Author Topic: Engagement Ring  (Read 23129 times)

wageslave23

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Engagement Ring
« on: December 19, 2019, 01:10:55 PM »
Any suggestions on where to shop for an engagement ring?  I'm thinking online is going to be the best value.  I've checked out Brilliant Earth, Blue Nile, and Jared Allen.  Any other tips?  Thanks.  As a side note, I looked up the avg size diamond is 1ct.  While I am definitely frugal and future fiance is moderately frugal, I'm thinking this might be a time where splurging a little might make sense since its something she will hopefully be wearing for life.  I'm thinking somewhere in the 1.5ct $6-7k range.  Thoughts?

lexde

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2019, 01:15:20 PM »
If your soon to be spouse is game, moissanite is a great replacement for diamonds. It’s more brilliant, and you can easily go 1.5ct before it starts getting questionable (high clarity + large rock may look a little suspicious).

If they are more traditional and want a diamond or nothing, consider shopping estate sales and/or buying secondhand. Diamonds depreciate immediately with a first sale, and about half of all marriages end in divorce, so... there are plenty of used rings to be found.

You could buy the stone secondhand and get a custom band on Etsy, too.

Lots of options!

solon

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2019, 01:15:50 PM »
I have a friend who had good luck recently with https://www.idonowidont.com/

lexde

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2019, 01:16:02 PM »
As a side note: Clarity is more important than size. Going a half carat up and sacrificing clarity rating is not the way to go.

naj89

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2019, 01:18:44 PM »
Consider moissanite in place of diamonds. IMO, diamonds are not an investment in the stance that they gain monetary value over time. Sure they're pretty and represent something invaluable. But take that money saved and invest it or pay down debt. Plus, there is an ethical side to diamonds and such that I won't get into.

Bought my now wife a moissanite ring, and she thanks me often for not spending the money on a diamond, and gets compliments frequently on her stone.

Check out Love & Promise Jewelery. Chicago based but I had no issues doing my transactions with them virtually.

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« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 01:21:53 PM by naj89 »

ryantids

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2019, 01:20:20 PM »

This is always an idea.  We will we would have done this from the beginning.

https://www.amazon.com/ThunderFit-Triangle-Diamond-Stackable-Silicone/dp/B07H4FTTRM?ref_=ast_slp_dp



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mm1970

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2019, 01:24:07 PM »
Any suggestions on where to shop for an engagement ring?  I'm thinking online is going to be the best value.  I've checked out Brilliant Earth, Blue Nile, and Jared Allen.  Any other tips?  Thanks.  As a side note, I looked up the avg size diamond is 1ct.  While I am definitely frugal and future fiance is moderately frugal, I'm thinking this might be a time where splurging a little might make sense since its something she will hopefully be wearing for life.  I'm thinking somewhere in the 1.5ct $6-7k range.  Thoughts?

You are probably going to get a lot of naysayers about spending that much.  I've been married 23 years.  If I knew then what I know now about the diamond industry, I would have not gotten one.  I think the need to have a big rock is ridiculous - 1.5 ct seems really large  (Mine is 0.75 ct, which looks fine, I have small hands.)  That is, when I wear it, which isn't often. 

Anyway, that's a lot of money to spend on something that you wear on your finger. Something that isn't really worth that much.  And then there's the whole "blood diamond" aspect of it all. 

When people ask my opinion, I often recommend moissanite.  I would have gone that route myself if it were an option, and in fact a few friends have gone that route on my recommendation.

I am a female engineer, however...so.

ETA, look at all the moissanite recs coming in at the same time.

Metalcat

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2019, 01:37:25 PM »
Wow, I don't know your market, but it's extremely hard to find a nice 1ct diamond ring here for 6-7K, also, I rarely see 1ct+ diamonds and I live in a city where the median income is actually quite high.

In terms of diamonds, your best bet is to buy used. Diamonds do not hold value at all and can often be found at less than a quarter of their retail value, especially if the style is dated. Then you can have the stone(s) reset.

I sold my 1.3ct ring for about $2000, which was purchased for nearly $10,000.


partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2019, 01:42:32 PM »
I am way into gems and jewelry. First thing is to be on the same page with your intended both what she would like and expectations. Does she even want a 1 carat diamond ring? An engagement ring is anything that she would love, and is sturdy enough for daily wear. 
If you KNOW that's what she wants, definitely check out Pricescope for an education how the cut (how well the diamond is cut) is very important to the beauty of the stone. Once you learn what an ideal cut is, then you can shop.

