Do You Tell Friends You are Financially Independent?

[Russ]

Our close friends and family know we intend to retire early. We don't talk numbers.

Has anyone asked you directly how much?  I've had people ask me directly. It feels awkward.

Me too and I agree.  If you don't want to tell the person, what do you do?  I don't want to offend anyone, but it's not something that I'm willing to discuss with acquaintances.... and even some family members.

I don't mind if people ask me about my dollars, but for other things I don't want people to ask about I ask the person "do you really want to know?" in my "you probably don't want to know" voice

Usually they decide they don't want to know, or if not then you have somewhat of an out if your answer is not what they expected / wanted to hear

[dragoncar]

Our close friends and family know we intend to retire early. We don't talk numbers.

Has anyone asked you directly how much?  I've had people ask me directly.  It feels awkward.

Nobody has asked me, but I have a feeling they think I have more than I do.  You tell em 25 times expenses and they multiply their salary by 25 and think that's what I've got in the bank.  I'd almost rather tell them the real figure (or emphasize my low expenses, which opens a different can of worms).

Luckily this doesn't come up much since I'm not retired.  Once I am, here in SF people will probably think I cashed out some kind of IPO for $20 million :-/

[DollarBill]

I'm almost there and I've givin it some thought.

Them: So what do you do for a living?
You: I just got FIRE'ed..."saying with a cheesy grin"
Them: Sorry to hear that
You: It's ok...I managed to save a little. I think I'm just going to lay low and enjoy the time off..."more cheesy grin"

See if you can add to this...it would be interesting to see what you guys come up with

[Cwadda]

I'm 19 and no one except my immediate family knows about my finances and I intend to keep it that way. Not telling my future wife about them either until we're married.

There's just no need to tell anyone IMO.

[Nords]

The very few times that a family member has asked us, our response has been "Our pension covers our expenses".  None of them really seems to care enough to ask for specific digits, perhaps because the whole concept is too foreign for them to even consider the numbers.  Of course my father-in-law still thinks that I'm going to put his daughter (plus his only grandchild) in the streets any day now.

I've shared actual numbers with a couple of friends, one of whom is also ER'd with a higher net worth than us.  Neighbors know that I'm retired, of course, but most of them either don't care or think I'm just using it as a euphemism for chronic unemployment.

Not telling my future wife about them either until we're married.

Are you expecting your potential fianceé to share any of her finances with you before the nuptials?

Yeah, good luck with that.

[vern]

One thing I've found that helps when friends/family/coworkers give me the hairy eye about ER.

If I say..."I might get a part-time job in a few years."  You can see them visibly relax.  The tension flows effortlessly out of their rigid bodies as they exhale slowly and audibly.

It's as if they're thinking..."Oh, whew, he's not REALLY retired he's just taking some time off."

PS  I have no plans on getting a part-time job in a few years.

[AdrianC]

I've been a contractor/consultant for over 10 years. When I make to switch to RE I figure I'll still take on small projects here and there. So I can truthfully tell people I'm still working (maybe "work is slow right now"). My wife's family have always thought what I did to be a bit weird. "He doesn't have a regular job!" 

I've gotten that reaction from relatives for a long time. "Does this job have benefits?," they ask hopefully. When I explain that I'm self-employed and have my own benefits, they get confused and reply, "Well, maybe they'll hire you on full-time." Their pity used to irk me but now it's taken in stride.

We reached "barely" FI last year and our close friends know.

I've gotten the same reaction. As if a desk job at a corporation with "benefits" is somehow "secure". I provide my own benefits (medical insurance, SEP-IRA, etc.). Security is making 2-3 times what you would as an employee, saving like a fiend to get to FI early and having very marketable skills and talents. Works for me.

We don't tell people we are FI. I don't know that we are totally convinced we are FI, though by MMM's standards we are.

[Spork]

Our close friends and family know we intend to retire early. We don't talk numbers.

Has anyone asked you directly how much?  I've had people ask me directly.  It feels awkward.

Nobody has asked me, but I have a feeling they think I have more than I do.  You tell em 25 times expenses and they multiply their salary by 25 and think that's what I've got in the bank.  I'd almost rather tell them the real figure (or emphasize my low expenses, which opens a different can of worms).

