less 1% of our total net worth?  Yeah, I'm ok with that.

[haflander]

We keep talking about this periodically. With things opening up again, I can start going to places and looking myself.

Problem: it seems every few weeks she changes her mind about what she wants. Not little details, but big things like the cut itself. Any advice on how to deal with this? I want to get her something that she will love forever, but I'm not sure how when she is struggling to even settle on the cut of the thing.

[Cassie]

She needs to try on different cuts and see what looks good on her hand.

[iris lily]

She needs to try on different cuts and see what looks good on her hand.

Agreed. As for longevity, That is why I chose a solitaire. Ring settings become dated, solitaires less so. Even then, solitaire styles change.

I would advise any young woman getting an engagement ring today to go with a classic shape rather than the trend of the moment. To me the most classic shape is round but to many people that is just boring.

The other classic shapes are oval (now top of the trend) rectangular in an emerald cut ( always out there, never trendy) pear, and marquis. Marquis was super trendy decades ago, so much so that all women my age ( grandmas) have one and and it is dated although it will make a resurgence in popularity again as these things always do.Don’t even think about a heart shaped diamond those are UGH even if classic.

My personal opinion is that princess cuts are not classic and are in fact an outdated trend, same for asscher and radiant.   

The trendy Ring of the past decade has been asscher or cushion cut in a halo setting. I think that’s incredibly boring because everyone has one.

If I were buying a ring today I would probably buy oval but I have always loved emerald cut as well.

Put all your money into quality of the center stone because the rest of it just dates the ring.Yellow gold is the classic choice but hasn’t been popular for a long time. I love yellow gold because it is zero maintenance, absolutely zero. You don’t ever visit the jeweler again with yellow gold, the other stuff needs maintenance if you want it to be shiny.

This little essay on engagement rings is, of course, entirely my own opinion!

Edited to add cushion cuts as being very popular from the last decade so I think they’re out of trend now.

[mm1970]

Copied from the interwebs, about Princess-cut:

"It saw its popularity at its peak in the 80s and 90s. The princess cut experienced a rise in popularity from the early 2000s to the mid 2000s. In the 2000s, the most popular engagement ring featured a princess cut diamond surrounded by round brilliant-cut diamonds."

I love my princess cut diamond ring.  Purchased in 1995, so there's that, at it's peak.  It's a simple ring with a baguette on each side.  Pretty classic, actually. I should wear it more often.

It's basically this, but gold (not white gold) and smaller, because 1 ct was just too big.

https://www.bluenile.com/preset-engagement-ring-tapered-baguette_56682

I think I would worry less about what is "on trend" and more about what she likes on her hand.  Because honestly, does anyone look back and think "gosh, that pear cut is SOOOO out of fashion?"  I mean, maybe?  Most likely the ring takes on more personal meaning the longer you have been engaged and married.

asscher cut in a halo setting

I had to look that up.  You are right, with the (few, because I'm old) women I know who have gotten engaged in the last few years, I've seen a bunch of these.

[obstinate]

Problem: it seems every few weeks she changes her mind about what she wants. Not little details, but big things like the cut itself. Any advice on how to deal with this? I want to get her something that she will love forever, but I'm not sure how when she is struggling to even settle on the cut of the thing.

IMO you can't go wrong with something timeless like a round cut solitaire on a simple gold or platinum ring. Some things never go out of style.

That being said, the best thing to do would be at some point in time to solicit a final decision, and then thereafter cease discussing the ring situation. "After we finish talking about this today, I may go out and buy something, so now's the time to come to a decision."

[iris lily]

I think the classiest ring is an emerald cut of 1 carat in platinum. Perhaps it would have diamond accents of some kind in the setting, but it would not be in a halo.

I think of those rings as being for very classy women. I’m not a classy woman so it’s not my ring. But in another life that might be my ring!

[KBecks]

An ideal cut round brilliant solitaire is the timeless choice.  You could get a simple band and upgrade the setting later.

[K_in_the_kitchen]

After 30+ years of marriage, and now being middle aged and noticing what a lot of women do, I would suggest to find something she loves now within the framework of what is classic/timeless and the budget.  We all change our tastes over time (although hopefully not in partners!) and going classic now will likely prevent wanting to change out the ring in the future.  The other option is to go antique if she's into that, as antique doesn't go out of style (antique -- not vintage or retro) for the person who loves it.  I wear an antique cushion cut diamond in an antique halo mounting.  It's nothing like current cushion diamonds or current halos.  It's large, and VS2, but of lower color, which brought the price down.  It was an anniversary gift.

