Difficulty deciding whether to live alone or share?

[jaysee]

Hi lovely FIRE/Mustache people,

I'm having an excruciatingly difficult experience trying to make a decision.

Can you please offer your thoughts? I would appreciate them greatly.

I have been living in many many many (20+ easily) share houses over the last decade (but very occasionally renting my own apartment intermittently). I did this because it was cheap and the Australian housing market is crazy expensive for renters.

(Similar situation in London, where I also lived for a while, but somewhat better because it seemed to be more culturally accepted and you would find more professionals to rent with vs Australia, at least that was my perception.)

I wanted to be frugal and save money so I could one day quit my job and FIRE. I wanted to keep my living expenses to a level where I could afford to FIRE as soon as I retired.

However, over the last year, the last two share houses I lived in haven't been great. Maybe it's just bad luck, but I feel like maybe things have changed where I live, and different kinds of people are being attracted to share-houses than before (hint: less safe kinds of people, and sorry if I come across as class-ist, I don't look down on poor or low-income people, I just want to feel safe, that's all).

The 2nd-last sharehouse: The other housemates seemed to find me suspicious, talking loudly about me outside my front door, etc. Then one night, one of them was shouting, swearing and banging doors around very loud. I felt scared and threatened and ended up cancelling the lease and bailing. I stayed with a kind and understanding relative in the meantime (thank God I had them).

The last sharehouse was better... I got on well with the housemates in my side of the building. But it was also very loud at all hours of the day and into the night (because of the structure of the building, even small sounds from next door and upstairs flow directly into my room and into my ear) and I had difficulty focusing on work and sleeping. Then for the last several days, a group of younger house mates from an adjacent part of the building started partying almost every night, shouting and laughing very loudly, smoking weed, and sometimes walking around to my side of the building and making noise there too. I felt very scared and intimidated and in a panic, I went back to staying with my relative again (who again was very kind and understanding and let me stay).

There's an argument to be made that I should just try to find a sharehouse that's quiet and safe. The problem here is - how can I know ahead of time whether it'll be quiet and safe or just a repeat of the last two? Both of those looked perfectly fine, clean, safe, etc when I first viewed them. It was only after I moved in and had lived there a few weeks that I got to experience what the people were really like. Yes, I know in some cases you can ask to meet the housemates face-to-face. However even then, how do you really know? They might say they never party, but they might change or different people might move in, etc, etc. In the case of my last sharehouse, the 'party group' didn't start until this month (the 4th month I've lived there), so I had no way of knowing they would be there. If it wasn't for them I probably would've stayed there longer.

Anyway, now I'm trying to decide whether to try moving to a different share house or whether I should just get my own place for a while, e.g. a self-contained studio or apartment.

Problem is - the studios/apartments tend to be expensive all throughout Australia - $300-400 at the lower end. (Ok there are a few cheaper ones sprinkled around here and there, but there is often a reason they're cheap, e.g. high-crime and unsafe area). This conflicts with my goal of early retirement. With the amount of money I have invested, and the % I estimate I can reliably take each year, my yearly budget would be $20,000. That equates to $384 per week. So if I'm spending $300 on rent, then I only have $84 left to cover all my other needs - food, clothing, health insurance (which is mandatory in Australia), phone, etc. I don't know that I can make $84 stretch that far.

It's looking like I may have to make a choice between:

1. Safety / peace & quiet / sanity / some control over my living space
-or-
2. Low enough living costs to retire early

Right now I'm veering toward 1 (Safety, etc), as I believe it's impacting my mental health and ability to enjoy life, and also because I'm still working full-time, so technically I can afford to spend much more as long as I keep working.

Maybe the ultimate solution is just to save and invest more money so that my FIRE income will go up to $400 or $450, and then I can feel more comfortable about renting a place for $300 per week.

(And I'll pray to god that rents don't go up any further.)

Has anyone else struggled with this kind of decision? Deciding where to live, whether to share or rent your own separate space, balancing feeling/being safe with keeping spending within FIRE budget, etc?

Very keen to hear your thoughts, perspectives and/or your own personal story on this topic.

Thanks!

[uniwelder]

How much do you currently pay per week at the shared house?  Is it common to pay by the week rather than by the month or is that just the way you budget your money?

If you moved out to your own place, would you consider a single roommate to split the cost of an apartment?  Seems like an extreme change to go from 20+ different shared house scenarios to living completely single if you have costs in mind.

[jaysee]

How much do you currently pay per week at the shared house?

$220

Is it common to pay by the week rather than by the month or is that just the way you budget your money?

Oh the weekly rent is just an Australian thing. It's silly I know... everywhere else in the world it seems to be monthly lol.

I budget weekly only because it's easier to factor weekly rent into my calculations.

If you moved out to your own place, would you consider a single roommate to split the cost of an apartment?  Seems like an extreme change to go from 20+ different shared house scenarios to living completely single if you have costs in mind.

Hmm yes that could be the answer.

I'm considering
1. renting a 2-bedder and subletting one of the rooms, or
2. sharing a house with one other person who already holds the lease

Option 1 might be good if there is enough demand that I can find someone, and that person ends up being easy enough to live with. On the other hand it introduces a whole lot of complexity into my life..
* What if I can't find anyone to take the spare room?
* What if they turn out to not be so nice to live with after a few weeks?
* What if they decide to move out?
* What if I want to move and they don't and refuse to?
* What if they break something and then I'm held liable?

Imagining those kinds of scenarios gives me a lot of stress, so I'd prefer to avoid them.

However Option 2 may be the answer. I'm currently looking around for share houses of 2 only (i.e. one person subletting out one of their rooms). I figure if I can find someone really good (friendly, quiet, honest & up-front, maybe a professional or student themselves) then it might be a good option. If they change or the situation changes somehow, it's much easier for me to move somewhere else, especially if it's set up so that I'm not locked into a full 6 or 12 month lease, but just paying them by the week.

