Do people look at you different after admitting your early retirement ambitions?

[OutBy40]

Just curious, and not that I give a wit about what other people think of my desire to retire early, but I'm curious how many here have had a situation where people look at you or treat you differently once they find out that you're looking to retire DECADES before they are.  Do you know anyone that shallow?

[Holyoak]

Sure, it's a look of "yeah right, unemployed lazy bum with no ambition who couldn't cut it"...  Yep, same assholes without two nickles to rub together, huge I'm entitled to it credit debt, lots of shit filling the garage of a home they can't afford, much less park their gas guzzling 7 year loan POS auto, eat crap, in terrible stress filled relationships, one paycheck from disaster...  Screw em!  Now that ER is my reality, even the desire to say screw em is nil...  Not even worth the minimal energy.

[OutBy40]

Sure, it's a look of "yeah right, unemployed lazy bum with no ambition who couldn't cut it"...  Yep, same assholes without two nickles to rub together, huge I'm entitled to it credit debt, lots of shit filling the garage of a home they can't afford, much less park their gas guzzling 7 year loan POS auto, eat crap, in terrible stress filled relationships, one paycheck from disaster...  Screw em!  Now that ER is my reality, even the desire to say screw em is nil...  Not even worth the minimal energy.

Well stated.

[MrFancypants]

“I enjoy my work, but it’s all fun to me. I have a lot of fun... It’s a question of how you want to do it: do you go at a steady pace for 70 years, or do you go flat out for 10 years, then relax? I rather like doing it that way.”

[Kansas Beachbum]

I haven't really experienced the asshole'ish responses as some others, although I don't for a minute doubt they happen.  I've seen more the disbelieving, how the hell are you going to pull that off response...really more of a jealousy, wish I could do that, kind of thing than hostility.  Be leaving for Florida in 18 months when the youngest gets out of high school.  Will be kind of fun to see how those non believers react when we actually do pull up stakes and leave. 

But as you said...not something I spend a lot of time thinking about :-)

[schimt]

Holyoak...holyanger!

Haha but yea, i have let some friends in on my plans, with genuine care and hope to influence them positively in regards to finance. I try to stick to the vision of FI over ER because its easier to accept the fact that i want to live a lifestyle where i can make my own choices and with out the stress of finances breathing down my neck. I tell them, if i decide i would like to never work another day, i could do that, but don't plan to do that and i can also continue working if i enjoy the job i'm in, or start a non profit or for profit, travel, ect. ect. But again it will be my decision, not because i have to stay in the rat race to stay afloat.

In my opinion, people take to this mindset much easier then saying you have a goal of retiring at 35....

Even presenting it this way, i have one spendy friend who should have "YOLO" tattooed on his forehead, and frequently puts me down for being frugal, or "not enjoy life" as he sees it. It doesn't bother me in the least. I got 3 people on board with the MMM lifestyle and i am content with that. Someone did it for me and i have done the same for others, so that made it worth the effort and crap i receive from others, anyone that wants to pick fun at me, no sweat off my back.

[OutBy40]

Even presenting it this way, i have one spendy friend who should have "YOLO" tattooed on his forehead, and frequently puts me down for being frugal, or "not enjoy life" as he sees it.

I used to be that way too, but I recently learned how little people actually need to enjoy life. 

[GuitarStv]

I've learned to keep my mouth shut about it.  Best case all that you get is negativity from people.

[Mesmoiselle]

I received great advice from an older lady one day when she said she had a million dollars by 30.

I said, at age 21, that I couldn't even imagine a million dollars.

With a twinkle in her eye, she said, "then you will never have it."

So, I think the reaction thus far I've received is either that they can't "imagine it" or it sounds like more work than their current complacency allows.

But no nastiness thus far.

[stuckinmn]

Just yesterday a coworker who is my age (mid 40s)and has no kids was in my office and the subject came up of some severance packages executives have gotten.  I told him that if I got anywhere close to something like that you'd see smoke trails behind me as I ran for the door. 

He looked at me and asked if i really thought I could live on a million dollars the rest of my life.  After explaining to him that my family of 4 could easily make that work, he just said he didn't think it would work for him.  I tried explaining how easy it would be but was left with blank stares.  Some folks are just programmed to work until 65.         

