Celebration for one

[FiguringItOut]

I know many here are happily coupled up and will not have this problem, but please through some ideas at me all the same.

So let's say you have a big birthday coming up in few weeks, it has a zero and a four in it.  And normally, you never make a big deal about your birthdays and rarely, if ever, celebrate.  But this one feels different for some reason and you don't want to just completely ignore it.
And as things may be, you have nobody to celebrate with: freshly divorced (as in signing papers tomorrow), ex is taking kids on a trip right over your birthday (no comments on this please), and you lost practically all of your friends in the divorce mess.  As luck would have it, you birthday falls on a Friday and you have time from Friday evening after work through midday on Sunday to do, or not to do, anything you want. 

I'm in NY City.  I have a car.  I have limited funds.  And I don't camp. 

What would you suggest?

[Louisville]

Get laid.

[FiguringItOut]

Get laid.

Working on it lol

[Us2bCool]

Hmmm...interesting question. Here's my input, I can't wait to see what others will add.

This is a time to splurge, in mustachian fashion or not. maybe do some soul searching and think of something that you've always wanted to do but couldn't because it didn't fit in your lifestyle with your spouse and kids. Taking a motorcycle trip or just a road trip, or a hobby workshop/retreat...they have them for every hobby on the planet, from photography to martial arts to military reenactments, you get the picture. And you wouldn't be alone at all, in fact you'd be meeting new friends constantly.

My brother did something similar after his divorce and found it helped him with the whole process because he was able to reconnect with himself.

[Katsplaying]

OMFSM big birthday celebrations beyond age 12 are ridiculous. Personally, I let 30/40/50 pass without a peep. But female so....maybe better so?

But I understand your issue. Collect your BFF (you retained at least one, I hope) and make an evening of it; good meal & a show doesn't have to break the bank if you/friend cook well and you look around for a fun time. Improv comedy, amateur theater, etc. are low-cost fun and like sex, it's almost better when it goes terribly wrong.

Our society is stupid about round numbers and "fun" and coupling. Take it from someone who knows: single is WAY more fun! Round numbers are still just numbers and do not reflect how you feel about your life.

Happy birthday!

[FiguringItOut]

they have them for every hobby on the planet, from photography to martial arts to military reenactments, you get the picture. And you wouldn't be alone at all, in fact you'd be meeting new friends constantly.

Hm, photography sounds good.  I'll look into it at some point.  Thanks!

[FiguringItOut]

OMFSM

I had to google this, but this may be my new favorite acronym ever!

Collect your BFF (you retained at least one, I hope)

I wish I could say yes to this, but she was the first one to disappear on me.

Our society is stupid about round numbers and "fun" and coupling. Take it from someone who knows: single is WAY more fun! Round numbers are still just numbers and do not reflect how you feel about your life.

Happy birthday!

I have no issues with single.  Just too many changes in life all at the same time and nobody around to share with.  Just feeling a little lonely and just a  tad sorry for myself. 

[FiguringItOut]

Here are a few random ideas.

Visit a museum, have lunch at the museum cafe.

Buy a bottle of sparkling wine or champagne and pop it open just for yourself.

Pedicure or massage, if you like those things (my sister loves massages, I'm not really into it).

Take a class in something, say salsa or ballroom dancing. An hour of salsa will make you smile for a long time.

Picnic - if there's a park nearby make a sandwich and go there with a blanket and a book.

Botanical gardens - halfway between a museum and a park, one of the most beautiful places to visit in any city, New York is bound to have one or two :)

We do have several excellent botanical gardens around NYC, but I'm not feeling it right now.  Been to all of them many times before.

There is a small state park about an hour drive that I've been wanting to go to for a while.  There are some hiking trails there and supposed to be beautiful views.  I was thinking about it, but then felt like I would be by myself again.  But may be that's ok.  I'll give this some more thought.  I like the idea of a small picnic that you suggested.  Thanks

[Bob W]

Friendless,  freshly divorced, kids gone  ---  That sucks.

