Destination Weddings $$$$

[sstants]

Who else here has been invited to (and expected to attend) weddings in crazy far-away places?

I had one at the end of last year and another this summer in Europe! I've been keeping my eye on plane tickets and it looks like the cheapest options are $1600 per person round trip for two of us. This is NUTS but I don't have a (polite) way out. I'm trying to save on the accommodations and other activities while I'm there...but I would never travel to a destination in such an in-demand time if I had planned the trip myself.

I can't help but feel stressed and put-upon by the situation but I'm trying to look at it as an unplanned vacation and not be a wet blanket about it. Any similar experiences?

[seattlecyclone]

I guess our wedding ended up being sort of a "destination wedding" for most of our family. We grew up in the Midwest but got married in Seattle where we live. We really tried to make sure nobody would feel guilty about not coming for whatever reason. I was actually a bit surprised at how many of my aunts and uncles did travel for it. I don't think it was a financial hardship for any of them though, and they all seemed to have a great time sightseeing while they were here.

One of our friends from college grew up in Puerto Rico and got married there. There was no pressure whatsoever to attend but it was a great excuse to spend a week in a tropical island with old friends.

[Cassie]

I have never known anyone that has done this.  If it is not family I doubt I would go to Europe for a friend's wedding unless I wanted to see it and could also use it as a 2 week vacation.

[mskyle]

I've been to a couple of destination weddings (in the sense that they were in places where no one associated with the wedding lived) and several more that were out-of-town/state for me, but none of them were in that kind of "financial hardship" territory for me, and they were in fun places I was happy to visit. $1600 pp airfare would be a dealbreaker for me - I wouldn't do that for anything short of a sibling, and fortunately one of my siblings is already married and the other one is a van-dwelling nomad unlikely to expect anyone to pay big bucks to attend a wedding.

I just got back from a Sandals resort (on a trip paid for by one of the aforementioned siblings' employer, otherwise it would not have been my thing at all!) and there were a ton of weddings happening while I was there. One of them, both the bride and groom were having medical issues and it wasn't clear whether they were going to have to go back the US for treatment and miss the wedding! There is no way I'd go to someone's wedding at an all-inclusive resort, either (again, unless it was for a sibling, and I would hope that they would have better judgement) - seems like it's just a way to get your guests to pay for the meal, photos, etc.

I think it's a bit unkind to make people you love (and who love you) choose between missing your wedding or shelling out thousands of dollars to attend :/ And then also the couple has the issue that the people who come to the wedding aren't their closest friends/relatives, but rather the people with the biggest travel budgets/vacation allowances.

[LindseyC]

I have had a lot of destination wedding invites and I have had to turn a number of them down. At times I simply could not afford them and at other times the timing just didn't work. There are four months of the year I can not take time off from my job (it's in my contract) and another 2-3 months where it is pretty difficult and involves a serious amount of extra work for me.

This sounds bad but generally the weddings have also been to locations where I wasn't that excited to go to. Sitting on a beach for a week drinking is not me at all. A) I don't drink and b) sitting on a beach for a week is my definition of dying from boredom. I like to do stuff and only sit for an hour or two a day to read.

I'm rambling. Basically I have always been very upfront with my family/friends and explained why I couldn't afford a trip or couldn't take the time off (I skip the being bored at their destination reason, that's being too honest)

Most have accepted that the facts were what they were and i always made an extra effort to get them a very meaningful gift and invite them over for a night when they returned to hear all about their adventure and look at pictures. I really make the effort when I had them over to have a special meal, a beautifully set table and just let them talk the whole evening. I want them to know I love them to bits and truly have an interest in their wedding even if I could not attend.

If they don't accept the fact that you can't necessarily attend their destination wedding and accommodate the expensive options they have placed upon you as a guest, then that says something about their character, not yours. It would be nice for everyone to have the perfect wedding of their dreams, but that just isn't reality and hopefully the couple can keep a little perspective. It's one of the most important days of their lives, not yours (unless they are your children)

[onlykelsey]

Rather than spending 1600 on tickets (plus 200 on a gift plus a hotel plus time off work plus food etc), why not send a very generous (400?) gift and your regrets.  You don't look cheap, but you've saved several thousand for yourself.

