Do you ever get "The Look"?

[ixtap]

I get 'the Look' when I've told someone I can't afford an X when we were out windowshopping, but then buy a Y the next week. It's just that in my head the budget for X was empty (or there was no need for another X at that time), but I had been saving up for Y for quite some time.

For X read 'clothes', and for Y read 'specific piece of art'.

I got the look, luckily followed by a lightbulb, when a friend said she couldn't afford something and I responded that we could afford it, but it isn't how we choose to spend. She has plenty of luxury spending and I have since heard her use similar phrasing. To me, the difference is gratitude.

[Valley of Plenty]

I just remembered another moment when I received an equivalent to "The Look" over the phone.

A representative from the bank that handles my mortgage and home insurance called to ask if I would be interested in having them check to see if they could get me a better price on my car insurance. I said sure, why not? I'm always down for potential savings. They said they needed to get some information about my current policy in order to give me a quote for a similar policy that mirrors my existing one. Because I drive a 13 year old vehicle with 172,000 miles and a KBB value of about $1500, I obviously don't bother with comprehensive coverage, just liability. And because I have so much in savings, I opt for high deductibles and minimum coverage amounts. When I told the representative what my coverage options were on my current policy, she told me that they recommend lower deductibles and higher coverage amounts, because "If you end up in a major accident you could end up having to pay thousands of dollars!" I had to assure her multiple times that I understood the risks and was comfortable with my current coverage selections. Eventually I just said "Listen, I drive about 5 miles a week on average, at an average speed of about 35MPH (town driving, rarely on highways). It is very unlikely that I'm going to hit someone else's car hard enough to cause major damage. And even if that does happen, an unexpected expense of several thousand dollars is not going to impact my finances in any meaningful way."

I could feel "The Look" through the phone.

Apparently it's an utterly alien concept that someone in their mid 20s could have several thousand dollars set aside for emergencies.

On a similar note I get a letter in the mail about once a month from my electric company encouraging me to buy their hardware insurance policy that covers the cost of damages to the exterior power lines that feed into my house. The letters always highlight that "if you elect not to carry insurance, you could be responsible for as much as $1,000 in repair costs! as if that prospect is supposed to scare me into giving them $100 a year in case a tree suddenly sprouts up, grows 20 feet tall, and falls onto one of my power lines.

[ysette9]

Back when we had the misfortune to have Comcast as our internet provider I got a phone call trying to sell my an upgraded package with television content. It was a struggle to get the person on the phone to believe that we don’t watch tv and I had to repeat myself a few times. The person couldn’t understand me and finally asked something along the lines of why not. “Because there are so many other great things to do in life!”

The phone call thankfully ended soon after.

[dragoncar]

On a similar note I get a letter in the mail about once a month from my electric company encouraging me to buy their hardware insurance policy that covers the cost of damages to the exterior power lines that feed into my house. The letters always highlight that "if you elect not to carry insurance, you could be responsible for as much as $1,000 in repair costs! as if that prospect is supposed to scare me into giving them $100 a year in case a tree suddenly sprouts up, grows 20 feet tall, and falls onto one of my power lines.

Reminds me of those predatory life insurance policy ads on tv where they say “funeral costs could be as much as $1500!!!!” Or whatever.  Like yeah if a loved one dies I’m not that worried about funeral costs although I understand not everyone is in that privileged a position

[Adventine]

This reminds me of a conversation I once had with two friends. One was from the same middle class background as me, and the other was from an extremely rich family (as in he was born into the top 100 richest families in my country of birth).

Rich Friend was genuinely curious how me and Other Friend defined "rich". Other Friend immediately said "I have no idea!" I said, "If one of my family gets sick, and I'm only worried about them getting better, and not how to pay their medical bills, then I'm rich."

I got two Looks that day. Rich Friend looked impressed. Other Friend just goggled at me.

[Valley of Plenty]

Back when we had the misfortune to have Comcast as our internet provider I got a phone call trying to sell my an upgraded package with television content. It was a struggle to get the person on the phone to believe that we don’t watch tv and I had to repeat myself a few times. The person couldn’t understand me and finally asked something along the lines of why not. “Because there are so many other great things to do in life!”

The phone call thankfully ended soon after.