I've been down this road a couple of times...  I let them think (for about 2 seconds) how gawd-awful-huge the number may be.  Then I chime in with "it's not how much you have, it's how much you spend."  There is usually a flicker of "aha" at that point in time.   

[oldtoyota]

The only drawback of keeping mum is there is no one to CELEBRATE with. I feel like I've made a MAJOR life accomplishment. But maybe I can just celebrate here, quietly.

Not quietly!  loud!  in CAPS!  CONGRATULATIONS! 

Seriously, though, it's an amazing achievement and it's hard to fight the instinct to run around and tell everyone.  In that respect it's almost like a teenage girl with a new boyfriend gushing about her crush. 

Me and my boyfriend do this.
My boyfriend says so and so.
Me and him are going to Aruba soon to spend every waking minute with each other, 25/8.

How do we all feel about those teenage girls? 
Irritated.

So funny and true. When I first became a vegetarian, I wanted to tell everyone and have them be a vegetarian too! Why not!!?  And: !!!!!!!  I was a teen and we talked like this--!!!!!!!!!. What can I say? ;-)

These days, I am so excited about my life and my choices that I would like to sing it from the rooftops. Instead, I have quietly told one friend and mentioned it rather cryptically to my four oldest and dearest friends. None of the oldest/dearest ones said much about it, but we were chatting via email so that is no surprise. The one I told in person was surprised and supportive, as always, and said she mentioned it to her husband.

I would never talk about it at work although I did suggest my employees save via the 401K. They are young and might not understand the importance. I suggested it and then left it alone after that.

I would never mention it to my family. When I retire, they will probably think I am poverty stricken. Although, they should know given that I probably have millionaires in the family. Maybe we're all hiding our frugality from each other? If so, that would be a hoot.

[soccerluvof4]

Most people in our circle know I am ER and my wife works 20-30hrs a week to keep our biz running and for health insurance but they never ask about it. Most I am sure try to figure it out and once in awhile will ask a question that I broadly answer. Were not flashy but dont look like were poor either so any assumption they make is strictly there own and nothing I can control nor care too.

[Poorman]

I'm 19 and no one except my immediate family knows about my finances and I intend to keep it that way. Not telling my future wife about them either until we're married.

There's just no need to tell anyone IMO.

You'll want to discuss finances prior to getting married.  If you are on the same page about saving and managing money it will help you achieve your goals.  If you are not on the same page... well... it's going to lead to conflict that will set you back emotionally, financially, and through loss of time and energy.  It's imperative that you marry someone that shares your mustachian values and goals, so you can't wait until after getting married to have this talk.

[lexie2000]

The only drawback of keeping mum is there is no one to CELEBRATE with. I feel like I've made a MAJOR life accomplishment. But maybe I can just celebrate here, quietly.

Not quietly!  loud!  in CAPS!  CONGRATULATIONS! 

Seriously, though, it's an amazing achievement and it's hard to fight the instinct to run around and tell everyone.  In that respect it's almost like a teenage girl with a new boyfriend gushing about her crush. 

Me and my boyfriend do this.
My boyfriend says so and so.
Me and him are going to Aruba soon to spend every waking minute with each other, 25/8.

How do we all feel about those teenage girls? 
Irritated.

So funny and true. When I first became a vegetarian, I wanted to tell everyone and have them be a vegetarian too! Why not!!?  And: !!!!!!!  I was a teen and we talked like this--!!!!!!!!!. What can I say? ;-)

These days, I am so excited about my life and my choices that I would like to sing it from the rooftops. Instead, I have quietly told one friend and mentioned it rather cryptically to my four oldest and dearest friends. None of the oldest/dearest ones said much about it, but we were chatting via email so that is no surprise. The one I told in person was surprised and supportive, as always, and said she mentioned it to her husband.

I would never talk about it at work although I did suggest my employees save via the 401K. They are young and might not understand the importance. I suggested it and then left it alone after that.

I would never mention it to my family. When I retire, they will probably think I am poverty stricken. Although, they should know given that I probably have millionaires in the family. Maybe we're all hiding our frugality from each other? If so, that would be a hoot.

Ha ha ha!!  It would be pretty funny if that were the case.

[lexie2000]

The very few times that a family member has asked us, our response has been "Our pension covers our expenses".  None of them really seems to care enough to ask for specific digits, perhaps because the whole concept is too foreign for them to even consider the numbers.  Of course my father-in-law still thinks that I'm going to put his daughter (plus his only grandchild) in the streets any day now.

