Dad with two daughters, want to protect them

[Tempname23]

My husband did BJJ for a year but I encouraged him to find something else after he cracked some ribs.

They grow back stronger!  :P

But it takes a long time to stop hurting! :-)
 Wrestling with my teen son, I got a light knee on a lower rib, that was all it took, I was done!
 It was two years before it quit hurting.

[RobertMa]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

[former player]

Teach them to [...] avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

Also teach them to avoid illegal drugs.  Anyone offering them illegal drugs, whether for free or for money, may look like a friend and behave like a friend but is actually an enemy trying to find their weak spot.

[RetiredAt63]

Teach them to [...] avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

Also teach them to avoid illegal drugs.  Anyone offering them illegal drugs, whether for free or for money, may look like a friend and behave like a friend but is actually an enemy trying to find their weak spot.

And men who push relationships too fast.  They are testing boundaries to see if they are weak.

Speaking of which, my Dad said when I went off to University "Don't smoke, don't get drunk, don't get pregnant."  Those are 3 good ways to not get into trouble.  So to add to everything else here, make sure your daughters learn about sex and how not to get pregnant (or catch an STI).  And in the illegal drug category, tell them about Rohypnol and guarding their drink.

[Tasse]

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I haven't interpreted any post on this thread as criticism. His protective desire is understandable. There is simply a near-consensus that there are more effective ways to pursue his goal.

[Villanelle]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I must have missed the posts with knives.  Can you please point them out?  Every post I recall reading in this thread has been generally positive, even if it offered different perspectives.  Where are these multiple criticisms you claim he has received?

"X probably isn't nearly as effective as Y or Z" is hardly criticism, even if a certain narrative wants to frame it that way.   

[Kris]

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

Had OP done simply that, the quality of advice he would have received in response would not have been nearly as high. So I'd have to disagree.

[partgypsy]

I don't have any problem with the man in the house taking lessons. But I agree that, criminals look for marks. The naive, the inebriated, the person in unstable situation (emotional, financial, etc) to take advantage. So the more as parents you can make the child emotionally secure. Physically capable, while teaching street smarts is best. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. When I was in HS and 99 lbs dripping wet, I was walking around, calling out for my lost dog. A guy pulled up saying what does my dog look like, I describe, and he says he saw him! Without thinking I got in the car, only after I shut the door, I realized, that was dumb. Luckily he was just a regular person and did reunite me with our family dog. But it could have go e the other way.   Otoh while I was living in a city, walking home late at night after drinking, I got mugged. Luckily my instincts from taking a self defense class kicked in and despite him holdg me up with a knife I got away. Like what others say, 99% of the time, you are not going to be there with your child to protect them. They will need to have survival skills on their own.

[charis]

ETA: It would be nice if the OP showed any interest and participated in his own thread. Maybe he could clarify exactly what he's looking for.

Yeah, it's always annoying when someone starts a thread and seems to disappear.  The OP's post history is interesting and suggests a level of discontent if he's not striving for a new accomplishment.  If martial arts is that thing and it brings a sense of security, there are certainly worse things one could do with his time.

[mspym]

Also his location is one with small-town crime and low-level gang activity but most people would only come into contact with this if you are involved with drugs or run a dairy, in which case you might get ram-raided but again, they are only after the money.

[RobertMa]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I must have missed the posts with knives.  Can you please point them out?  Every post I recall reading in this thread has been generally positive, even if it offered different perspectives.  Where are these multiple criticisms you claim he has received?

"X probably isn't nearly as effective as Y or Z" is hardly criticism, even if a certain narrative wants to frame it that way.

You're correct, "knives out" was too strong. I was moving too fast this morning.

But I see plenty of talk of his "super-masculine daughter protecting dad trope" fantasizing of "thrashing every thug," while that straw man sits on the porch with a shotgun. He's in "overprotective dad mode" and his "overprotective rage beast mode" was going to scar his girls. Statistically, the OP is the greatest threat to his girls. He's being an "overprotective male" with his whole "macho 'protect my family thing.'" Inferring his simple question was evidence of an anxiety or self-image problem while he is being "over protective or immersed in toxic masculinity." And of course more toxic this and toxic that.

So I still think the OP could have gotten more simple and helpful answers without all the noise, had he omitted the old-fashioned idea of a (gasp) man assuming the job of defending his daughters.

[Siebrie]

I (female) did a self defence course at uni, jiu jitsu based.

The instructor's 2 main points:
- be aware of your surroundings
- avoid getting into a situation where you need your self defence lessons

We started every class with a game of 'backwards tag': all 20 of us running backwards, trying to tag the others. Great fun, and great for growing awareness of surroundings.

Also, staying fit helps feeling confident, trusting yourself to be able to remove yourself from a situation quickly, or even outrun or outcycle (I'm Dutch) an attacker or dangerous situation.

[Kris]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I must have missed the posts with knives.  Can you please point them out?  Every post I recall reading in this thread has been generally positive, even if it offered different perspectives.  Where are these multiple criticisms you claim he has received?