I had a very similar conversation with a Comcast rep just a couple weeks ago when I called to negotiate a lower rate for my internet. They were trying to sell me on some new Fire Stick-esque thing they're offering now. It's apparently a lot cheaper than their regular TV bundles and includes access to 40 of the most popular channels. They actually read off to me all 40 of the channels. Once they finished I responded with "No thanks, I don't watch any of those." They then asked "What about Netflix? Hulu? Amazon Prime? Disney Plus?" Nope, nope, nope, and nope. I told them I just don't care for TV all that much, which is mostly true, but also you can stream pretty much anything for free online if you know where to look. I didn't mention that part ;)

[rothwem]

God, the smug in this thread is off the charts.  Its giving me a headache. 

Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

His face scrunched up and he gave me "The Look" - as though he wanted to ask "How can that be? That does not fit into my understanding of reality, that a single, non-wealthy-appearing woman owns a very expensive piece of real estate."

I have gotten "The Look" at other times also. I usually get it when I mention that I own a condo, but I have also gotten it when I mention I am a computer programmer - somehow I do not fit into people's stereotypical vision of what a computer programmer looks like (i.e. young and male and high-salaried).

Does anyone else get "The Look"? I have a very low-key appearance and do not flaunt my wealth, educational, or career accomplishments in any way, which seems to lead strangers to conclude that I am not wealthy or successful.

Lol, no.  Dude just figured your parents bought it for you. 

Ooooh…. I got a new “the look” this week!  Actually two different “looks” in rapid succession.

We are several months into the design and permitting phase of a home renovation that involves some new foundation piers and modifications to the roof. At 900 sqft our home is among the smallest in the area (hence the renovation) and fairly average in curb appearance

This week I met with the structural engineer.  He parked his new massive $60k pickup behind my 2012 hatchback and started poking around.  Move on his pickup below…

Right away he started giving me “the look #1” - aka the “this is way out of your financial capabilities.  He was polite enough, starting with “this is a pretty big job” and then “digging proper footings is never cheap”.  To which I kinda laughed and said “yeah, I know”.  He became a bit frustrated that he wasn’t getting through to my poor ass that this was a project I clearly couldn’t afford, so he goes “you know you could buy a new car for what this might cost”.  I paused for a second thinking about how to respond and then I pointed to his truck and asked “like, the cost of your truck there?”

He chuckled and said “oh no, it won’t be that much - that’s a 2023 Chevy 2500 with a 6 liter V8. It sells for $60k new.  I only have  it because they offered me a great lease when i traded in my 2018.”  To which I responded “great, if it’s a lot less than that we’re good”.  That put him off balance.  As a last resort he asked “have you spoken to your bank about a construction loan, because most are charging over 7% if they’ll fund the project at all. Damn fed raising rates…”  My response: “no, we’ve got the cash.  Actually we want to start the project soon because we’re tired of it just sitting in our checking account earning 1.9% interest”

Which prompted “look #2” - aka “how can you possibly have that much money?”

Not to be a dick, but put yourself in his shoes.  Would you bid on a job for someone with no money?  Especially if you're a structural engineer, where you've got to do significant work just to make the quote. Also, in the trades, you usually don't get paid until the end or after you make significant investment yourself and I think you'd be surprised at how often GC's get stiffed and don't have the time or knowledge to pursue the customer for their payment. 

As for look #2, yeah, he thought it was an inheritance or that you were full of shit. 

[nereo]

God, the smug in this thread is off the charts.  Its giving me a headache. 

Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

His face scrunched up and he gave me "The Look" - as though he wanted to ask "How can that be? That does not fit into my understanding of reality, that a single, non-wealthy-appearing woman owns a very expensive piece of real estate."

I have gotten "The Look" at other times also. I usually get it when I mention that I own a condo, but I have also gotten it when I mention I am a computer programmer - somehow I do not fit into people's stereotypical vision of what a computer programmer looks like (i.e. young and male and high-salaried).

Does anyone else get "The Look"? I have a very low-key appearance and do not flaunt my wealth, educational, or career accomplishments in any way, which seems to lead strangers to conclude that I am not wealthy or successful.

Lol, no.  Dude just figured your parents bought it for you. 

Ooooh…. I got a new “the look” this week!  Actually two different “looks” in rapid succession.

