Author Topic: Do I have it good or not?  (Read 7717 times)

Everything in Moderation

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Do I have it good or not?
« on: December 02, 2013, 11:23:26 AM »
Hi,
So I have been having an internal struggle for the past 9 months and could use some advice. 

I make a lot of money ($110,000), but hate my soul sucking job (family businesses are hard).  I am 31 and about to have my first baby.  My husband does not make a ton of money ($51,000), but is moving his way up.  We have been paying off student loans aggressively over the past several years ($30,000 remaining, down from $90,000), and don't have too much in retirement or other investments.  We are now saving cash life crazy to prepare for our growing family.  Also, we live in a really expensive city. 

My job really sucks in terms of mental pain.  However, it is non stressful, very flexible, and I can dress casually.  On one hand, I have it really good (can work from home, pick my own house, awesome pay, low stress), but on the other I am becoming depressed because the work sucks and my boss is my dad who has serious behavior problems.   It is like my head (common sense) and my heart are fighting.  My job is really impacting me in a negative way. 

Am I being crazy for thinking of other options, a slightly lower paying job, but one where I would have to dress up, be in an office 50 hours a week, lots of stress, and commute 1 hour each way?  Right now, my flexibility will allow me to be with my baby around 3:00 each day. 

How do you weigh taking care of your family financially and being there due to job flexibility vs. mental happiness/career fulfillment (after all, I spend the majority of my week working)?   

I lean towards sticking it out, because most people would kill for a job like this.  How can I get over the terribleness of a family business and work that you hate? 


Mustache Fatty

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2013, 11:48:31 AM »
Only you can answer that question for yourself; however, I can share my experience for what it is worth.  I, too, have a fairly high-paying, low stress, flexible job.  But like you, I have grown to dislike it.  My reasons are almost certainly different from yours, but I feel your pain.  In my case, I decided to stick it out because in the end the flexibility that my job offered me was the most important thing given that I have a young son at home.

To cope with this situation, I calculated how much our family spent in a given year and then revised that number downward to account for selling our house and buying a more affordable one.  In other words, I calculated our expenses under the "what if we quit our jobs, sold this gigantic house and bought a small bungalow on the coast of Florida" expenses.  Then I figured out the stache we would need.  Then I calculated a "5 year plan" to get to that number.  We have one year down and we are ahead of schedule so far.  I'll tell you this, having a plan that is working makes going to that job much more bearable.  You start to feel like a "short-timer" and it is quite liberating.  That is what I am doing in a somewhat similar situation.

Everything in Moderation

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2013, 11:50:40 AM »
A detailed plan to make it to the end, I like that suggestion.  Thanks.   

MsSindy

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2013, 12:06:49 PM »
A lot depends on how far off you are from FI and how badly is it impacting the rest of your life.  If you’re only a couple of years, then I would probably stick it out.  If you’re more than 3 years (which it sounds like you are), then I would start looking at alternatives. 

Can you leave your troubles at work and not have it impact the rest of your life?  If yes, then consider staying (for a while longer).  If no, then you probably want to get out sooner than later.

Don’t think of your situation as either / or.  Not all jobs are soul-sucking and you may just find something you like (you don’t have to LOVE it).  If you’re still a long way off from FI, then start looking for something that interests you and might work for your situation.  Just the mere act of looking helps to make the current situation more bearable, and it doesn’t hurt to start looking and putting some feelers out in the marketplace.

Maybe your plan could be that you stay there until your Student Loans are paid off, then leave.  This way you start with a fresh slate.

Everything in Moderation

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2013, 12:17:15 PM »
To make it more confusing, I am suppose to take over the company in 8-10 years, when my dad retires.  If I am able to keep our clients (I might not be able to), I could make $250,000 a year.  One problem I am having is that I hate begin handed things, and I really don't want the family business.  But seriously, this is not an opportunity most people get. 

So, would you stick it out for 8-10 years, during which time, you can have a few kids and actually spend time with them at home? 

I am really far away from FI, and this is a ticket to get there.  But at what cost?   

