Do People Insult You? Call you "Cheap?"

[Wilson Hall]

Just be like Pee Wee Herman and say I know you are but what am I.

ROFL!

[Carless]

I was raised catholic, so the only real communication my family understands is guilt.
In your shoes, I would say very calmly and in the voice that makes people want to punch you  "I am sorry you don't like the brand of shoe I bought for your child. Perhaps next time you will pick the brand you like and pay for them yourself ." 

Try to make them cry with guilt. But if instead they fight back and yell louder, then you've touched a nerve.
But that's just how we do things in my family. Real communication is frowned upon.

I am sorry you don't like the brand of shoe I bought for your child. Perhaps next time you will pick the brand you like and pay for them yourself, you ungrateful prick.

There, fixed it for you.

People that insensitive and self-absorbed can't grasp subtle insults.

Or how about "cheap is getting someone else to buy shoes for your kid while you spend <insert $$ here> a month on your cell phone"

[MoneyCat]

My friends call me cheap sometimes, but then again they have the entire set of "Game of Thrones" replica weapons yet are constantly fighting utility shut-off notices. Maybe I should call them stupid.

[ptenn]

Like someone upthread, the only person who really calls me "cheap" is my wife. And most of the time she does it it's largely in jest. She has bought into a lot of the MMM philosophy sometimes there are some sticking points ... working on those.

If someone called me cheap I would just shrug it off. I really don't define myself by how other people see me.

[MasterStache]

Surprisingly no. Well maybe on a rare occasion, like when I chose a free flip phone over buying an expensive "smart" phone. I've been called smart more than cheap, mostly by people who envy our early retirement plans.

Once had one of my son's friends come over to play last year. Dad pulls up in an 80K brand new BMW to drop him off. I am in the middle of renovating our small fixer upper so there is crap everywhere, especially in the driveway. Heard him talking to my wife and was complaining about trying to convince his wife to get rid of all their expensive crap and live a more frugal, meaningful life, like us. My wife drove their son back home later that day and told me the entrance to their house, the front porch, was seemingly larger than our entire house. Apparently they live in a house probably worth 800K or so. Thought it was funny he envied our lifestyle though. 

[crispy]

Unfortunately, I don't think many people understand the extent of my cheapness so I have to point it out to them on a regular basis.  I was even named one of the cheapest people in Nashville on multiple occasions (because yes, there was a contest for it, and yes, I entered). I still worry that when people see my nice clothes (usually bought second hand), my 2012 car (bought used and in cash after my other one was totaled in an accident), or my elaborate vacations (in cash and on they cheap) they will think I am a mindless consumer.  So I refer to myself as cheap as often as possible lest people think I have money to lend or give them. 

[LivlongnProsper]

I am the only person who calls me cheap directly. I do that to maybe set expectations around coworkers or acquaintances. A few coworkers do indirectly call me cheap- commenting on potlucks and how I never bring in expensive things for them to eat. For a while I thought about dropping out of the monthly ritual but I have decided that the next time they comment I will suggest they drop out if they feel they are being jilted.

[Livingthedream55]

I generally don't say anything to my friends and family that overspend.  However, I am called "cheap" by a lot of people.  Many people made snide remarks to me.  However, I wouldn't consider myself cheap.  I am not hoarding money like Scrooge McDuck.  I spend my money on investments and education.

Sometimes, this does bother me though.  How do you guys deal with it?

Of course all the previous posters are right about not letting it get to you ... but in response to your original question ... I would say try this (at least with friends):

Friend: "Wow, you're so cheap!"
You" "Ouch, that's a hurtful thing to say."  (pause)  "Why would you say that to me?"
Friend: "Because you're cheap, man!"
You: "Not that I owe you an explanation, but I am choosing to focus on getting out of debt, paying off student loans right now and I find your remarks hurtful and am asking that you not do it anymore."

if they still  continue ... then you have something else going on that you can either explore with them or cool off the friendship.

As far as family, you can try a version of the above once - and after that - develop a tougher skin!

: 0 )

[goalphish2002]

I generally don't say anything to my friends and family that overspend.  However, I am called "cheap" by a lot of people.  Many people made snide remarks to me.  However, I wouldn't consider myself cheap.  I am not hoarding money like Scrooge McDuck.  I spend my money on investments and education.