We are several months into the design and permitting phase of a home renovation that involves some new foundation piers and modifications to the roof. At 900 sqft our home is among the smallest in the area (hence the renovation) and fairly average in curb appearance

This week I met with the structural engineer.  He parked his new massive $60k pickup behind my 2012 hatchback and started poking around.  Move on his pickup below…

Right away he started giving me “the look #1” - aka the “this is way out of your financial capabilities.  He was polite enough, starting with “this is a pretty big job” and then “digging proper footings is never cheap”.  To which I kinda laughed and said “yeah, I know”.  He became a bit frustrated that he wasn’t getting through to my poor ass that this was a project I clearly couldn’t afford, so he goes “you know you could buy a new car for what this might cost”.  I paused for a second thinking about how to respond and then I pointed to his truck and asked “like, the cost of your truck there?”

He chuckled and said “oh no, it won’t be that much - that’s a 2023 Chevy 2500 with a 6 liter V8. It sells for $60k new.  I only have  it because they offered me a great lease when i traded in my 2018.”  To which I responded “great, if it’s a lot less than that we’re good”.  That put him off balance.  As a last resort he asked “have you spoken to your bank about a construction loan, because most are charging over 7% if they’ll fund the project at all. Damn fed raising rates…”  My response: “no, we’ve got the cash.  Actually we want to start the project soon because we’re tired of it just sitting in our checking account earning 1.9% interest”

Which prompted “look #2” - aka “how can you possibly have that much money?”

Not to be a dick, but put yourself in his shoes.  Would you bid on a job for someone with no money?  Especially if you're a structural engineer, where you've got to do significant work just to make the quote. Also, in the trades, you usually don't get paid until the end or after you make significant investment yourself and I think you'd be surprised at how often GC's get stiffed and don't have the time or knowledge to pursue the customer for their payment. 

As for look #2, yeah, he thought it was an inheritance or that you were full of shit.

You’ve missed the entire point of this thread. Around here it’s not at all remarkable for adults in their 30s or 40s to own their own home outright, or to have $50k in their account, or similar. We consider it part of being a fiscally-responsible adult. Frankly it’s absurd that people have become so accustomed to debt and spending everything they earn - that’s the origin of “the look”.  It should not be surprising when a homeowner has the financial means to make five-figure repairs, because thats part of owning a home.

Reading through others accounts, there is a secondary theme of misogyny. People being shocked that a woman (especially a single woman) knows how to fix, build, repair or pay for something expensive. Again, the surprising thing is that it’s at all surprising in our society. My wife gets this all the time

[rothwem]

God, the smug in this thread is off the charts.  Its giving me a headache. 

Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

His face scrunched up and he gave me "The Look" - as though he wanted to ask "How can that be? That does not fit into my understanding of reality, that a single, non-wealthy-appearing woman owns a very expensive piece of real estate."

I have gotten "The Look" at other times also. I usually get it when I mention that I own a condo, but I have also gotten it when I mention I am a computer programmer - somehow I do not fit into people's stereotypical vision of what a computer programmer looks like (i.e. young and male and high-salaried).

Does anyone else get "The Look"? I have a very low-key appearance and do not flaunt my wealth, educational, or career accomplishments in any way, which seems to lead strangers to conclude that I am not wealthy or successful.

Lol, no.  Dude just figured your parents bought it for you. 

Ooooh…. I got a new “the look” this week!  Actually two different “looks” in rapid succession.

We are several months into the design and permitting phase of a home renovation that involves some new foundation piers and modifications to the roof. At 900 sqft our home is among the smallest in the area (hence the renovation) and fairly average in curb appearance

This week I met with the structural engineer.  He parked his new massive $60k pickup behind my 2012 hatchback and started poking around.  Move on his pickup below…

Right away he started giving me “the look #1” - aka the “this is way out of your financial capabilities.  He was polite enough, starting with “this is a pretty big job” and then “digging proper footings is never cheap”.  To which I kinda laughed and said “yeah, I know”.  He became a bit frustrated that he wasn’t getting through to my poor ass that this was a project I clearly couldn’t afford, so he goes “you know you could buy a new car for what this might cost”.  I paused for a second thinking about how to respond and then I pointed to his truck and asked “like, the cost of your truck there?”