[Luck12]

Most friends see where I'm coming from.  A few I can see their jealousy and they probably wish to see me fall flat on my face, but fuck those haters.  I think they're just jealous that I have a relaxing job and that I don't have to put with much compared to them since I have FU money and they aren't close to having that.   

[Kansas Beachbum]

I said, at age 21, that I couldn't even imagine a million dollars.

With a twinkle in her eye, she said, "then you will never have it."

That's absolute gold!  Love it!

[benjenn]

We only recently moved our early retirement date up from mid-2018 to end of 2015.  It's not terribly early for us... Hubby will be 52, I'll be 51.  But I work in an organization where there are many people who work 30, 40, even 50 years.  I know of one person who retired after 52 years.  I haven't had any truly negative comments, just a bunch of people questioning why (and how) I'm giving up so much (high pay, huge benefits, big portion of pension).  I just smile and tell them all we need is enough and we will have enough by then.  I don't really care whether they get it or not... as long as we do.  :)

[MrFancypants]

A few I can see their jealousy and they probably wish to see me fall flat on my face, but fuck those haters. 

Here's my personal response to that....

"Yeah, maybe I'll fall flat on my face, but the floor in the house that catches my face will be completely paid off and I'll have a big pile of cash on the side to sooth those tender bruises."

There's no long term downside to what you're doing as long as you're doing it to pursue a happier state of being.  Maybe you fail at retiring as early as you like, but you're still better off than the person who didn't have the nerve to try in the first place.

[AllieVaulter]

I haven't experienced super negative responses, but I've definitely got some disbelief.  People get so caught up on the Early Retirement, they totally miss the fact that it's the Financial Independence that's important.  I love the idea of not feeling like I HAVE to go to work.  How much more enjoyable would work be if I was CHOOSING to work.  The mindset makes a huge difference. 

The thing that surprises me when I talk to people about FIRE?  The people who've already heard the ideas.  I found out I know of 2 other Mustachians! 

I still want to talk with people about it, because I want people to THINK about their lives.  I had just assumed I'd work for 30 years.  I work at a university though, so I make it a point to mention it to students on occasion, just to try and open up their minds a bit.  I've always been an advocate of no debt, but now I also sneak in the idea of living a deliberate life. 

[mostlyeels]

I've told three people so far.  My parents, who are very supportive (I think because they see I've got a plan).  They even help out a bit: when they come to visit, they put a bit towards the housekeeping (groceries, eating out a bit).  I appreciate it more now than ever before.  And a close friend, who's dreaming of not working as well.  He has different plans, and a more spendy spouse, and although we don't talk about it much, I reckon he's happy for me and probably a touch envious :)  But only a touch.

I doubt I'll tell most people.  Certainly not my extended family.  Even my sister I'll probably just tell I'm "independently wealthy" (which I will be!).  They don't need to know the details, just that I have more free time on my hands :)  Can't wait for that!!!

[Roots&Wings]

I've admitted my financial independence plans a few times in real life:

1. To my dad, who laughed and said that's utterly ridiculous (had hoped for a better reaction since he retired semi 'early' in his late 50's)

2. To a financial planner (free benefit at work), who also laughed at first, but then he saw some potential given my numbers; said he would crunch the numbers and report back on feasibility next week :)

Don't currently plan on admitting this to others.

[OutBy40]

I've admitted my financial independence plans a few times in real life:

1. To my dad, who laughed and said that's utterly ridiculous (had hoped for a better reaction since he retired semi 'early' in his late 50's)

2. To a financial planner (free benefit at work), who also laughed at first, but then he saw some potential given my numbers; said he would crunch the numbers and report back on feasibility next week :)

Don't currently plan on admitting this to others.

My dad was the one who retired at 49, and he showed me how possible it is to quit working and start enjoying your life.  He'd probably have $10m in the bank right now if he continued working over the past 13 years, but he values happiness over money.  So do I. 