Sometimes, this does bother me though.  How do you guys deal with it?

Of course all the previous posters are right about not letting it get to you ... but in response to your original question ... I would say try this (at least with friends):

Friend: "Wow, you're so cheap!"
You" "Ouch, that's a hurtful thing to say."  (pause)  "Why would you say that to me?"
Friend: "Because you're cheap, man!"
You: "Not that I owe you an explanation, but I am choosing to focus on getting out of debt, paying off student loans right now and I find your remarks hurtful and am asking that you not do it anymore."

if they still  continue ... then you have something else going on that you can either explore with them or cool off the friendship.

As far as family, you can try a version of the above once - and after that - develop a tougher skin!

: 0 )

Good advice, thanks.

[GuitarStv]

I generally don't say anything to my friends and family that overspend.  However, I am called "cheap" by a lot of people.  Many people made snide remarks to me.  However, I wouldn't consider myself cheap.  I am not hoarding money like Scrooge McDuck.  I spend my money on investments and education.

Sometimes, this does bother me though.  How do you guys deal with it?

Of course all the previous posters are right about not letting it get to you ... but in response to your original question ... I would say try this (at least with friends):

Friend: "Wow, you're so cheap!"
You" "Ouch, that's a hurtful thing to say."  (pause)  "Why would you say that to me?"
Friend: "Because you're cheap, man!"
You: "Not that I owe you an explanation, but I am choosing to focus on getting out of debt, paying off student loans right now and I find your remarks hurtful and am asking that you not do it anymore."

if they still  continue ... then you have something else going on that you can either explore with them or cool off the friendship.

As far as family, you can try a version of the above once - and after that - develop a tougher skin!

: 0 )

I prefer:

Friend: "Wow, you're so cheap!"
You: "Fuckin' right!"

[FrugalShrew]

I've also started talking to people about big, invisible expenses. Like the other day I was in a conversation with a coworker about buying a fancy house, and we agreed that it wasn't a good idea if it locked you into mortgage payments that made you dependent on your paycheck, because what if you got fired? Then I added, "even if I had the money to pay for it in cash, I think there are more important things I'd rather save my money for, like helping my kids' with their college tuition or nursing home care for my parents." I'm trying to signal that sometimes people might appear "cheap" on the surface but have significant invisible expenses spending where their values are.

[stoaX]

I generally don't say anything to my friends and family that overspend.  However, I am called "cheap" by a lot of people.  Many people made snide remarks to me.  However, I wouldn't consider myself cheap.  I am not hoarding money like Scrooge McDuck.  I spend my money on investments and education.

Sometimes, this does bother me though.  How do you guys deal with it?

Of course all the previous posters are right about not letting it get to you ... but in response to your original question ... I would say try this (at least with friends):

Friend: "Wow, you're so cheap!"
You" "Ouch, that's a hurtful thing to say."  (pause)  "Why would you say that to me?"
Friend: "Because you're cheap, man!"
You: "Not that I owe you an explanation, but I am choosing to focus on getting out of debt, paying off student loans right now and I find your remarks hurtful and am asking that you not do it anymore."

if they still  continue ... then you have something else going on that you can either explore with them or cool off the friendship.

As far as family, you can try a version of the above once - and after that - develop a tougher skin!

: 0 )

I prefer:

Friend: "Wow, you're so cheap!"
You: "Fuckin' right!"

I prefer that approach as well.  If I tried the polite approach my friends would ask "who are you and what have you done with the real stoax?"

[tonysemail]

I was even named one of the cheapest people in Nashville on multiple occasions.

am i the only one who wants to hear more about this?
please tell us there is an interesting story here!
do you have an arch nemesis in the "cheapest people contest"?

[crispy]

I was even named one of the cheapest people in Nashville on multiple occasions.

am i the only one who wants to hear more about this?
please tell us there is an interesting story here!
do you have an arch nemesis in the "cheapest people contest"?

Nashville has a newspaper columnist aptly named Ms. Cheap who ran a contest for years to find the cheapest person in Nashville.  Basically, you sent money saving tips in and she chose the top 50 tips.  The three best tips won monetary awards, and all 50 were invited to a luncheon and received some nifty swag and door prizes.  I came in the top 50 four times. I came in second place one year and won $500.  I actually still have my certificates so I am certifiably cheap!

