Author Topic: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???  (Read 21564 times)

MrsPete

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #50 on: August 24, 2015, 08:45:17 PM »
Or just getting by........
For the longest time, all of my family members thought I was just getting by.
And I was for the longest time.
I suspect my family thinks we're comfortable ... but they don't know we're actually rather well-off.  Might be the 8 year old car and thrift store clothing. 

Dude, you bought a beautiful house on a gold course?... At what cost?
That's not what MMM is about.
Disagree.  Living a frugal life is about spending purposefully on what you value.  Some people feel that a really nice house is a good investment and something that enhances their lives, while others would be happy renting a little apartment forever.  It's not a set of rules to be followed without regard to one's own opinions.

Sure, buying what is probably an expensive house will mean working longer, but from his description, I'm sure the OP took that into consideration when making the purchase. 

golfreak12

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #51 on: August 25, 2015, 05:52:05 PM »
Dude, you bought a beautiful house on a gold course?... At what cost?
That's not what MMM is about.

I know the typical individual might rate people on their possessions like housing but since you are an MMM reader I wouldn't expect you to...
You write as if you are proud of your big house.

I'm a little surprised by this thread.

A house that I bought during the housing bubble that has appreciated 33% since.
I would say it was/is a great investment.

golfreak12

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #52 on: August 25, 2015, 06:02:45 PM »
More people are relating to what I'm talking about.
Some parents just feels good when they can help you out in anyway.
Since my Mom gives my brother money on a regular basis, she feels like she has to give me some too although that has dried up a bit.
If I knew she was just getting by I would never accept any of the money.
She lives in the same 35 yr old house and never splurge on anything.
I tell her to live a little cause she will never run out of money but she's always telling me she's leaving it for all of us.

Funny story, I called an air guy to swing by my parents to see whats going on.
After that I didn't hear from him for a week so I called to see whats going on.
He tells me the unit is broken and he's looking around for a refurbished unit with warranty.
I just laughed(inside). He probably sees this old couple in this old house and he probably thinks they are just getting by and cannot afford a new unit.
I smirkingly tell him, just get another unit, they can afford whatever.


dunhamjr

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #53 on: August 25, 2015, 06:24:13 PM »
my mom knows exactly what I make.

rest of the immediately family has at least a good guess, but we don't discuss much detail.

the rest and friends i would say dont think we are poor, mostly just frugal or cheap... but they don't know what we really make.

Sibley

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #54 on: August 27, 2015, 08:03:50 AM »
my mom knows exactly what I make.

rest of the immediately family has at least a good guess, but we don't discuss much detail.

the rest and friends i would say dont think we are poor, mostly just frugal or cheap... but they don't know what we really make.

Me too. thanks for saving me the the effort of typing :)

Zinsch

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #55 on: August 27, 2015, 11:50:05 AM »
my mom knows exactly what I make.

rest of the immediately family has at least a good guess, but we don't discuss much detail.

the rest and friends i would say dont think we are poor, mostly just frugal or cheap... but they don't know what we really make.
There's a difference, though, between what you make and what you own. They could know your annual income, but not your net worth.

Frugal D

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #56 on: August 27, 2015, 11:56:54 AM »
my mom knows exactly what I make.

rest of the immediately family has at least a good guess, but we don't discuss much detail.

the rest and friends i would say dont think we are poor, mostly just frugal or cheap... but they don't know what we really make.

What's the motive for telling family members or friends how much you make or own? I told my parents the salary of my first job out of school, but never again since - that was 6 years ago. Just makes things messy. 

ruthiegirl

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #57 on: August 27, 2015, 12:49:06 PM »
Poor?  No, not really.  They do think we are ridiculously frugal and tease me a bit.  It is gentle and doesn't bother me.  I have a reputation in my family for being very stubborn and doing my own thing.

They tell me that I nod politely and then quietly go do whatever the hell I want.  Sounds about right.

theadvicist

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #58 on: August 28, 2015, 03:15:25 AM »
Judging by the amount of cast-off furniture we get offered, yes, they do think we're poor. I love making use of things that would get thrown out though, so it's a win overall.

big_slacker

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #59 on: August 28, 2015, 08:26:37 AM »
What's the motive for telling family members or friends how much you make or own? I told my parents the salary of my first job out of school, but never again since - that was 6 years ago. Just makes things messy.

Our family is close, and we share pretty much everything going on in our lives. It's just a normal thing that everyone knows what everyone makes and generally where they are in life. None of us would ever hesitate to help out one of us in need but we're also all independent and wouldn't ever ask for financial help.

stlbrah

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #60 on: August 30, 2015, 11:21:58 PM »
It seems wrong to let them stress out when you could just sit them down and show them the brokerage account...

bluecollarmusician

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #61 on: August 30, 2015, 11:46:45 PM »
Aside from our house, DW and have nothing flashy, yet people assume we are rich.  I don't talk about money, and only a few know that we have some rental income at work.  Even though we drive older cars, and drink cheap beer and wine- since I don't stress over when my pay hits my bank account and live by the beach they think we are rich.