He chuckled and said “oh no, it won’t be that much - that’s a 2023 Chevy 2500 with a 6 liter V8. It sells for $60k new.  I only have  it because they offered me a great lease when i traded in my 2018.”  To which I responded “great, if it’s a lot less than that we’re good”.  That put him off balance.  As a last resort he asked “have you spoken to your bank about a construction loan, because most are charging over 7% if they’ll fund the project at all. Damn fed raising rates…”  My response: “no, we’ve got the cash.  Actually we want to start the project soon because we’re tired of it just sitting in our checking account earning 1.9% interest”

Which prompted “look #2” - aka “how can you possibly have that much money?”

Not to be a dick, but put yourself in his shoes.  Would you bid on a job for someone with no money?  Especially if you're a structural engineer, where you've got to do significant work just to make the quote. Also, in the trades, you usually don't get paid until the end or after you make significant investment yourself and I think you'd be surprised at how often GC's get stiffed and don't have the time or knowledge to pursue the customer for their payment. 

As for look #2, yeah, he thought it was an inheritance or that you were full of shit.

You’ve missed the entire point of this thread. Around here it’s not at all remarkable for adults in their 30s or 40s to own their own home outright, or to have $50k in their account, or similar. We consider it part of being a fiscally-responsible adult. Frankly it’s absurd that people have become so accustomed to debt and spending everything they earn - that’s the origin of “the look”.  It should not be surprising when a homeowner has the financial means to make five-figure repairs, because thats part of owning a home.

Reading through others accounts, there is a secondary theme of misogyny. People being shocked that a woman (especially a single woman) knows how to fix, build, repair or pay for something expensive. Again, the surprising thing is that it’s at all surprising in our society. My wife gets this all the time

I didn't miss anything. 

I get the bankers and stuff being surprised when someone rolls up on a bike looking shabby but it turns out they have a zillion dollars in the account.  Its mildly amusing, though the moral implication that you're better than the other party because of your extra wealth is a bit pukey. 

Anyways, I picked out these two examples though because I think the looks were somewhat justified given the information the contractors had at the time. 

[clarkfan1979]

God, the smug in this thread is off the charts.  Its giving me a headache. 

Recently I got my condo painted. I live in the HCOL Bay Area, and own a two-bedroom condo. I am a single woman Mustachian with no obvious signs of wealth, and I keep my bicycle in my living room.

The painter and I were talking about the job, and he said, "This place, you rent it, right?"

I said, "No, I own it."

His face scrunched up and he gave me "The Look" - as though he wanted to ask "How can that be? That does not fit into my understanding of reality, that a single, non-wealthy-appearing woman owns a very expensive piece of real estate."

I have gotten "The Look" at other times also. I usually get it when I mention that I own a condo, but I have also gotten it when I mention I am a computer programmer - somehow I do not fit into people's stereotypical vision of what a computer programmer looks like (i.e. young and male and high-salaried).

Does anyone else get "The Look"? I have a very low-key appearance and do not flaunt my wealth, educational, or career accomplishments in any way, which seems to lead strangers to conclude that I am not wealthy or successful.

Lol, no.  Dude just figured your parents bought it for you. 

Ooooh…. I got a new “the look” this week!  Actually two different “looks” in rapid succession.

We are several months into the design and permitting phase of a home renovation that involves some new foundation piers and modifications to the roof. At 900 sqft our home is among the smallest in the area (hence the renovation) and fairly average in curb appearance

This week I met with the structural engineer.  He parked his new massive $60k pickup behind my 2012 hatchback and started poking around.  Move on his pickup below…

Right away he started giving me “the look #1” - aka the “this is way out of your financial capabilities.  He was polite enough, starting with “this is a pretty big job” and then “digging proper footings is never cheap”.  To which I kinda laughed and said “yeah, I know”.  He became a bit frustrated that he wasn’t getting through to my poor ass that this was a project I clearly couldn’t afford, so he goes “you know you could buy a new car for what this might cost”.  I paused for a second thinking about how to respond and then I pointed to his truck and asked “like, the cost of your truck there?”

He chuckled and said “oh no, it won’t be that much - that’s a 2023 Chevy 2500 with a 6 liter V8. It sells for $60k new.  I only have  it because they offered me a great lease when i traded in my 2018.”  To which I responded “great, if it’s a lot less than that we’re good”.  That put him off balance.  As a last resort he asked “have you spoken to your bank about a construction loan, because most are charging over 7% if they’ll fund the project at all. Damn fed raising rates…”  My response: “no, we’ve got the cash.  Actually we want to start the project soon because we’re tired of it just sitting in our checking account earning 1.9% interest”

Which prompted “look #2” - aka “how can you possibly have that much money?”