But I don't wear an e-ring everyday, and I'd stopped well before the pandemic.  It's not practical to wear it when working with bread dough, gardening, making beds, or cleaning house.  Among friends my age and older, I've noticed many choose to wear a simple wedding band.  My grandmother stopped wearing her engagement ring (passed down to my sister) a decade or two before she died, as did most of her friends.  I also know nurses who don't often wear their e-rings, and mothers who don't wear them for fear of catching on a little one's delicate skin.

If I was buying a diamond engagement ring right now, I would choose a round diamond in a 6 prong solitaire mounting (but not set too high), either platinum or yellow gold (at least 18k).  I would go as big as budget would allow, but only for an excellently cut, high clarity, colorless or near colorless diamond.  I'd likely go no lower than VS2 or a high SI1 in clarity, and no lower than G in color.  I'd look for a stone that falls just under a desired weight, such as something in the .95 - .99 range, or 1.45 - 1.49, or 1.95 - 1.99, etc.  An emerald cut is also classic, but for an EC to be gorgeous you need higher quality and color -- probably no lower than F/VVS2.  Emerald cuts don't hide color or inclusions well.  And emerald cuts cost more than rounds.

I'm of the opinion that 1.25 ideal cut G/VS2 diamond in a classic 6 prong solitaire mounting is an engagement ring most women who want a diamond engagement ring would be thrilled with and could wear their entire lives.  A  7-8mm stone is a size that looks great on most women's hands.  I would be far more likely to pair it with a diamond eternity band than to turn to a halo for extra sparkle.

And I would search high and low and likely buy used if I could.  Diamonds are like cars, losing value as soon as you buy them.  And poor quality diamonds suffer even more.  Don't buy without a GIA certificate (not the same as being appraised by a GIA certified appraiser) or an AGS certificate, but absolutely not EGL or any other grading lab, and for certain, not based on some mall jeweler's evaluation.  Do not buy a diamond that isn't certified.  Ask to see the certificate and an ASET.  Maybe sure the diamond is laser inscribed with its certificate number.

My original engagement ring was a .24 round diamond set in a yellow gold solitaire.  We paid too much because we were too young and inexperienced to even know we could negotiate with the jeweler, but we at least got lucky with the color and clarity -- it's a happy sparkly stone.  And we didn't pay interest on it.  I wore that ring for more than two decades, never begrudging its size because it signified the years we had together, and it never held us back from any financial goals.  The big ring came when buying it wouldn't endanger any financial plans, and it wasn't even my idea.  I love it, but I'm perfectly happy wearing a plain wedding band now.  We're probably lucky we got engaged young and with no idea of cultural expectations about engagement rings -- had it been in our mid-to-late 20s, we probably would have gone into debt to get something bigger.

[KBecks]

Note that 14k is more durable than 18k, and also note that ideal cut will compensate for mid-range color.

[Frugal Lizard]

I can no longer wear my engagement ring day to day.  It has been re-structured three times.  We got married in 1997 and I wore the ring daily until kids arrived.  Then I wore it sporadically.  I lost a baguette boogie boarding or sea kayaking waves - it was a super fun day at the beach but the replacement baguette was $600 and another chunk to re-do all the claws.  Then I had it restructured again in February 2019 so that I won't need to buy replacement stones and I could wear it again regularly.  Then 11 months later, I was doing some autoCAD and looked down and the ring was missing the big emerald cut sapphire and an entire corner of the setting.  Fortunately the sapphire was beside the wheel of my chair.  I have probably whacked it one too many times and the whole things is a little brittle.  Since my hands are getting a little arthritic, I don't need to wear it every day and now I keep it for special occasions.  I wear my beautiful wedding band always. 

The engagement ring I bought my partner is also a sapphire and it is only worn when we are getting all dolled up for a super fancy event. My best friends considered engagement rings patriarchal.  But I wanted one, so I also bought one.  At the time it seemed really important.  Today it doesn't much seem so.   

[K_in_the_kitchen]

My best friends considered engagement rings patriarchal.  But I wanted one, so I also bought one.  At the time it seemed really important.  Today it doesn't much seem so.

