My wife and I's accounts are growing. We are both working full time, only have mortgage debt, have reduced our expenses and are maxing out our retirement accounts. Things are good for us, but it's hard to watch the rest of the family struggle.
We're helping our oldest niece go to community college. She's staying on our couch during the week, so we're trying to set a good example. I had her set up a Mint account, explained how my wife and I manage our money and I've been pretty transparent with financial stuff. I'm hoping the education she's receiving will give her the opportunity to find a career that's rewarding. Hopefully some of what I'm showing her will influence her spending/saving habits. *fingers crossed for a long term positive affect her life trajectory*
The additional expenses for food and whatever don't amount to much, so helping out our niece is no trouble. The rest of our family is a different story...
I helped my wife out a lot with how to handle money early in our relationship. It's hard to admit that she's more frugal than I am now, but getting her from where she was to where she is now took a lot of time and support. How do you do that for other people in your family? I'm not going to just give or loan a chunk of my own stash if people are operating with a structural deficit.
Has anyone managed to make a lightbulb appear above a relative's head with the idea that they need to change their financial ways? How did you do it? What did you show them? Is there a magic phrase?
Love it! I'm doing this, too. I also love the scholarship idea, Rocketman - we'll use that now. (I have a funny story about that type of idea from college days...it's incredibly effective.)
So, I give a lot of time and thought to these types of questions because it's what I most enjoy doing in life, and also, I happen to have experience with it - including some successes. (I cover a lot of the ideas that relate here in a post about giving:
http://financeswithpurpose.com/gave-away-2500-today-challenge-fellow-bloggers/)
I was very blessed recently when a close relative asked for help figuring out finances and how we do things, since my wife talked about how we do things, apparently, and recommended that the relative speak to me about it. Best two hours I've spent so far this year, bar none.
Also, I watched my parents help a family friend who was literally homeless and help her become fully independent within a year. She's still rocking it, in fact, as of a month ago. That story is here:
http://mustardseedmoney.com/index.php/2017/08/18/homeless-to-hopeful/Things I've learned:
1. You can't do something for someone that they can do for themselves. It never works. Instead, you create dependencies, resentments, and on and on (for both them AND you, actually). As Laura33 said as well, I see. (She and I seem to share a lot of the same thoughts/insights on this forum...) I've seen it referred to elsewhere as the paternalism principle. In the end, doing that is usually unhelpful for both of you.
2. We don't share personal finance details with family. I would with some, but you can't later unshare those things, and it's too easy/tempting for folks to (1) compare (jealousy, greed, envy), (2) share with other family (stoking the same), and (3) create a market for handouts (and/or anger when they aren't given out). We find it's better not to share our actual details/info, however, I do share life principles and financial wisdom with anyone who wants. I'll sit down and help create budgets, create life goals, and make a financial plan. Nobody needs to see my own finances to do that, and I can always share stories about our finances as it's helpful. To each his own - no normative point here - but I am adding this as a caution for you to consider.
3. The goal is to create a love for managing things well, and that's hard to do. Some will jump right in, where others won't. The trick is getting young folks to LOVE the STANDARD of good financial stewardship.
4. Finances are like a lightning rod for other life issues. Finances depend upon having your emotions, addictions, resentments, hurts, and fears dealt with. Spiritual counsel is often more helpful than financial counsel. Or absolutely necessary to move ahead with finances. You're probably already doing such things, but I mention it because I've more than once invested in someone only to watch them soon get derailed by larger emotional/other issues.
5. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Boundaries are absolutely key, especially if you're serving as a lender to family (as tavore mentioned) or engaging in financial interactions/transactions with them. If you're renting to family, you probably already considered it. Just be prepared for the niece/nephew who pushes boundaries/has issues. (We've had family live with us before, too, though it mostly went well.) Absolutely love this book on it for ANYONE dealing w/ family-related financial issues:
http://amzn.to/2geDbuiFinally, I'll add that this book (
http://amzn.to/2vxxp8W) is invaluable for figuring out how to best help others, whether it's with financial or other issues. I've spent most of my life in public service and stand by the principles there, which apply just as much to family as to third parties. I wish you well in this endeavor!!!