[JLee]

My roommates sometimes do.  IDGAF.

[Eric]

Own it and make it fun to be called cheapl!

My favorite is when people say "just buy that _____, you only live once". 

I say something to the effect of "Exactly!!!!  If I knew I could live many times, then I'd say fuck it and blow my money.  But since I only live once, I want to spend as much of that time retired as possible!"

Then, every time I'm around them and do something extraordinarily frugal/cheap, I give them a smile and shout out YOLO!!!!

That is hilarious.  I'm stealing that!  :)

[Big in Japan]

I've also started talking to people about big, invisible expenses.

This went a different direction than I thought. Was hoping that you were making up imaginary airplane purchases or something similar!

"Oh, I wish I could afford to treat everyone to lunch, but antique biplanes are just so expensive, you know?"

[HarelLevy1]

Just yesterday I was sitting with a buddy and he wanted to go and eat pizza + ice cream, called me a buzzkill when I said "No, I am saving for FI".

[GuitarStv]

Just yesterday I was sitting with a buddy and he wanted to go and eat pizza + ice cream, called me a buzzkill when I said "No, I am saving for FI".

You could have gone with "No, I don't want to be as fat as you."

[FrugalShrew]

I've also started talking to people about big, invisible expenses.

This went a different direction than I thought. Was hoping that you were making up imaginary airplane purchases or something similar!

"Oh, I wish I could afford to treat everyone to lunch, but antique biplanes are just so expensive, you know?"

That sounds like more fun -- I would love to see people's reactions :)

[TVRodriguez]

I generally don't say anything to my friends and family that overspend.  However, I am called "cheap" by a lot of people.  Many people made snide remarks to me.  However, I wouldn't consider myself cheap.  I am not hoarding money like Scrooge McDuck.  I spend my money on investments and education.

Sometimes, this does bother me though.  How do you guys deal with it?

I used to be called cheap sometimes by some family members.  As DH and I paid off our student loans, then our house, then funded our kids' college funds, however, and as these family members learned of these payoffs over time, they stopped calling us cheap. 

Well, they didn't all stop, but now they call me cheap and then call me for money advice.

[RedmondStash]

Well, they didn't all stop, but now they call me cheap and then call me for money advice.

Yeah, some of my friends are asking me for money advice too. It's flattering, actually.

[TravelJunkyQC]

To people who call me cheap, I'll say something along the lines of, "I just had a car repair" or "I just took a week off to visit family." They therefore think I'm living like they are and therefore can't afford my life as well as random expenses such as those.

To my friends who chuckle when I say that I don't want to go out to dinner or suggest frugal activities, they may not be like me, and they may get a kick out of my extremism, but they don't call me cheap. And that's why they're still my friends.

[Kaspian]

For example, yesterday someone asked why I built my living room TV stand instead of buying one at IKEA. I told them I did it so that I could have the specific dimensions I wanted, which is true. It happened to cost less as well, but that wasn't my main motivation and I didn't mention it.

My friends still chuckle over my entertainment unit.  When I got a new/larger TV, I simply took a few boards off the old AV unit, sawed and painted them to accommodate the new TV.  It looks good, but sort of "unique," I guess?  I thought nothing of it and classified it as "normal behavior" (after all, what are saws for?), but other people usually notice.

[big_slacker]

Yes some friends call me cheap. I own that shit!

Hell yeah I'm cheap, so what next? :D

[sisto]

Yes, over the years I've been called cheap a number of times. I just always say it's more important to spend my money on x instead of y or something similar. It's never bothered me, I guess because I really don't give a crap what other people think. I do what's right for me. The first time I experienced it was while I was young and out at a fast food place with friends. I would always figure out what I wanted to eat based more on cost and or bang for the buck. My friends thought that I was weird and would just buy whatever they wanted. I always felt like my money was more important.

[stoaX]

Yes some friends call me cheap. I own that shit!

Hell yeah I'm cheap, so what next? :D

Yeah!  Now I wish someone would call me cheap so I could give this reply or the GuitarStv reply found earlier in this post.

[Libertea]

Yes some friends call me cheap. I own that shit!

Hell yeah I'm cheap, so what next? :D

Seriously.  If people STOP calling me cheap, that's when I'll get worried. :-D

[yddeyma]

Frugal is when you watch your money.  A frugal person's choices primarily impact that person.

