Author Topic: Can't take it anymore!  (Read 17994 times)

lordmetroid

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Can't take it anymore!
« on: August 07, 2015, 01:56:32 AM »
My life is so messed up!
All I do is work or prepare for work, my entire existence is engulfed by the job.
I do not have anything to feel happy about.
I have nobody I can speak to. I wish I could speak to my parents or friends but I find they rarely share my sympathies and think it is a good life.
I do not consider the way I live today a good life. It is a mere existence!

I work a normal 40 hour work week and it is messed up:
  • 06:00 - The alarm goes off
  • 06:10 - Cook and prepare the lunchbox for the oncoming day at the office.
  • 06:30 - Get into the car and drive to the office.
  • 06:50 - Arrive at the office, 10 minutes before the prescribed time.
  • 07:00 - 16:00 - 8 hours of work + 1 hour of unpaid lunch
  • 16:00 - Get back into the car to head home or if needed I head to the supermarket in which case it will take me an additional 30 to 40 minutes to get back home.
  • 16:15 - Arrive back at home and exhaustedly fall to sleep
  • 17:00 - Wakes up and prepare something to eat.
  • 17:20 - Eat food
  • 17:40 - Wash the dishes
  • 18:00 - Still too exhausted, I am unable to concentrate on my side business I am trying to get going in order to accelerate my financial independence. Instead I end up watching TV and surfing the Internet.
  • 22:00 - Take a shower and dry myself
  • 22:30 - With a feeling of anxiety as I know what awaits me when I wake up, I surf the internet just a little bit longer.
  • 23:00 - 06:00... ... ... Sleeping for 7 hours
To summarize:
  • 3,5 hours( orange ) is time indirectly dictated by the job because the job demands that I am fit for work.
  • 9 hours( red ) is time under the thumb of my boss at the daily grind doing useless stuff I do not care about just to get a paycheck.
  • 4,5( green ) hours available to dedicate to myself but it is not what I would call quality time.
  • 7 hours( black ) of sleep
« Last Edit: August 08, 2015, 01:25:06 AM by lordmetroid »

lizzigee

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2015, 02:48:40 AM »
Firstly, if there's even a remote chance that you may actually be suffering from depression, please talk to a trusted family member or friend, or seek professional help.Also please do not read any further because this is not going to be warm and fuzzy and if you are actually unwell and not just feeling sorry for yourself then this is not aimed at you.

Secondly,...

Edited to add -I simply cannot tell whether you are depressed or trolling. I actually hope you're just a troll. I've removed the part of my post that was aimed at giving you a kick in the backside for being a complainypants because the more I reread your post, the more I think you should talk to a professional about how you feel.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2015, 03:08:23 AM by lizzigee »

Alchemilla

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2015, 02:56:34 AM »
Exhaustion and anxiety as well as the premise of your post are indications of a possible mental health issue.
Please see the appropriate professional - not sure how it works in the US.

How are your finances? Doesn't sound as though you have time for much discretionary spending?

Dumb blonde

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2015, 03:41:01 AM »
This is going to take time to solve. You might suffer from depression, you might want to see someone about that. I have always had a busy social life, but I do know how it feels to be exhausted after a workday. I used to feel that too.

From my own experience I can say that eating healthy was the key to change. I thought I ate healthy until I tried vegan (with some cheating: I love cheese and salmon too much to give up completely). I never have been more energetic. I used to fall asleep on the couch too, when I got home from work. On weekends I had no energy to do anything, I could barely get up in the morning, I just wanted to sleep all day. But since I'm eating really healthy this is all in the past. I recommend you watch the documentary Forks over knives, it's on Netflix.

And there's this wonderful book from a German lady: Giulia Enders. I don't know if it has been translated in English yet. She also adresses the relation between mental health and the foods you eat. There's a lot of research going on about this topic and every week there are new studies that prove some relation between the two.




Torran

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2015, 03:46:16 AM »
I'm going to say pretty much what the other posters have said - exhaustion, anxiety, not feeling anything to be happy about - your mental wellbeing needs to be a priority here. I think you should seek help - making a doctors appointment; contact Samaritans or similar organisation, if you do not feel there is anyone in your life that you can talk to about this. Talking to someone on the phone, anonymously (i.e without any pressure) really can be a life-changing help. You talk about your job as the source of the problem (lack of time, etc) but to me it sounds like you are having difficult with coping with the demands in your life.

I have some advice - but the underlying feelings you describe  I think require more in-depth help than anything I could post on a random internet forum.

1. I made myself a timetable for my free time. I felt rushed and had no time. So I made a timetable which covered each waking hour of the day (7am - 11pm) every day of the week. I chose what I wanted to happen - 8 hours sleep; 1 hour reading before bed (not staring at screens); food-shopping twice a week on specific evenings; allotted time to prepare dinners; and I made sure there was an hour every second day for 'faffing around on the internet' :) The main benefit was that it calmed me down.

2. I decided to embrace the boring life stuff, like laundry and lunch preparation. I put aside time - e.g Tuesday night was Laundry Night. It may sound rubbish but after a few weeks it could help you to feel much more in control. Having clean clothes would no longer be weighing on your mind - it's just a Tuesday thing. Every Tuesday, that box it ticked. So it isn't a worry.

