Why do you think being called privileged is an attack? I probably have a similar background to you. I'm also a very hard working and excellent at making shrewd and frugal decisions. I started working when I was 16 years old and I've worked continuously ever since. I've now been employed for nearly half my life. I even paid for a lot of my own college. I still think I'm incredibly privileged.
Oh I’ll be happy to take this one. Because “privilege” in the vernacular has become an epithet and code word that loosely translates as “white male bastard”, spoiled, and out of touch with the challenges of others.
I recognize that folks here generally use “privilege” in the sense of the sociological theory. It still is a rotten word to use as many white males will simply tune out anything else being said. I try to understand it in the sense it’s intended but it sure puts my teeth on edge.
I’m a white male and I’ve never ever felt this way.
You’re also well educated, familiar with the history and context, presumably have some idea of who Peggy McIntosh is, and have some knowledge of sociology. That puts you in a very small group of people using the term. More often than not the folks using the term “privilege” as an epithet and those enduring it’s use don’t have any of that.
I suggest using the term “good fortune” instead of “privilege” if you’re interested in having a productive dialogue on the topic.
Productive dialogue for who?
If "privilege" sounds like an epithet to be endured, and the whole dialogue has to use a different word because of that feeling, the implication is that the dialogue should primarily be productive for the white male who feels criticized.
If "privilege" is being used as an accurate term describing the social structure we all live in, which you acknowledged that it is, then the dialogue is primarily productive for everyone who is not a white male - in other words, the majority of people, who in fact suffer actual structural disadvantages. Disadvantages that have been denied from even being acknowledged during most of their lives - because of the tender feelings of white males who don't want to be called "privileged" even though we are actually privileged. Do you see how making the "dialogue" conform to the white male's feeling reproduces the very problem being discussed?
What kind of productive dialogue should we have? One that feels pleasantly inoffensive for white males, or one that feels honest to everyone else?
For that matter, everyone who's not a white male usually has to be quiet even when they're offended. In cases like this thread where the term privilege is being used accurately, could it be productive for white males to cope with our feelings, instead of everyone else having to change accurate language? Could such an effort be a reasonable move toward equality? Who should do the work in a diversity dialogue - the people who do the emotional work all the time in the oppressive structure, or the people whose feelings are usually catered to by the system?
If "privilege" sounds like criticism, then everything I wrote and asked probably sounds disturbing too, maybe even harsh. It's not intended to be. It's good that you're involved in the conversation (especially since you often contribute diligently in other threads too, adding value). Certainly you're right that there are lots of white males who blanch at the word privilege. Who have heard it said angrily by someone, or who feel that being angry at them is unfair. Who can make a big difference if they think about these questions, and who may run away from the word privilege instead of listening. Yet everyone else has to deal with these issues because they have no choice. How can there be a productive dialogue if the person who doesn't normally have to listen or change, once again doesn't listen or change? I get this is emotionally difficult, but it can be done. Congrats for sticking with this so far. I hope you keep coming up with ideas on how to reach our fellow white guys!
Fwiw, "good fortune" isn't an accurate term for privilege. It implies that positions of privilege are mere luck. They're not. They're the result of unjust applications of force or social manipulation repeated in numerous situations, often systematically. The force or social manipulation may not have been applied by the privileged individual, but it was applied. This isn't "good fortune", unless the benefits to that individual justify ignoring the unfair treatment that was applied to others. "Privilege" is accurate.
PS. When I first heard all this stuff, it sounded harsh. Maybe that's natural - because the system it describes is harsh and I had been allowed not to think about it very much. After I thought about it though, I realized that if someone had used euphemisms with me instead of the truth, I wouldn't have really understood. I would have kept living in my bubble.
To be fair, I was brought into it by people I knew, and had some reason to trust. You're right there has to be enough connection and trust for the other person to listen. Hopefully our forum is providing a bit of that. At least for now! :)