So try something completely new?   I don't know what you have been doing in the past but there is a world of stuff to do.

Start your own blog perhaps?   Call it the Journey at the focus can be for newly divorced people.

Figure out something that can be an ongoing money earner and use that time to start the process rolling.   

I find that people doing interesting things tend to attract other people to them.   So perhaps you can start your journey of being the world's most interesting man.

By the way,  I feel you pain  ------ things will never be the same but you will survive and eventually be very happy again.   Be sure to take care of those kids and send them lots of love constantly.   Always be there for them.

[FiguringItOut]

Friendless,  freshly divorced, kids gone  ---  That sucks.

So try something completely new?   I don't know what you have been doing in the past but there is a world of stuff to do.

Start your own blog perhaps?   Call it the Journey at the focus can be for newly divorced people.

Figure out something that can be an ongoing money earner and use that time to start the process rolling.   

I find that people doing interesting things tend to attract other people to them.   So perhaps you can start your journey of being the world's most interesting man.

By the way,  I feel you pain  ------ things will never be the same but you will survive and eventually be very happy again.   Be sure to take care of those kids and send them lots of love constantly.   Always be there for them.

Thanks BobW.  I am a woman, but to your point, I can be the world's most interesting woman. :)

I'm sure I'll figure something out eventually.  I think it is just sort of hitting me today. 

Thanks for the response!

[Lis]

Go on a trip. Make it a long weekend if you can. Have you ever been to Niagara Falls? It's only 7-8 hours away from you. There's something about seeing one of the natural wonders of the world that really makes you contemplate things.

Go to Saratoga (it's track season now, and there's plenty to do without gambling). Go to Providence. Go to Boston. Go down to the Jersey shore. Go someplace you haven't gone before. Give yourself a weekend to run away and pretend real life doesn't exist. You'll come back in a better position ready to face the world.

Right now really sucks, and I'm sorry for that. But happy early birthday and may 4-0 be a good year!

[asiljoy]

You ever try meetup.com? It's for people who are looking for others who share their interests and want to explore it together.

For example, I'm in a group that wants to learn more about Python and we 'meet up' every couple of weeks and someone demos something their working on or we've had coffee hours where people just get together and chat.

Maybe you can see if there's a group/groups doing something you're interested in that weekend? It's a great way to make new friends!

[FiguringItOut]

Go on a trip. Make it a long weekend if you can. Have you ever been to Niagara Falls? It's only 7-8 hours away from you. There's something about seeing one of the natural wonders of the world that really makes you contemplate things.

Go to Saratoga (it's track season now, and there's plenty to do without gambling). Go to Providence. Go to Boston. Go down to the Jersey shore. Go someplace you haven't gone before. Give yourself a weekend to run away and pretend real life doesn't exist. You'll come back in a better position ready to face the world.

Right now really sucks, and I'm sorry for that. But happy early birthday and may 4-0 be a good year!

I'd like to.  Was trying to figure out my finances, which are very tight at the moment, to see if I can do it.  If I can swing it, I will, but want to have a plan B in case I have to stay put.

You ever try meetup.com? It's for people who are looking for others who share their interests and want to explore it together.

For example, I'm in a group that wants to learn more about Python and we 'meet up' every couple of weeks and someone demos something their working on or we've had coffee hours where people just get together and chat.

Maybe you can see if there's a group/groups doing something you're interested in that weekend? It's a great way to make new friends!

I've signed up for meetup before, but never did anything with it.  Thank you for reminding me about it.  I just looked and there is a local hiking group that meets every other Saturday.  I think I will give them a try.

[RunHappy]

I know many here are happily coupled up and will not have this problem, but please through some ideas at me all the same.