3. Take a whole day off work - book a day's holiday on a Monday, say - and don't plan anything for that day. Give yourself this day as a breather from your routine, and to look into ways to improve how you are feeling (e.g, booking a doc's appointment). Just knowing that you have that time, and it belongs to you - is important.

Unfortunately, lack of time, laundry, waking early, and food-shopping, are just the crap parts of life that have to be dealt with when you hold down a job. I don't think a 'stop complaining' rant will help you at all. And apologies if I sound a bit bossy. But life doesn't have to be the treadmill that you are on right now, either. Even tiny changes will have a big impact.

Very best of luck. Hope you manage to feel better in future.


Torran

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2015, 03:50:11 AM »
Also I'd just like to say sorry if I sounded a bit harsh. I know practical 'make a timetable' advice is totally inappropriate for a mental health problem. But hope you find some help in what everyone has said.

Sjalabais

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2015, 05:17:21 AM »
How about starting with the simplest of questions: Why not just quit the job?

marty998

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2015, 05:28:30 AM »
Ahh I'm not going to smack you across the head, but you do deserve a kick.

You have 5 hours free a day which is more than a lot of full time workers get (especially full time workers with kids)

I leave the house at 7am and get home at 7pm. i consider i have it good because I still have 4 hours or so of leisure to use as I see fit. Sure i'm exhausted, but I expect that I'll have many years in the future of not being exhausted.

The time you choose to spend those hours in front of the TV and surfing the net is exactly that - your choice.

Make a different choice and reap the benefit.

Start by unplugging the TV from the wall socket

fishnfool

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2015, 05:44:45 AM »
1 hour in the gym after work is my cure to the work dundrum and anxiety. Maybe just take a nice walk after work, get the blood moving and get out of your routine a little.

Good luck!

CletusMcGee

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2015, 05:56:49 AM »
Quote
My life is so messed up!
All I do is work or prepare for work, my entire existence is engulfed by the job.

Does not sound so messed up to me, in fact it's depressingly relatable.  Five days of misery, followed by 1.5 days of leisure / relaxation, followed by .5 days of dreading going back to the salt mines.

Once, I was hospitalized and on disability for 6 weeks, it was the best time of my adult life even though I couldn't walk.  The only reason I keep doing what I do is because I like watching my FU money increase @ 6K a month.

morning owl

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2015, 05:58:34 AM »
Four hours of TV and Internet every day? There's your problem. Make your lunch for the next day during this time, do some excercise, socialize, or anything else. This should cure your doldrums. You don't have the energy because you're stuck in an unhealthy pattern.

Unless you are depressed. Try the excercise and eating well thing first, and if you don't see a difference after a few months, then talk to someone about the possibility of depression.

It's in your hands to make your life better!

golden1

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2015, 06:00:46 AM »
I used an app called daily routine to lay out my day to day grind and this is what I got.  42 year old female, husband and 2 kids.

Let's look at my day for comparison, shall we?

4:45-5 am up and shower
5-15: dress and groom
5:15-5:45 - prep lunch for kids and prep my lunch and breakfast
5:45-6:30 drive to work eating breakfast in the car
6:30-3:30pm work with 30 min lunch
3:30-4:30 drive home
4:30-5 usually some sort of errand (groceries, bank, post office, gas)
5-5:15 pick son up from after school program
5:15-6 get home and immediately prepare dinner for 4 people
6-8:30 "free time" which often includes fun filled activities like running, doing laundry, or helping kids with homework or projects. 
8:30-9 get ready for bed (prep clothes for next day etc...)

Weekends involve catching up with laundry, grocery shopping, house projects, shopping for kids needs (clothes etc...).  I do have more leisurely mornings of course, and we usually reserve a day or at least a few hours for a fun family outing.

I am not trying to say that my pain is worse, but to actually say that kids and a family squeeze even more of your leisure time away.  However, believe it or not, even though the daily grind is exhausting, I am happier now than I was in my 20's when I had very little responsibilities. 

Why?  Because I was depressed in my 20's, just like you sound like you are.  You aren't going to like my advice, because I didn't like it either and it took me 10 years and having kids to implement it. 

1) You have 5.5 hours of free time every week day.  Spend 30 minutes of it exercising.  Preferably something outside that gets your heart rate up.  Start by walking if you are not in shape to do anything else.  If 30 minutes is too much, try 15 minutes. 
2) Try meditation - start with 10 minutes in the morning.  It really helps. 
3) Make your work meaningful, as meaningful as you can.  Think about what you can do today to help someone at work. 
4) See a therapist, and if you are diagnosed with depression, try the meds.  When you are in a place where you can't help yourself, they can really help give you that push you need to make changes to make your life better.  I resisted meds for years which I think cost me so much time and wasted energy.  I don't take them anymore and I use a routine of running, healthy diet and meditation to manage things.  If I end up getting to a bad place again, I would not hesitate to use them again. 


golden1

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2015, 06:02:05 AM »
One thing I left off - do you have any interests or hobbies?  Take some of that 5 hours and get involved in that hobby again. 

okits

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2015, 06:11:20 AM »
I agree with many above that you should look into the mental health issue.  But an immediate step you can take is to limit or eliminate the TV and Internet time.  There can come a point where it's counterproductive and I think you're there.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2015, 06:13:45 AM »
I agree with the previous posts.

Other possibilities.

Ditch alcohol - when I was working and had a pre-dinner drink, or a glass of wine with dinner, I flaked out for the rest of the evening.  No alcohol, lots of after-dinner energy.