I've shared actual numbers with a couple of friends, one of whom is also ER'd with a higher net worth than us. Neighbors know that I'm retired, of course, but most of them either don't care or think I'm just using it as a euphemism for chronic unemployment.

Now that I think about it more, I probably wouldn't mind sharing with someone who I knew had a higher net worth as there would be little risk of envy.  On the other hand, I don't think the high net worth people that we know really give a rat's ass as to what we have or don't have.

In general, it is the possibility of jealousy interfering with the relationship that I fear most and it seems to me that most people who ask would more likely be the "see how we stack up" type rather than maybe this person has some "how to" knowledge to share.

[Gin1984]

The very few times that a family member has asked us, our response has been "Our pension covers our expenses".  None of them really seems to care enough to ask for specific digits, perhaps because the whole concept is too foreign for them to even consider the numbers.  Of course my father-in-law still thinks that I'm going to put his daughter (plus his only grandchild) in the streets any day now.

I've shared actual numbers with a couple of friends, one of whom is also ER'd with a higher net worth than us.  Neighbors know that I'm retired, of course, but most of them either don't care or think I'm just using it as a euphemism for chronic unemployment.

Not telling my future wife about them either until we're married.

Are you expecting your potential fianceé to share any of her finances with you before the nuptials?

Yeah, good luck with that.

I would not have married if my fiance tried to pull that crap.  We are signing a legal document saying we are jointly responsible and comindling money for the wedding.  I better know where you are coming from.

[Cwadda]

I'm 19 and no one except my immediate family knows about my finances and I intend to keep it that way. Not telling my future wife about them either until we're married.

There's just no need to tell anyone IMO.

You'll want to discuss finances prior to getting married.  If you are on the same page about saving and managing money it will help you achieve your goals.  If you are not on the same page... well... it's going to lead to conflict that will set you back emotionally, financially, and through loss of time and energy.  It's imperative that you marry someone that shares your mustachian values and goals, so you can't wait until after getting married to have this talk.

Yeah, that was an exaggeration on my part. It's more like, I'm not going to go around talking about my finances in the early stages. It's a reason to get married for the wrong reasons.

[Nords]

One thing I've found that helps when friends/family/coworkers give me the hairy eye about ER.
If I say..."I might get a part-time job in a few years."  You can see them visibly relax.  The tension flows effortlessly out of their rigid bodies as they exhale slowly and audibly.
It's as if they're thinking..."Oh, whew, he's not REALLY retired he's just taking some time off."
PS  I have no plans on getting a part-time job in a few years.

Or they could be thinking "Well, his persistent substance abuse will keep that from happening, but at least he's happy and he won't be asking me for money!"

The very few times that a family member has asked us, our response has been "Our pension covers our expenses".  None of them really seems to care enough to ask for specific digits, perhaps because the whole concept is too foreign for them to even consider the numbers.  Of course my father-in-law still thinks that I'm going to put his daughter (plus his only grandchild) in the streets any day now.

I've shared actual numbers with a couple of friends, one of whom is also ER'd with a higher net worth than us. Neighbors know that I'm retired, of course, but most of them either don't care or think I'm just using it as a euphemism for chronic unemployment.

Now that I think about it more, I probably wouldn't mind sharing with someone who I knew had a higher net worth as there would be little risk of envy.  On the other hand, I don't think the high net worth people that we know really give a rat's ass as to what we have or don't have.

In general, it is the possibility of jealousy interfering with the relationship that I fear most and it seems to me that most people who ask would more likely be the "see how we stack up" type rather than maybe this person has some "how to" knowledge to share.

Exactly.  The higher-net-worth early retirees have usually figured out what they're going to be doing all day.  They've probably also encountered investment & tax issues that we haven't sorted through yet.  Definitely no envy or jealousy or uncomfortable reflection on their own financial situation.

It's interesting to have lunch with a group of these people.  Some of them have just cashed out from <insert lucrative career here> and they're still struggling with who they are and what they want to do.  Some (particularly from finance backgrounds) immediately dive into investing for themselves just as they used to invest for other people or other corporations.  But the guys I know who are happiest with their financial independence are entrepreneurs who are now spending time with their kids and pursuing educational interests in 3D printing or coding or other tech geek projects... or surfing. 

