College Humor, Diamond rings are a scam... but you will still end up buying one

[Warhead]

NSFW (Language)

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6952792/why-engagement-rings-are-a-scam

Watching this video made me think of the MMM forum.

"When pizzas on a bagel you must eat pizza all the time"

Ha.

[soccerluvof4]

That was funny! but probably how so much stuff/traditions got started. Gonna ask my wife for her ring back...... ah, thats right its worthless now! haha

[MrFancypants]

I saw that a while ago, funny stuff.

My wife initially wanted a moissanite ring for ethical reasons (they're priced reasonably as well), the problem is that it's difficult to find a storefront that sells them.  Thankfully, if you don't care what the box says you can get a very, very nice looking diamond engagement/wedding ring for a reasonable price.

[dragoncar]

I saw that a while ago, funny stuff.

My wife initially wanted a moissanite ring for ethical reasons (they're priced reasonably as well), the problem is that it's difficult to find a storefront that sells them.  Thankfully, if you don't care what the box says you can get a very, very nice looking diamond engagement/wedding ring for a reasonable price.

"Serious" jewelry stores hate them, but MoissaniteCo will set any ring you send them for like $15.  At one point, when we were looking at rings, my betrothed said something like "oh this one looks too big" and the lady behind the counter said "a diamond is never too big for a lady."  Anyways, she really liked the CZ placeholder stones at a lot of places so I knew actual diamonds would be pass.

Edit: Not to be a pig, but since we're talking diamond humor:

Mod Note: Pic removed after reports

[Nancy]

That was great. "It's on the side of a building so it must be true!"

Obviously, I don't agree with the conclusion. I think engagement rings are fucked up, unequal, and have a whiff of ownership to them. I don't understand why women "need" a ring to be engaged and men don't. It makes no sense.

[Beridian]

Believe me, most men would gladly kick the diamond engagement ring tradition to the curb, it's the women who demand it and keep perpetuating the ruse.   If this ever is to change the ladies are going to have to be the moving force.

Aside from my overall dismal view of marriage, I think that the whole wedding custom has morphed into a giant sink hole for savings.  When I hear what the average couple spends on their wedding (about $27000) I shake my head in amazement.  I wonder how many of these couples will be the ones twenty years later with absolutely no retirement savings.   I normally think of myself as supportive of gender equality but again I suspect it is again the ladies that are the primary moving force behind this economic sink hole.

[Vilgan]

The fiancee doesn't like diamonds and didn't want an engagement ring, so that was nice. We went ring shopping last weekend and it was kind of sickening how pushy the people were about diamonds even at the "high end jewelry" stores. 2 wedding bands, no we don't want to show that we love each other by handing you $4,000 for a ring with some diamonds TYVM.

[MrFancypants]

The fiancee doesn't like diamonds and didn't want an engagement ring, so that was nice. We went ring shopping last weekend and it was kind of sickening how pushy the people were about diamonds even at the "high end jewelry" stores. 2 wedding bands, no we don't want to show that we love each other by handing you $4,000 for a ring with some diamonds TYVM.

Check out the big box stores.  You'll find some nice looking stuff at Sam's Club or Costco (or others) for a fraction of the price of a dedicated jewelry store.

[Cromacster]

I saw that a while ago, funny stuff.

My wife initially wanted a moissanite ring for ethical reasons (they're priced reasonably as well), the problem is that it's difficult to find a storefront that sells them.  Thankfully, if you don't care what the box says you can get a very, very nice looking diamond engagement/wedding ring for a reasonable price.

"Serious" jewelry stores hate them, but MoissaniteCo will set any ring you send them for like $15.  At one point, when we were looking at rings, my betrothed said something like "oh this one looks too big" and the lady behind the counter said "a diamond is never too big for a lady."  Anyways, she really liked the CZ placeholder stones at a lot of places so I knew actual diamonds would be pass.

Edit: Not to be a pig, but since we're talking diamond humor:

Haha I had the same thought.  Classic.