So let's say you have a big birthday coming up in few weeks, it has a zero and a four in it.  And normally, you never make a big deal about your birthdays and rarely, if ever, celebrate.  But this one feels different for some reason and you don't want to just completely ignore it.
And as things may be, you have nobody to celebrate with: freshly divorced (as in signing papers tomorrow), ex is taking kids on a trip right over your birthday (no comments on this please), and you lost practically all of your friends in the divorce mess.  As luck would have it, you birthday falls on a Friday and you have time from Friday evening after work through midday on Sunday to do, or not to do, anything you want. 

I'm in NY City.  I have a car.  I have limited funds.  And I don't camp. 

What would you suggest?

Think of something you have always wanted to do and then do it.

I've spent several birthdays, holidays (thanksgiving and christmas) alone due to a weired custody arrangement.  The first couple of ones sucked but then I started doing that "one thing" I've always had in the back of my mine and have had some memorable times.   Skydiving, backpacking, traveled (even for a weekend), volunteered (Habitat for Humanity was the best one).

There has to be something you have always wanted to do but never did for whatever excuse you told yourself (spouse, kids, too scared, etc).  Get rid of the excuses and just do it.

[The_path_less_taken]

Happy Birthday!

And...sorry about the divorce/etc. I'm guessing it's the kids you miss most?

All good suggestions above. Been years since I lived in NYC but I recall that the Village Voice used to have a stuff to do page and a lot of it was <$25.

I once went to a witchcraft seminar off that page because...why not? (It was kinda funny. I scared them I think because I breezed in late and was all in black with a rain cape, also black. They asked if I wanted to introduce myself and I said "no", crossed my arms and leaned against the door....kinda made my day.)

New York has a ton of things...this time of year there's always some street fair or farmers market and there are places in the city that have jugglers and street music, etc.

I'd try and do something I'd never done before. Or I'd try and do something that felt like being pampered...there are cheap enough massage, bodywork places to be found...lot of coupons in the Voice.

Or...I'd try and get out of the "man I'm feeling like crap" zone by doing something for others: volunteer at a hospital, or an animal shelter, or a food bank, or even just buy six small bouquets and go to either an old folks home (ask for which resident gets no visitors) or a hospital and present someone with flowers: the joy lighting up their face will light up your heart as well. If you 'think' you're shy you could even just say "someone told me to give these to you"...everyone loves a mystery.

Package six mustachian lunches up for homeless people and distribute them. I used to pick out the ones that scared other people: the ones sleeping naked under cardboard that obviously were too disturbed to go to a shelter. You can place the bag down and keep walking...

So many of the ethnic restaurants have super cheap lunches: you could bring half home for a second meal. I love lunch in NYC for that very purpose. I mean come on, where else are you going to run into a Tibetan restaurant?

But at night, I'd advocate stand up comedy (maybe even open mike if you wanna be brave?) because even alone, you're in a crowd of laughing people. How bad could that be?

Soar. All it takes is a leap of faith.

[FiguringItOut]

Happy Birthday!

And...sorry about the divorce/etc. I'm guessing it's the kids you miss most?

Thank you for wishes and suggestions!

As much as I miss kids, it's not them I'm upset about.  They are my kids and they always will be, and when ex husband will come back from the trip, I'll celebrate with kids.  That's all fine.

It's the loss of friends that I miss the most.  Didn't expect them to turn away when I needed them most.  But as they say, divorce brings out the true colors of people, and I suppose it's not only about ex spouses.

I love your witchcraft story.

I will be fine.  Thank you.

[Noodle]

That sounds like a tough situation. One thing I remember from both my 30th and 40th was not celebrating on the actual day. So maybe if finances/life don't allow for much now, start planning and saving for a special event or trip in the near future.  Also, is there anything you used to love to do that has gotten lost in the shuffle of marriage and children?

In your shoes, I would probably (depending on funds/energy) either

1) Plan a weekend trip. If it were me, I would probably look for something with some planned activities (like going to a cooking workshop or some such) to keep from spending too much time in my own head but you could also enjoy being totally independent and on your own schedule.