If that is not important to her and you would like something more affordable some suggestions:
1) multi-diamond ring, such as a 3 or 5 stone ring. They are beautiful but will cost less per carat.
2) estate, vintage, preloved stones or rings (loupe troupe, various estate websites such as rubylane)
3) Lab created diamonds (MMD). These are optically, chemically the same as real diamonds, at a fraction of the price. Most likely their price will continue to go down. 
4) Simulants. These are lab created gemstones like moissanite and cubic zirconia. Moissanite is hard and durable and attractive but because its double refraction as well as its high refractive index, I don't think it looks like a diamond. It is pretty though. 
CZs look very similar to diamond. They do get dirtier quicker and while hard not as hard as a diamond. Expect to replace stone after awhile. Very affordable.
5) Gemstone rings. While I personally feel most any type of ring can be an engagement ring, sapphire (which come in pretty much every color) and spinel are hard wearing stones that are very suitable for engagement rings.  Does she have a favorite color?

You can even show her this list and have a conversation what she would love as an engagement ring. Some women don't even like diamonds.


« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 01:50:32 PM by partgypsy »

lexde

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2019, 01:45:28 PM »
Also, second add:

Don’t buy moissanite or any non-diamond without talking to your SO first. The last thing you need is to (accidentally/inadvertently) deceive your SO with anything related to marriage.

Talk to them first and see what they are looking for.

tyrannostache

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #11 on: December 19, 2019, 02:02:50 PM »
Do you have a sense of how important a diamond is to your future fiancée? Are you sure? I ask because I'd be angry if my spouse spent that much money on a piece of jewelry, even an engagement ring--especially if the cost is largely due to a single stone.

My DH and I were pretty broke when we got married, so we went with some very simple wooden rings. I still love them today, though we're looking at getting some rings designed for an upcoming milestone anniversary.

With a budget like yours and knowing what I know now, I'd actually start by talking to an independent jewelry designer. As an example, check out this one: http://www.susanelnora.com/ (Full disclosure: she's a friend, though I know her to be a talented and surprisingly affordable artist).  Someone like this will work with you on a unique design and would likely be willing to work with a secondhand diamond or an alternative stone. They can also help you source a stone if that's what you really want. They also tend to be part of tight-knit communities, so they could also point you to a designer closer to you if you need to see it in person.

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #12 on: December 19, 2019, 02:08:30 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2019, 02:20:24 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.

So, that's good that you talked to her. Sounds like what she wants is a standard natural diamond ring. Probably my first love is gemstone rings. but if you are doing diamond what is attractive is their optical qualities when they are ideally cut. It's like wearing a kaleidoscope on your finger. Places to get super ideal cut diamonds include Whiteflash, and High Performance diamonds. While they can be found on the internet, they are NOT discount. You will be paying a premium because maybe 1% of diamonds are cut to this level. Since she didn't say a particular size, if it was me I would get a diamond in the g-I color range in the VS-SI clarity range that has a super ideal cut, in what your price range is. And I would get it in a very simple setting unless she expresses a clear style preference. 

 eta if you have to make the 1 carat mark this is one I think would perform very nicely.
https://www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut-loose-diamond-4183264.htm
If you want to keep to under 5K all in this is a beautiful stone
https://www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut-loose-diamond-4150012.htm
« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 02:36:35 PM by partgypsy »

Metalcat

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2019, 02:32:59 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.

That "rule" was a marketing ploy by the diamond company, and it's actually 2 months salary.

Just have an honest conversation with her about what she really wants. It will be the first of many many to come.

As for "quality", I mean, it's a diamond, even a super shitty diamond is one of the strongest rocks on earth, so "quality" when it comes to diamonds is entirely in the eye of the beholder.

@partygyspy is educated on gems, but the average Joe can't tell if a diamond is rubbish by looking at it. It pretty obvious when a crap stone is next to a nearly perfect stone, but for the most part, unless someone cares about diamonds, they can only tell if it's really poorly cut or a really dreadful colour or has huge flaws visible to the naked eye.

If the stone looks shiny and pretty, then almost anyone looking at it will see a shiny, pretty stone.

I do agree though, cut is probably your best bang for your buck in terms of aiming for high quality. A bad cut can make a diamond look like plastic.

My most recent diamond ring is a pear shape, which is a shit cut as it is. It leaks light like crazy through the middle and has a dark "bowtie" where nothing is reflected, but it's the shape I wanted. There are so many stones on the ring that they compensate for the lack of fire of the main stone though. It would have been a HUGE waste to give a shit about clarity and cut for a pear shape, so I was able to get a good price on my main stone because I could go with poorer stats because they didn't matter.