"X probably isn't nearly as effective as Y or Z" is hardly criticism, even if a certain narrative wants to frame it that way.

You're correct, "knives out" was too strong. I was moving too fast this morning.

But I see plenty of talk of his "super-masculine daughter protecting dad trope" fantasizing of "thrashing every thug," while that straw man sits on the porch with a shotgun. He's in "overprotective dad mode" and his "overprotective rage beast mode" was going to scar his girls. Statistically, the OP is the greatest threat to his girls. He's being an "overprotective male" with his whole "macho 'protect my family thing.'" Inferring his simple question was evidence of an anxiety or self-image problem while he is being "over protective or immersed in toxic masculinity." And of course more toxic this and toxic that.

So I still think the OP could have gotten more simple and helpful answers without all the noise, had he omitted the old-fashioned idea of a (gasp) man assuming the job of defending his daughters.

Weird to call it a straw man when female posters are describing their actual lived experience.

Especially while introducing a straw man of your own with the porch/shotgun remark.

[Metalcat]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I must have missed the posts with knives.  Can you please point them out?  Every post I recall reading in this thread has been generally positive, even if it offered different perspectives.  Where are these multiple criticisms you claim he has received?

"X probably isn't nearly as effective as Y or Z" is hardly criticism, even if a certain narrative wants to frame it that way.

You're correct, "knives out" was too strong. I was moving too fast this morning.

But I see plenty of talk of his "super-masculine daughter protecting dad trope" fantasizing of "thrashing every thug," while that straw man sits on the porch with a shotgun. He's in "overprotective dad mode" and his "overprotective rage beast mode" was going to scar his girls. Statistically, the OP is the greatest threat to his girls. He's being an "overprotective male" with his whole "macho 'protect my family thing.'" Inferring his simple question was evidence of an anxiety or self-image problem while he is being "over protective or immersed in toxic masculinity." And of course more toxic this and toxic that.

So I still think the OP could have gotten more simple and helpful answers without all the noise, had he omitted the old-fashioned idea of a (gasp) man assuming the job of defending his daughters.

Weird to call it a straw man when female posters are describing their actual lived experience.

Especially while introducing a straw man of your own with the porch/shotgun remark.

Uh, yeah, my advice wasn't ideological, it was literal, practical advice from some dude's daughter who was raped, and the things my dad could have done differently to help keep me a lot safer. None of which involved him having better hand-to-hand combat skills.

[Hula Hoop]

I'm a mother of 2 daughters.  I'm also a SA survivor.

Anyway, I want to protect my kids too, just like all parents I'd assume, and would probably feel somewhat similarly if they were boys.  I've taught them about consent and about predators since they were quite young.  I've also gone over with them what to do if, for example, someone approaches them online or in person in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.  They are 11 and 14 and both walk to and from school by themselves now and both have phones.

When your kids are older, I highly recommend teaching them about online and in person predators, what to do if they feel uncomfortable in a situation, and what constitutes sketchy behavior by adults.  Also, teach them about consent and that it's perfectly OK to say "no" if they don't want to do something and it's OK to "hurt someone's feelings".  When they are old enough to go out with their friends, teach them not to leave a drink unattended and also teach them about alcohol poisoning.  We have a lot of filters and controls on our kids phones and have talked to kids about cyber abuse, meeting people online and cyber bullying.

I've never thought about doing martial arts in order to protect our kids (I did briefly dabble in it pre kids after my SA) but I assume that I'd never have to physically protect them as they're much more likely to be victims of assault while they're not around us parents.  I agree with others that if you live in a dangerous area and are concerned about your children, try enrolling them in martial arts programs when they're a little older.  When I did a judo course years ago I liked the empowered feeling it gave me.  I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

[RetiredAt63]

I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

We can surprise ourselves.

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.  She was surprised and amazed that she did this.  The body decides to use a well practised move (muscle memory) on its own sometimes.

[RetiredAt63]

ETA: It would be nice if the OP showed any interest and participated in his own thread. Maybe he could clarify exactly what he's looking for.

I looked him up - he is a reader not a poster.  He has been on the forums for over 4 years and only 63 posts.

So I assume he is reading all this.  But yes, it would be nice to get some feedback from him.

[Metalcat]

I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

We can surprise ourselves.

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.  She was surprised and amazed that she did this.  The body decides to use a well practised move (muscle memory) on its own sometimes.

This has happened to me and classmates with Heimlich, just reflexively do it when someone is choking without even thinking.

That reminds me, learning advanced first aide and taking your kids to first aide classes is a GREAT way to protect them from a lot of highly probable lifetime risks.

I can't believe how few people take even basic CPR classes, and if they do, almost never take regular refreshers unless they are health professionals.

Also, keep narcan on hand and know how to use it.

Several teens from nice upper middle class families in my city would still be alive if their parents had this extremely easy to learn skill and free narcan and training that pharmacies here provide to anyone who asks.

That reminds me, I need to replace my narcan, I think it might be expired.

[RetiredAt63]

I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

We can surprise ourselves.