Roses

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2013, 12:18:59 PM »
It sounds like you don't want this company no matter what - even with your father gone and you being the boss.  Do you like the industry at all?  It occurs to me that if you are earning that much in your family business maybe you can get a similar job in the same industry that pays almost as well?  It sounds like you have plenty of experience to pull it off.  Sometimes moving can be helpful if you find a job in a cheaper location.  Perhaps some distance between you and your family would be good right about now? ;)  I'm not saying not to stick it out but if you are about to have your first baby you are in for a big life change (and hormone change).  Having a job you hate might be particularly difficult then.  Maybe take a long maternity leave to think about it?  You could try going back in a few months and seeing how you feel about it then.  Your outlook could change once you have a child.  Perhaps the flexibility will the even more appealing to you.  Or perhaps the work will seem more palatable after so much baby care :)  You never know how things will be after baby so I would wait a little to make the decisions but be thinking about your options.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2013, 12:21:05 PM by Roses »

bogart

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2013, 12:31:23 PM »
I am 31 and about to have my first baby. 

There is a thread on the Mini Mustaches board near the top right now (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mini-money-mustaches/what-is-your-work-situation-after-baby-and-how-did-you-decide/) about work arrangements after welcoming a new child and different people's experiences.  Two things stand out:  (a) there is a wide array of preferences and (b) it's not always obvious how any given person will feel about their own preferences until after the baby arrives.  Given where you say you are, I'd recommend that you leave things alone until the baby is born and then decide based on what feels right to you then.  Plenty of women (and some men) cannot stand the thought of involving others in caring for their children, particularly when those children are young (and this includes some people who never imagined they'd feel that way).  I, OTOH, couldn't be paid enough (well, I could I guess, but it would have to be A LOT) to stay home full-time with my child, or for that matter, to work at home while my child is there (and for the record I am a good and devoted mother).  I personally wouldn't take the 50-hour/week job (I chose to work 30 hours/week during my son's first year), but neither would your current situation be anywhere near the top of my list of desirable options, and I'd take a significant cut in pay/ability to save to avoid both of those, personally.  But you may feel differently, and may find how you feel is clearer once the baby is here.

Congratulations on your growing family!

gooki

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2013, 12:53:06 PM »
Can you outsource you job to someone else at a lower salary?

Numbers Man

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2013, 02:29:34 PM »
I almost feel like face punching on this one. It's tough to have a perfect job. There are a lot of shitty jobs out there; I know, I have had my share of crappy jobs. That being said. I think it might do you some good to get out into the real world and get experience from a company in your field and/or industry. It will give you a chance to see what the real world is like. It will also give you a valuable insight if you ever come back to your family business. Can you really make $110k somewhere else? That's cool if you can't make $110k somewhere else but at least you'll get some practical perspective on the other side of the curtain.

sassy1234

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2013, 06:37:59 PM »
Wow.  I was not really expecting that rude comment.  For the past 10 years, I have worked in the'real world'.  I made 92,000 last year and was great at my job.  A family business opportunity came up and I took it.  Clearly, there are pros and cons to this job.

You might not want to be so quick to attack someone who is mentally having a hard time with a verbally abusive boss AND dad.  It is not so easy.  I hope you have a nice life. 

Undecided

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2013, 07:04:57 PM »
Wow.  I was not really expecting that rude comment.  For the past 10 years, I have worked in the'real world'.  I made 92,000 last year and was great at my job.  A family business opportunity came up and I took it.  Clearly, there are pros and cons to this job.

You might not want to be so quick to attack someone who is mentally having a hard time with a verbally abusive boss AND dad.  It is not so easy.  I hope you have a nice life.

Are you the OP under a different name, or just expressing sympathy for the OP?

2527

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2013, 07:11:00 PM »
After 20 years in the Air Force, I really hated it.  It was too easy...I never had to struggle.  I took the pay, which was good, and the other good things for granted.  I thought everybody I worked for was stupid and everything was dysfunctional.  I focused on all the negatives and overlooked all the positives.  I got out and let's just say I've done a lot of growing up over the past six years.  My problems were in my head. 

impaire

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2013, 08:00:52 PM »
A verbally abusive boss would be a deal-breaker for me. However, if that boss was also my dad, I may try to work it out with him first, up to considering therapy if he were in any way open to it (and if he isn't, perhaps the mention of it will at least give him a salutary shock).

Also, your salary and flexibility are good enough that you may want to consider a short-term stint with a coach/therapist yourself. The situation seems a bit too involved for advice without much more details than what you are sharing here.

melalvai

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2013, 08:03:59 PM »
Experience changes your perspective but until you have that experience, I don't see how you change your perspective. Sure I know now that some of the things that seemed intolerable 15 years ago weren't a big deal. The only way I could have figured that out 15 yrs ago is if I'd had worse experiences before that. I'm thankful I did NOT have worse experiences earlier!