[Dr.Vibrissae]

Believe me, most men would gladly kick the diamond engagement ring tradition to the curb, it's the women who demand it and keep perpetuating the ruse.   If this ever is to change the ladies are going to have to be the moving force.

Aside from my overall dismal view of marriage, I think that the whole wedding custom has morphed into a giant sink hole for savings.  When I hear what the average couple spends on their wedding (about $27000) I shake my head in amazement.  I wonder how many of these couples will be the ones twenty years later with absolutely no retirement savings.   I normally think of myself as supportive of gender equality but again I suspect it is again the ladies that are the primary moving force behind this economic sink hole.

That may often be the case, but there are plenty of men who want to give a ring and have a big wedding, I can think of several in my extended family for whom the wedding details were more important to the groom than the bride.  Despite the stereotypes about women, I think there are just as many men who consider their ability to buy a big rock as evidence of success, whether or not the bride-to-be demanded it.

[MrFancypants]

That may often be the case, but there are plenty of men who want to give a ring and have a big wedding, I can think of several in my extended family for whom the wedding details were more important to the groom than the bride.  Despite the stereotypes about women, I think there are just as many men who consider their ability to buy a big rock as evidence of success, wether or not the bride to be demanded it.

I believe this is true as well.  I've met plenty of men who had taken the marketing bait pretty seriously and were convinced that it was their duty to provide a wedding set that cost at least a 1/4 year's salary.

[lifejoy]

I saw that a while ago, funny stuff.

My wife initially wanted a moissanite ring for ethical reasons (they're priced reasonably as well), the problem is that it's difficult to find a storefront that sells them.  Thankfully, if you don't care what the box says you can get a very, very nice looking diamond engagement/wedding ring for a reasonable price.

"Serious" jewelry stores hate them, but MoissaniteCo will set any ring you send them for like $15.  At one point, when we were looking at rings, my betrothed said something like "oh this one looks too big" and the lady behind the counter said "a diamond is never too big for a lady."  Anyways, she really liked the CZ placeholder stones at a lot of places so I knew actual diamonds would be pass.

Edit: Not to be a pig, but since we're talking diamond humor:

Hey nice tip about moissanite co! I didn't know that!

[lifejoy]

That may often be the case, but there are plenty of men who want to give a ring and have a big wedding, I can think of several in my extended family for whom the wedding details were more important to the groom than the bride.  Despite the stereotypes about women, I think there are just as many men who consider their ability to buy a big rock as evidence of success, wether or not the bride to be demanded it.

I believe this is true as well.  I've met plenty of men who had taken the marketing bait pretty seriously and were convinced that it was their duty to provide a wedding set that cost at least a 1/4 year's salary.

I can vouch for this! I helped a couple shop for rings recently and he wanted the bigger ones! She thought they were to big, and he was all "really?! C'mon! They look nice!" Lol

[Bourbon]

I found my wife a nice natural blue sapphire online from a gem forum.  Had the jeweler get a commercial setting and use clear sapphires with blue ones.  Very happy overall and very affordable.

[wild wendella]

For what it's worth, my engagement ring (which is also my wedding ring - I can't imagine why you'd need two) is a ruby.  It's on the small side and set in platinum with small diamond chips around it.  We found it in manhattan's diamond district, and I think it's beautiful.  We found my husband's wedding ring at a street/art fair while visiting Montreal.  Saved a bundle on both rings.  Neither of us even wear them very regularly, but we both think ours are unique and awesome.  It can be hard to buck societal tradition, but once you do it feels great.

[grantmeaname]

Believe me, most men would gladly kick the diamond engagement ring tradition to the curb, it's the women who demand it and keep perpetuating the ruse.   If this ever is to change the ladies are going to have to be the moving force.

Aside from my overall dismal view of marriage, I think that the whole wedding custom has morphed into a giant sink hole for savings.  When I hear what the average couple spends on their wedding (about $27000) I shake my head in amazement.  I wonder how many of these couples will be the ones twenty years later with absolutely no retirement savings.   I normally think of myself as supportive of gender equality but again I suspect it is again the ladies that are the primary moving force behind this economic sink hole.