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.  She was surprised and amazed that she did this.  The body decides to use a well practised move (muscle memory) on its own sometimes.

This has happened to me and classmates with Heimlich, just reflexively do it when someone is choking without even thinking.

That reminds me, learning advanced first aide and taking your kids to first aide classes is a GREAT way to protect them from a lot of highly probable lifetime risks.

I can't believe how few people take even basic CPR classes, and if they do, almost never take regular refreshers unless they are health professionals.

Also, keep narcan on hand and know how to use it.

Several teens from nice upper middle class families in my city would still be alive if their parents had this extremely easy to learn skill and free narcan and training that pharmacies here provide to anyone who asks.

That reminds me, I need to replace my narcan, I think it might be expired.

I did CPR regularly as part of first aid courses, did infant CPR when DD was a baby, and did wilderness first aid as much as I could.   They were all through work except the infant CPR, so of course now I am massively out of practice.

The thing about regular first aid courses is that they assume you are in reach of regular health support, like ambulances.  Wilderness first aid is a whole other ball game.   Like what do you do if someone fell down a ravine and is lodged in trees (or worse, rocks) and the nearest trail is a few km away, uphill?


Which makes me think of one more way to keep the daughters safe - make sure the babysitter has taken a basic first aid course and CPR.  I know when I was in HS that we could access babysitter classes given after school. But that was long ago and far away.

[Metalcat]

I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

We can surprise ourselves.

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.  She was surprised and amazed that she did this.  The body decides to use a well practised move (muscle memory) on its own sometimes.

This has happened to me and classmates with Heimlich, just reflexively do it when someone is choking without even thinking.

That reminds me, learning advanced first aide and taking your kids to first aide classes is a GREAT way to protect them from a lot of highly probable lifetime risks.

I can't believe how few people take even basic CPR classes, and if they do, almost never take regular refreshers unless they are health professionals.

Also, keep narcan on hand and know how to use it.

Several teens from nice upper middle class families in my city would still be alive if their parents had this extremely easy to learn skill and free narcan and training that pharmacies here provide to anyone who asks.

That reminds me, I need to replace my narcan, I think it might be expired.

I did CPR regularly as part of first aid courses, did infant CPR when DD was a baby, and did wilderness first aid as much as I could.   They were all through work except the infant CPR, so of course now I am massively out of practice.

The thing about regular first aid courses is that they assume you are in reach of regular health support, like ambulances.  Wilderness first aid is a whole other ball game.   Like what do you do if someone fell down a ravine and is lodged in trees (or worse, rocks) and the nearest trail is a few km away, uphill?


Which makes me think of one more way to keep the daughters safe - make sure the babysitter has taken a basic first aid course and CPR.  I know when I was in HS that we could access babysitter classes given after school. But that was long ago and far away.

Very good point. I don't have kids, so wouldn't think about baby sitters.

[Hula Hoop]

I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

We can surprise ourselves.

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.  She was surprised and amazed that she did this.  The body decides to use a well practised move (muscle memory) on its own sometimes.

This has happened to me and classmates with Heimlich, just reflexively do it when someone is choking without even thinking.

That reminds me, learning advanced first aide and taking your kids to first aide classes is a GREAT way to protect them from a lot of highly probable lifetime risks.

I can't believe how few people take even basic CPR classes, and if they do, almost never take regular refreshers unless they are health professionals.

Also, keep narcan on hand and know how to use it.

Several teens from nice upper middle class families in my city would still be alive if their parents had this extremely easy to learn skill and free narcan and training that pharmacies here provide to anyone who asks.

That reminds me, I need to replace my narcan, I think it might be expired.

This is an excellent point.  We should definitely educate our kids about opioids and narcan.

[BicycleB]

I felt like i had some control - although that, of course, is largely an illusion.

We can surprise ourselves.

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.  She was surprised and amazed that she did this.  The body decides to use a well practised move (muscle memory) on its own sometimes.

This is very true, and I think is one of the reasons multiple posters did advise that the kids get martial arts training when ready. It is only one of the range of excellent suggestions in this thread, but like many of them, it's a practiced skill. Having a skill puts you a big step above the untrained.

I was in college with no fight training or useful experience (male, small, skinny; quiet life)  when another student attacked me out of the blue. Just grabbed my shirt, shoved me towards the wall and strode off. I had bounced off the wall before I knew what happened. I and the three other students chatting in the hall all looked around for a moment, stunned, after which I retreated into my dorm room, embarrassed. Half an hour later it dawned on me that a button on my shirt had popped off. That was the end of it.

That summer, my younger sister got into martial arts. As a family activity, mom and I joined her. The following year, I joined a Tae Kwon Do class at the college. That was the end of that - until a few years later, moments after I entered a bar, some tall dude grabbed my wrist.

There was a pause for a moment, in which I was amazingly calm because having experience and training; it was a relief compared to the earlier unknown. Then he shoved down, hard, perhaps expecting to push me off balance or toward the floor. By the time I knew he'd done it, I was already three feet back from my original position, but in perfect balance and maintaining the exact same stance I'd had when he shoved me! My body, thanks to balance and movement drills, handled it perfectly - and exactly according to training.