[mjs111]

I turn the invitations down.  Generally I would say you always have that option, regardless of what you may think at the time.  If I want to smooth things politically I'll get them a gift.

Mike

[Leftside]

as others have stated already.  Just say you won't be attending and get them a gift.  If they ask why just tell them honestly, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.  Also many others might not have vacation time for such an event.

[mm1970]

Who else here has been invited to (and expected to attend) weddings in crazy far-away places?

I had one at the end of last year and another this summer in Europe! I've been keeping my eye on plane tickets and it looks like the cheapest options are $1600 per person round trip for two of us. This is NUTS but I don't have a (polite) way out. I'm trying to save on the accommodations and other activities while I'm there...but I would never travel to a destination in such an in-demand time if I had planned the trip myself.

I can't help but feel stressed and put-upon by the situation but I'm trying to look at it as an unplanned vacation and not be a wet blanket about it. Any similar experiences?

Never been invited to destination weddings, but have traveled to weddings.  I like the idea of a destination wedding - it can be "fun" and, frankly, it's not a bad way to limit the guest list.  How many family members and friends are REALLY going to want to spend thousands (or can, really?)

If you aren't in the wedding party and it isn't your parent or sibling, feel free to skip it!

[aFrugalFather]

Have you looked into a credit card rewards signup to lessen the cost?  E.g., Chase sapphire card is still giving 50K in points. 

[use2betrix]

We had a semi-destination wedding. Most people who are getting married are (should be) pretty understanding of those who can't make it for whatever reason.

[SilveradoBojangles]

I had to attend a destination wedding las summer, and I was highly annoyed by it. It was in Telluride, which is ludicrously difficult to get to, and expensive. We have flexible schedules, so we found cheap plane tickets to Denver mid week, and made a camping trip out of it on our way there and back. But for the wedding itself we had to stay in an expensive lodge. We did share with friends, and it had a kitchen, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

I felt bad for our friends who work normal jobs, as they had to take Friday off, fly out super early friday morning, rent a car, and make the drive, which took 8-9 hours due to the friday afternoon traffic and summer road work. They got the lodge at 9pm Friday, attended the wedding on Sat, and left at 8am Sunday morning to drive back to Denver to make their flights home. And they probably spent as much for the weekend as we did for the whole week of travel.

I had a destination wedding 18 months ago that was just for immediate family. We realized that for what we would spend on a venue for 6 hours we could pay for an entire week's vacation, so we did that. We put everyone up in a villa with a stocked kitchen and a chef, a pool, and a gorgeous garden/patio, so it was just plane tickets that people needed to purchase. We paid for our own tickets with miles, and I ended up buying my sister one with miles too because she's broke. My parents paid for their own, and my husbands parents covered his various siblings' tickets along with their own. It was great.

[JoRocka]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

[MrsDinero]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

I know many people who had destination weddings for this reason.  They wanted a small wedding but felt obligated (for whatever reason) to invite a large group.

[loftygoal]

Do not feel obligated to go if you aren't super close!

I'm planning my wedding right now where we live, but it's a destination wedding for 90%+ of the guests because our family is spread out across the continent and Hawaii. I absolutely do not expect anyone to show up unless it's my immediate family or part of the bridal party. I would not be upset in the slightest if an extended family member or old friend couldn't make it due to expense. In fact, I chose to have it on a weekday to weed out people that are on the fence about coming! As far as weddings go, smaller is better in my opinion.

[Noodle]

I believe most etiquette authorities feel that obligations to attend ( even for an immediate family member or very close friend, say) are waived if the couple chooses a destination wedding, because the point is that they have chosen to make the location the priority over the other factors that might go into picking a site(cost, convenience to guests, ease of planning, whatever). I had an acquaintance who did a destination wedding in the Caribbean. His two siblings both had very young children--one with medical issues that would have made travel out of the country a massive headache, the other with infant twins--so he went into it knowing they wouldn't be there and everybody was fine with it. I think they all had a nice dinner out together when they came back.