[oldtoyota]

The very few times that a family member has asked us, our response has been "Our pension covers our expenses".  None of them really seems to care enough to ask for specific digits, perhaps because the whole concept is too foreign for them to even consider the numbers.  Of course my father-in-law still thinks that I'm going to put his daughter (plus his only grandchild) in the streets any day now.

I've shared actual numbers with a couple of friends, one of whom is also ER'd with a higher net worth than us. Neighbors know that I'm retired, of course, but most of them either don't care or think I'm just using it as a euphemism for chronic unemployment.

Now that I think about it more, I probably wouldn't mind sharing with someone who I knew had a higher net worth as there would be little risk of envy.  On the other hand, I don't think the high net worth people that we know really give a rat's ass as to what we have or don't have.

In general, it is the possibility of jealousy interfering with the relationship that I fear most and it seems to me that most people who ask would more likely be the "see how we stack up" type rather than maybe this person has some "how to" knowledge to share.

When my good friend confided in me that she was FI, I was shocked (not envious). She has taken what would seem like marvelous trips to others. I have little interest (which perplexes me as I wish I cared more about travel sometimes).

It's been a gift that she told me because I can ask her advice on certain matters. Since she is way ahead of me, there's no risk she'll be jealous (and I don't think she would be anyway).

[happy]

I've told one close friend who gets what I'm doing. Haven't discussed figures or details but she knows I'm frugalling my way to retirement and if I really had to I could stop work.

I doubt I will tell anyone else. I intend to look poorer and poorer. Think its easier that way. I will probably pull the plug late 50s or 60. I think I will be able to just blend in…its not like I'm ER at 30.

[BPA]

Like Happy, I will reach FIRE at 50, so will look more of the part age-wise.

I don't get a lot of judgment from co-workers or people I've been friends with for years, but some of my boyfriend's friends don't seem to get it.  Whenever we go out with them, they spend so much compared to what I'm used to.  They are really nice people, but I don't think they will ever get where I am coming from.  And since I make more money than any of us, it seems that I'm cheap.  I don't care.  I've told them I'm out in 4.5 years.  I wonder if their mindset is that FI is so far away for them, they may as well just live it up.

[pachnik]

I've told one close friend who gets what I'm doing. Haven't discussed figures or details but she knows I'm frugalling my way to retirement and if I really had to I could stop work.

I doubt I will tell anyone else. I intend to look poorer and poorer. Think its easier that way. I will probably pull the plug late 50s or 60. I think I will be able to just blend in…its not like I'm ER at 30.

I am like Happy except that I couldn't really stop working now. My parents and my husband know and of friends, only my closest one knows about my plan.  I will blend in too since I will retire in my late 50's or at 60. 

Happy - I like the line about looking poorer and poorer.  It made me laugh since I am sure I am doing that now.

[ThermionicScott]

I'm 19 and no one except my immediate family knows about my finances and I intend to keep it that way. Not telling my future wife about them either until we're married.

There's just no need to tell anyone IMO.

You'll want to discuss finances prior to getting married.  If you are on the same page about saving and managing money it will help you achieve your goals.  If you are not on the same page... well... it's going to lead to conflict that will set you back emotionally, financially, and through loss of time and energy.  It's imperative that you marry someone that shares your mustachian values and goals, so you can't wait until after getting married to have this talk.

Yeah, that was an exaggeration on my part. It's more like, I'm not going to go around talking about my finances in the early stages. It's a reason to get married for the wrong reasons.

On the flip side, think of what your future partner might be hiding, waiting to tell you until you're hitched.  ;^)

I see nothing wrong with casually discussing (or just observing) attitudes toward debt and spending -- these are good things to find out early.

[ThermionicScott]

Speaking more broadly, I wonder if it hurts our cause that so many of us are "in the closet" about our plans to retire early by spending less and saving up.  Seems like there are plenty of people around us who could use a better example, while we're busy nodding that gas is so expensive, our loans are killing us, and no one can get ahead these days.

[Unionville]

Speaking more broadly, I wonder if it hurts our cause that so many of us are "in the closet" about our plans to retire early by spending less and saving up.  Seems like there are plenty of people around us who could use a better example, while we're busy nodding that gas is so expensive, our loans are killing us, and no one can get ahead these days.