This is spot on!!!  When we got engaged, not getting an engagement ring was unthinkable (well, unless it was a "shotgun" wedding).  Luckily were were broke and didn't have credit built up, so we had to buy within budget.  It was a long time ago, and we were young -- culturally the ring was important, and it made it seem more real to everyone (I don't think my parents would have accepted an engagement without an engagement ring, unless I'd bee pregnant).  But at the same time, we didn't know rules about expected salary to spend, or that the .24 diamond was "small".  I mean, we knew it wasn't big, but it was for two young adults from the lower middle class, and being the first in my group of friends to get engaged, I didn't have anyone to compare with and/or feel inferior to.

But you are so right -- it doesn't seem so important anymore.  I'm not insecure like I was back then, and I don't have anything to prove to anyone, and DH certainly doesn't have to prove his financial readiness to marry by spending money on a trinket.  My original e-ring is unwearable unless I have the shank rebuilt, and my anniversary ring is lovely but unnecessary.

All that said, I stand by what I would recommend for someone who does want an engagement ring, if buying new.  I worked jewelry when I was in college (unfortunately, after I got engaged, lol) and took it up as a hobby in the 2010s.  If buying used, there are deals out there for unsentimental people lacking in superstition.  Buy someone else's engagement ring from a failed marriage or an inherited piece they just don't want.  When my brother was looking to replace my SIL's lost ring, I helped him find a half carat old European diamond set in an antique white gold mounting, for $200.

[charis]

My best friends considered engagement rings patriarchal.  But I wanted one, so I also bought one.  At the time it seemed really important.  Today it doesn't much seem so.

This is spot on!!!  When we got engaged, not getting an engagement ring was unthinkable (well, unless it was a "shotgun" wedding).  Luckily were were broke and didn't have credit built up, so we had to buy within budget.  It was a long time ago, and we were young -- culturally the ring was important, and it made it seem more real to everyone (I don't think my parents would have accepted an engagement without an engagement ring, unless I'd bee pregnant).  But at the same time, we didn't know rules about expected salary to spend, or that the .24 diamond was "small".  I mean, we knew it wasn't big, but it was for two young adults from the lower middle class, and being the first in my group of friends to get engaged, I didn't have anyone to compare with and/or feel inferior to.

But you are so right -- it doesn't seem so important anymore.  I'm not insecure like I was back then, and I don't have anything to prove to anyone, and DH certainly doesn't have to prove his financial readiness to marry by spending money on a trinket.  My original e-ring is unwearable unless I have the shank rebuilt, and my anniversary ring is lovely but unnecessary.

All that said, I stand by what I would recommend for someone who does want an engagement ring, if buying new.  I worked jewelry when I was in college (unfortunately, after I got engaged, lol) and took it up as a hobby in the 2010s.  If buying used, there are deals out there for unsentimental people lacking in superstition.  Buy someone else's engagement ring from a failed marriage or an inherited piece they just don't want.  When my brother was looking to replace my SIL's lost ring, I helped him find a half carat old European diamond set in an antique white gold mounting, for $200.

Where would one find a ring like that? I don't care about e-rings, been married a while, but still like a pretty used ring  maybe.

[K_in_the_kitchen]

Where would one find a ring like that? I don't care about e-rings, been married a while, but still like a pretty used ring  maybe.

Typically eBay.  Whatever type of stone you're interested in, it helps to research the cut and to know about clarity and color.  Looking at a lot of listings helps, because you learn when photos have been adjusted to make the stones look better.  Then you don't necessarily look for the type of cut, and search instead for words like estate and old.  You look for private sellers, not resellers.  The photos will typically be of lower quality.  Also, look for auctions, not BIN, and not auctions with large reserves.  You can use apps to snipe, although I've never done an automatic snipe.  It also helps to include your preferred metal in the search.  Make sure to choose the pre-owned box in your search.

I was into this several years ago (7-8?), when I was playing with a small inheritance from my grandmother and my DH wanted me to spend it on myself.  I educated myself on antique diamonds, and decided I like small tabled bubbly old European cuts over transitional diamonds or diamonds with bigger tables.  Several times I was able to sell items for more than I paid, once I decided I didn't want them anymore and wanted something else.  Overall I came out even or perhaps slightly ahead, since I only ever took one big hit when selling.

It did take a lot of time to find deals, and I don't do it anymore, mostly because I like the trinkets I have and don't want to sell anything so I can buy something else.  I had a couple of online friends who made it into a business, but I actually hate selling things, so that wasn't something I wanted to do.  In the current economy, I imagine even Etsy and Loupetroop may have some good deals.