I just fundamentally don't understand this point of view. At most you're only going to be marrying one person at a time, and at that point you will presumably have a close, deep, meaningful relationship with them. An engagement ring isn't something I value, and it's not something my partner values, so it's not something we'll get, and all 2 people in the relationship are okay with that. There's no societal sea change needed.

You don't value an engagement ring. Find exactly one partner who also does not value an engagement ring, and then marry them. Problem solved.

[NeverWasACornflakeGirl]

Believe me, most men would gladly kick the diamond engagement ring tradition to the curb, it's the women who demand it and keep perpetuating the ruse.   If this ever is to change the ladies are going to have to be the moving force.

Aside from my overall dismal view of marriage, I think that the whole wedding custom has morphed into a giant sink hole for savings.  When I hear what the average couple spends on their wedding (about $27000) I shake my head in amazement.  I wonder how many of these couples will be the ones twenty years later with absolutely no retirement savings.   I normally think of myself as supportive of gender equality but again I suspect it is again the ladies that are the primary moving force behind this economic sink hole.

I just fundamentally don't understand this point of view. At most you're only going to be marrying one person at a time, and at that point you will presumably have a close, deep, meaningful relationship with them. An engagement ring isn't something I value, and it's not something my partner values, so it's not something we'll get, and all 2 people in the relationship are okay with that. There's no societal sea change needed.

You don't value an engagement ring. Find exactly one partner who also does not value an engagement ring, and then marry them. Problem solved.

This is a really good point.  If your values are not already aligned, why in the world are you getting married anyway?

[johnso_e1]

There are also some great deals on used rings. I know a couple of friends of mine found the exact ring they were looking for (gently used) at a significantly reduced price.

[homeymomma]

I love my diamond engagement ring. I love it because of what it means and how it sparkles... not going to lie. However, I do wish that my husband and I had found MMM before getting married. Probably wouldn't have such a nice ring, or have had as large of a wedding. That being said, I'll always love my ring and cherish our wedding memories (even more now that I understand their true cost!).

Perhaps it's so hard to change the status quo because you've got a bunch of old married ladies like me defending their precious engagement rings. Probably a better tactic would be to sell it as a hip new trend rather than bashing the bazillions of people who've already done it the "wrong" way.

[paddedhat]

Long before the youngest members here were even spawned, I got drug into the jewelry store for the BS diamond ring scam. The most priceless moment was looking at a stupidly overpriced rock, and asking the sales lady why the competition had a very similar one for less than half of that price? She asked if it was an "estate piece", I said that I thought it was. She proceed to wrinkle her nose up like she got a good snootful of dog shit, and with a nearly perfectly condescending scowl, worthy of the best of the English Aristocracy, she looked down her nose and said, "you do understand that they were attempting to sell you a USED diamond, don't you?"  Being a wise assed kid, I then asked if she was showing me a newly manufactured diamond, because I thought they were all millions of years old. She was not the least bit amused.

The used diamond was just fine for the bride, and a few years later it fell out of the setting and was lost forever. She did struggle a bit with it, but never asked for a new one. My take on it was good riddance.

[CheapskateWife]

That video made me smile...and also look at the used diamond on my left hand and nod approvingly!  Thanks for the hand-me-down Grandpa!

[Sofa King]

Check out the big box stores.  You'll find some nice looking stuff at Sam's Club or Costco (or others) for a fraction of the price of a dedicated jewelry store.

This is very true!! I have seen some very nice rings at BJ's for very good prices compared to some jewelry stores.   

[Grateful Stache]

We went with moissanite. Purchased the loose stone from Charles & Colvard and had it custom mounted to a setting we picked out locally. Because of that, it's a unique, hand-made item.

I would fetch to say that 99% of folks 1) Can't tell the difference and/or 2) Don't care. 