That second screentime after your shower is disrupting your sleep.  Possibly all the evening screen time is disrupting your sleep.  That includes TV and computer monitor, anything that gives off a lot of blue light.  Try getting exercised early in the evening, and then something low key and low light close to bedtime.  Our bodies have trouble going from full light/full activity to sleep, they expect an evening transition.

Shower - some people finds showers relaxing, some find showers wake them up.  Which are you?  Would it be better to shower in the morning?  Or earlier in the evening?  Examine this aspect of your life - I shower first thing in the morning in the winter, it gets me going.  In the summer I am hot and sticky by early evening, and that is shower time.

I don't see life maintenance activities in there - why not use some of that evening time to do laundry/pick up/clean?  That gives you weekends for more soul-nourishing activities.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #15 on: August 07, 2015, 06:27:29 AM »
And to follow golden1's post, I am trying to remember my old schedule.  It went something like this:
6:00-7:30 - up, shower, finish laundry started the night before, dress, put dog out, get kid up, feed everyone breakfast, kid out door for school bus.
7:30 - 7:45 - get my work stuff together, get me out door
7:45-9:00 - drive to work - drive time varied depending on traffic
9:00 - 5:00 work
5:00-5:45 - listen to radio, decide there is too much traffic, keep working
5:45-6:45 - drive home (there might be stops in there for groceries/whatever)
6:45 - 9:00 - make dinner, serve dinner, get dishes looked after, help kid with homework/make sure kid does homework, get kid to bed, put on a load of laundry to soak, give dog a good long walk
9:00- 9:30 - get ready for bed

This varied depending on my work schedule, etc., and as a teacher the days I got home earlier usually meant a few hours of school work in the evening.  Look at my commute time - that was a killer.

The point golden1 and I are making is that work does take a huge chunk out of our lives - and what else is new?  I am sure our peasant ancestors lives were - up, eat, go to fields, work in fields, eat, work in fields, walk home, eat, go to bed, with a break for church on Sunday.  Don't do that, starve.

The other point is that this depresses you, so you have to figure out what to change to not be depressed and get some energy back into your life.  Lifestyle changes are less expensive, and more long term, than medicating yourself, but if it is clinical depression then the meds help.  But exercise, fresh air, and being pro-active about your life go a long way.

MrsPete

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2015, 06:36:14 AM »
I'm with the majority.  The word "depression" popped into my mind before I was halfway through your post; however, I don't know whether we're talking about clinical, chemical depression or lifestyle choices that look like depression. 

I definitely think you're allowing yourself to be sucked into a passive, screen-based lifestyle that is worsening your mental health.  Fortunately, this is fixable:  You just have to get off the couch and force yourself to get moving and find some interests.  In short, the problem isn't your job:  Your problem is that you have no life outside your job. 

Equally disturbing, I don't see you mentioning other people at all in your daily notes.  Are you connected to others?  Friends?  Family?  Significant other?  We all NEED to be connected to other people, and today's society and technology are making this more difficult.  In addition to finding some interests, you also need to find a social outlet.  We people on the internet aren't it.

I also note you didn't mention weekends.  Perhaps your weekdays have to be dominated by work, but don't you have two work-free days each week?  I'm wondering if you're so burdened /thinking of work so much that you forget that these days are YOURS.  I'm wondering if your thinking is clouded so that you're focusing so much on the negatives that you neglect to realize that these days are real too.

I also think you're focusing too much on money and becoming financially independent.  I know, I know, those are good things, but good things can be taken to an extreme /can become an obsession.  You seem to be so wrapped up in work and your side job that you've neglected to live for today. 

My suggestions:
- How are you using your lunch hour now?  Do you have workout facilities at your office?  Could you take a walk?  Could you go out and do your shopping so you'll free up your evenings?  Take a cooler to work if you're going to buy perishables.  Start doing something physical and productive with that mid-day hour. In fact, I think using your lunch hour well should be your first goal:  It's small, and you can't be "as distracted" as you can at home. 
- You have a 40-minute drive each day.  Any chance you could join a car pool so you're not riding alone?  Or, do you like to listen to audio books as you drive?  You know, occupy your mind with something other than dreading work? 
- Search out some form of exercise.  Martial arts might be a good option because people tend to socialize in those classes.  Don't balk at the fact it costs money: You're not happy right now, and what good is money if you're not happy?
- Search out some form of socialization.  A church group, a competitive volleyball team, community service, anything.  You need people. 
- Cut down on your screen time.  Until you're in a better frame of mind, I'd say no more than an hour each evening. 
- You're not getting a whole lot of sleep.  Perhaps if you go to bed a little earlier, you won't need that nap after work.  Also, if you start exercising, you'll find that you have more energy, so that whole sleep schedule thing will work out.  Honestly, just think about what you learned in high school health class -- our bodies really do function best when we're paying attention to our health, and our minds and emotions function better when our health is better. 
- If you give these things a real go and you're still unhappy, go see a doctor and see if it's medical -- but I really think it's extreme boredom and lack of physical and emotional involvement in the world. 


« Last Edit: August 07, 2015, 07:35:52 AM by MrsPete »

plainjane

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #17 on: August 07, 2015, 06:44:59 AM »
07:00 - 16:00 - 8 hours of work + 1 hour of unpaid lunch[/li][/list]

What are you doing during this 1h for lunch?  Are you getting outside with some sun?  Is it possible to go for a walk to somewhere green?  With other people?