My family is frugal by nature- mom and dad are the millionaires next door, so they totally understand and support our lifestyle.

In general, we just don't think about money at all (other than the interest I have in investment as hobby.)  I think to many people that comes off a certain way.  They deal with the cognitive dissonance of me being a "cheapskate" as me just being a little eccentric, I guess.

Digital Dogma

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #62 on: August 31, 2015, 08:23:32 AM »
Some of my friends know my salary, but I've never told anyone except my family and my SO whats in my Vanguard fund, my capital one 360 account, or my regular bank checking account. I've mentioned purchasing index funds among friends a couple times but so far its peaked the interest of nobody except one other friend who opened his Vanguard account sometime back in 2009 or 2010. The status quo among many in my age group seems to be constantly purchasing high end liquor, eating out, high priced electronic/mechanical toys, car modification, and just about any other activity you can endlessly dump money into. I rarely participate in this anymore, though I used to be very fond of mid-priced bourbons and lost many a thousand dollars of investment returns on this liquid temptation.

I'm not living in a fancy place, though my vehicle is almost new at 6 years old/100k miles, and my lust for electronic equipment has been satisfied a few years ago with the assembly of my entertainment system/PC. I wasn't living frugally back when I put this all together but I had enough common sense to realize that if I minimize my rent expenses as much as possible and move closer to work I'll save money every day.

I think my living conditions would best be described as modest with a few carefully selected luxuries. At this point I may be saving around 25-30% of my net income per year. After my SO begins her new job next month that should edge up slightly as she begins to pay for some of the rent/electric/etc.

The folks at the local Chinese and Italian restaurants that I used to wastefully order from must think I'm poor now. The Italian place is really screwed, I got a pizza stone and now I realize just how much they mark up those pizzas over the cost of ingredients :)
« Last Edit: August 31, 2015, 08:26:59 AM by Digital Dogma »

nawhite

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #63 on: August 31, 2015, 09:51:49 AM »
My parents used to think we were poor. They offered to co-sign things with us, gave us money for a down payment on a house, would offer to pay for food anytime we went to visit or they came to stay with us, etc.

But then within about a year, while greatly decreasing our spending, we bought a (very small) house, paid off my student loans, started taking really nice vacations (paid almost entirely with credit card points), started talking about MMM and trying to retire before 40, and asking what their retirement plans were. All of a sudden their perception of us has changed and they jokingly say that their retirement plans are to move in with us since we'll be retired first.

We did too good a job at the "living extravagantly" part of the MMM message.

bb11

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #64 on: September 01, 2015, 04:39:55 PM »
Nah. Most of them know I hustle, I'm just very frugal. No one but my girlfriend knows quite how well I'm doing though.

FatCat

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #65 on: September 01, 2015, 06:18:31 PM »
My family thinks I should give them money because I obviously don't need it. They "need" it for things like buying all new furniture every couple of years because one must not let the furniture get out of fashion. Must be nice to have family members that want to gift you money unsolicited.

Bearded Man

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #66 on: September 01, 2015, 10:52:22 PM »
I'm curious, those who have momy and daddy hand outs; do they also wipe your butt for you too?

bb11

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #67 on: September 01, 2015, 11:16:42 PM »
My family thinks I should give them money because I obviously don't need it. They "need" it for things like buying all new furniture every couple of years because one must not let the furniture get out of fashion. Must be nice to have family members that want to gift you money unsolicited.

And... This is why my family doesn't know about my income or savings. My parents hit me up enough for money already.

Villanelle

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #68 on: September 02, 2015, 04:18:47 AM »
I am guessing they think were are comfortable, though there may be moments they think we are rich.  I doubt they ever think we are poor, simply because most of them have seen that we've traveled a ton in the last few years (while we lived in Europe for a fairly short time).  They know I drive a 20 year old car, we've never lived in a single family home or a place larger than 2000sqft, and that when they go out with me I usually don't buy a lot.  But I think most are smart enough to look at other factors and realize those are choices, not necessities. 

Then again, I'm not anywhere near as hardcore as many of you. 

KennesawNemo

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #69 on: September 02, 2015, 06:02:11 AM »
Listen, I'm Asian. Asian parents tend to worry a lot.
They worry about all their kids especially since I'm the youngest.
My mom gives to one of my older brother money all the time.
Seems like she send him a check for $2K each month.
I don't know if he needs it or not but his wife is quite smart. She would call my mom up from time to time and throw out things like their 2 kids has to get this and that. They never ask my mom for anything but my mom thinks they are just getting by so she send them money all the time.
Every time she gives them money, she gives me a bit too and I happily accept.
WHY ?? Because they have close to a million.
My mom talks about how she will leave all the money to us anyway.
I just found it entertaining all these years that she thought I was poor.
Just for me anyway, I love the idea of people thinking I'm poor.