Patience is your friend, as well.  Several years ago I decided I wanted an antique or vintage British 22k gold wedding band, at least 3mm wide and with some heft to it.  Most of what I found was $500 and up for what I was specifically looking for.  I waited and watched, and eventually got one on auction for under $150.  It's over 100 years old, as well.  I wear it as my wedding band, since my original band is narrow (1.5mm) and doesn't even fit me anymore.  I'm old enough now to not worry about used jewelry (I actually prefer it) and if I were in the market for wedding bands I would ignore all hogwash about used bands and buy our bands this way.

[Metalcat]

K, so I've had, like, a half dozen diamond rings.
Long story, but I've had everything from the done to death 1+ carat round solitaire in a white gold band, to extremely trendy cuts and settings, to opting for a non-diamond center stone. From vintage, to bought from a display in a box store, to custom designed, I've done it all.

One person's classic is another person's boring, and one person's unique is another person's trashy. There's no right or wrong, there's just what someone wants.

Besides, give something enough time and a dying trend becomes vintage, so it really doesn't matter.

[wageslave23]

My engagement ring was $3000.  Back in the mid-1990s.  (a princess cut!  I like it!  Don't care if it's not perfect!)

I've now been married nearly 24 years.  That $3000 is literally a drop in the bucket over 24 years.  What is not a drop in the bucket?  A global pandemic.

It's a nothing-burger. 

If it had gone into the S&P500, it would be worth close to $30k today, even after our recent market drop.

So, less 1% of our total net worth?  Yeah, I'm ok with that.

This cracks me up.  A one time $3k purchase affecting FIRE?  LOL.  Did you scrutinize your home purchase this much?  I.e. we need to buy the $150k house, if we buy a $153k house our FIRE plans will be sunk!  Is a $3k or $5k or $10k ring important to me?  No.  Might it be to my SO?  Maybe.  Even if it is, I'm not going to worry about it as long as we are on the same page with 95% of our other values.  To the posters implying that buying an engagement ring disqualifies you from being mustachian, we are talking about less than 1 month's worth of savings for most people on this forum.

[Manchester]

I bought my fiance a ring from Brilliant Earth.  They were fantastic.

Some advice - Don't buy a ring that tapers, it was a disaster finding a wedding band that 'fit' without showing a gap between engagement/marriage rings.  We eventually had to send off the engagement ring, have it re-set to fit next to the wedding band.

[bbqbonelesswing]

After a loooong time searching, I bought a nice .5 ct diamond solitaire with a gold band for about $1,300, and it was a big hit. I found shopping vintage and less popular cuts (Old European cut) was the best way to get a good price and at the same time, get something unique. Definitely not ideal for all, especially if your SO expects something "new". However, my SO loves old stuff, so being vintage was a big plus.

[Manchester]

After a loooong time searching, I bought a nice .5 ct diamond solitaire with a gold band for about $1,300, and it was a big hit. I found shopping vintage and less popular cuts (Old European cut) was the best way to get a good price and at the same time, get something unique. Definitely not ideal for all, especially if your SO expects something "new". However, my SO loves old stuff, so being vintage was a big plus.

Sounds great.  I hope she said yes lol.

[bbqbonelesswing]

After a loooong time searching, I bought a nice .5 ct diamond solitaire with a gold band for about $1,300, and it was a big hit. I found shopping vintage and less popular cuts (Old European cut) was the best way to get a good price and at the same time, get something unique. Definitely not ideal for all, especially if your SO expects something "new". However, my SO loves old stuff, so being vintage was a big plus.

Sounds great.  I hope she said yes lol.

She did! Best money I ever spent ;)

Here are some pics if anyone is interested: https://www.wharfedaleantiques.com/index.php?_route_=Edwardian0.55ctDiamondSolitaireEngagementRingin18ctYellowGoldandPlatinumRG763

[julia]

My fiance bought me a 700$ CAD, .27 carat solitaire set in white gold. It's simple, beautiful, and has so far withstood all my cycling, rock climbing, painting, etc.
We just bought our wedding rings... 65$ for his (cobalt ring that looks identical to white gold).

[K_in_the_kitchen]

After a loooong time searching, I bought a nice .5 ct diamond solitaire with a gold band for about $1,300, and it was a big hit. I found shopping vintage and less popular cuts (Old European cut) was the best way to get a good price and at the same time, get something unique. Definitely not ideal for all, especially if your SO expects something "new". However, my SO loves old stuff, so being vintage was a big plus.

I love the small tabled OECs!  The ring is a classic.  Congratulations!