Having your dad for a boss and the job being fraught with family expectations-- sure it's a good salary but hard to say if it's worth the price. It's not good for a brand new baby to have an unhappy & stressed out mama. No way to know what the "right" decision is until years later. One day you might regret having given up such a great job. Or you might regret having stuck it out for too many long years.

Indio

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2013, 08:04:48 PM »
I'm assuming that you already talked to your father and got nowhere. I'd take a 3 month maternity leave and see how you feel going back. If your father has to hire temp labor to cover for you, it might be n eye opener when he has touble retaining staff. Maybe you could become an equity partner and gradually take over running the company before the 8-10 timeframe?

ASquared

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #15 on: December 02, 2013, 08:29:27 PM »
I say wait until a few months after baby and see how you feel.  They change everything - and this will impact your decision in ways you may not understand today.

jrhampt

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2013, 06:16:20 AM »
You know what sucks more than a high-paying soul-sucking job?  A low-paying soul-sucking job.  I would (and I am) try to stick it out for a few more years unless you have another high-paying, flex hours, wah alternative.

Everything in Moderation

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2013, 07:23:37 AM »
jrhampt

Thank you for your response.  You told me that I have it better than most, without being rude like Numbers Man. 

The past 9 months have been hard, but I am trying to focus on the good.  I know when our baby is here, I will appreciate the flexibility more than I do now. 

I have been thinking a lot about how much money is worth and the saying 'if it is too good to be true, then it is probably is'.  So many MMMers live happily on so much less money, I just wonder if this is an option for me.  My husband could get a job in another state (very low cost area), and I could leave the family business.  I would be a great frugal SAHM or part time employee.  But then I don't want to run away from anything either.  Therapy…there is an idea. 

Well, thanks for your thoughts everyone and for being my online leather couch. 

MrsPete

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2013, 08:29:44 AM »
My grandmother used to say, "If your job were easy and fun, they wouldn't have to pay you to do it." 

Yours is a good situation, yet also difficult in its own way.  I wonder if you have the option of working part-time after you have children.  Your father'll want to see you have time with his grandchildren, so he might be open to that idea. 

And by the time he retires, your kids'll be starting school, and -- as you said -- you'll be running things then.  Isn't one of the benefits of owning the company that you can hire people to do the things you don't like to do yourself?  You might make less profit if you "hire out" those jobs, but you'll gain peace of mind.   


Dee18

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2013, 10:38:45 AM »
You are at a very stressful transition time so I agree with those who say take a few months to make any change.  During that time, try living on less and see what budget is satisfactory.  Oh, and take 3 months maternity leave---real leave, not working fewer hours.  You have a great reason to take a break from work.    I chose a very flexible, secure job in a city I do not really like because it allowed me a great schedule for parenting.  It seemed the right decision at the time, but I'm not sure I properly valued the opportunity cost.  You might also do some job hunting while on leave, to really see what your options are.  Best of luck!

Richard3

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2013, 02:05:17 PM »
Do you have access to safe drinking water? If the answer is yes then you have it pretty good by global standards. It's always worth taking some time to look down rather than up when climbing a hill.

If you stick it out you're not being "handed" anything. You're getting a promotion you deserve after years working in the business.

I agree with the take maternity leave people - mostly because whenever my friends have babies they turn into cranky zombies. :)

dude

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Re: Do I have it good or not?
« Reply #21 on: December 03, 2013, 02:16:53 PM »
To answer your subject line question -- yes, you have it good.

Take some MMM advice and read someone like Victor Frankl -- the one thing your boss/father cannot take away is your ability to choose to be happy/positive/upbeat.  Make a point of reminding yourself of this every day.  Don't give him the power to control how you feel.  And perhaps spend some time with folks less fortunate (maybe you already do, I don't know) to gain some perspective.  You may "hate being handed things," and your father may be a difficult man to work with/for, but the fact that he pays you very well for a "non-stressful" and "easy" job, and intends to turn the business over to you in the fuiture says something about how he feels about you.  Your generation and his see things very differently, so perhaps take the time to understand where he's coming from, and maybe you will see his actions in a different light?