[MrsPete]

Are you sure the bride and groom really expect you to attend? 

I ask because my daughter talked about a destination wedding, and one of the things she and I discussed was that a bunch of people wouldn't be able to attend.  She chose to get married at home, but she chose a holiday date -- again, same discussion:  a bunch of people won't be able to attend.  She fully grasps that her wedding isn't the social event of the season for the whole world and accepts that her choices will mean some people won't /can't attend. 

[EllieStan]

I can't help but feel stressed and put-upon by the situation but I'm trying to look at it as an unplanned vacation and not be a wet blanket about it. Any similar experiences?

I've mostly heard of tropical destinations such as the Caribbeans. Even if these are more affordable options, I don't like the idea that's usually thrown around, stating ''only the guests who TRULY WANT TO BE THERE will attend.'' Implying your loved ones (parents, siblings, best friends) will feel kinda obligated to go, and will probably feel bad or disappointed if they have to decline. I think it's putting undue financial pressure on your guests, while etiquette is about being thoughtful and providing for them.

If you feel pressure to go and embarrassment at the thought of declining, I think there's your answer. You shouldn't go. It's not worth spending so much just to save face.

[Dicey]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

+$1000. I have a cynical streak that takes this even further. They have a destination wedding because they KNOW a lot of people won't come, but they send out a ton of invitations so that people will give them gifts. Not a fan. I have no problem going to say, Hawaii for a wedding of a friend who grew up there, but just because you want an exotic locale? I'll pass. And no, I won't send you more money because I'm not going to your destination wedding. Screw that.

[travelbug]

I wouldn't go. Crazy. Unless I really wanted to visit that area of the world and could wing my vacation around that time frame.
Get a nice gift. Done.

[Dollar Slice]

I've really grown to dislike the whole idea of weddings, partly for this reason. I've literally never been invited to a wedding that was closer than 250 miles away, and that was 1) the same week as my brother's wedding (3000 miles away!) and 2) on my dad's 60th birthday, so I didn't go. The closest wedding I've actually attended was ~450 miles away.

A family member once planned a sensible wedding that was in her hometown (~1000 miles away from me). We all planned to go and then she canceled it a week beforehand, well after we'd all paid for hotels and airfare. OK, well, I wouldn't want her to be stuck in a mistaken marriage, shit happens. Years later, same family member gets married for real and has TWO big destination weddings, on two different continents - neither of them in a country where she has ever lived. Just... no.

One of the most thoughtful things anyone ever did for me was my childhood BFF telling me she wasn't going to ask me to be a bridesmaid because she knew I would hate everything about it so much :-) 

[MayDay]

I straight up wouldn't go to Europe unless that was the sort of trip I might go on anyway. 

My brother is getting married this fall.  We live in a medium midwestern city, he lives in a medium midwestern city.  Said cities are 12 hours apart, and both are minor airports.  We can't make a longer trip of it because the kids have school. We are looking at spending ~2k in airfare to go for 2 days to a blah city that we have no interest in going to, in which we will hardly see anyone since we will be there so little.  It sucks.  If it was ANYONE other than my last remaining unmarried sibling getting married for the first time, we would not go. 

Basically, I am in the All Weddings Suck camp. 

[ooeei]

I have a friend getting married in Ireland this Summer (we live in TX), and I'm not going.  There are two other mutual friends of ours who are going to it, and while they've all tried to convince me to go, I don't think there will be any hard feelings.  I get 2 weeks of vacation a year, no way in hell I'm spending half of it (and a few thousand dollars) going to a friend's wedding in a place that is not even top 10 of my list of places I want to go. We'll probably get them a $100 or so gift and go to the localish (4 hour drive) wedding shower (which is apparently a thing), and be done with it.

[mm1970]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

+$1000. I have a cynical streak that takes this even further. They have a destination wedding because they KNOW a lot of people won't come, but they send out a ton of invitations so that people will give them gifts. Not a fan. I have no problem going to say, Hawaii for a wedding of a friend who grew up there, but just because you want an exotic locale? I'll pass. And no, I won't send you more money because I'm not going to your destination wedding. Screw that.