Less optimal uses of this time:
Alternatively - This is your time to work on that other initiative
Alternatively - this is your time to surf the internet & cut out the evening blargh.

Misstachian

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #18 on: August 07, 2015, 06:45:45 AM »
A few thoughts:

-Meal plan & batch cook. Once a week, plan out all your meals. Shop once a week and get everything for all meals. When you make a batch of something for dinner (stir fry, pasta, protein & side), put it in lunch containers immediately so you can grab from the fridge & go. Freeze portions of things like soup (make a full batch, have it for dinner, lunch the next day, freeze portions for a dinner & lunch next week or month, and possibly more). It takes a bit of planning but will save you morning, night, and random-supermarket-run time.

-That's four hours of Internet & tv a day? Think seriously about what you want to do with this time. If you're not depressed, it's a self control issue. 4 hrs per day, 20 per week, 80 per month. Cut that down to an hour a day and you will still have 60 extra hours - if someone gave you those hours as a gift, what would you do with them? Side business, exercise, volunteer, books, garden, socializing? You CAN give yourself those hours as a gift if you want.
(I recall you have a fancy tv so you may be unlikely to want to do this. In which case, own it. You prefer 4+ hours of media a day to the other things you could be doing, so reframe and decide it's what you love and those hours are the highlight of your day/week/month/life. If you're going to do it anyway, you might as well enjoy it. I've done this myself and realized which things I truly want to do and make a priority, and which things I don't, which makes it easier to accept when I don't do the things I wish I wanted to do. It's generally not truly that I don't HAVE time so much as I don't MAKE time.)

-Is your commute 15 or 40 minutes? (6:30-7:10 or or 16:00-16:15?) If this is dead time, can you make it happier? Listen to audiobooks (my library has lots) of new releases or old classics you've wanted to try? Make a playlist of music that makes you happy and energetic? It won't fix that your time is gone but may help you not collapse when you walk in the door.

There's actually rather a lot of time that isn't engulfed by your job - what would make you happy? What can you use your time for that would move you toward the good life you imagine?

Mr. Green

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #19 on: August 07, 2015, 06:49:17 AM »
I think the statements of a mental health problem could be a bit overzealous. Is it possible? Sure. But I would want to know more about the OP's opinion of the job before claiming that. Depending on how the OP feels about the job it may simply be that a new one is needed. If I worked a shit job that provided zero satisfaction and I had no real socialization outside of that job because of the rut I was in, I'd feel pretty depressed too. Yet I don't know if I'd necessarily call that clinical depression so much as a crappy daily routine that doesn't have any upside. Regardless, I would still find someone to talk to because it sounds like the OP is struggling to make a decision about change. Personally, when I was in the OP's shoes the situation described was at the point where the dissatisfaction with my quality of life was coming to a head. The dam was about to break in a good way, to a better solution. Hopefully that is the case for the OP.

Valencia de Valera

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #20 on: August 07, 2015, 06:59:24 AM »
In addition to depression/anxiety as most other posters have mentioned, you should also see a GP and find out if you have a physical problem like a thyroid disorder, sleep apnea, etc. that could be causing you to feel too exhausted to do things that you would otherwise enjoy. Particularly when you say you fall asleep directly upon coming home from work, to me that seems like a red flag that you might have a physical issue. Forty hours a week of work, unless you have a very physically demanding job, shouldn't be so much that you can't stay awake when you get home, and seven hours of sleep should be sufficient for most adults to maintain energy during the day.

Also think about whether it's something specific about your job that you don't like, and whether working somewhere else would be better. I had a very stressful job that I absolutely hated for many reasons, and this is about what my life was like -- I didn't enjoy my time at home or sleep well because I was just dreading going to work the next day. With my new job, even though I don't love every day, I at least don't feel that sense of dread. Even if it means taking a cut in pay, if it would be better for your overall health and well-being to find a different job you need to do it.

Melody

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #21 on: August 07, 2015, 08:14:47 AM »
Cut the screen time and get more sleep. Seven hours doesn't seem like much. I know I need 8 to be comfortable and 9 to be fully rested. With less than 8 i fall into the pattern of not doing much but not sleeping enough with 8 or 9 i have the energy to tackle sports, socialising, chores etc.

fattest_foot

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #22 on: August 07, 2015, 08:45:46 AM »
Quote
My life is so messed up!
All I do is work or prepare for work, my entire existence is engulfed by the job.

Does not sound so messed up to me, in fact it's depressingly relatable.  Five days of misery, followed by 1.5 days of leisure / relaxation, followed by .5 days of dreading going back to the salt mines.

Once, I was hospitalized and on disability for 6 weeks, it was the best time of my adult life even though I couldn't walk.  The only reason I keep doing what I do is because I like watching my FU money increase @ 6K a month.

I'm also a bit surprised that the overwhelming majority of the responses here have been about depression. This sounds pretty close to my daily routine as well (although I try not fall asleep when I get home, I usually go to the gym).