2) Plan an indulgent weekend of doing all the things I enjoy, but usually don't do because of time/calories/cost/lack of interest from companions--obviously, I am talking about getting a croissant from the fancy bakery, not buying a yacht! One advantage of NYC is that there are a million options,

As a singleton, I have also started the (somewhat unMustachian) custom of buying myself a significant present on my birthday and Christmas. This is the grown-up version of "you have a birthday coming up" when a kid asks for something and has been a good way to get myself to wait and plan for big purchases, and also choosing (do you want this or that) instead of engaging in impulse purchases.

[trailrated]

Not sure if you have ever tried geocaching but it could be a fun way to explore the city on a scavenger hunt and leave your mark :). I am sure you could get other people to join you or at least meet some folks during your adventure.

[mm1970]

Happy Birthday!

And...sorry about the divorce/etc. I'm guessing it's the kids you miss most?

Thank you for wishes and suggestions!

As much as I miss kids, it's not them I'm upset about.  They are my kids and they always will be, and when ex husband will come back from the trip, I'll celebrate with kids.  That's all fine.

It's the loss of friends that I miss the most.  Didn't expect them to turn away when I needed them most.  But as they say, divorce brings out the true colors of people, and I suppose it's not only about ex spouses.

I love your witchcraft story.

I will be fine.  Thank you.

It really sucks that your best friend disappeared with the divorce.  That really really sucks.  You deserve to have some fun on your 40th! 

Learn something new?  I suffered a miscarriage a day or two after my 40th, so said "suck it" and signed up for a triathlon training group - decided it was time to learn to swim.

[FiguringItOut]

Thank you all!

I will be fine.  Was just having a pity party for one this morning.

[The_path_less_taken]

Figuring it out,

I think the friends thing can be explained by people's incapacity to open their heart: if they truly cared before, then unless you've grown horns and taken to roasting children on a spit in the backyard...what's changed?

You've split with a spouse. For some reason people think it's an either/or situation, where they only want to speak to one of you so they aren't 'cheating' on the other or whatever.

Stupid. Have you attempted to contact them? They may think you 'want' some privacy and time alone to lick your wounds right now? Or they may have crap going on in their lives you don't know about?

But if you love/care for someone...then you love/care for them. Whether they're with their current partner or not.

So they're idiots, basically. You'll make new friends. And they will be REAL friends: the ones you can call at 3am that will talk you down off the ledge. Bring bail money down to the precinct. Or bring over Ben & Jerrys and a really bad DVD with Adam Sandler in it.

If nothing else, you have them on this board. Hang in.

[FiguringItOut]

Figuring it out,

I think the friends thing can be explained by people's incapacity to open their heart: if they truly cared before, then unless you've grown horns and taken to roasting children on a spit in the backyard...what's changed?

You've split with a spouse. For some reason people think it's an either/or situation, where they only want to speak to one of you so they aren't 'cheating' on the other or whatever.

Stupid. Have you attempted to contact them? They may think you 'want' some privacy and time alone to lick your wounds right now? Or they may have crap going on in their lives you don't know about?

But if you love/care for someone...then you love/care for them. Whether they're with their current partner or not.

So they're idiots, basically. You'll make new friends. And they will be REAL friends: the ones you can call at 3am that will talk you down off the ledge. Bring bail money down to the precinct. Or bring over Ben & Jerrys and a really bad DVD with Adam Sandler in it.

If nothing else, you have them on this board. Hang in.

Thank you!

This board has been a godsend for me figuring out my finances and trying to secure my future. 

I post a lot of stupid newbie questions here, but always, ALWAYS, get a constructive response.

[MissStache]

Go on a trip. Make it a long weekend if you can. Have you ever been to Niagara Falls? It's only 7-8 hours away from you. There's something about seeing one of the natural wonders of the world that really makes you contemplate things.

Coming to say the exact same thing.  Plan a beautiful and long drive, load your car up with your favorite music, pack a delicious picnic, and observe the beauty of nature.  Nothing renews my spirit like being alone on a beautiful stretch of road with my favorite songs, especially if your destination is a natural wonder.  Splurge on a nice hotel room when you get there.