I always assumed the whole point of a destination wedding is to cut the guest list, and save money, and decrease expectations.

Maybe it's just me, but I was also raised that gifts are not expected if you do not attend a shower or a wedding.  I have only given a gift for such a thing, without attending, once or twice.  And only if it's a close friend.

In my family, it's etiquette that you invite everyone - so every step-cousin invites me to the baby showers, bridal showers, and weddings.  I do not attend (I live in CA, they live in PA).  I do not send a gift either.  I am older than all of them.  At one point (many years ago now, I was probably in my 30s), my mom said "well, you should send a gift anyway - you know that Carrie's parents gave YOU a wedding gift!"

#1: Carrie's parents were at my wedding
#2: Carrie's PARENTS gave me a gift.  CARRIE didn't give me a gift. YOU are attending Carrie's wedding and YOU are giving her a gift.

What I'm getting at is that I'd like to think *most* people are trying to limit the guest list but not make you feel left out.  I *don't* think they are trying to just get more gifts.  As I tell every person who plans a wedding "do not feel obligated to invite people because you think you should. Anyone who has been married and has had to make difficult guest list choices - they get it.  They will NOT be offended."  I LOVE weddings and looking at photos and hearing stories, but I don't need to be there!

[mm1970]

Also, I'm not a terrible fuddy-duddy.

We got married in DC (where we met and where I was living).  This required family and friends to travel, from PA, NY, and Denmark.  SIL planned her wedding for 2 weeks before ours, for the very reason that those traveling from Denmark could attend both weddings (this increased our guest list a bit, her wedding was larger, there were people we hadn't intended to invite).

Within the space of several years (our 20's and 30's), we also attended weddings.  I want to say this was from 1994 to 2005.
1.  New Mexico (our bridesmaid/ groomsman) - we had to fly in from CA and DC.  My hubs was the best man. 
2.  CO (we flew in from CA) - another bridesmaid of mine
3.  NY (we flew in from CA) - yes one of my groomsman!
4.  Philly (we flew in from CA, right after 9/11) - our best man (my husband was a groomsman)
5.  Bay Area (we drove up) - college buddy of spouse
6.  Bay Area (we drove up) - coworker - Indian wedding - fabulous!!
7.  Tucson - hubby's cousin
8.  Las Vegas - hubby's cousin - I couldn't go.  I was pregnant also, so this was the last "travel" wedding!
9.  Norfolk (drove down from DC)
10. PA (my brother's wedding, we flew in from CA)
11. NC (my nephew's wedding, we flew in from CA)

ALL of these were pre-kid.

[cube.37]

Fiancee and I are planning a destination wedding at this moment. Sometimes it just makes more sense - we're on the east coast, one family is in one part of asia, another family is in another part of asia, and siblings, uncles and aunts are sprawled across asia and the us. Hawaii is a destination, but pretty much midpoint for all of us.

Turns out, it'll also be in the same budget range (or even cheaper) as a larger local wedding: 80-100 local guests vs. 30-40 destination guests.

Sure it might be more expensive for local friends, but we don't expect many of them to attend and won't hold any grudges. To somewhat help here, we aren't setting up a registry or taking gifts.

Also, and most importantly, at the end of the day, it's our wedding..a destination wedding in hawaii will make us happier so that's what we'll do. Some people seem to forget that weddings are for the couple and not for the attendees..

[mskyle]

Some people seem to forget that weddings are for the couple and not for the attendees..

I think this is an area where reasonable people can disagree... for a lot of people, weddings are as much (or more) about the community (whether that's family, friends, church, or whatever) and the couple's relationship to their community as they are about the couple themselves. If you are coming from one perspective the other perspective can seem super weird!

[cube.37]

Some people seem to forget that weddings are for the couple and not for the attendees..

I think this is an area where reasonable people can disagree... for a lot of people, weddings are as much (or more) about the community (whether that's family, friends, church, or whatever) and the couple's relationship to their community as they are about the couple themselves. If you are coming from one perspective the other perspective can seem super weird!