I'm certainly not depressed, but when your job is awful it's definitely easier to resent the fact that you spend so much of your day there.

acroy

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #23 on: August 07, 2015, 09:02:20 AM »
*slap* get over yourself. THESE guys have it rough
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2014/05/shipbreakers/gwin-text

you have it cush. Optimize your life, quit whining, get to it!!

zephyr911

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2015, 09:07:46 AM »
I'm also a bit surprised that the overwhelming majority of the responses here have been about depression. This sounds pretty close to my daily routine as well (although I try not fall asleep when I get home, I usually go to the gym).
I think those responses are triggered more by tone than content. A great many of us here have similar daily routines if you just look at data points; OP's wording in describing it suggests it exacts a higher-than-average emotional toll. I've been there myself, and I was depressed. It wasn't just the job itself in my case, but the job was part of a larger set of circumstances that made me feel trapped, helpless, and headed for a lifetime of mediocrity.

dude

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2015, 09:11:26 AM »
My schedule is not that much different, except my day begins at 5am, and doesn't end until about 10:30-11pm.  I get 6 - 6.5 hours sleep most nights.  I do take a half hour nap every day when I get home. However, there is no TV or internet in my afterwork life (aside from some Facebook scrolling on my phone here and there). Instead, I spend 30-40 minutes walking my dog, then 2-3 hours working out/climbing at the climbing gym/doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu. As a consequence, I eat pretty late most nights (@9:30pm).  You need to find a healthier alternative to the TV/internet.  I too feel exhausted sometimes and don't want to go to the gym, but I'm ALWAYS glad when I force myself to go -- I feel MUCH better.  You need some balance in your life, and it sounds like you are totally ignoring your body's need to move --  unless you do manual labor for a living and I'm just making the wrong assumption (I envisioned you as an office drone).

Late_Bloomer

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #26 on: August 07, 2015, 09:23:06 AM »
Let me get this straight....You work 40 hrs a week, get a full hour for lunch, less than a 30  min commute, have the luxury of getting up as late as 0600. I bet you don't have to work weekends too, am I right? This is called life my friend and from what I've read, you've got a pretty good shake of it. Let me guess, you are still young, early 20's? First job? All these responses about seeing a therapist for depression are doing you an injustice. That's why half of all American kids today are doped up on Ritalin.

but in all seriousness, You got it pretty easy so relax and decide how to make better use of your off time. That's all you or any of us can do. We all have to work and we all have to deal with similar time constraints.

Meowkins

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #27 on: August 07, 2015, 10:11:46 AM »
Hey there, OP. First off, good for you for finding a community of folks to support you and reaching out!

I have a very similar schedule. I think people suggesting you are likely depressed or telling you that it's just life and things have always been that way are both right, but here's some validation: It *sucks.*

Having all of your creativity eaten up at a job that you need to pay the bills, having the bulk of your free time eaten up by obligations, it is REALLY THE WORST and the vast majority of us are right there with you. I, at the very least, can speak to the fact that this is why I am most drawn to mustachianism. I want to live my life doing what I want, not what society thinks I should want or should just be okay with. 

Here are my thoughts:
  • PM me if you ever want to talk to someone who can relate and offer some perspective. My door is officially open.
  • Get a therapist. Not because you're depressed though you may be, but because a lot of us haven't been taught as kids how to channel our emotions and they tend to wear us out. Experts can help you retrain your brain and make things seem less overwhelming. I speak from personal experience.
  • 9-6s are tiring to get used to at first FOR EVERYONE, but your body adjusts once you start building the mental and physical stamina for it. It gets better.
  • Take the advice about exercise. It's great for your brain, your stress relief, your sleep, your creativity, and it will pay you back in health and productivity for your side job.
  • Spend time with friends at least once a week doing something extremely fun with someone with no guilt or consideration of what you should be doing on your checklist.
  • Sign up for James Clear's email list and start reading about small, slow habit change instead of HUGE CHANGES all at once.
  • Start a journal here and start celebrating your little wins. You will see your awesomeness accrue before your eyes.

CletusMcGee

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #28 on: August 07, 2015, 10:24:02 AM »
Let me get this straight... All 40hr/wk jobs have exactly the same amount of stress, with identical bosses and co-workers, and exact the same toll on everyone equally?  Also, we should all be happy just because we are not indentured slaves cutting up ships with oxy torches while barefoot?  Thanks Mr. Trump, I'll file that one away.

I think Zephyr was on to something about the tone of the OP and not the content.  OP's schedule probably does not look terribly different from most of ours (okay, sub out watching tv for excercise, etc...), but the tone implies that what happens at his job takes at lot out of him, which carries into the after work hours.  You start to question the point of it all when 5/7ths of your days aren't worth living.

BigHaus89

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #29 on: August 07, 2015, 10:26:34 AM »
You will feel much better and have a lot more energy if you force yourself into the gym instead of TV/internet time. It is hard to build the habit, but once it's there it will be a vital part of your day. You will feel more energized throughout the day as well.

You can even break up the work day by doing some stretching, push ups, etc in your office/cubicle.

Zikoris

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2015, 10:31:54 AM »
Make the boring routine stuff as fast and efficient as possible, and stop watching TV entirely.

We plan all our meals out ahead of time. I buy a bag of apples during our weekly grocery shop to cover my snacks for the week, and lunches are always leftovers from dinner. Grocery shopping is super fast (~10 minutes in and out) because we go with a plan and a list.