[GuitarJim]

We're planning to retire next year.  We've started telling our friends and talking about it a bit and the reactions have been weird.  Folks that are doing well with their own savings and investments congratulate us and never bring it up except to ask us how our plans are going.  Others have had mixed reactions.  Some just can't get their heads around it and think that we're hiding something like a lottery event from them.  These tend to be the people who bought the big house, BMWs, and spoiled their kids.  When they ask how we did it, I respond by saying "Imagine you made the same amount of money over your career, but you stayed in the same place you bought 25 years ago, never got a nice car, and never had kids."  Not that we didn't have kids to save money, but the fact that we didn't of course allowed us to save a MUCH higher percentage of our income.  They still don't really understand it and some of them are harboring some obvious envy.

I have to admit that I am very worried about telling my family (brothers and sisters) and I may not do it, ever.  I am the youngest of a large family and all of them will be working until they are 65 or so.  I fear that, like most people, they equate retiring early with being rich and I think it would adversely affect our relationship, at least for a while, if they knew I had quit working. 

[lizzie]

I actually recently talked a little bit about it to my boss. I know that sounds weird, but it's less weird than it sounds because I won't be retiring early by MMM standards; I'm aiming for 55.  That is when my boss will be 65, and the nature of my work is such that it's as though I work for him personally and when he retires I would have to find a new job if I wanted/needed to keep working. So he could understand why I'd want to do this.

It's actually improved things with him. He used to give me a lot of grief about being cheap, biking to work, not liking to eat out for lunch, owning only one car (I'm married with two teenage kids), etc. But after I mentioned that I've paid off my mortgage and arranged my finances such that I can retire when he does, he's really backed off on all of that. The most telling moment was when he was actually gracious about the fact that I brought my homemade lunch along the last time he wanted to have a working lunch (it was at a casual fast food place so I didn't feel bad about bringing in food). I would've expected him to mock me mercilessly for that.

[SporeSpawn]

No.

[Eric]

We're planning to retire next year.  We've started telling our friends and talking about it a bit and the reactions have been weird.  Folks that are doing well with their own savings and investments congratulate us and never bring it up except to ask us how our plans are going.  Others have had mixed reactions.  Some just can't get their heads around it and think that we're hiding something like a lottery event from them.  These tend to be the people who bought the big house, BMWs, and spoiled their kids.  When they ask how we did it, I respond by saying "Imagine you made the same amount of money over your career, but you stayed in the same place you bought 25 years ago, never got a nice car, and never had kids."  Not that we didn't have kids to save money, but the fact that we didn't of course allowed us to save a MUCH higher percentage of our income.  They still don't really understand it and some of them are harboring some obvious envy.

Congrats!  How old will you be?


I've told my few close friends.  They seem to be open to the idea and were happy to hear that 401k balances could be accessed early.  My wife's parents are supportive and realize that we split one old car and live in a small apartment for a reason.  My parents are slightly skeptical, but more in a "we're worried about you" sort of way.  I've assured them by telling them that we'll probably still work some, just not full time (may or may not be true), but now my dad keeps trying to think of jobs for me to do.  Okay dad, we'll see.  :)

[Threshkin]

Some folks are just programmed to work until 65.       

I get this a lot "Retire?  You are not old enough to retire!"

[Annie-Blake]

I've learned to keep my mouth shut about it.  Best case all that you get is negativity from people.

i agreet with this.  people already judge us for the assets we have.  we had only planned to tell our immediate family members, and we did.  but then they spoke to our friends.  and now it's common knowledge.  we don't have things to gloat or tell people.  the only reason we have them is for us and our financial future.  which IMO is no ones business.   so now that we are onto the mustachian way of life, i definitely haven't told a soul.  i love our friends but unfortunately they are just too judgmental. they are not happy for us when we succeed, quite the opposite.

[OutBy40]

i love our friends but unfortunately they are just too judgmental. they are not happy for us when we succeed, quite the opposite.

Pardon me for asking, then, if they truly are your "friends"?  Anyone who gets disappointed by the success of their so-called friends are either incredibly shallow or downright selfish. 

...maybe a little of both.

[Melody]

I also told my boss and she's like how much have you saved since you've been here, I told her and she's like "yeah it's totally plausible but I couldn't live like you do" although we both agreed that I am living the way I want (childless, in a small space with all of my time occupied by two hobbies that I love which are inexpensive). Childless , small space, shopping at target are all not the life she would enjoy, although she is sensible, has investments and will likely retire by 60...that's her sweet spot. It's not mine.