The ensuing moments show how, as you say, a new response comes in the situation. In the background was the training to not pick a fight. I instantly conceived and executed the following: first a slight but growing smile as I studied my opponent, then a slight lean forward to appear desirous of fighting, then a pause as I apparently pulled myself to a stop and wrestled with the temptation to fight. It worked perfectly; after it dawned on the dude that I had not only handled his attack with ease but was confidently ready to fight, he started to sweat. His girlfriend ended the conflict by sweeping in from the side and dragging him away.

I wasn't confident of fighting him; that would be stupid. I had no real intention of fighting, I just pretended. It worked because of the trained reflex, plus the calm that also came from training. I highly support all of the many excellent suggestions in this thread, especially about boundaries, first aid, and martial arts classes. OP, best wishes; I'm sure you'll be (continue being) a fine and caring parent.

[lutorm]

I used to take tai chi, which our instructor described as "kung fu with the brakes on".  Very slow and controlled.  One woman in the class was on vacation and actually used a tai chi move automatically to block someone from grabbing her purse.  The ironic part is that tai chi is not meant for that - but she did it anyway.

Actually, tai chi chuan is a martial art, it's just mostly popularized as the slow form "stealth" practice but there are plenty of schools teaching its application as well.

[RetiredAt63]

Coyotes are starting to be aggressive in Ottawa as well, or at least a lot bolder.

Moose can be a real issue too during rut, one almost attacked a neighbour's truck  while he was driving it.

Which brings up something else for OP to think about - teach the girls about safe driving from a young age, don't wait until they are learning to drive.  Analyze what drivers around you are doing well or badly, and of course be a good example yourself.  And safe driving includes animals - my most expensive accident was when a deer decided to cross a road I was driving on - over $5000 damage, and if I hadn't seen her out of the corner of my eye as she leaped, and put on the brakes, she would have hit my door instead of the headlight.

Also teach them how to approach dogs and cats respectfully, and ask permission to pet.  Not all dogs are good with children, I know 2 people who were bitten in the face by the same cocker spaniel, several decades ago when we were all children.

[RetiredAt63]

If I had kids Imy number one worry would be pedephiles - and equally, or even more so, for boys because they are sexually assaulted just as often and most pedephiles (predominantly men) have greater access to boys thru activities like sports, scouting, etc and many parents would happily let little Bobby go off with his male coach or scout leader or male neighbor alone but wouldn't let their daughters go with off alone with a male. Plus boys and young men are less likely to tell adults because of fear of being labelled as "gay" and also for not being "man enough" and fighting off an assualt. No amount of martial Arts training or strength and fitness a parent has is going to help with protecting your kids from that.

And it is a lot more common than we think - or at least used to think, we are more aware of it now. 

[Kris]

If I had kids Imy number one worry would be pedephiles - and equally, or even more so, for boys because they are sexually assaulted just as often and most pedephiles (predominantly men) have greater access to boys thru activities like sports, scouting, etc and many parents would happily let little Bobby go off with his male coach or scout leader or male neighbor alone but wouldn't let their daughters go with off alone with a male. Plus boys and young men are less likely to tell adults because of fear of being labelled as "gay" and also for not being "man enough" and fighting off an assualt. No amount of martial Arts training or strength and fitness a parent has is going to help with protecting your kids from that.

And it is a lot more common than we think - or at least used to think, we are more aware of it now.

Yep.

And this is yet another reason to fight against toxic masculinity, which perpetuates homophobia and makes boys less able to talk about stuff like this.

[JupiterGreen]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I must have missed the posts with knives.  Can you please point them out?  Every post I recall reading in this thread has been generally positive, even if it offered different perspectives.  Where are these multiple criticisms you claim he has received?

"X probably isn't nearly as effective as Y or Z" is hardly criticism, even if a certain narrative wants to frame it that way.

You're correct, "knives out" was too strong. I was moving too fast this morning.

But I see plenty of talk of his "super-masculine daughter protecting dad trope" fantasizing of "thrashing every thug," while that straw man sits on the porch with a shotgun. He's in "overprotective dad mode" and his "overprotective rage beast mode" was going to scar his girls. Statistically, the OP is the greatest threat to his girls. He's being an "overprotective male" with his whole "macho 'protect my family thing.'" Inferring his simple question was evidence of an anxiety or self-image problem while he is being "over protective or immersed in toxic masculinity." And of course more toxic this and toxic that.

So I still think the OP could have gotten more simple and helpful answers without all the noise, had he omitted the old-fashioned idea of a (gasp) man assuming the job of defending his daughters.

But who is he defending his daughters from? Men.

Statistically, if the daughters come up against violence it perpetrated by men (and that violent behavior is toxic masculinity whether you personally like the term or not.)