My day looks more like:

6:40 - wake up, shower, have breakfast
7:15 - walk to work
7:30-3:30 - work
3:30 - walk home
3:40 - 4:15 - internet time, relax
4:15 - start dinner and make bread if needed
4:45 - dinner when boyfriend gets home
5:15 - portion out leftovers for lunches and have a post-dinner nap
5:30 - 6:30 - do any chores or errands
6:30 - 11:00 - Freedom! Four and a half hours a day to do whatever we like - usually some combination of exercise, reading, projects, and social activities

TrMama

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2015, 10:32:57 AM »
You fall asleep immediately after getting home at 4pm? Get to the Dr immediately to get checked for sleep apnea. You sound like my DH before he got treatment.

Also, go outside and get some natural light exposure every day at lunch and again after work.

ashwihi

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2015, 10:47:38 AM »
Four hours of TV and Internet every day? There's your problem. Make your lunch for the next day during this time, do some excercise, socialize, or anything else. This should cure your doldrums. You don't have the energy because you're stuck in an unhealthy pattern.

Unless you are depressed. Try the excercise and eating well thing first, and if you don't see a difference after a few months, then talk to someone about the possibility of depression.

It's in your hands to make your life better!
+1 to this. You need to unplug - both the TV and the internet. And don't go home or go food shopping after work, just bring food from home you can eat right after work and go do something, anything, physical directly from work. Even a long walk before heading home will up your energy levels and make you feel better asap. Maybe you can walk or bike to work or to public transit. Try joining a gym or a community rec sports class. You just need to not go home. You are one of the fortunate ones in that your free time is really free time. You have a regular 8 hour job, not long crazy hours, and no kids or pets you HAVE to go home to take care of. You might even have few or no home care things you have to do if you live in an apt. So unplug and go do something.

I enjoy my job and it's demands from the mental stimulation, but my business it's hard to see the 'Fruits' of your labor so to speak. Not sure if OP is in the same boat or not.

To combat this, I discovered Woodworking.  Turns out I'm really handy in that arena and spend most of my weekends in the garage crafting furniture. 

It's not even a side form of income for me right now, but could be, I make odds and ends around the house (currently working on built ins for the home office). 

I find it helps relieve stress, anxiety and I _always_ find myself well rested on the weekends. Before this I was crazy into cycling (still try to ride as often as possible) rode 5 times a week, was in a cycling club, did races/etc, so I can relate... it's good to have something that's a physical endeavor, it really is good for the mind, body and spirit.

Zette

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2015, 11:21:50 AM »
I haven't read all the posts yet, but I wanted to recommend a book that can help with the job situation:

I Don't Know What I Want, But I Know It's Not This: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Gratifying Work
by Julie Jansen

It has exercises in it that help you figure out specifically what you liked and hated about the various jobs you have done, and help you aim toward getting into a better situation.  For me it helped me figure out that I didn't really want to leave software engineering, and that contracting part-time was a better fit than being a full-time employee.

Mr. Green

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #34 on: August 07, 2015, 11:45:29 AM »
I highly recommend "How I found Freedom in an Unfree World" by Harry Browne. It's out of print but you can find a PDF of it on the web. Many people will tell you you have a cushy job and to stop whining. Those people aren't you. You are the only you on the planet. The book makes some really valid points about truths that we often choose to ignore. The general gist is simply to know that you absolutely have the power to change whatever facet of your life that you want, though we often trick ourselves into thinking we don't. The consequence or side effect you may not like (i.e. not being able to pay rent if you quit your job) but you still have the choice. It's incredibly freeing to realize and reinforce that you control everything in your life.

Dexterous

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #35 on: August 07, 2015, 01:51:50 PM »
My recommendations are as follows:

Immediate actions
1)  Eat healthier food, and prepare it on Sunday for your workweek in separate containers.  Don't drink caffeine after 10am because it can interfere with your sleep.
2)  Exercise for at least 1 hour after your workday.  I suggest you find an outdoors area to jog and escape TVs, computers, busy offices, etc.  Walk at first if you're not in good shape.
3)  Don't utilize any electronics in the bedroom at night, it causes your brain to associate the bed with things other than sleep.
4)  Wake up a little earlier in the mornings and do some light exercise/stretches, have a good meal, and don't rush.  Starting your day right can make a huge difference.  There are books on this.

Longer term
1)  Consider other jobs
2)  Start a small social network, or get a dog... or both, lol

ArcadeStache

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #36 on: August 08, 2015, 06:18:20 AM »
I am recovering from a similar situation that got sent into overdrive by a toxic work environment and the stresses of being a new dad. If you have any ability to change your environment, assuming that is the main factor, I'd look into doing that. I'd also echo what a lot of people said here. The fundamentals of rest, exercise and good nutrition are really worth addressing. Now that I am more conscious about them, it's amazing how different I feel if I deviate from them even just a little bit. So with a little discipline, this can help a lot. Talking to someone can also help if for no other reason than giving you someone to open up to about your frustrations who is trained to help you alter your negative thinking. I also found that decluttering, and subsequently selling stuff on eBay and Craigslist strangely felt liberating, as does focusing more on managing finances to reach FI. Best of luck to the OP.

Jenny

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #37 on: August 08, 2015, 10:26:13 AM »
"You fall asleep immediately after getting home at 4pm? Get to the Dr immediately to get checked for sleep apnea. You sound like my DH before he got treatment."

Or like I sounded about four weeks ago...  About a week ago I realized "I" was back and all those negative feelings were linked to very poor sleep and little to no REM sleep.

Good luck.

