I worked with adolescents for most of my 20's and received some training in non-violent communication, which picks up similar themes around purpose and understanding. One of the most useful techniques I've found is the idea of breaking a conflict into an expression of needs. In my own marriage and path to ER, my partner has a greater need for security than I do, so my guiding question with him is often, "what do you need from this plan/investment/portfolio to feel secure?" and it's often easier than I expected to meet his threshold for security.