I get A LOT of attention for my ring because it's so shiny (thanks tiny diamonds!) and the style is stunning (thanks Vera Wang!). It was ~$3500.

https://www.gordonsjewelers.com/vera-wang-love-collection-1-ct-tw-pearshaped-diamond-vintagestyle-ring-14k-white-gold/p/V-19952483

My point is that depending on what she wants, you may or may not have to pay a premium for arbitrary "quality". I knew exactly what I wanted and the quality I wanted was the design. Because I wanted a pear cut, there was no benefit to prioritizing "quality" factors that did even matter.

Know what she wants. Invest accordingly.

BTW, I rarely wear that ring. My favourite is actually a 3ct antique ruby and diamond ring from Russia that I bought for myself when I graduated.

Again, know what she actually wants. Invest accordingly.

wageslave23

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2019, 02:57:15 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.

That "rule" was a marketing ploy by the diamond company, and it's actually 2 months salary.



I know that's just silly marketing, but she has a very low level knowledge of finances - she took a Dave Ramsey course a couple years ago and thought that was amazing.  She knows that I earn a good salary and that I'm frugal and she's willing to learn, but I know it will mean a lot to her if I spend a decent amount on the ring if only to symbolize that money is not more important than her.  And to me the difference between $3k and 7k is negligible in the grand scheme of things.  If a one time $7k splurge puts her at ease and allows me to convince her to analyze other more important recurring expenses that saves $10k per year, I'll gladly make that trade off ;)

Metalcat

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2019, 03:07:12 PM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.

That "rule" was a marketing ploy by the diamond company, and it's actually 2 months salary.



I know that's just silly marketing, but she has a very low level knowledge of finances - she took a Dave Ramsey course a couple years ago and thought that was amazing.  She knows that I earn a good salary and that I'm frugal and she's willing to learn, but I know it will mean a lot to her if I spend a decent amount on the ring if only to symbolize that money is not more important than her.  And to me the difference between $3k and 7k is negligible in the grand scheme of things.  If a one time $7k splurge puts her at ease and allows me to convince her to analyze other more important recurring expenses that saves $10k per year, I'll gladly make that trade off ;)

You obviously have an idea in your head of what you want to spend, so go ahead and spend that.

For 7K, you have a lot of options. Figure out what she wants, because 7K could easily be spent on a moderate sized, flawless stone in a cut that doesn't actually reflect light very well, in a setting that's ugly as sin.

Spending 7K won't automatically make her happy. Understanding what she really wants and using your money to get that in the most optimal way possible will.

zinnie

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #17 on: December 19, 2019, 03:11:27 PM »
There is zero difference between a used and a new diamond. If I were you I'd get a used ring with the stone you want and have the diamond reset in a new/modern setting by a local jeweler. You'll have saved a ton of money, not supported a horrific industry, and still get the experience of going to a local jeweler if you need to get it sized and/or to have the setting checked from time to time.

Source: I did this for my wedding ring and it worked out great! And it certainly felt exactly like a "new" ring would. It was even a pretty fancy ring designer at the time who did it--I just brought the center stone in from elsewhere!

WSUCoug1994

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #18 on: December 19, 2019, 03:13:01 PM »
My advice, since this is such an open discussion inside of your relationship, go shopping with her.  She might care more about quality than size, or has a particular setting she falls in love with etc etc.  Diamonds are expected in this culture but there are so many cool alternatives as well.  Take her out for a day and see what she likes....

HBFIRE

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #19 on: December 19, 2019, 03:17:10 PM »
See if you can source a wholesaler.  I found one through a business associate based in LA that provides diamond rings to Costco.  They don't typically deal with retail, but if you know someone who knows someone.....you can get one at a very reasonable price with very little margin built in.  I was able to source a rare heart shaped extremely high quality near colorless (G) VVS2 1 ct this way, for a very reasonable price. 
« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 04:39:00 PM by HBFIRE »

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #20 on: December 19, 2019, 03:33:50 PM »
+1 to Moissanite. Put it in a rocking setting.  Save your money for a house or other investments.

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #21 on: December 19, 2019, 03:34:40 PM »
As a side note: Clarity is more important than size. Going a half carat up and sacrificing clarity rating is not the way to go.

Cut is always the most important in terms of looks. Try https://www.augustvintageinc.net/ for a good selection of diamond or moissanites that should look great and be well-cut.

socaso

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2019, 03:34:57 PM »
A friend's fiance bought her ring at a local vintage jeweler and I think only spent $2-3k. Her ring was sapphire. My engagement ring was also sapphire, I like colorful things and sapphires are available in every color of the rainbow. The other nice thing about them is they are very hard. You want a hard stone for an engagement ring because they are worn daily and harder stones are less likely to get scratched.