[wepner]

I love my diamond engagement ring. I love it because of what it means and how it sparkles... not going to lie. However, I do wish that my husband and I had found MMM before getting married. Probably wouldn't have such a nice ring, or have had as large of a wedding. That being said, I'll always love my ring and cherish our wedding memories (even more now that I understand their true cost!).

Perhaps it's so hard to change the status quo because you've got a bunch of old married ladies like me defending their precious engagement rings. Probably a better tactic would be to sell it as a hip new trend rather than bashing the bazillions of people who've already done it the "wrong" way.

Old married ladies, truly the arbiters of what is trendy. ;)

[dragoncar]

I love my diamond engagement ring. I love it because of what it means and how it sparkles... not going to lie. However, I do wish that my husband and I had found MMM before getting married. Probably wouldn't have such a nice ring, or have had as large of a wedding. That being said, I'll always love my ring and cherish our wedding memories (even more now that I understand their true cost!).

Perhaps it's so hard to change the status quo because you've got a bunch of old married ladies like me defending their precious engagement rings. Probably a better tactic would be to sell it as a hip new trend rather than bashing the bazillions of people who've already done it the "wrong" way.

Old married ladies, truly the arbiters of what is trendy. ;)

The hip new trend is to stop doing things the wrong way.  Better?

[freeazabird]

When I got engaged to my husband a few years back I had just gotten laid off and the idea of him spending thousands for a diamond ring sounded ridiculous to me. I told him to just buy me a band instead. People thought we were crazy and that he was a cheap bastard. 4 years later I couldn't be more happily married, and we are financially fit. Ironically all the people who judged us have fat diamonds (some bought on credit), but no homes.

[obstinate]

I posted this on my Facebook after seeing it here. A bunch of people responded with a lot of ambivalence about diamonds. You dudes who haven't already done the marriage thing would be well-served by at least discussing the issue with your intended. There are a lot of girls out there who would be down for something else.

[Ayanka]

Being from Europe, I never realized there 'had' to be a diamond in a wedding ring... Most of the rings I have seen didn't have a stone in it. This must be something from the US.

[rocksinmyhead]

I posted this on my Facebook after seeing it here. A bunch of people responded with a lot of ambivalence about diamonds. You dudes who haven't already done the marriage thing would be well-served by at least discussing the issue with your intended. There are a lot of girls out there who would be down for something else.

+1

the topic came up last summer and my boyfriend was SHOCKED that I said I would NEVER EVER want him to spend money on a diamond engagement ring (probable exception for a vintage ring with a really small diamond <$700). I was like, you've known me for three years, how is this a surprise?!? :) but he was really surprised. and relieved, I think.

[Cpa Cat]

When I got married, I didn't have an engagement ring and we opted for plain gold bands. Pretty cheap. Getting married was the important part, not the wedding/engagement.

So fast forward a few years and my husband sells his first business. We're riding high - set for early retirement, meeting our goals, etc.

I had more than one woman (friends, acquaintances) tell me that now that my husband "had money," I should make him "upgrade" my ring, since he had so cruelly deprived me of diamonds.

My response, naturally, was "WTF is wrong with you people? It's my wedding ring. You know... the ring that went on my finger when I got married? Why would I trade it in for another ring that would not be my wedding ring?!"

I was then informed that a good jeweler could melt the gold and fashion it into something better with more diamonds, or that I could stack my fingers with "anniversary" bands. When I objected to this, these harpies turned on my husband and tried to convince him that he should be embrassed by my ring.

I've had other women confide in me that they wanted a plain band because big diamonds aren't their style, but that their husbands insisted on the diamond.

This wedding-diamond culture is twisted.

[CheapskateWife]

I had more than one woman (friends, acquaintances) tell me that now that my husband "had money," I should make him "upgrade" my ring, since he had so cruelly deprived me of diamonds.

Ack!  Get new friends!   :)

[dragoncar]

I posted this on my Facebook after seeing it here. A bunch of people responded with a lot of ambivalence about diamonds. You dudes who haven't already done the marriage thing would be well-served by at least discussing the issue with your intended. There are a lot of girls out there who would be down for something else.