Cheap is when you watch other people's money and/or complain about yours.  A cheap person's choices impact others.

If people call you cheap, they typically have a reason for doing so.  If you're sitting quietly, minding your own business, you will not get called cheap. 

For example, a frugal person on a business trip will accept whatever car the company will pay for and silently shake his head at the waste of an SUV.  A cheap person will downgrade the vehicle to the smallest available, make his office mates cram in together despite their complaints, and pocket the difference in price. 

It's possible you just have rude friends.  If someone walks into your home and says your cheap because of the "stuff" you have, well, that's just rude.  But if the designator cheap is coming up frequently in conversation, I would imagine your own actions are the cause....not the lifestyle you're living.

[BlueHouse]

If people call you cheap, they typically have a reason for doing so.  If you're sitting quietly, minding your own business, you will not get called cheap. 

Have you been out in the world in the past 20 years?  My Grandmother would say the same thing you said.  But anyone under 40 ... yeah, most have been raised with a different level of expected consumerism (IMO).   People seem to have this perverse sense of wanting to see other people spend their money.  Perhaps so they feel better about spending their own.  At least that's what I've been witnessing a lot.

It's possible you just have rude friends. 

This is a kind of victim-blaming.  The OP must be in the wrong because he chose his friends and the friends say rude things, right.  In my experience, the people who say these rude things are the ones we cannot choose.  Co-workers, acquaintances, even family members.   

[FrugalShrew]

Ha well my coworkers are apparently on to me. One of my coworkers today made a comment on how all my gadgets are outdated, especially my old, broken/self-repaired phone, and I responded how I empowered I feel when I look at the phone because I fixed it myself. Then another coworker chimed in and said, "you're probably the kind of person who spends $20 a month and has a million dollars in the bank."

THAT IS EXACTLY MY GOAL :) I just laughed and said, "I wish!"

[Spork]

I refer to myself as cheap. If you joke about yourself, you deprive others of ammunition.

This exactly. 

I have long referred to myself as "cheap ass bastard".  At that point, nothing in the financial realm is an insult.

[libertarian4321]

I get called "cheap" all the time, because I do radical things like:

-Order water at restaurants instead of overpriced drinks loaded with ice (water)
-buy clothes at Falles Paredes (about 50% cheaper than Walmart)
-Drive a 14-year old truck (runs fine, btw)
-use a FLIP PHONE (the looks I get for this- you'd think I was using alien technology)
-use shoe-goo to repair work boots and shoes (apparently, this is weird?)
-use the library for books, dvds, audio books, etc (I think I'm expected to buy the stuff, then leave it collecting dust on a shelf).
-fix items that most people these days consider "disposable" (fans, small electronics, etc)
-refuse to eat at high end restaurants (I can't stand "fine dining"- it feels stuffy and pretentious, and the food is rarely worth the price/hassle)
-don't own an iAnything, nor do I have any desire to own one

But I think people began to understand my "madness" when I faced our corporate "furlough" with glee (funemployment!) rather than dread as most of my co-workers did.  I guess it helps to have zero debt of any kind, and an "emergency fund" of worth millions of dollars.

It kind of takes the sting out of the mocking looks my trusty flip phone gets.

[RedmondStash]

But I think people began to understand my "madness" when I faced our corporate "furlough" with glee (funemployment!) rather than dread as most of my co-workers did.

I am totally grooving on the word "funemployment." Thank you for that neologism.

[david51]

I was even named one of the cheapest people in Nashville on multiple occasions.

am i the only one who wants to hear more about this?
please tell us there is an interesting story here!
do you have an arch nemesis in the "cheapest people contest"?

Nashville has a newspaper columnist aptly named Ms. Cheap who ran a contest for years to find the cheapest person in Nashville.  Basically, you sent money saving tips in and she chose the top 50 tips.  The three best tips won monetary awards, and all 50 were invited to a luncheon and received some nifty swag and door prizes.  I came in the top 50 four times. I came in second place one year and won $500.  I actually still have my certificates so I am certifiably cheap!

I am envious and wish I could have participated. I'm sure I would have made it to the luncheon. Spartana should look into this.

[hybrid]

My wife... LOL

Yeah, mine used to too. And now she is retired early because I was often "cheap". She saw the light later than I did, but she eventually got it too.