So you might want to talk to her about whether she is set on a diamond.

My engagement ring was $400. We bought the stone separately and had it set by a jeweler. It was much more affordable. That might be an option worth exploring.

Metalcat

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2019, 03:46:03 PM »
As a side note: Clarity is more important than size. Going a half carat up and sacrificing clarity rating is not the way to go.

Cut is always the most important in terms of looks. Try https://www.augustvintageinc.net/ for a good selection of diamond or moissanites that should look great and be well-cut.

Agreed.  Clarity is sold as a big deal because it's by far the most expensive feature. Meanwhile, on a large 1ct+ stone, you could easily have an I1 clarity with a white flaw that's visible to the naked eye off to one side that barely affects the appearance of the stone overall. Again, it depends on the shape. If you have a light-losing shape like a pear, then inclusions just won't matter as much if they're in the area that doesn't reflect light.

As I said before, if a stone looks pretty and shiny, it looks pretty and shiny. Clarity isn't a measure of how pretty and shiny the stone is, not all flaws affect the appearance the same way. A white flaw is less visible than a black flaw. A flaw visible in the table is more problematic than a flaw off to one side, especially in a larger stone.

Clarity is a great metric to sucker people into paying a lot more than they need to. Yes, clarity matters, but no, having a certain grade of clarity is not a prerequisite for getting a pretty rock.

One I1 may look like crap, another may look beautiful.

What matters is what OP's future wife really cares about. Not some numbers and letters on a card associated with a stone.
« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 04:14:53 PM by Malkynn »

iris lily

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #24 on: December 19, 2019, 04:11:41 PM »
Ditto it is super important to  find out what she wants.

If she doesnt have a preference as it sounds like she may not, get a pretty, clean, shiny round solitaire in white gold. That is timeless. It is classic.
 
Personally I prefer yellow gold since you dont have all of the “redipping” nonsense some  white gold rings require. But yellow gold has been out of fashion for  a while now.

Metalcat

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #25 on: December 19, 2019, 04:19:58 PM »
Ditto it is super important to  find out what she wants.

If she doesnt have a preference as it sounds like she may not, get a pretty, clean, shiny round solitaire in white gold. That is timeless. It is classic.
 
Personally I prefer yellow gold since you dont have all of the “redipping” nonsense some  white gold rings require. But yellow gold has been out of fashion for  a while now.

It's also what countless other women out there have.
What's "classic" for one woman is "generic" for another.

She may dream of a Tiffany style round solitaire as her dream ring or she may see that as dreadfully unoriginal.
That's why it's so important to know what she wants.

For sure though, statistically, you are way more likely to meet someone's taste with a round white gold solitaire than anything else. There's a reason it's the most common ring style by far.

cokesmcgokes

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #26 on: December 19, 2019, 04:39:09 PM »
+1 to finding out what she actually wants. She may not want a colorless stone at all. She may really like marquise cuts. She may hate rose gold. Just talk to her.

I will say while I love moissanite, it's not necessarily a perfect sub for diamond. Light refracts differently in the two, and moissanite gives a more firey, rainbow like sparkle, whereas diamond is really colorless. Both are beautiful, just different. I think white sapphires are also a nice alternative for diamond.

Please do look into second hand diamonds if that's what SO wants--I really wish we would have explored this option when we got engaged.

AccidentialMustache

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #27 on: December 19, 2019, 05:56:53 PM »
5k is definitely too much to spend on a ring. Also, you don't have to get her a ring. DW didn't want a ring. I got her a meaningful gift, it just wasn't a ring, or even jewelry at all (nor did it contain any gemstones). It did make it a lot harder for her to show it off when people asked, but she's not really a show it off type either, so no biggie.

We did get wedding bands, and they do have stones in them. Mine is a garnet to match her brown eyes, and her stone is a Montana sapphire to match my blue eyes. I think they might have totaled $50 for both, but whenever she tells that story all she gets is "oh that's so romantic!"

(It's a lie, I'm not that much of a romantic, but I digress)

The point about knowing her and figuring out what she wants -- not just what she says she wants, but what she actually wants under all the bullshit advertising/societal programming everyone is trying to push on her -- still stands though. And that can involve no ring at all. And that's okay.

Firehazard

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #28 on: December 19, 2019, 06:54:33 PM »
Show her www.moissaniteco.com

They have a huge selection of engagement and wedding ring styles.  Even if she doesn't want a moissanite, it's a great way to view lots of different rings so she can pick her favorite styles.  I got my wedding ring there, and it is truly stunning and very well crafted.