+1

the topic came up last summer and my boyfriend was SHOCKED that I said I would NEVER EVER want him to spend money on a diamond engagement ring (probable exception for a vintage ring with a really small diamond <$700). I was like, you've known me for three years, how is this a surprise?!? :) but he was really surprised. and relieved, I think.

Oh honey, you know me!  The only rock I need is the one in my head!

[Rural]

I posted this on my Facebook after seeing it here. A bunch of people responded with a lot of ambivalence about diamonds. You dudes who haven't already done the marriage thing would be well-served by at least discussing the issue with your intended. There are a lot of girls out there who would be down for something else.

+1

the topic came up last summer and my boyfriend was SHOCKED that I said I would NEVER EVER want him to spend money on a diamond engagement ring (probable exception for a vintage ring with a really small diamond <$700). I was like, you've known me for three years, how is this a surprise?!? :) but he was really surprised. and relieved, I think.

+2

Years ago, I told my husband, rather tartly I fear, that he'd better not buy one of those things if he wanted me to marry him. We've gotten along well ever since. :)

[MrFancypants]

When I objected to this, these harpies turned on my husband and tried to convince him that he should be embrassed by my ring.

wooowwwww....

If I were your husband I would have ended the conversation quite brutally.  I don't like being ganged up on, so I'd go for the throat with some unflattering words regarding excessive materialism and having no idea what's important in life.

[rocksinmyhead]

I posted this on my Facebook after seeing it here. A bunch of people responded with a lot of ambivalence about diamonds. You dudes who haven't already done the marriage thing would be well-served by at least discussing the issue with your intended. There are a lot of girls out there who would be down for something else.

+1

the topic came up last summer and my boyfriend was SHOCKED that I said I would NEVER EVER want him to spend money on a diamond engagement ring (probable exception for a vintage ring with a really small diamond <$700). I was like, you've known me for three years, how is this a surprise?!? :) but he was really surprised. and relieved, I think.

Oh honey, you know me!  The only rock I need is the one in my head!

bahahaha yes!

[knox harrington]

I went with an adjustable mood ring because my fiancee (now wife of 10 years) didn't own a single ring or know her ring size.  Once we got that sorted, I gave her a diamond I pried out of a pair of ear-rings my mother didn't want any more stuck in the cheapest setting we could get.  She later sold it to buy a plane ticket to visit a sick relative.

The new mustachian trend should be an origami ring made out of a receipt for $3000 worth of VTSMX. 

[warfreak2]

$3000 worth of VTSMX.

One months' safe withdrawal?

[tmac]

My ex-H was all about the ring. "I have to get you a ring that's at least $10K, or my parents will think I don't love you!" That should have been my big red flag. But, no, instead I accepted a monstrosity that I was too nervous to wear. Two years later, divorce, and take this f*cking ring back.

Current husband and I have on-sale, inexpensive wedding bands (mine has little chip diamonds in it), and on Mother's Day after our first child was born, he gave me his grandmother's small, vintage diamond ring. Perfect.

My best friend often talks about "upgrading" the small diamond ring that was the only thing her husband could afford when they were 20. He is a sweetheart and super accommodating about most things, but about this, he insists that THAT ring is her engagement ring, and that's what she's keeping. Good for him.

[TomTX]

Believe me, most men would gladly kick the diamond engagement ring tradition to the curb, it's the women who demand it and keep perpetuating the ruse.   If this ever is to change the ladies are going to have to be the moving force.

Aside from my overall dismal view of marriage, I think that the whole wedding custom has morphed into a giant sink hole for savings.  When I hear what the average couple spends on their wedding (about $27000) I shake my head in amazement.  I wonder how many of these couples will be the ones twenty years later with absolutely no retirement savings.   I normally think of myself as supportive of gender equality but again I suspect it is again the ladies that are the primary moving force behind this economic sink hole.

Our actual wedding was under $500*, including gold wedding bands.