[OutBy40]

I also told my boss and she's like how much have you saved since you've been here, I told her and she's like "yeah it's totally plausible but I couldn't live like you do" although we both agreed that I am living the way I want (childless, in a small space with all of my time occupied by two hobbies that I love which are inexpensive). Childless , small space, shopping at target are all not the life she would enjoy, although she is sensible, has investments and will likely retire by 60...that's her sweet spot. It's not mine.

I've told my boss too.  He seems to respect that decision and wishes he could do the same.  But where he lives (northern Virginia) and his family lifestyle, there's no way.  Most people are resigned to the fact that they will be working into their 60s.

[retired?]

I didn't try to RE, but I saved aggressively and then last Spring, within a 4-week period or so, decided I could do it.  So, no discussions prior about whether it was possible or not.

Couple anecdotes:

 - when doing my long-term plan (a requirement at work) and trying to fill in the 6-7 year section, I asked my mgr what in the world did the company realistically expect people to write down....it is too far off.  Eventually, I said 'retire'.  That was 12 months before I actually did it, but he said "aren't you a little young to retire?"  He's a company man (same firm all his life) and lives in London, so much harder.

 - since I would consider ideal roles in my previous profession (and I am out of the work force for about 6 months now), I don't tell people that I am retired or semi-retired....trying to keep the door open.  Well, when I off-handedly do mention retirement or slowing wayyyy down, they don't consider it as a real possibility.  Comments are like "you're going to throw in the towel, you have something to offer".  So many peolpe have been caught up in the machine of how "normal life" is supposed to look.  College, marriage, a few kids, work to 60-65 and then sit around doing nothing.

[Chaplin]

The first rule of FIRE club is _______________ .

[OutBy40]

- since I would consider ideal roles in my previous profession (and I am out of the work force for about 6 months now), I don't tell people that I am retired or semi-retired....trying to keep the door open.

Good point.  Never a bad thing to keep those doors open.

[OutBy40]

The first rule of FIRE club is _______________ .

+1 I've only told my wife.

Hopefully your wife is on-board.  :)

[Gin1984]

I don't tell anyone.  People know I "like money" and that I have info if they need it (I have a rep at school, lol), but that is it.

[BBub]

I stay pretty incognito for various reasons and received a negative response the few times I broached the subject with anyone outside my tight inner circle.  Only three people know: My SO, best friend and mom :-).

[Jon_Snow]

I started to let details of my ER plan slip out to a select few about 3 years before my actual ER date. I received the usual range of responses, from encouraging (but still skeptical), to quite a few eye rolls and "whatevers".

When I actually retired, it was generally a chorus of "Holy s**t, he really did it!". People still seem to be quite perplexed and confused as to how this was possible. I am guessing that during the Christmas holidays, while negotiating the gauntlet of family gatherings, I am probably going to be answering a lot of "how did you do it?" type questions....

[Roots&Wings]

My dad was the one who retired at 49, and he showed me how possible it is to quit working and start enjoying your life.  He'd probably have $10m in the bank right now if he continued working over the past 13 years, but he values happiness over money.  So do I.

That's awesome.  My dad really inspired me when he retired at 58 from a job he didn't enjoy.  My grandfather also inspired me since he loved his job and basically worked until his health failed because it was part of him and made him happier.  Having millions didn't seem to impact either's happiness though.

Since finding this forum and sharing my financial independence plans online, I find I'm happier at work and enjoying life more.  Sharing in real life hasn't worked as well though.

[OutBy40]

Since finding this forum and sharing my financial independence plans online, I find I'm happier at work and enjoying life more.  Sharing in real life hasn't worked as well though.

It is funny how your state of mind completely changes your outlook on life.  Like you, I was incredibly inspired by these pages here on MMM and re-ignited that ember within me that represents a desire and ability to save big and achieve financial independence sooner rather than later.  My dad proved to me that it can be done.  Hell, so many others have, too - some in this very thread.

I enjoy work more now than ever.  Why?  Because I no longer worry about promotions or bonuses, getting recognized within the company or getting face time with high level managers.  I just don't care.  All that does is set you up for a lifetime of working.  You get paid handsomely for it, but again, money doesn't drive me any longer.

That part of my life is over.  Good riddance. 