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #29 on: December 19, 2019, 08:30:39 PM »
If you are open to preloved, this is a 1.36 carat ideal cut diamond for 4900!!! You won't be able to touch that retail.

https://loupetroop.com/listings/loose-stones-diamond/reduced-ags-000-1-dot-36-diamond
« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 09:05:50 AM by partgypsy »

Goldielocks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #30 on: December 20, 2019, 12:53:52 AM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.
My experience -- someone in your family has a family ring with a diamond on it, sitting in a drawer... if you are on good terms and don't mind sharing that you are looking for a ring, you may find an aunt that will gift something to you, or sell it to you cheaply.

Then you remake it into a NEW ring, in a setting of your GF's choosing.

Between death and divorce there are more of these than you may think.   I bought DH's wedding band at an antique store for a very very reasonable price for a higher quality ring than I could otherwise afford.


Buffaloski Boris

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #31 on: December 20, 2019, 03:18:52 AM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.
My experience -- someone in your family has a family ring with a diamond on it, sitting in a drawer... if you are on good terms and don't mind sharing that you are looking for a ring, you may find an aunt that will gift something to you, or sell it to you cheaply.

Then you remake it into a NEW ring, in a setting of your GF's choosing.

Between death and divorce there are more of these than you may think.   I bought DH's wedding band at an antique store for a very very reasonable price for a higher quality ring than I could otherwise afford.

dittos on asking your family.  That's what I did and my wife has a beautiful ring that is far nicer than what I could've reasonably afforded at the time.  Cost to me? The cost of resizing a ring the was sitting around. 

This is also an important conversation to have with your family.  If they're unwilling to part with anything of value in support of the marriage, that's a screaming alarm about what they think of your future spouse.  In my case they were delighted to help, and it affirmed what has proven to be about the best decision of my life.   

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #32 on: December 20, 2019, 05:24:56 AM »
I would recommend an ideal cut round then.  How large are her hands?  A 1 ct might look huge if her ring size is small.  I think if you go to 1.5 it's going to start to look BIG, but you need to go see some stones.

Look for these -- Ideal Cut,  SuperIdealCut, etc.  Do not let a jeweler talk you out of getting a great cut. 

I still recommend August Vintage or Good Old Gold for online jewelers who are very good.  Remember you want a great cut.  August Vintage has put a lot of effort into well-cut high performing fancy shapes (cushion, etc.)  A poorly cut diamond will lose light and not look as good as a very well cut one. 

Good luck!

P.S.  Everything looks shiny and beautiful in store lighting, but in the real world, many stones don't perform well.  The pricescope forums are full of diamond addicts who can help you also.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 07:47:42 AM by KBecks »

iris lily

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #33 on: December 20, 2019, 06:53:42 AM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.
My experience -- someone in your family has a family ring with a diamond on it, sitting in a drawer... if you are on good terms and don't mind sharing that you are looking for a ring, you may find an aunt that will gift something to you, or sell it to you cheaply.

Then you remake it into a NEW ring, in a setting of your GF's choosing.

Between death and divorce there are more of these than you may think.   I bought DH's wedding band at an antique store for a very very reasonable price for a higher quality ring than I could otherwise afford.

This is good advice.  There were several rings floating around my family. One of them I have on my hand right now in its original 1918 setting which is spectacular.

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #34 on: December 20, 2019, 07:49:27 AM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.
My experience -- someone in your family has a family ring with a diamond on it, sitting in a drawer... if you are on good terms and don't mind sharing that you are looking for a ring, you may find an aunt that will gift something to you, or sell it to you cheaply.

Then you remake it into a NEW ring, in a setting of your GF's choosing.

Between death and divorce there are more of these than you may think.   I bought DH's wedding band at an antique store for a very very reasonable price for a higher quality ring than I could otherwise afford.

dittos on asking your family.  That's what I did and my wife has a beautiful ring that is far nicer than what I could've reasonably afforded at the time.  Cost to me? The cost of resizing a ring the was sitting around. 

This is also an important conversation to have with your family.  If they're unwilling to part with anything of value in support of the marriage, that's a screaming alarm about what they think of your future spouse.  In my case they were delighted to help, and it affirmed what has proven to be about the best decision of my life.

Not all families have those resources, and some families have lots of kids and not a lot of jewelry.  I would expect Mustachian families to have less jewelry than most, actually.

Jouer

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #35 on: December 20, 2019, 08:52:11 AM »
I love this topic b/c I feel like I mustached the shit out of my wife's engagement ring.