(not quite) 20 years later, net worth is around $500,000

*But not including the engagement ring. I'm not sure what it cost anymore, but it's about a third of a carat, with smaller flaws and whiter color than almost all the diamonds we saw in the store, but cost less - I purchased it (and the empty setting and the wedding bands) from a wholesale supplier to jewelers.

[Malaysia41]

My husband didn't buy a diamond ring for me ( I couldn't care less about one ).  He bought it for my mother.  When he called to ask her advice, she said (multiple times), "A karat is nice."  It sits in the box.  I've thought of selling it on Craigslist but, well, it's worthless now.  I'll give it to my son (if the tradition still exists in 15 or so years).

And diamonds aren't worthless.  They can be ground down to make diamond tipped saw blades.  Those things rip through anything!

[Latwell]

For what it's worth, my engagement ring (which is also my wedding ring - I can't imagine why you'd need two) is a ruby.  It's on the small side and set in platinum with small diamond chips around it.  We found it in manhattan's diamond district, and I think it's beautiful.  We found my husband's wedding ring at a street/art fair while visiting Montreal.  Saved a bundle on both rings.  Neither of us even wear them very regularly, but we both think ours are unique and awesome.  It can be hard to buck societal tradition, but once you do it feels great.

My SO and I have been talking about married for a bit now. I'm been wondering why get an engagement ring if ultimately it'll sit in a jewelry box.


Because we have been talking about married, we've started looking into the costs of the celebration and rings. I was looking at male wedding bands and couldn't believe how cheap they were even compared to most female rings. Honestly, if my ring costs a million times more than his, I would feel so guilty (as if I think I'm worth more than him).

[zataks]

And diamonds aren't worthless.  They can be ground down to make diamond tipped saw blades.  Those things rip through anything!

Love this!  Can make good tools for sharpening blades too.

[kyanamerinas]

I have a friend who got engaged at 16 and has been married for over 30 years. I love that she has her original, tiny ring. It speaks for where they were all that time ago.

[MoneyCat]

When we got engaged, I got my wife an engagement ring from a discount jeweler with a princess cut 1/2 carat diamond set in 18 carat white gold for $1500.  It looks like it is worth a lot more and the jewelry store people were amazed that I was able to find something that good for so cheap.  My wife likes it because it is pretty and shiny.  Meanwhile, our friends were dropping $10-15k on engagement rings.  Guess who's in better financial shape right now?

[dmn]

When my girlfriend and I went shopping for engagement rings, we actually did not look for diamond rings, but rather some nice silvery ring with a shiny gem in it. We found one for around 50$ for her, and a plain silver ring for me for around 30$.

The fun thing was when we said to the storekeeper "we would like that engagement ring there", and the storekeeper objected that that was not an engagement ring. We did not even understand immediately what he meant. In the end, we insisted that we would buy the ring that we wanted.

I am very happy with our engagement rings. We appreciate the symbolic value of both of us wearing these rings, and we both do not think that the symbol requires a great monetary expense. Plus, my fiancée's ring looks really nice on her (well, anything looks beautiful on her).

[libertarian4321]

It's best to avoid all of the commercially induced buying.

My "wife" and I have been together for 19 years, about 5 times the length of the average American marriage.

We never "married" in a church or government sanctioned ceremony, because we loved each other, and didn't need a church or government bureaucrat to "approve" our marriage.

We never bought rings.  When we decided to move in together (1995), I bought her a new couch (she thought my old one was ratty), and went on a cruise, rather than blowing the money on some over priced bauble (er, diamond ring).  I also bought her a mutual fund (just to get her started, she wasn't financially savvy when we met, but she learned fast).

BTW, we still have the couch, decades after many of our friends who did "traditional" marriages are divorced.  It looks like crap, with about a thousand stains, and friends tell us to do the decent thing and just burn it already, lol.  But I won't give up the symbol of our love so easily (okay, I'm too cheap to by a new couch, plus, our dogs love it, though I don't think any human has sat on it for 3 years).