Cougar

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #38 on: August 09, 2015, 12:43:37 PM »

 if you work in an air conditioned office, i've really got no sympathy.

 you've still got a much better job than most working a trade or construction or retail.

 i'd suggest taking one weeknight to do something you want every week, even if it's just flipping channels and eating take out. i also suggest finding something you enjoy with your free time like reading or an instrument until you can go fire; there's going to be lots of times when the job sucks; but if youre on a fire track; you will have freedom one day; most of the country is tied down by the consumer culture until the day they die.

lordmetroid

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #39 on: August 09, 2015, 01:55:33 PM »
I took your advice to heart and went for walks amongst the forests and fields of my neighbourhood. Made a schedule and am trying to follow it.
Feeling much better already.

Jakejake

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #40 on: August 09, 2015, 02:23:56 PM »
Is there any chance you could bike to work? I had about a 20-25 minute drive and swapped it for an hour long bike ride each way. When I show up at work I am already feeling like a badass for accomplishing more than many people do in a day. The end of the workday is followed by another hour long bike ride home; that's my time to decompress from the job and switch gears mentally.

I know that sounds like a ton of bike riding for one day, but it's so much more productive than 40 minutes of driving, and then an hour of working out. In part, once I get my butt on the bike in the morning, I'm committed - there's no backing out at the end of the day in favor of vegging out by the tv.

Judging by the way you mapped out your day, I'm thinking you are someone who does well with data tracking, so maybe logging your miles (with strava/the national bike challenge? with runkeeper?) would be a good motivator for you to stick with it.

Also, I saw a sleep apnea mention in the thread. I'd also recommend a quick blood workup if you haven't had one recently. When I was coming home exhausted for a spell, it turned out I was dealing with both anemia and a super low vitamin D levels.

MsPeacock

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #41 on: August 09, 2015, 07:24:55 PM »
I took your advice to heart and went for walks amongst the forests and fields of my neighbourhood. Made a schedule and am trying to follow it.
Feeling much better already.

Glad to hear that it helps. I think if you can quit that afternoon nap and get moving physically you will sleep better at night. Also, as others have noted, cut down that screen time, most importantly in that hour before you go to bed. Maybe get to bed an hour earlier and see if just getting more sleep makes things better for you.

Can you pack lunch when you make dinner? I am all about having the most streamlined morning possible because I have to get up at 0500 in order to get to work. My clothes and bags are all set, lunch packed and in the fridge (generally leftovers from dinner). The kids stuff is also all set the night before.

Get a menu or meal plan going so that you aren't shopping more than once per week. It can be simple - oatmeal or cereal and milk for breakfast, sandwich fixings, apples, chips of lunch, some sort of one-pot wonder for dinner. Have some canned soup or frozen meals on hand for the nights that you can't even.

My workplace also has an unpaid lunch - which I never take. I eat at my desk while I work and I'm allowed to leave early because of it. If this is an option for you and appealing, see if you can do it.

startingsmall

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #42 on: August 10, 2015, 07:13:58 AM »
I read this quote on my lunch break yesterday and kind of fell in love with it:

"In part, she objected to the monotony of nine-to-five, the tedium, the hours and days you ended up wishing away, swinging from one Saturday morning to another like a monkey at the zoo.  In part, it was the anonymity: Forget what dreams you'd dreamt the night before, forget the adoring eye that beheld you over breakfast, or even the grief that had been wringing out your soul all night long, because the way she saw it, once you boarded the subway or the bus or joined the crawling stream of automobiles or found your space in the revolving door, the elevator, behind the desk or the counter or the machine, you became what you really were - you became, when you got right down to it, what you really were: one of the so many million, just one more."
    - Alice McDermott, Charming Billy

I also struggle with feeling like my life is ruled by work, even though I only work four 10-11 hour days per week.  I have a lot of other stuff that occupies my free time (a toddler, occasional "pastor's wife" duties, etc), but I also tend to waste 1-2 hours every evening on the internet because my job is too physically, emotionally, and mentally draining to leave me with the mental capacity to do anything else.   I haven't found a fix yet, but I can relate. 
« Last Edit: August 10, 2015, 08:58:42 AM by startingsmall »

wenchsenior

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #43 on: August 10, 2015, 12:11:16 PM »
I tend to be prone to high anxiety and depressive episodes as well. Mostly excellent advice here. From my own experience, try the obvious basic stuff first. Stop sitting in front of a screen so much. Make sure you are eating well, with limited processed food and sugar. Exercise! No need for really intense stuff at first, just brisk walking for half an hour every day makes a HUGE difference to my mood.

Another thing I'm not sure anyone mentioned: your mood might be very light dependent. Mine definitely is. Exercise of any sort is great, but exercise OUTSIDE in natural sunlight is by far the best for me. I also use full spectrum light bulbs in my workspace to imitate sunlight. I always knew this affected me, but I had a bad patch with a lot of down moods and mood swings 2 years ago, and after making a big effort to get more natural light and exercise outside, I am loads better now. And if I'm inside for more than 2 or 3 days with no light? I start to get mood swingy again.

This will regulate serotonin production and vitamin D production, which will help mood. AND it will help you sleep better, as well.

Blonde Lawyer

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #44 on: August 10, 2015, 12:25:39 PM »
I also have severe sleep apnea.  You would never guess from looking at me.  Your chronic tiredness sounds very familiar.  Get tested.  Also, any chance you have ADHD? I have that too and tend to hyperfocus on the internet.  I go online planning to read a blog or two and the next thing I know 4 hours have passed.  Just a few ideas.

galliver

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #45 on: August 10, 2015, 01:19:44 PM »
Seconding all of the above about how much you move around and see daylight and what you eat affecting your mood. In my experience, what my environment looks like matters too. My house being messy/dirty weighs on me.