Not to be a dick, but put yourself in his shoes.  Would you bid on a job for someone with no money?  Especially if you're a structural engineer, where you've got to do significant work just to make the quote. Also, in the trades, you usually don't get paid until the end or after you make significant investment yourself and I think you'd be surprised at how often GC's get stiffed and don't have the time or knowledge to pursue the customer for their payment. 

As for look #2, yeah, he thought it was an inheritance or that you were full of shit.

You’ve missed the entire point of this thread. Around here it’s not at all remarkable for adults in their 30s or 40s to own their own home outright, or to have $50k in their account, or similar. We consider it part of being a fiscally-responsible adult. Frankly it’s absurd that people have become so accustomed to debt and spending everything they earn - that’s the origin of “the look”.  It should not be surprising when a homeowner has the financial means to make five-figure repairs, because thats part of owning a home.

Reading through others accounts, there is a secondary theme of misogyny. People being shocked that a woman (especially a single woman) knows how to fix, build, repair or pay for something expensive. Again, the surprising thing is that it’s at all surprising in our society. My wife gets this all the time

I didn't miss anything. 

I get the bankers and stuff being surprised when someone rolls up on a bike looking shabby but it turns out they have a zillion dollars in the account.  Its mildly amusing, though the moral implication that you're better than the other party because of your extra wealth is a bit pukey. 

Anyways, I picked out these two examples though because I think the looks were somewhat justified given the information the contractors had at the time.

I agree that the questions from the contractors are justified because they want to get paid. However, "the look" is not justified. "The look" is an American misunderstanding of how people in this country actually build wealth.

The inaccurate American stereotype is that to have wealth, you need a fancy house and fancy car, which is pretty much the exact opposite of how it happens. According to the "Millionaire Next Door" book, millionaires are more likely to have a modest house and car. They live below their means and invest the difference. They did a revision of the millionaire next door book a few years ago. For households with a 10 million+ net worth the average cost of a car for them was 47K. This was pre-COVID. Not sure if the "average" was mean or median.



 

[Fomerly known as something]

I get the look every time I say I’m going to actually retire when I’m eligible.  (I have a pension).  I’ve gotten tired of trying to change anyone so I just say, I’m not divorced.  Generally this turns the look into a makes ssence to me nod.

[nereo]

I didn't miss anything. 

I get the bankers and stuff being surprised when someone rolls up on a bike looking shabby but it turns out they have a zillion dollars in the account.  Its mildly amusing, though the moral implication that you're better than the other party because of your extra wealth is a bit pukey. 

Anyways, I picked out these two examples though because I think the looks were somewhat justified given the information the contractors had at the time.

The structural engineers job is to provide detailed plans following the architects design for permitting and for the GC to follow. He’s not the architect or the GC. His fee was set by the contract, and it doesn’t change if the build costs $2,000 or $200k. He isn’t out anything if we cancel the project. seemed to be our

As for contractors, the norm is to agree to a payment schedule with a down payment up front for larger jobs or ones with more perceived risk.

[dragoncar]

Have you ever gotten “the look” for quoting and replying to a 6 year old post?

And Btw it’s spelled “Smaug”

[Turkey Leg]

I spared a young employee at a hardware store from giving me the look.

I had purchased a tool chest online (with in-store pickup) and grabbed a couple of gallons of paint and headed for self-checkout.

The employee monitoring self-checkout asked for a receipt for the tool chest, and I showed him the "already paid/in-store pickup" sticker on it. Then he decided he needed to check inside the chest to make sure I wasn't smuggling out anything else. I just smiled.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that—despite the way I was dressed—he was searching a millionaire.

[rothwem]

I didn't have the heart to tell him that—despite the way I was dressed—he was searching a millionaire.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winona_Ryder#2001_arrest

People don't always steal out of desperation. 

[Greystache]

Hell, Donald Trump stole from his charity and he claims to be a billionaire.

[Herbert Derp]

And Btw it’s spelled “Smaug”

Smug is an adjective and Smaug is a dragon. Or am I missing part of your humor?

[nereo]

And Btw it’s spelled “Smaug”

Smug is an adjective and Smaug is a dragon. Or am I missing part of your humor?

Yes, and yes.

Spoiler: show

His avatar is a dragon.