[Latwell]

It's best to avoid all of the commercially induced buying.

My friends and parents think I'm odd because I don't believe in holidays. I think they're scams for people to spend more money.  Most people spend their holidays incorrectly. They focus on the spending and material aspect rather than the premise behind the holiday.

Valentines, Mother's, Father's Day - I don't believe I need a single day to show you I love you. I'm going to show you love everyday.
Some holidays promote spending by encouraging gift giving and then there's other holidays that have turned into an excuse to drink.

[zataks]

It's best to avoid all of the commercially induced buying.

My "wife" and I have been together for 19 years, about 5 times the length of the average American marriage.

We never "married" in a church or government sanctioned ceremony, because we loved each other, and didn't need a church or government bureaucrat to "approve" our marriage.

We never bought rings.  When we decided to move in together (1995), I bought her a new couch (she thought my old one was ratty), and went on a cruise, rather than blowing the money on some over priced bauble (er, diamond ring).  I also bought her a mutual fund (just to get her started, she wasn't financially savvy when we met, but she learned fast).

BTW, we still have the couch, decades after many of our friends who did "traditional" marriages are divorced.  It looks like crap, with about a thousand stains, and friends tell us to do the decent thing and just burn it already, lol.  But I won't give up the symbol of our love so easily (okay, I'm too cheap to by a new couch, plus, our dogs love it, though I don't think any human has sat on it for 3 years).

I don't remember the comedian now but there was a good bit regarding marriage along the lines of: "marriage doesn't make sense; when was the last time you said, " things are just going so well, let's get the government involved!'"

[homeymomma]

It's best to avoid all of the commercially induced buying.

My "wife" and I have been together for 19 years, about 5 times the length of the average American marriage.

We never "married" in a church or government sanctioned ceremony, because we loved each other, and didn't need a church or government bureaucrat to "approve" our marriage.

We never bought rings.  When we decided to move in together (1995), I bought her a new couch (she thought my old one was ratty), and went on a cruise, rather than blowing the money on some over priced bauble (er, diamond ring).  I also bought her a mutual fund (just to get her started, she wasn't financially savvy when we met, but she learned fast).

BTW, we still have the couch, decades after many of our friends who did "traditional" marriages are divorced.  It looks like crap, with about a thousand stains, and friends tell us to do the decent thing and just burn it already, lol.  But I won't give up the symbol of our love so easily (okay, I'm too cheap to by a new couch, plus, our dogs love it, though I don't think any human has sat on it for 3 years).

This is not meant to come across at all judgmentally, I'm just honestly curious. Do you have some sort of legal set up for making medical decisions, financial decision etc in the case of one of you becoming incapacitated? There are lots of practical benefits of being legally married if you are in fact as committed as you imply and if your lives are as intertwined as they would be after 19 years. Just curious!

[Dr.Vibrissae]

My "wife" and I have been together for 19 years, about 5 times the length of the average American marriage.

We never "married" in a church or government sanctioned ceremony, because we loved each other, and didn't need a church or government bureaucrat to "approve" our marriage.

Congrats on your almost 20y anniversary, but you may be overestimating how much longer you've stayed together than others. Census data indicate that the median length of marriages in the US is 8yrs* (woohoo?) that puts you at about 2.5X (assuming the median time of courtship before marriage is less than a year, which I doubt).  That makes my own 13yr/7yr anniversary close to a milestone I suppose.

*http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p70-125.pdf

I don't remember the comedian now but there was a good bit regarding marriage along the lines of: "marriage doesn't make sense; when was the last time you said, " things are just going so well, let's get the government involved!'"

I don't really see the government as involved in my marriage.  They (and private companies, like my employer and insurance company) offered several significant incentives and protections for me to register the relationship, with the stipulation that now the legal system must be involved if I end it.  Since I don't anticipate that outcome, the benefits outweighed the risk of a possible disagreement with their stipulations of how it will end.  (Of course not getting legally married, does not preclude the breakup of a long term relationship ending up in the courts.)