You're right that getting my own place is a drastic change. An increase in living standards certainly, but also a significant increase in living costs to go from $220 to ~$325 per week.

[jaysee]

I admit that maybe I've changed and become more paranoid/anxious as a person. I used to stress much less about this stuff, but these days I really worry to the point that it becomes hard to focus on work or relationships until it's sorted.

That said, most of the share houses I lived in weren't as bad as the last two.

Most of the sharehouses I lived in...

* People were quiet and respectful
* Often out at work or studying quietly (like me)
* No loud noisy parties with aggressive yelling and swearing and weed
* The soundproofing wasn't so bad that you could overhear the couple next door talking when you were trying to sleep

So I do also feel like something has changed somehow and different kinds of people are in sharehouses than in the past.

It might have something to do with the exodus of people out of major cities to more outer suburb and rural areas due to COVID, remote working, etc.

But I admit maybe I also need to work on my anxiety issues.

[uniwelder]

Option 2 sounds ideal---- look for someone that already has a room available.

[Log]

I would agree that your immediate safety and well-being are more important than saving some extra money. The whole point of all this money saving is to maximize well-being. You don't want to out that all off as some vague future thing.

I think living with one roommate would be a good way to save money compared to living alone, while having a healthier roommate dynamic. I think more than 2 people living together provides more opportunities for there to be tension between people that goes unresolved. When they're people you don't know, each additional person is increased chance of someone being totally miserable to live with. Having just one roommate saves money while being much more likely to generally be a rather pleasant roommate relationship.

[jaysee]

Thanks uniwelder, Log.

Good points, Log. I'll look more closely at the housemate option.

Sometimes I wish there was an app like Tinder but for FIRE housemates! Hahaha

I imagine two people who are both trying to be chill, enjoy life and save money would be highly compatible housemates!

[wageslave23]

I agree having one roommate seems like the best compromise for the short term.  For the long term, this is a good wake up call that your FIRE plan needs to be modified.  Do you really want to lock in this lifestyle for the rest of your life?  I would rather continue to work part time than live in the conditions that you described for the rest of my life just so that I could FIRE.

[uniwelder]

Sometimes I wish there was an app like Tinder but for FIRE housemates! Hahaha

I imagine two people who are both trying to be chill, enjoy life and save money would be highly compatible housemates!

There kinda is--- firedating.me is a site mostly for dating (free and created by someone in the MMM community), but when you make your profile you can select whether you're looking for romance or friends.  Explicity state you want to find a roommate and send out messages to people--- could work maybe?

[jaysee]

I agree having one roommate seems like the best compromise for the short term.  For the long term, this is a good wake up call that your FIRE plan needs to be modified.  Do you really want to lock in this lifestyle for the rest of your life?  I would rather continue to work part time than live in the conditions that you described for the rest of my life just so that I could FIRE.

Yeah this is a really good question.

To be honest, I really enjoyed some of the share houses I stayed in and actually would've been pretty happy living that way for life, assuming I could retire from full-time work and have my time back.

E.g. a couple of the share houses I stayed at in London and one particular one in Sydney were so relaxed and nice that they were almost preferable to living alone, just because I enjoyed having human company without human problems.

The problem is always change I guess. A situation could be perfect for a few months then suddenly something changes, e.g. one housemate leaves and a new difficult one replaces them, or everyone has to move, or people change, or some external stressor changes the share house dynamic etc. etc.

Maybe I need to be prepared to deal with changes in living situation. Having a big cash buffer certainly helps. Also probably I should try and work part of the year to maintain some level of income.

I wonder if it's actually better to spend a bit more and get a studio and then just alter my plan to keep working part time or part year to supplement my FIRE income. Maybe this would make for a more pleasant existence because at least I don't have to worry about housemates, only about getting another studio if I lose the lease.

[Dicey]

I am FIRE now, due to a long series of decisions, including living with roommates for many years. A huge difference I see to your situation is that after my first roommate moved out (we found the place together), I took over the lease and thereafter, selected my own roommates and held their deposits, not the landlord. I did this with the LL's approval. Bonus, I was able to avoid rent increases by being a model tenant, including consistently paying the rent early. With each turnover, I raised the roomie's share of the rent. By the end of that decade, the other person was paying 2/3 of the rent and I had the bigger bedroom.

Later, I bought a townhouse and was the owner landlord. This time, I had a much bigger place and rented two bedrooms and a bath to a single guy who was running a startup. He worked a ton of hours, wasn't there much and didn't have time for dating. He wanted a shared living arrangement so he didn't have to do much of anything but pay the rent. I made him pay for cleaners, which he was happy to do. He was not a slob, he just had no interest in cleaning other than doing his own dishes and laundry. Giving him two rooms meant he used the common spaces less, which was easier for me.

In between, I bought a small place that only had one bath, so I didn't have a roommate, except when I was helping a friend out for a few months. My payment was over half my take home pay. It was tough, but I could afford it and still manage to save because I have strong frugality muscles. Hanging out here is a good way for anyone to strengthen theirs.

Some differences I note from your experience are that I only had one roommate at a time and I chose them very carefully. Another is that there was a higher degree of interaction in communal spaces, therefore a greater deal of respect for the other person.

My first thought is to try obtaining a place on your own that's large enough to have a roommate while you are the Master Tenant. Second is to look for a place to live that's shared by fewer people. Third is to ask what your savings rate is. Have you set a really high savings goal just so you can FIRE? One must also consider quality of life along the path to FIRE.  It's as much about the journey as it is the destination.

Good luck to you!