Interesting.

Then I guess a core difference in opinion could be whether you believe a wedding is for the couple or for the community. If it's for the couple, whatever makes the couple happy is good (i.e. destination weddings). If it's for the community, if a portion of the community can't attend then the couple is being selfish.

[sstants]

We're definitely looking for credit card rewards to use and any other deals we might be able to get on the travel. This is a tough situation because us attending is a business obligation that bleeds over into our personal lives.

All of my friends have told me to just go and enjoy the vacation, but these are also friends that still have their parents paying their bills so I get quite frustrated!

It's so interesting how strongly people feel about this. For me it's not about how I feel about weddings but how I feel when I'm not in control of what I am spending money on. I think weddings used to be a community-based event where travel was all local and the wedding was in a shared/common place of worship. Now they are these huge parties and are more about bringing together as many people as possible.

[LouLou]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

I know many people who had destination weddings for this reason.  They wanted a small wedding but felt obligated (for whatever reason) to invite a large group.

This is exactly what I wanted to post.  Everyone I know who had a destination wanted a smaller wedding, but know too many people who would come if they had it in a normal place.  Destination wedding guaranteed that they could celebrate with fewer than 10 people.

The way to politely decline is to RSVP no promptly.  Send them a gift and get together when they get back.

[MsPeacock]

Polite or not, obligated or not, I would not attend a "destination wedding." I save my leave and travel dollars for things I want to do. I will fly CONUS for a very good friend's wedding, otherwise they get a nice gift and that's it. I think it is extremely presumptuous to expect people to spend thousands to attend your wedding, and that presumptuousness means you don't have to politely accept the invitation. Just say no.

On the flip side, brides and grooms stop needing to feeling "obligated" to invite their mom's boss's cousin to their wedding. Invite a small number of people and if anyone not invited asks say "we had to keep it really small". It's not that hard.

[Dicey]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

+$1000. I have a cynical streak that takes this even further. They have a destination wedding because they KNOW a lot of people won't come, but they send out a ton of invitations so that people will give them gifts. Not a fan. I have no problem going to say, Hawaii for a wedding of a friend who grew up there, but just because you want an exotic locale? I'll pass. And no, I won't send you more money because I'm not going to your destination wedding. Screw that.

What I'm getting at is that I'd like to think *most* people are trying to limit the guest list but not make you feel left out.  I *don't* think they are trying to just get more gifts.   I LOVE weddings and looking at photos and hearing stories, but I don't need to be there!

Totally agree with that last sentence, mm1970!

For clarification, I'll add that my comment was directed at the folks who plan a destination wedding, know you won't be able to attend, know you know the five W's of their wedding plans,  but still send you a fancy invitation. Yeah, they know who they are but they probably won't recognize themselves.

And the "more money" was in reference to the comment about spending a fraction of what you'd spend to travel to the wedding. IIRC, the suggested amount was $400.00 Gah!

Sorry if I wasn't clear.

[sjc0816]

We had a destination wedding (Jamaica) - but chose not to invite anyone because we knew people would go even though they couldn't afford it. The whole reason we wanted to destination wedding was because we didn't want the hoopla...so it seemed like even MORE hoopla to ask people to travel there. We didn't even invite our parents. It was the BEST! Highly recommend. ;)

[RetiredAt63]

We had a destination wedding (Jamaica) - but chose not to invite anyone because we knew people would go even though they couldn't afford it. The whole reason we wanted to destination wedding was because we didn't want the hoopla...so it seemed like even MORE hoopla to ask people to travel there. We didn't even invite our parents. It was the BEST! Highly recommend. ;)

Isn't that the definition of an elopement?  Inviting no-one?  Sounds like a nice way to elope.