The issue with the original question is the OP is putting himself in the center of the problem instead of considering the issue from the perspective of his daughters (and women in general). That is over half the population, most of whom have experienced toxic male behavior. I’m guessing many of us agree that we don’t need another guy making it about himself and his fantasy of being a hero. How about y’all stand up for us by not tolerating toxic behavior. You can use your voice and your vote, instead of your fist.

Parents, teach your kids well, regardless of gender. Model equitable, respectful, and civilized behavior with your spouse and others. Regardless of the issue, we should all be listening to the people who have experienced the problem we are trying to solve.

[Villanelle]

It's been touched on in this thread, but I think it bears repeating.

One of the myriad reasons women don't report assaults, is that they are afraid of the reactions of men in their lives.  One of the very last things a girl or woman needs as she processes her own reactions to that event is to then have to manage the reactions of men around her.  How often have we heard dads and boyfriends and husbands and male friends say, "I'm going to kill him!," in reference to a male perpetrator?

Suddenly, a woman or girl processing her own trauma has to deal with talking down a man in her life from doing something stupid.  Or she has to stress about her situation causing a man in her life to get in serious legal trouble, and all the guilt that goes along with that.  "I got raped, and my dad ended up in jail because of it."   Or, "we were getting mugged, dad tried to fight back and got shot trying to protect me, and now he's dead because of me." 

These are strong factors when a woman decides to keep her assault to herself.  A man who exhibits that kind of reaction to a theoretical assault doesn't feel like a safe person with whom to share you were attacked, assaulted, drugged, groped, stalked,  or otherwise harassed. Because you know there's a very good chance that it will become necessary to manage him, rather than deal with the aftermath of the incident.  It may feel like a supportive approach, but it is not.  And it makes the incident more about the man than about the woman who was actually attacked, which strips her of power and agency in a time she most needs to feel those things.

It can be easy to get defensive when you hear stuff like this.  Blah blah, toxic masculinity is just a trendy liberal pet project, man can't do anything right, etc.   But it is a stark reality for women, and setting aside ego to listen to women who have BTDT can allow you to be a better ally and support system for the women in your life.  If your reaction to even theoretical crimes against the women in your life has anything to do with reactions that might get you in trouble--guns or fights or vague violent statements-- you show you probably aren't a safe place for them to go. And that makes everyone less safe. 

[1FACTORY174!]

This is an aside to the original topic, but it made me think of it. Does anyone feel martial arts/self defense classes for a daughter to be beneficial?

I have no kids yet the bully problem in America is out of control ,i don't tolerate disrespect which is bullying ,my father was a bully  so at 18 had to set him straight, i told him he was entitled to his ass whopping like any other bully i handed him some pain and to learn to respect because it is earned..

Sent from my SM-A426U using Tapatalk

[ysette9]

Yes, like others have said, there is a tiny chance you will be in a physical altercation. Most police officers go an entire career without firing their guns in anger. But I've never needed my car's air bag, either. I still want to have it there. When you need it, you need it desperately.

If you could keep doing it, BJJ and Krav Maga would be very effective at doing what needs to be done if you're ever in that situation. Restrain someone or apply about three seconds of maximum violence to them and then get away. Carrying pepper spray (Pom and Sabre are great brands) is an easier option. Buy the inert water filled practice canisters and practice with them. Learning to use a firearm and carrying it, with constant professional practice, is useful. When they are older, all of these things are equally effective for your daughters to use agains a known assailant. And the others are right, her dates and friends are the most likely to attack her one day.

Where I live, there is more than one murder a day, plus countless rapes and aggravated robberies.  The most likely physical threat is someone using a deadly weapon against you at a gas station, ATM, road rage situation, or a retail store robbery. My family does not go to gas stations or ATMs. None of us are going to go hand to hand with these attackers. You need to have a weapon if they pick you that day. Yes, we are moving to a place with fewer criminals. You should, too.

As others have also pointed out, teaching your girls about who they build relationships with is more important. All those missing girls you see on TV? Most went willingly with their "boyfriend." He is now their pimp. Consider your daughter's smart phone as a lethal object. You inspect and control what they are doing on it. This will be unpleasant for everyone. But between other kids bullying your kids to suicide, or online predators showering them with compliments, that phone can be the gateway to hell.

Teach them to value the right men and avoid alcohol. Completely if possible.

You should have just asked for advice on learning martial arts and left it at that. Everyone would support you. It's funny how the knives come out as soon as you mention you want to defend a female family member. Only in today's upside down clown world would people criticize a man for preparing to defend his family. Stay strong.

I must have missed the posts with knives.  Can you please point them out?  Every post I recall reading in this thread has been generally positive, even if it offered different perspectives.  Where are these multiple criticisms you claim he has received?

"X probably isn't nearly as effective as Y or Z" is hardly criticism, even if a certain narrative wants to frame it that way.

You're correct, "knives out" was too strong. I was moving too fast this morning.