Do not:
- buy 1 carat. prices are jacked up at that size b/c it is popular. The price for .9 is way less than 90% of the price for 1ct. And no one will know the difference.
- buy at a retail place in the mall or whatever. Major markup. Avoid at all cost.

Do:
- care about quality. My wife's is very good quality and people notice it compared to their own stones, which are bigger but not as good.
- buy the diamond separate from the setting. Use a diamond broker. Most large cities have them. If you don't live in a large city, grab your best-man and take a road trip to the closest one. You'll likely need a referral so ask around your friends/teammates/colleagues to see if they know of a good broker. Bonus: great story for your wife to tell "oh no he would never buy something at [store in the mall]. He found has a guy in [big city]. He really put thought into this.....he's better than other husbands....etc...etc...."  : )
- having said the above, I've heard great things about blue nile. Story isn't as great...but the price will be.

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #36 on: December 20, 2019, 09:11:45 AM »
Thanks for all the replies.  I have spoken to her a little about what she would want.  She says that she would be happy with anything I got her.  And that she wants something simple and not gaudy.  However she usually tends towards "quality" when buying things in general.  And the other night I mentioned that I needed to spend $5k in the next 3 months in order to get a CC bonus, she said an engagement ring would be good.  I said ok, but what about the other $4k?  She laughed but she also said that the rule of thumb is 1 month's salary.  So I think it needs to be a ring that is at least "average" and that when she shows people she won't be embarrassed about it.  I also want her to be "thrilled" with it and not just "ok" with it.  So assuming it needs to be a natural diamond and new - any suggestions? 

*I'll check out the second hand diamonds too.
My experience -- someone in your family has a family ring with a diamond on it, sitting in a drawer... if you are on good terms and don't mind sharing that you are looking for a ring, you may find an aunt that will gift something to you, or sell it to you cheaply.

Then you remake it into a NEW ring, in a setting of your GF's choosing.

Between death and divorce there are more of these than you may think.   I bought DH's wedding band at an antique store for a very very reasonable price for a higher quality ring than I could otherwise afford.

Yes you would there would be family rings for this situation but sometimes - not. From my ex husband's family the only thing my ex and I inherited was an empty plain setting, after we had married. My ex's grandmother was very fond of him being the first born grandson and wanted to gift me and him and piece of jewelry. But SIL raised holy hell so grandma withdrew the offer.
On my side of the family my mother had her engagement ring and while she didn't wear it anymore for sentimental reasons did not want to hand down. She also inherited a number of rings, which she said sister and I would get when we were in our 20's, but then she got cold feet. I did finally get to pick out a ring this year (in my 50's). Both my sister and I noticed a number of rings that we did like, are now missing. Mother doesn't know what happened to them (I suspect my older brother may have fenced them). At this point, water under the bridge.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 09:15:04 AM by partgypsy »

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #37 on: December 20, 2019, 09:18:09 AM »
I love this topic b/c I feel like I mustached the shit out of my wife's engagement ring.

Do not:
- buy 1 carat. prices are jacked up at that size b/c it is popular. The price for .9 is way less than 90% of the price for 1ct. And no one will know the difference.
- buy at a retail place in the mall or whatever. Major markup. Avoid at all cost.

Do:
- care about quality. My wife's is very good quality and people notice it compared to their own stones, which are bigger but not as good.
- buy the diamond separate from the setting. Use a diamond broker. Most large cities have them. If you don't live in a large city, grab your best-man and take a road trip to the closest one. You'll likely need a referral so ask around your friends/teammates/colleagues to see if they know of a good broker. Bonus: great story for your wife to tell "oh no he would never buy something at [store in the mall]. He found has a guy in [big city]. He really put thought into this.....he's better than other husbands....etc...etc...."  : )
- having said the above, I've heard great things about blue nile. Story isn't as great...but the price will be.

The whole thing about diamond brokers is not really true. Real diamond brokers sell to other brokers or businesses. If they sell direct to a consumer (you) they are just another retail seller. Besides margins on diamonds are now super slim because of internet competition. It's not the same as even 20 years ago where it was pretty much only brick and mortar stores and people didn't know what a diamond should cost and would over pay.

Jouer

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #38 on: December 20, 2019, 09:26:29 AM »
I love this topic b/c I feel like I mustached the shit out of my wife's engagement ring.

Do not:
- buy 1 carat. prices are jacked up at that size b/c it is popular. The price for .9 is way less than 90% of the price for 1ct. And no one will know the difference.
- buy at a retail place in the mall or whatever. Major markup. Avoid at all cost.