[charis]

I think it's weird that people assume a couple is either selfish or presumptuous to have a destination wedding.  Who cares?  Go if you want to and can afford it, decline if you don't or can't.  Make up an excuse if you feel obligated and go on with your life.   People plan weddings in specific places for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with you.  If a couple makes you feel guilty about not attending their wedding, for any reason, destination or not, then go ahead and judge them.   But making a bunch of assumptions about how ridiculous people are for even planning a destination wedding sounds like such a miserable way to be.   I did not have a destination wedding, but I've been invited to some - I happily attended two and had to decline the others for my own reasons, it's as simple as that.

[sjc0816]

We had a destination wedding (Jamaica) - but chose not to invite anyone because we knew people would go even though they couldn't afford it. The whole reason we wanted to destination wedding was because we didn't want the hoopla...so it seemed like even MORE hoopla to ask people to travel there. We didn't even invite our parents. It was the BEST! Highly recommend. ;)

Isn't that the definition of an elopement?  Inviting no-one?  Sounds like a nice way to elope.

Hmm, maybe? I always thought elopement meant you ran away secretly and got married. Not that you planned a wedding in a tropical destination (with or without guests). 

[RetiredAt63]

Mmmmmm, true re the secrecy.  So if you told people ahead of time I guess it was just a very small destination wedding.  Of course if you and I were close and you got married in January-March in Jamaica and didn't invite me, I would be unhappy.  Jamaica in winter?  What a great reason to go!  Much superior to most of the wedding locations I have been to lately.

We had a destination wedding (Jamaica) - but chose not to invite anyone because we knew people would go even though they couldn't afford it. The whole reason we wanted to destination wedding was because we didn't want the hoopla...so it seemed like even MORE hoopla to ask people to travel there. We didn't even invite our parents. It was the BEST! Highly recommend. ;)

Isn't that the definition of an elopement?  Inviting no-one?  Sounds like a nice way to elope.

Hmm, maybe? I always thought elopement meant you ran away secretly and got married. Not that you planned a wedding in a tropical destination (with or without guests).

[Jim2001]

Don't question them "why a destination wedding?" and they shouldn't ask you "why can't you come?"

Send back the RSVP with the box checked "Regrets".  No explanation needed.  Send a gift you can afford.  When they get back, enthusiastically ask them to see the pictures/video and tell you all about it.

We had a destination wedding and invited over 150 people.  Nine showed up.  We had a great time and have wonderful memories.  There are no hurt feelings on anyone's part over who couldn't make it, including my choice for best man.  We made the best decision for us and haven't regretted it, ever.

[MMM98]

My daughter just texted that she was doing a destination wedding, apparently if s he gets enough people they go free.  They are considering the Caribbean.  I offered to send my my share so long as she send me a great video.

Horrible,cruel?  Maybe but as others have noted very few can afford to come.  It would be a very lonely event.

[charis]

My daughter just texted that she was doing a destination wedding, apparently if s he gets enough people they go free.  They are considering the Caribbean.  I offered to send my my share so long as she send me a great video.

Horrible,cruel?  Maybe but as others have noted very few can afford to come.  It would be a very lonely event.

I don't get the free part, it does sounds tacky, but you are refusing to attend your daughter's wedding because it is a "destination"?  Yes, that does sound lonely for you. 

[Cassie]

I can't even imagine missing my daughter or son's wedding. My son got married in Poland and we went.

[Runrooster]

Im planning to miss the 5th travel wedding (one per year) in my extended family this year, second destination wedding.  I've gotten a lot of grief over it, including a 14 yo niece telling me this proves I "don't care about people".  This is my niece/nephew generation, and there are a few more weddings to come.  I'm Indian so these weddings are large fancy affairs and the party goes on for a week, sometimes two.  So. Much. Consumption. 

It's tough fighting tradition, but these events are neither relaxing nor fun for me.  If I attend, I'm usually given a spare cot in my parents bedroom because I'm also the designated caregiver.  If I don't attend, the other relatives pick up the slack and that also forces the kids to interact with Grandma more.  More than that, I don't have a lot to say to either the parents (10 years older than me) or the kids/niece (college aged).  Stay in school and don't do drugs.

I know I sound like a party pooper, but some people like weddings and I don't.  I invite my niece etc to do things I enjoy, which tend to arts and museums, and they can't be bothered.  That's fine, we should do the things we enjoy. 