But I see plenty of talk of his "super-masculine daughter protecting dad trope" fantasizing of "thrashing every thug," while that straw man sits on the porch with a shotgun. He's in "overprotective dad mode" and his "overprotective rage beast mode" was going to scar his girls. Statistically, the OP is the greatest threat to his girls. He's being an "overprotective male" with his whole "macho 'protect my family thing.'" Inferring his simple question was evidence of an anxiety or self-image problem while he is being "over protective or immersed in toxic masculinity." And of course more toxic this and toxic that.

So I still think the OP could have gotten more simple and helpful answers without all the noise, had he omitted the old-fashioned idea of a (gasp) man assuming the job of defending his daughters.

But who is he defending his daughters from? Men.

Statistically, if the daughters come up against violence it perpetrated by men (and that violent behavior is toxic masculinity whether you personally like the term or not.)

The issue with the original question is the OP is putting himself in the center of the problem instead of considering the issue from the perspective of his daughters (and women in general). That is over half the population, most of whom have experienced toxic male behavior. I’m guessing many of us agree that we don’t need another guy making it about himself and his fantasy of being a hero. How about y’all stand up for us by not tolerating toxic behavior. You can use your voice and your vote, instead of your fist.

Parents, teach your kids well, regardless of gender. Model equitable, respectful, and civilized behavior with your spouse and others. Regardless of the issue, we should all be listening to the people who have experienced the problem we are trying to solve.

~standing ovation~

[ysette9]

This is an aside to the original topic, but it made me think of it. Does anyone feel martial arts/self defense classes for a daughter to be beneficial?

I have no kids yet the bully problem in America is out of control ,i don't tolerate disrespect which is bullying ,my father was a bully  so at 18 had to set him straight, i told him he was entitled to his ass whopping like any other bully i handed him some pain and to learn to respect because it is earned..

Sent from my SM-A426U using Tapatalk

I am holding my judgement on the bully thing. My kids are still young and thankfully we haven’t encountered bullies. I’ll tell you that already a big improvement over when I was a kid is using the language “bully” and the fact that people talk about it. When I was being bullied it was called “picking on someone” which sounds so benign in comparison. It also wasn’t taken seriously or even noticed by adults in charge. My sister and I have scars from that still. I am optimistic that adults in charge at school are at least on the lookout for bullies more than in the past.

[eyesonthehorizon]

This thread is broadly amazing. I wish any of this had been normal when & where I grew up. It was healing just to read. I hope OP takes it to heart, speaking as someone who was a daughter.

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Most of the trauma daughters endure where I come from emerges from feeling they aren't entitled to set any boundaries that make others uncomfortable, especially (but not only) if those others are men. Society will try to teach your daughters the most important thing is for them to be likeable. Teach girls their safety matters more than someone else's comfort or approval.

[JupiterGreen]

This thread is broadly amazing. I wish any of this had been normal when & where I grew up. It was healing just to read. I hope OP takes it to heart, speaking as someone who was a daughter.

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Most of the trauma daughters endure where I come from emerges from feeling they aren't entitled to set any boundaries that make others uncomfortable, especially (but not only) if those others are men. Society will try to teach your daughters the most important thing is for them to be likeable. Teach girls their safety matters more than someone else's comfort or approval.

I agree. The first response given by @Tass was such an intelligent and thoughtful reply to the OP and subsequently so many others added crucial layers of understanding. I am in awe of the thoughtfulness and intelligence of this community and have appreciated reading all the responses. This is such a nuanced topic that is not easy to understand.

@ysette9  thanks, I wasn't even planning on replying to this thread since so many people left such thoughtful points on the question already. So I'm glad my response resonated with you though in this "sea of awesomeness" that is this thread.

[RetiredAt63]

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Girls are especially denied their physical boundaries - come hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed by this relative you only see once a year.  Whether she wants to or not.

[Villanelle]

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Girls are especially denied their physical boundaries - come hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed by this relative you only see once a year.  Whether she wants to or not.

Yes.

You have to be polite to grandma, assuming she's reasonable.  But you don't have to hug her.  If you don't feel like hugging, perhaps you could offer grandma a high-five or tell her your favorite joke. 

It's not difficult, but it's still not what most girls experience, starting from even before kindergarten age.

[charis]

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Girls are especially denied their physical boundaries - come hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed by this relative you only see once a year.  Whether she wants to or not.

It is the same for young boys. I have one of each and because the male is a more affectionate and demonstrably sweet person, he is 100% more likely to be called upon for a kiss and a hug by relatives.  Not to target you specifically, but it is a common belief that that boys are less vulnerable.  Statistically that is true, but the number of male victims is believed to much higher than reported because they are way, way less likely to disclose sexual assault or abuse.

[Villanelle]

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Girls are especially denied their physical boundaries - come hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed by this relative you only see once a year.  Whether she wants to or not.

It is the same for young boys. I have one of each and because the male is a more affectionate and demonstrably sweet person, he is 100% more likely to be called upon for a kiss and a hug by relatives.  Not to target you specifically, but it is a common belief that that boys are less vulnerable.  Statistically that is true, but the number of male victims is believed to much higher than reported because they are way, way less likely to disclose sexual assault or abuse.