[MooseOutFront]

I'm on a private message board with quite a few old acquaintances from college that I don't really cross paths with in the real world.  I admitted my plan of retiring at 40 in a post facto way once I realized my wife was staying at home with the kids and "derailing" the plan.  A C'est la vie kind of omission.  Now I take sarcastic jabs for it on the regular by a couple people on there.

They'll see. :)

In the real world I don't talk about it.  Always on the lookout for someone worthy of the conversation though.

[Public Hermit]

Not really, haven't told many people.

Retirement came up as casual water-cooler conversation at my full-time job one day since my boss is aware I have a 2nd part time job. She suggested that with how much I'm working, I could retire at 50. I just laughed and replied "That's the plan" and went on with my work. Little does she know that I plan to retire 10 years before that, and possibly to a different country. Meanwhile, my 43 year old co-worker in the next cubicle replied, "Retire at 50? I'll be working until I die!".

I just smiled and kept quiet.

[sol]

The most common reaction I've had from people, both family and professional associates, is an ugly face that I think means "what are you, some kind of slacker?"  I think people want and expect you to be an ambitious ladder climber, and admitting publicly that you're no longer playing that game is like admitting that you smoke pot and play video games every weekend, like you've given up on doing anything important with your life.

It's not a pleasant feeling, so I've stopped telling people.  The damage is done, though.

[Tyler]

In my experience (a very recent early retiree) the reaction you get depends a lot on your attitude going into the conversation.

If you're looking for praise, people will see you as arrogant.  If you're looking to proselytize financial independence, they will see you as judgmental.  But if you humbly state the positive personal reasons you have chosen to do something different while avoiding money talk altogether and remaining gracious to the circumstances of others, the reactions will be equally polite and positive even when not completely understanding.

And if someone does react negatively, don't take it personally.  The worst thing you can do is to act like an ass when someone doesn't react the way you'd prefer.  If you're truly confident in your choice, behave that way in the most polite way possible and set a good example.  Don't be that guy that gives early retirees a bad name. 

I personally deliberately avoid money talk and the word "retirement" altogether, and I think that helps tremendously.  Seriously -- practice doing that with yourself.  In my experience, if you can't verbalize your goals without talking about withdrawal rates or never working again you're probably not emotionally ready for retirement anyway.

[FiveSigmas]

Even presenting it this way, i have one spendy friend who should have "YOLO" tattooed on his forehead, and frequently puts me down for being frugal, or "not enjoy life" as he sees it.

I used to be that way too, but I recently learned how little people actually need to enjoy life.

Sorry to derail the conversation, but I read this sentence and managed to misinterpret it in two different ways before hitting upon the right (I hope) interpretation.

<sigh> I am easily amused. :-) Carry on...

[goodlife]

I generally don't tell anyone this. I haven't even told my family (only my husband of course). With some friends I have tried, but I tend to get one of two reactions. From people that are my age, they often react a bit defensive and think I am trying to show off or something or say that I must be super loaded. From people older than me, they usually react a bit condescending, saying that I have no idea about life, how much kids cost, that things will always cost a lot more than you think and that this is totally unrealistic.

Showing either of these groups of people the math doesn't help. And I also get the sense that most of them are so entrenched in their beliefs and their spending patterns and trying to share this idea with them is a bit like shaking the most fundamental things that they believe to be true about life. It's a bit like trying to prove to an atheist that there is a God or trying to prove to a religious person that there is not. I am not in the business of trying to convert people to anything, I share my ideas but leave it at that. And on the particular topic of retiring early I have by now learned to be very quiet about it, unless a generally deep conversation ensues which I only have with a couple of friends.

Money for some reason is still a very touchy subject. I find that rather sad, we have learned to talk about pretty much anything else that used to be taboo, but when it comes to money it's still something that people generally don't want to talk about.

[Ascotillion]

And if anyone asked and I started to explain I got the eye rolls and dead-look of total non-interest.

A lot of people seem to react that way to something that involves willpower and dedication. When I noticeably lost a bit of weight people were asking how I did it, and when I mentioned tracking calories and eating at a constant deficit they glazed over and nodded vacantly. They wanted to hear "I took a miracle pill" or "I bought this machine that does all the work", instead of "I worked hard". Same thing with money I guess!