[mozar]

14 yo niece telling me this proves I "don't care about people"

Sounds like something an adult would tell a kid to say to guilt trip someone. I recently decided that I won't be going to family weddings anymore, destination or no. Only exception will be my sister, but she is 5.

[daymare]

Jamaica in winter?  What a great reason to go!  Much superior to most of the wedding locations I have been to lately.

I actually just got back from 5 days in Jamaica (all-inclusive resort booked with credit card points).  The whole thing, including flights, came to <$800 for the two of us, which actually appears to be close to the daily rate people would pay to stay there.  It was super, super luxe.  By far the nicest place I've ever stayed.

Anyway, there was a couple on our shuttle who was getting married that weekend ... I just had so many questions (that I obviously didn't ask).  Like, who gets married at such an exclusive, expensive resort?  Who decides to fork over so much money to attend such a wedding?  What's the deal with the financial situation of the couple and their guests?  I just ... can't fathom spending that kind of money on a trip.  And I am so curious about the people who would.

[MrsDinero]

My daughter just texted that she was doing a destination wedding, apparently if s he gets enough people they go free.  They are considering the Caribbean.  I offered to send my my share so long as she send me a great video.

Horrible,cruel?  Maybe but as others have noted very few can afford to come.  It would be a very lonely event.

I don't get the free part, it does sounds tacky, but you are refusing to attend your daughter's wedding because it is a "destination"?  Yes, that does sound lonely for you.

It sounds like the daughter and the groom want everyone else to pay for their wedding. 

[charis]

Jamaica in winter?  What a great reason to go!  Much superior to most of the wedding locations I have been to lately.

I actually just got back from 5 days in Jamaica (all-inclusive resort booked with credit card points).  The whole thing, including flights, came to <$800 for the two of us, which actually appears to be close to the daily rate people would pay to stay there.  It was super, super luxe.  By far the nicest place I've ever stayed.

Anyway, there was a couple on our shuttle who was getting married that weekend ... I just had so many questions (that I obviously didn't ask).  Like, who gets married at such an exclusive, expensive resort?  Who decides to fork over so much money to attend such a wedding?  What's the deal with the financial situation of the couple and their guests?  I just ... can't fathom spending that kind of money on a trip.  And I am so curious about the people who would.

Where did you stay that you could book an all-inclusive with points?  I've been looking into Jamaica with marriott and starwood points.

[iris lily]

My parents missed my wedding because we eloped. They were fine with that. In my family The Big Wedding Day is not a big deal.

DH just got back from a wedding in Florida, his niece.  it was a nice time of year to be in Florida and it was super cheap vacation of a week for him. The entire thing cost about $500. I didnt go because I stopped attending his niece and nephew weddings years ago after suffering through two Saturday night events that were dry. Yeah, um no.

[Runrooster]

14 yo niece telling me this proves I "don't care about people"

Sounds like something an adult would tell a kid to say to guilt trip someone.

I think it's part of the Queen for a day mentality. When I missed a coworkers farewell lunch because I worked from home, people actually expected me to come to work just for the lunch!  All to make him feel special or the event festive.  I sort of understand the big wedding in Indian culture, where there are a series of different ceremonies about making the bride ready to move out of her family home.  It's a bit absurd in the modern context where no one's losing their home or their virginity, and with the modern divorce rate, but we are still the first generation away from that, so....

But asking people to fly to the Caribbean for a 30 minute ceremony attended by ten people who could have all gathered for the cost of less than a gallon of gas? It's out of control.  I assume most people who plan destination weddings haven't been hassled to attend them, in a location and time not of their choosing. 

[fitfrugalfab]

FYI- Half the reason people do destination weddings is so you will say no. they don't want to pay for you- and they are banking on you saying no- but didn't want to NOT invite you. Don't feel guilty or annoyed- go if you want to go- don't go if you cant' make it work.

Do not disparage someone else and get irritated about it- that's silly.  No one is MAKING you go.

+1 Absolutely. This is why I had a destination wedding and it was amazing.