I don't think boys are less vulnerable to predators.  But they way boys vs. girls are typically parented (with many exceptions, of course), does tend to make them more vulnerable, especially as they get older and those ideas are deeply ingrained. 

All children should be given agency over their bodies and taught about consent.  All children should learn that their purpose in life is not to be nice and please others, and that hurting other people's feelings is perfectly fine in many cases. 

Unfortunately,  it seems quite clear that this message reaches far more boys (and future men) than it does girls (and future women).

[former player]

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Girls are especially denied their physical boundaries - come hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed by this relative you only see once a year.  Whether she wants to or not.

It is the same for young boys. I have one of each and because the male is a more affectionate and demonstrably sweet person, he is 100% more likely to be called upon for a kiss and a hug by relatives.  Not to target you specifically, but it is a common belief that that boys are less vulnerable.  Statistically that is true, but the number of male victims is believed to much higher than reported because they are way, way less likely to disclose sexual assault or abuse.

I don't think boys are less vulnerable to predators.  But they way boys vs. girls are typically parented (with many exceptions, of course), does tend to make them more vulnerable, especially as they get older and those ideas are deeply ingrained. 

All children should be given agency over their bodies and taught about consent.  All children should learn that their purpose in life is not to be nice and please others, and that hurting other people's feelings is perfectly fine in many cases. 

Unfortunately,  it seems quite clear that this message reaches far more boys (and future men) than it does girls (and future women).

It's boys who grow up to be the predators of girls and women.  Maybe we should be worrying less about teaching girls to look after themselves and worrying more about telling boys that violence and coercion against girls is something they shouldn't be doing.

[Villanelle]

Another angle - teaching children from the earliest ages that they have a right to set boundaries & be safe even if it makes other people sad, disappointed, or angry is vital. Boys are often teased into danger or bad behavior. Girls are often guilted into danger or bad behavior. That can start as soon as they're verbal & can all be prevented the same way.

Girls are especially denied their physical boundaries - come hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed by this relative you only see once a year.  Whether she wants to or not.

It is the same for young boys. I have one of each and because the male is a more affectionate and demonstrably sweet person, he is 100% more likely to be called upon for a kiss and a hug by relatives.  Not to target you specifically, but it is a common belief that that boys are less vulnerable.  Statistically that is true, but the number of male victims is believed to much higher than reported because they are way, way less likely to disclose sexual assault or abuse.

I don't think boys are less vulnerable to predators.  But they way boys vs. girls are typically parented (with many exceptions, of course), does tend to make them more vulnerable, especially as they get older and those ideas are deeply ingrained. 

All children should be given agency over their bodies and taught about consent.  All children should learn that their purpose in life is not to be nice and please others, and that hurting other people's feelings is perfectly fine in many cases. 

Unfortunately,  it seems quite clear that this message reaches far more boys (and future men) than it does girls (and future women).

It's boys who grow up to be the predators of girls and women.  Maybe we should be worrying less about teaching girls to look after themselves and worrying more about telling boys that violence and coercion against girls is something they shouldn't be doing.

Of course.  But until the latter happens in huge, effective numbers, we still need the former.  Heck even if we do manage a massive cultural shift, we probably still want to teach girls (and all kids) how to look out for themselves. We teach kids not to steal, but we still teach them to lock their doors because we know not everyone gets and heeds that message about not stealing. 

[Hula Hoop]

Also, on a different tangent, when I was a young girl/woman my dad was never around when I was in danger. As others have said, it was sexually aggressive boys, bullies, and inappropriate men. My dad could have whooped their asses, but he wasn't there. If you really want to keep your girls safe, call out and don't stand for sexist and misogynist behaviour.

Totally agree with this.  I remember as a child in NYC telling my dad about adult men wolf whistling and making gross comments to me (I was around 12) and he said that that's "just how men behave" and said that he used to do it himself when he was younger.  He implied that I should just put up with it and that it was even a "compliment". It was very confusing as, I guess, in a way I saw my dad as my model of what adult men are like and he was just telling me to put up with behavior that made me feel really upset and uncomfortable.

[StPatrick]

I have three kids, and my oldest is a daughter.
I do some backcountry hiking, often where I am the only person around.
I do not go out without my bear spray. Honestly, I'd say just get some mace.

What's more fun than training for years for a possible horrible incident? Watching YouTube videos of bad people drop to the ground crying uncontrollably from mace.
Mace. It's so much more efficient for Mustachians. lol.

[EliteZags]

I can tell you that you don't need to have money; but what you do need to have are a very particular set of skills, skills acquired over a very long career, skills that make you a nightmare for people like them..

[RetiredAt63]

I have three kids, and my oldest is a daughter.
I do some backcountry hiking, often where I am the only person around.
I do not go out without my bear spray. Honestly, I'd say just get some mace.

What's more fun than training for years for a possible horrible incident? Watching YouTube videos of bad people drop to the ground crying uncontrollably from mace.
Mace. It's so much more efficient for Mustachians. lol.