Do:
- care about quality. My wife's is very good quality and people notice it compared to their own stones, which are bigger but not as good.
- buy the diamond separate from the setting. Use a diamond broker. Most large cities have them. If you don't live in a large city, grab your best-man and take a road trip to the closest one. You'll likely need a referral so ask around your friends/teammates/colleagues to see if they know of a good broker. Bonus: great story for your wife to tell "oh no he would never buy something at [store in the mall]. He found has a guy in [big city]. He really put thought into this.....he's better than other husbands....etc...etc...."  : )
- having said the above, I've heard great things about blue nile. Story isn't as great...but the price will be.

The whole thing about diamond brokers is not really true. Real diamond brokers sell to other brokers or businesses. If they sell direct to a consumer (you) they are just another retail seller. Besides margins on diamonds are now super slim because of internet competition. It's not the same as even 20 years ago where it was pretty much only brick and mortar stores and people didn't know what a diamond should cost and would over pay.

Hrm. Interesting. I'll admit my intel is 10 years old...and Canadian.

Metalcat

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #39 on: December 20, 2019, 09:48:41 AM »
I love this topic b/c I feel like I mustached the shit out of my wife's engagement ring.

Do not:
- buy 1 carat. prices are jacked up at that size b/c it is popular. The price for .9 is way less than 90% of the price for 1ct. And no one will know the difference.
- buy at a retail place in the mall or whatever. Major markup. Avoid at all cost.

Do:
- care about quality. My wife's is very good quality and people notice it compared to their own stones, which are bigger but not as good.
- buy the diamond separate from the setting. Use a diamond broker. Most large cities have them. If you don't live in a large city, grab your best-man and take a road trip to the closest one. You'll likely need a referral so ask around your friends/teammates/colleagues to see if they know of a good broker. Bonus: great story for your wife to tell "oh no he would never buy something at [store in the mall]. He found has a guy in [big city]. He really put thought into this.....he's better than other husbands....etc...etc...."  : )
- having said the above, I've heard great things about blue nile. Story isn't as great...but the price will be.

The whole thing about diamond brokers is not really true. Real diamond brokers sell to other brokers or businesses. If they sell direct to a consumer (you) they are just another retail seller. Besides margins on diamonds are now super slim because of internet competition. It's not the same as even 20 years ago where it was pretty much only brick and mortar stores and people didn't know what a diamond should cost and would over pay.

Hrm. Interesting. I'll admit my intel is 10 years old...and Canadian.

Yeah, the Canadian market is different, especially a decade ago. I remember in the early 2000s popping into a giant jewelry outlet in the US and being shocked at how much lower the prices were for diamond rings than they were up here at the time. We just didn't have any stores like that up here, and online diamond buying wasn't really a thing yet.

Buffaloski Boris

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #40 on: December 20, 2019, 09:50:58 AM »
Some perspective from an older guy who has been married a long time and whose wife hasn’t kicked him out yet. A wedding ring is a trinket. It looks pretty. A wife might look at it every now and then. But ultimately the goal is, or should be, to be the Trophy Husband. To be the best husband to a future DW that we can be. So maybe we should spend less time and expense on trinkets and more time on developing our husband skill sets. If we’re the cook, are we learning to be an outstanding cook? Or at least a better cook? Are we learning massage therapy? Are we figuring out ways to save money and better manage finances? Are we figuring out ways to do a large share of the housework? Are we working out to keep ourselves desirable? Are we becoming better lovers? Now there’s a topic -Mustachianism and sex.

In the end, it’s about upping our game to be better and happier husbands.

« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 10:28:49 AM by Buffalo Chip »

PhilB

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #41 on: December 20, 2019, 10:10:22 AM »
I'll add another vote in favour of vintage rings.  My wife chose a diamond and sapphire ring from about 1910 and the intricacy and quality of the workmanship were just way, way better than an equivalent modern ring. It was also less than half of what I was expecting to pay so I was a very happy bunny!

nirodha

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #42 on: December 20, 2019, 10:14:00 AM »
You could take her to Jewlers Row in Chicago. It's an interesting day trip, since you are in IL. That'd help sort what she wants.

Consider if she'd be comfortable walking around with a $7k object on her finger. My wife isn't. She stopped wearing her relatively inexpensive engagement ring, because she didn't want to make herself a target.

partgypsy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #43 on: December 20, 2019, 11:32:12 AM »
You could take her to Jewlers Row in Chicago. It's an interesting day trip, since you are in IL. That'd help sort what she wants.