[mancityfan]

I went through a phase of mentioning to a few people that we had paid off our mortgage and were moving towards FI. I  was just proud of the fact. To be sure a major contributor to our family situation has been a recent inheritance. After years of additional payments, we were able to pay off the modest balance. I mentioned some details to a close friend a year or so ago, and on the last few occasions he has mentioned how "lucky" I am. It has got to the point that I am now irritated with a very good friend. I sense resentment for sure. So I now just keep quiet. When I do retire early I will not be discussing any financial details with anyone, and will probably not even mention that I am retired.

To be fair to most people though, 99% of the conversations I have are very superficial in nature. So I try not to judge if there would be jokes or jibes about money. If someone asks to sit down and talk to me about how I retired early I will be glad to do it, but I do not see that happening. If I were to initiate that conversation then I know I would quickly get the glazed over dead eye look. I find this is the same though with anything that I may be passionate about and the other person is just having a superficial friendly conversation, of which I am as guilty as the next person. Such is life.

[clarkfan1979]

I went through a phase of mentioning to a few people that we had paid off our mortgage and were moving towards FI. I  was just proud of the fact. To be sure a major contributor to our family situation has been a recent inheritance. After years of additional payments, we were able to pay off the modest balance. I mentioned some details to a close friend a year or so ago, and on the last few occasions he has mentioned how "lucky" I am. It has got to the point that I am now irritated with a very good friend. I sense resentment for sure. So I now just keep quiet. When I do retire early I will not be discussing any financial details with anyone, and will probably not even mention that I am retired.

To be fair to most people though, 99% of the conversations I have are very superficial in nature. So I try not to judge if there would be jokes or jibes about money. If someone asks to sit down and talk to me about how I retired early I will be glad to do it, but I do not see that happening. If I were to initiate that conversation then I know I would quickly get the glazed over dead eye look. I find this is the same though with anything that I may be passionate about and the other person is just having a superficial friendly conversation, of which I am as guilty as the next person. Such is life.

Great news on your plans to pay off the house. It's unfortunate that more people are not more supportive. I have heard of people throwing mortgage burning parties once the house is paid off. That seems like such a fun event. Hopefully the word spreads and you can go to another mortgage burning party in a couple years. Friends and neighbors can share their new piece of freedom. Has anyone attended such an event? I have heard that these were more popular 20-30 years ago. It seems like such a party might not be appropriate in the current economic climate. Considering how many people lost houses it seems like it might be in poor taste to throw such a party. If so, that is unfortunate. I think it would be a lot of fun.

[Khaetra]

I FIRE'ed when I turned 40.  When I get asked the old 'so, what do you do for a living' and tell them I am retired, they either look at me as if I have three heads or laugh as if to say 'yeah, sure you are'.  I really have to resist the urge to insert a snarky comment.

[Public Hermit]

It's easier to not share anything about FIRE when you don't care what people think in the first place.

[Zamboni]

I am keeping mum.

But, once retired, will I tell people I am retired?  Hell no!  In fact, I'm going to take a cue from the lady sitting across from me at a recent event.  I know for a fact that she was a homemaker and has never held paid employment.  But, when people started the "and what do you do" conversation she joined right in with great zeal talking about the effort she makes on a committee that selects art for the local children's hospital.  She ended up sort of dominating the conversation because she was much more interested in what she does than most people.  Heck, I know another young guy (wealthy family, has never worked) who will join in talking about the technical details of his competitive boating (yacht racing, really) efforts.  So, as long as I keep doing some volunteer work or some fun hobby, I'll never have to answer with "I'm retired" or "I don't work."  I'll just fill in briefly with something I'm up to that month.  Since it will probably sound more like it could be a job than the yacht racing, I'll be golden.

[OutBy40]

I'll just fill in briefly with something I'm up to that month.  Since it will probably sound more like it could be a job than the yacht racing, I'll be golden.

There you go, I like that.  Of course, people might start to wonder what you really "do" if you respond with something like "I'm staining a wooden chair that I just built".  Or maybe in this case, you'll say that you do wood working.  :)

[Clever Name]

It's easier to not share anything about FIRE when you don't care what people think in the first place.

Of course, that also makes it easier *to* share, since you aren't worried about the possible negative reactions.