I know you and OP are in the US.  Pepper spray is illegal to carry in Canada.  Probably illegal in most countries that have stricter gun controls than the US has.

And what happens if the wind is in the wrong direction?

[ministashy]

I would agree with almost all the recommendations in this thread, with one exception - please do not send your daughters to 'a' self-defense class.  A single class - or even a short series of classes - will not build up the muscle memory or instincts they will need if they ever find themselves in a physical altercation.  At best, it will give them some theoretical good tips - 'check the backseat of your car before getting in', 'always stay alert and know who's around you', etc - and at worst it will give them a false sense of confidence that they can break a hold or escape someone who has grabbed them when they've only practiced a move once or twice, usually against people who are not trying very hard to hold on to them. 

I would absolutely recommend you enroll them in a good (not sport) martial arts course, at least by their preteens, and keep them in it long enough that they know how to maintain their balance, they know how to react when they're being grappled or shoved to the ground, and that they know how to throw a solid punch or a kick without even thinking about it.  Look for ones that focus on practical self defense --kicks, punches, grappling, falling and getting back up quickly--rather than super-flashy tournament or Hollywood-esque moves.  Enroll in it yourself so you know the school and you know what they'll be teaching your kids. 

Hopefully they'll never have to use any of it.  But as other people have said, it will teach confidence, self-awareness of possible threats, and just the way they move and hold themselves will likely deter a lot of potential predators, whether they're strangers or boyfriends or something in between.

[RetiredAt63]

Hopefully they'll never have to use any of it.  But as other people have said, it will teach confidence, self-awareness of possible threats, and just the way they move and hold themselves will likely deter a lot of potential predators, whether they're strangers or boyfriends or something in between.

I enrolled DD in karate*, she got to Brown Belt and then stopped - Black Belt has legal implications.  We both figured that a boy would not want to date a girl with a brown belt if he wanted an easy target.    Plus between dance and soccer she had a mean kick.

Not all of her boyfriends were wonderful human beings, but learning how to avoid those is a different kind of knowledge.  Not being pressured to marry the first half-decent one who came along helped.  Her husband is a really nice guy and is being a great dad.


*When she was little there was a story in the news about a hockey player** (older teen) whose team lost a super important game.  He drove his girlfriend out to a deserted area and beat her up, badly.  I wanted to do everything possible to make sure that never happened to DD.

**Not all Canadians are nice.

[Villanelle]

Hopefully they'll never have to use any of it.  But as other people have said, it will teach confidence, self-awareness of possible threats, and just the way they move and hold themselves will likely deter a lot of potential predators, whether they're strangers or boyfriends or something in between.

I enrolled DD in karate*, she got to Brown Belt and then stopped - Black Belt has legal implications.  We both figured that a boy would not want to date a girl with a brown belt if he wanted an easy target.    Plus between dance and soccer she had a mean kick.

Not all of her boyfriends were wonderful human beings, but learning how to avoid those is a different kind of knowledge.  Not being pressured to marry the first half-decent one who came along helped.  Her husband is a really nice guy and is being a great dad.


*When she was little there was a story in the news about a hockey player** (older teen) whose team lost a super important game.  He drove his girlfriend out to a deserted area and beat her up, badly.  I wanted to do everything possible to make sure that never happened to DD.

**Not all Canadians are nice.

What are the legal implications of earning a black belt?  (Lest tone be misconstrued, I'm genuinely curious.)  Google mostly turned up "myth" answers to very specific questions, so I'm wondering what you've learned or experienced.  Or how Canada treats the issue.

[Kris]

Hopefully they'll never have to use any of it.  But as other people have said, it will teach confidence, self-awareness of possible threats, and just the way they move and hold themselves will likely deter a lot of potential predators, whether they're strangers or boyfriends or something in between.

I enrolled DD in karate*, she got to Brown Belt and then stopped - Black Belt has legal implications.  We both figured that a boy would not want to date a girl with a brown belt if he wanted an easy target.    Plus between dance and soccer she had a mean kick.

Not all of her boyfriends were wonderful human beings, but learning how to avoid those is a different kind of knowledge.  Not being pressured to marry the first half-decent one who came along helped.  Her husband is a really nice guy and is being a great dad.


*When she was little there was a story in the news about a hockey player** (older teen) whose team lost a super important game.  He drove his girlfriend out to a deserted area and beat her up, badly.  I wanted to do everything possible to make sure that never happened to DD.

**Not all Canadians are nice.

What are the legal implications of earning a black belt?  (Lest tone be misconstrued, I'm genuinely curious.)  Google mostly turned up "myth" answers to very specific questions, so I'm wondering what you've learned or experienced.  Or how Canada treats the issue.

I am genuinely curious too.

[RetiredAt63]

Being a Black Belt is basically the equivalent of being armed.  If DD hurt someone she would be legally treated differently with a Black Belt than with a Brown Belt.  Or so she told me, and I assume her sensei told her.

I didn't worry about it, I figured for my purposes brown belt was fine.

Any Canadian criminal lawyers here?  Was she correct?