Happy birthday!

[The_path_less_taken]

If nothing else, you have them on this board. Hang in.

Thank you!

This board has been a godsend for me figuring out my finances and trying to secure my future. 

I post a lot of stupid newbie questions here, but always, ALWAYS, get a constructive response.

;-0

"No storm lasts forever."

Feel free to PM me if you're blue. But you're in the most exciting city in the world and you can have fun there without even really trying.

I flew back to visit my Dad (he lived in Queens, off the LIE) when I was about 20 once and could not STAND another night listening to his new wife yammer...I took the subway downtown and slept in Port Authority...in those little plastic chairs with all the very finest flotsam of the city...VERY interesting night.

I've gone to standup marathons that get out at 4am...something like ten bucks at the door. I'd refilled those airplane bottles and had a bunch in my pockets...only bought one 7up but drank like a fish all night.

I've  gone to Belmont racetrack at 4:30AM  to watch the morning workouts with the horses, ran into a bigwig there and he said I should go to Saratoga...did. On the cheap: stayed at a hostel there but man....that track in the predawn hours with the mist coming off the lake and the horses...beautiful.

I've gone to the tip of Long Island and walked along the shore...I'm talking wayyyyy past the big duck building and you just keep going...beautiful country.

I like walking the boardwalk in Coney Island right before sunset (although it was years ago...you might need an Uzi or a great understanding of Russian now?).

You will discover something. Gotta zip. Take care.

[ohana]

Volunteer for a day. 

[OttoVonBisquick]

I'm 21, a guy, single, never been divorced nor had kids, but maybe:
1) Get blasted
2) Forget how blasted you are, try getting more blasted, end up getting too blasted (and all that it entails)
3) Like someone above said, get laid. Always brightens up your day/week/month/life. Without getting into too much debate, as a woman, you should generally have an easier time than most men do at any relevant age.
4) Shoot guns to ring in your birthday. I'm 100% serious. It's been scientifically proven to release all those great chemicals that come with a great workout, eating amazing food, etc. and it's absolutely thrilling. I'm not asking for a gun debate either, it's just an idea.
5) Could tie in with 1 or 2, but try a new kind of food/alcohol/drink of any kind as part of turning a new chapter in your life.

[red7]

4) Shoot guns to ring in your birthday. I'm 100% serious. It's been scientifically proven to release all those great chemicals that come with a great workout, eating amazing food, etc. and it's absolutely thrilling. I'm not asking for a gun debate either, it's just an idea.

I agree that shooting guns is pretty exciting, but as a friendly reminder, please only do this if you plan on going to a gun range. Last New Year's eve, a "celebratory" bullet (looked like a .38) came through the sunlight in one of our rooms. It ricocheted off the tile floor, a table, a wall, and the ceiling before landing on the floor for us to find. Thankfully, no one was in there at the time, but it was pretty scary to hear and then realize what had happened.

Whatever activity or adventure you decide to undertake, be safe!
And Happy Birthday! :)

[RunHappy]

If you want to hang out with people, why not post over on the Mustachian and Single board for people in NYC to meet and hang out with on your birthday weekend?  Meet some like minded people, have some frugal fun, and kick off your new year.

[mozar]

If it were me I would order a food item I have always wanted to make/ eat. Like grass fed beef from the midwest or the best cookies in the country (the craveory-in brooklyn actually) or ham from spain or something. I'm getting the cookies for my mom's 57th birthday.

[wordnerd]

I'll ditto the Meetup suggestion.

Other thoughts:
Take yourself to do something you love that your ex didn't like (e.g., opera, ballet, monster truck rally)?
Wine and a Skype date with a long-distance friend/sister/cousin?
Unmustachian, but pamper yourself--hair, pedicure--if that's your jam. Ego boosts are always nice ;)

Happy 04th or/and 400th birthday! Have a beautiful day, and be kind to yourself.