I feel like no one has asked yet how things are going at work. What do you do? Do you just do it for the paycheck or do you think your work (or at least your job/position/organization/etc) is important? Are there any tasks you enjoy doing more than others? Or less? All jobs have their sucky parts but if you can't find anything you like about it, you may need to look for another. If money and/or experience are roadblocks, you can at least set yourself a deadline (I'll start looking in 6 months, a year, etc) which could at least make your current position tolerable because you know it's not forever...

I find I'm much happier at certain times when things are going well at work (I successfully solve a problem or get to learn something new or work with someone and/or teach them, someone thanks me for something, etc) rather than when they aren't going well (I'm beating the same issue/problem for 3 weeks straight, discover a flaw/issue/problem, have zero social interaction all week, etc). Some of these things aren't in my control, but some are. Inviting people to have lunch with me was a great way to fix feelings of isolation. Going for walks when I get frustrated/stuck actually helps me think through problems better (fortunately I have that liberty, and am not tied to a desk). I also found some friends willing to be gym buddies which gave me both socialization and an incentive to stick to a workout plan (though in general my success with gym buddies has been mixed; sometimes when they flake it's easier to ditch myself! so I try not to get too dependent on their presence.)

tooqk4u22

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #46 on: August 10, 2015, 02:00:16 PM »
My life is so messed up!

In all seriousness, if depression or anxiety are potentially the cause don't be afraid to seek help, talk with someone, or also change your routine/diet/exercise as that can have enormous effects. 

All I do is work or prepare for work, my entire existence is engulfed by the job.
I do not have anything to feel happy about.I have nobody I can speak to. I wish I could speak to my parents or friends but I find they rarely share my sympathies and think it is a good life. - just a reminder to see above if needed, don't be afraid.
I do not consider the way I live today a good life. It is a mere existence!

Generally, all I have to say is welcome to the club of a working person in a boring ass, soul sucking job that is a means to an end - 95% of working people feel this way at some point in their careers if not at most points - I have felt just like you for a long time at times (oh and I was leaving the house at 7AM and getting home at 8PM), the only thing that reduced it was having financial control of my life and FU money (which is a highly individual in definition - for me it changed at points in life but generally was about knowing that me, and family when they came, would have basic needs met for a period of time if I quit/fired). I don't do that anymore, I switched jobs and now work more in line with a traditional 40 hour week (maybe 45) and work closer to home, even still I feel as you do quite a bit. 

This will fall under "Do as I say, not as I do" but you can change it, there may be tradeoffs good and bad (there almost always are) but note that change gets harder when you start increasing your obligations (financial or otherwise - as others have said kids while rewarding take far more of that precious alone time that you are spending on the web/TV - so figure it out before then).

Your schedule looks pretty normal for a 40 hour job life (could it be optimized, sure) but you clearly have 4 hours of legit free time - I would advise disconnecting your cable so it is not a temptation, spend more time outside (even just sitting on a park bench or patio makes me feel instantly better).

I work a normal 40 hour work week and it is messed up:
  • 06:00 - The alarm goes off
  • 06:10 - Cook and prepare the lunchbox for the oncoming day at the office.
  • 06:30 - Get into the car and drive to the office.
  • 06:50 - Arrive at the office, 10 minutes before the prescribed time.
  • 07:00 - 16:00 - 8 hours of work + 1 hour of unpaid lunch
  • 16:00 - Get back into the car to head home or if needed I head to the supermarket in which case it will take me an additional 30 to 40 minutes to get back home.
  • 16:15 - Arrive back at home and exhaustedly fall to sleep
  • 17:00 - Wakes up and prepare something to eat.
  • 17:20 - Eat food
  • 17:40 - Wash the dishes
  • 18:00 - Still too exhausted, I am unable to concentrate on my side business I am trying to get going in order to accelerate my financial independence. Instead I end up watching TV and surfing the Internet.
  • 22:00 - Take a shower and dry myself
  • 22:30 - With a feeling of anxiety as I know what awaits me when I wake up, I surf the internet just a little bit longer.
  • 23:00 - 06:00... ... ... Sleeping for 7 hours
To summarize:
  • 3,5 hours( orange ) is time indirectly dictated by the job because the job demands that I am fit for work.
  • 9 hours( red ) is time under the thumb of my boss at the daily grind doing useless stuff I do not care about just to get a paycheck.
  • 4,5( green ) hours available to dedicate to myself but it is not what I would call quality time.
  • 7 hours( black ) of sleep
[/quote]

tooqk4u22

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #47 on: August 10, 2015, 02:38:27 PM »
attached average work day - you have more time than average, maximize it for quality.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2015, 02:41:03 PM by tooqk4u22 »

lordmetroid

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #48 on: August 10, 2015, 03:25:38 PM »
I am just going to drop this youtube video for now, comming back tomorrow to read your replies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB2W9Aq_syk

Meowkins

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Re: Can't take it anymore!
« Reply #49 on: August 10, 2015, 04:39:26 PM »
I am just going to drop this youtube video for now, comming back tomorrow to read your replies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB2W9Aq_syk

Lol that was awesome!