You make a good point.  I wonder if there is a way to set an example for others, so they can see the benefits.  The few times I've tried to share my situation, the response has been silence. In my experience, I find giving money advice in not welcome, even when a person is suffering. It's like talking to a brick wall.  People find it very invasive as if you are telling them how to raise their children. I cannot seem to convince them they really DON'T need new shoes or a $100 teddy bear for their grandkid. I wish there was a way to get across how "cool" it is to live without "stuff"  or buy it used.  I think most people don't see a light at the end of the tunnel or are living paycheck to paycheck.  I generally offer to help by footing the bill for simple things, because I'm so much better off.  I don't like seeing people stressed out and suffering over money, but I don't know where to begin to chip away at the problem.

[CommonCents]

Speaking more broadly, I wonder if it hurts our cause that so many of us are "in the closet" about our plans to retire early by spending less and saving up.  Seems like there are plenty of people around us who could use a better example, while we're busy nodding that gas is so expensive, our loans are killing us, and no one can get ahead these days.

Probably.  I try to share things that don't make me sound crazy, and with those who seem open and interested I share more.  I also have never had friends complain about car payments (acquaintances, yes) or making bills (old coworker, yes).  Around here, I told my coworkers I was afraid of a high first gas bill, so we were keeping the heat low - 67 day, 60 at night - and I was told we were being too easy on it.  (And my MIL keeps it 50 or 55...)  So I try to model it - but admittedly, I don't share my strategies as much with my sister, who is not so open, as I do with my brother, who is open and never had to cord cut because he never got cable in the first place.

[jordanread]

Speaking more broadly, I wonder if it hurts our cause that so many of us are "in the closet" about our plans to retire early by spending less and saving up.  Seems like there are plenty of people around us who could use a better example, while we're busy nodding that gas is so expensive, our loans are killing us, and no one can get ahead these days.

You make a good point.  I wonder if there is a way to set an example for others, so they can see the benefits.  The few times I've tried to share my situation, the response has been silence. In my experience, I find giving money advice in not welcome, even when a person is suffering. It's like talking to a brick wall.  People find it very invasive as if you are telling them how to raise their children. I cannot seem to convince them they really DON'T need new shoes or a $100 teddy bear for their grandkid. I wish there was a way to get across how "cool" it is to live without "stuff"  or buy it used.  I think most people don't see a light at the end of the tunnel or are living paycheck to paycheck.  I generally offer to help by footing the bill for simple things, because I'm so much better off.  I don't like seeing people stressed out and suffering over money, but I don't know where to begin to chip away at the problem.

One thing is to do a blog. That's something I am doing. Not trying to plug, but there are some interesting ideas I'm looking into at the G+ Mustachian Community. Hangouts-On-Air or podcasts. Turns out there is a Mustachian who is just practicing being retired, and really likes doing that stuff.

[Unionville]

One thing is to do a blog. That's something I am doing. Not trying to plug, but there are some interesting ideas I'm looking into at the G+ Mustachian Community. Hangouts-On-Air or podcasts. Turns out there is a Mustachian who is just practicing being retired, and really likes doing that stuff.

What g+ groups are you talking about?

[jordanread]

What g+ groups are you talking about?

It's a community called Mustachians I created a day or two ago. Don't want to spam all the threads with the link, but I talk about here:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/are-their-any-mastermind-groups-around-financial-independence/

[Russ]

What g+ groups are you talking about?

It's a community called Mustachians I created a day or two ago. Don't want to spam all the threads with the link, but I talk about here:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/are-their-any-mastermind-groups-around-financial-independence/

You might want to start a new thread (with descriptive title) to promote that, or at least put it in your sig or something. otherwise very few people are going to see it.

[jordanread]

What g+ groups are you talking about?

It's a community called Mustachians I created a day or two ago. Don't want to spam all the threads with the link, but I talk about here:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/are-their-any-mastermind-groups-around-financial-independence/

You might want to start a new thread (with descriptive title) to promote that, or at least put it in your sig or something. otherwise very few people are going to see it.

Good thinking. Done and...um, will do the thread later. Thanks for the suggestion. I was trying to let it grow organically, just to see what happened, but the Signature is a good idea.