Consider if she'd be comfortable walking around with a $7k object on her finger. My wife isn't. She stopped wearing her relatively inexpensive engagement ring, because she didn't want to make herself a target.

I still think getting the diamond via internet is the best buy, but if you want to go to a brick and mortar store, this place is highly recommended (even by picky folks) 
dimend scaasi  5 S Wabash Ave 17th Fl, Chicago, IL 60603

moof

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #44 on: December 20, 2019, 11:56:03 AM »
We went to Shane Co 14 years ago after trying a few other places.  I found the experience quite positive, and their support since as been good.  As a happy customer I'd recommend you give them a chance.

My now wife had a particular look in mind, and the first couple jewelry were a miserable experience of being told the size of the diamond should relate to how much I love her, and at another being handed off to the boss when we we didn't snap up one of the barrage of suggested rings in under 15 minutes.  At Shane the sales rep was very patient, never pressured and went above and beyond to find better and better matches to what we said we liked/disliked about each subsequent option.  We ended up pairing half of set with an anniversary band as the wedding band to get things just perfect.

After that I was left to choose the diamond myself.  I went with a 3/4 carat with very good color/clarity that frankly is a little on the big side at times (snags, often jabs me when holding hands, etc).

In recent years we've had several repairs and a resizing done, all free of charge.  The anniversary band has a half satin and half gloss finish that requires retexturing periodically, always done free as long as we don't mind leaving it for a couple days.  The main diamond got a chip out of it (caught during a cleaning inspection), and they simple showed us a half dozen equivalent diamonds to choose from and replaced it under warranty fully free and hassle free.  My wife has some hand arthritis, and the rings had to be resized to go over now enlarged knuckles, also done free and without hassle.

firstmatedavy

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #45 on: December 20, 2019, 12:05:25 PM »
Another option is to propose with just a stone, and then go together to a jeweler to have a ring made. If you're unsure about what style she likes, this is one way to have a proposal gift and still leave a lot of room for her to choose.

ExitViaTheCashRamp

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #46 on: December 20, 2019, 12:17:33 PM »
Have you watched Roger this ? He has some excellent behind the scenes info on stones for your special someone:

https://youtu.be/giu23Ii3PAA?t=3

StashingAway

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #47 on: December 20, 2019, 12:26:44 PM »
Here is a quick, albeit somewhat condescending overview that can get the discussion going:

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/it's-here!-the-2019-william-sonoma-hater's-guide!/?action=post;last_msg=2520581

Moissioninte is awesome. It was discovered from a meteorite. It is twice as refractive and tougher (albeit not as hard) as a diamond.

You can still spend money on her to "show her that you love her". We bought a Moissionite and traveled Europe for 6 weeks on the difference in cost between that and a real diamond ($500 vs $5000).

My (then) girlfriend was, as yours appears to be, more worried about what others thought than actually getting a diamond. She just likes things that are sparkly. We determined that she could just say it was a diamond to those few people who asked that she didn't care to explain to. Turns out, no one even really asks!
« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 12:32:42 PM by StashingAway »

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #48 on: December 20, 2019, 12:53:38 PM »
One thing to consider:  The weight of a gemstone is proportional to the cube of the diameter, and the price of the stone goes up must faster than the weight.  For example, a 0.5ct diamond is only about 20% smaller than a 1ct stone, and costs 70%+ less, all else being equal.

I agree with other posters who suggest going ring shopping with to-be-DW, avoiding malls, buying used, etc.  IMO, it is absolutely critical that the two of you get on the same page in terms of what style or price of ring you get.  DW-to-be may have an expectation of "wageslave needs to spend $xxx on a ring for me," in which case you overspend on a smaller rock, or you bargain hunt and get a bigger rock, but spend the same number of dollars either way.  OR, DW-to-be may have a specific style or size in mind that happens to cost $xxx, and you may be able to find it for $xxx/2 and she'd be ok with it.

Either way, I think the two of you need to sit down (or go out) and you need to get a specific idea of what is expected and what is acceptable.

FWIW, my DW's engagement ring has a .33ct and two .1ct diamonds in a setting I designed myself (and a jeweler made).  She appreciated the custom nature of it more than the size of the stones.  Her roommate went ring shopping with me to make sure I understood what DW-to-be wanted.  We were in college, so "number of months' salary" would have been a laughable thing.

KBecks

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Re: Engagement Ring
« Reply #49 on: December 20, 2019, 01:34:33 PM »

You can still spend money on her to "show her that you love her". We bought a Moissionite and traveled Europe for 6 weeks on the difference in cost between that and a real diamond ($500 vs $5000).


Good for you!