I am Asian, yes, Asian parents tend to worry. As a consequence, they help their kids financially.

I see nothing wrong in that and I myself have gotten support from my parents as a grown up. I took no shame in that.

But you shouldn't make them worry while you knew you were in a better place than they had thought. And it's even more horrible to come here and show off the monetary gain from doing that.

Villanelle

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #70 on: September 02, 2015, 07:16:04 AM »
Listen, I'm Asian. Asian parents tend to worry a lot.
They worry about all their kids especially since I'm the youngest.
My mom gives to one of my older brother money all the time.
Seems like she send him a check for $2K each month.
I don't know if he needs it or not but his wife is quite smart. She would call my mom up from time to time and throw out things like their 2 kids has to get this and that. They never ask my mom for anything but my mom thinks they are just getting by so she send them money all the time.
Every time she gives them money, she gives me a bit too and I happily accept.
WHY ?? Because they have close to a million.
My mom talks about how she will leave all the money to us anyway.
I just found it entertaining all these years that she thought I was poor.
Just for me anyway, I love the idea of people thinking I'm poor.

I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting money for your parents if they can afford to give it.  My [non-Asian] parents just sent me a check for $50 for my anniversary.  At other times, they are far more generous. 

But to let them worry?  To know they think you are poor (and thus presumably having trouble getting by) and do nothing to correct that misconception?  That seems cruel.   My parents give because they have and they want to.  It is gifts, rather than assistance, and that makes all the difference to me.

bb11

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #71 on: September 02, 2015, 07:40:02 AM »
Listen, I'm Asian. Asian parents tend to worry a lot.
They worry about all their kids especially since I'm the youngest.
My mom gives to one of my older brother money all the time.
Seems like she send him a check for $2K each month.
I don't know if he needs it or not but his wife is quite smart. She would call my mom up from time to time and throw out things like their 2 kids has to get this and that. They never ask my mom for anything but my mom thinks they are just getting by so she send them money all the time.
Every time she gives them money, she gives me a bit too and I happily accept.
WHY ?? Because they have close to a million.
My mom talks about how she will leave all the money to us anyway.
I just found it entertaining all these years that she thought I was poor.
Just for me anyway, I love the idea of people thinking I'm poor.

I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting money for your parents if they can afford to give it.  My [non-Asian] parents just sent me a check for $50 for my anniversary.  At other times, they are far more generous. 

But to let them worry?  To know they think you are poor (and thus presumably having trouble getting by) and do nothing to correct that misconception?  That seems cruel.   My parents give because they have and they want to.  It is gifts, rather than assistance, and that makes all the difference to me.

You're speaking from the perspective of wealthier parents who can take care of themselves. Some of us are worried about creating leeches.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #72 on: September 02, 2015, 07:44:31 AM »
I'm curious, those who have momy and daddy hand outs; do they also wipe your butt for you too?

Well, my Mom did when I was paralyzed in the hospital.


It's nice to have family for support.  I certainly don't NEED it. I'd be 100% fine without the occasional gifts; which in my opinion really aren't that big anyway- they don't make a difference to our financial situation.

Villanelle

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Re: Do family members/friends think you're poor ???
« Reply #73 on: September 02, 2015, 10:03:25 AM »
Listen, I'm Asian. Asian parents tend to worry a lot.
They worry about all their kids especially since I'm the youngest.
My mom gives to one of my older brother money all the time.
Seems like she send him a check for $2K each month.
I don't know if he needs it or not but his wife is quite smart. She would call my mom up from time to time and throw out things like their 2 kids has to get this and that. They never ask my mom for anything but my mom thinks they are just getting by so she send them money all the time.
Every time she gives them money, she gives me a bit too and I happily accept.
WHY ?? Because they have close to a million.
My mom talks about how she will leave all the money to us anyway.
I just found it entertaining all these years that she thought I was poor.
Just for me anyway, I love the idea of people thinking I'm poor.

I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting money for your parents if they can afford to give it.  My [non-Asian] parents just sent me a check for $50 for my anniversary.  At other times, they are far more generous. 

But to let them worry?  To know they think you are poor (and thus presumably having trouble getting by) and do nothing to correct that misconception?  That seems cruel.   My parents give because they have and they want to.  It is gifts, rather than assistance, and that makes all the difference to me.

You're speaking from the perspective of wealthier parents who can take care of themselves. Some of us are worried about creating leeches.

In the post I quoted and was addressing, the parents are worth almost $1m.  It sounds like you are somehow applying my response to your situation, when it sounds like it is totally unrelated in that your parents aren't giving you money based on a false assumption that you are poor.  I was addressing a specific post and situation, which is why I quoted it.