Author Topic: Best age to have children?  (Read 8566 times)

havregryn

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #50 on: March 01, 2017, 03:08:00 PM »
I had my first at 29 unplanned. Second at 32 and will hopefully manage a third one by the time I am 34.
I actually wish I had met my husband sooner and had all these kids somewhere in mid twenties. At the same time, if that first kid hadn't happened as an accident we'd probably still be childless (I'm about to turn 33) and analyzing pros and cons. It's impossible to say what the best time is but kids consume a lot of time and resources for a very long time so the sooner you have them, the more fun you get to have later. Because of the limited fertility window on women that seems like a better strategy than first doing all the fun things and then having babies. But I know people who had kids in late thirties and early forties and they're happy and healthy and thriving. I don't think the age is key, it's knowing who you want to have kids with.

J Boogie

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #51 on: March 02, 2017, 08:29:25 AM »
Hey all,

I am currently 25 and do not see myself having kids for at least 10 years (hoping to FIRE at ~35). My main reason is that I want to be a significant factor in my child's education, I feel reaching FI first will help with this greatly.

I have heard information ranging from "don't have kids too late" to "having kids at 40 is a great idea".

I want to hear the following from you all:

-When you had (or plan to have) kids
-What age you feel is best to have kids and why
-Any other opinions / input


Thanks in advance, I look forward to hearing from you all!

Are you married?  Don't have kids if you're not married would be my advice.  Men tend not to stick around once a baby comes along--they're too much work, and most women are less desirable post-baby for a whole host of reasons.  It's awful hard to raise a kid alone.  And children do better in a stable, two-parent home anyway. 

As for age, as others have mentioned, the medical community views any pregnancy at 35 or older as "high risk."  Taking that into account, you need to (1) get married if you're not already, (2) do most of the stuff you want to do that will be difficult post-baby, and then (3) start having kids.
Wow.. blatant sexism from all directions, along with some 1950 's relationship advice.  Good work.

Here is some support for my advice:  http://theweek.com/articles/678323/new-study-shows-how-important-kids-have-married-parents

This doesn't "prove" I'm correct, but that advice was not invented out of thin air, nor was it based in 1950s nostalgia.

GU, I think Metric Mouse's criticism was out of line in regards to dismissing your advice as being from the 1950's (and, presumably, no longer wise).  It's spot on.  Marriage provides stability for children, and stability is good for their well-being.  I welcome any attempt to argue or provide evidence to contrary, but this concept is old as dirt and has been proven time and time again. 

However I do find it is quite sexist against men to throw out the blanket assumption that most men leave when a baby is born out of wedlock.  I don't have statistics but I've known quite a few men who "manned" up and proposed marriage, took their jobs more seriously, etc when they found out their partner was pregnant.

I agree that it's a bad idea to assume a man will do this.

I also think it's sexist against women (and men) to say that they're less desirable post-birth for a whole variety of reasons.  Sexist against women for obvious reasons and sexist against men because it assumes they're shallow enough to let a few stretch marks or a c-section scar factor into their relationship decisions.


GU

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #52 on: March 02, 2017, 03:46:04 PM »
Hey all,

I am currently 25 and do not see myself having kids for at least 10 years (hoping to FIRE at ~35). My main reason is that I want to be a significant factor in my child's education, I feel reaching FI first will help with this greatly.

I have heard information ranging from "don't have kids too late" to "having kids at 40 is a great idea".

I want to hear the following from you all:

-When you had (or plan to have) kids
-What age you feel is best to have kids and why
-Any other opinions / input


Thanks in advance, I look forward to hearing from you all!

Are you married?  Don't have kids if you're not married would be my advice.  Men tend not to stick around once a baby comes along--they're too much work, and most women are less desirable post-baby for a whole host of reasons.  It's awful hard to raise a kid alone.  And children do better in a stable, two-parent home anyway. 

As for age, as others have mentioned, the medical community views any pregnancy at 35 or older as "high risk."  Taking that into account, you need to (1) get married if you're not already, (2) do most of the stuff you want to do that will be difficult post-baby, and then (3) start having kids.
Wow.. blatant sexism from all directions, along with some 1950 's relationship advice.  Good work.

Here is some support for my advice:  http://theweek.com/articles/678323/new-study-shows-how-important-kids-have-married-parents

This doesn't "prove" I'm correct, but that advice was not invented out of thin air, nor was it based in 1950s nostalgia.

GU, I think Metric Mouse's criticism was out of line in regards to dismissing your advice as being from the 1950's (and, presumably, no longer wise).  It's spot on.  Marriage provides stability for children, and stability is good for their well-being.  I welcome any attempt to argue or provide evidence to contrary, but this concept is old as dirt and has been proven time and time again. 

However I do find it is quite sexist against men to throw out the blanket assumption that most men leave when a baby is born out of wedlock.  I don't have statistics but I've known quite a few men who "manned" up and proposed marriage, took their jobs more seriously, etc when they found out their partner was pregnant.

I agree that it's a bad idea to assume a man will do this.

I also think it's sexist against women (and men) to say that they're less desirable post-birth for a whole variety of reasons.  Sexist against women for obvious reasons and sexist against men because it assumes they're shallow enough to let a few stretch marks or a c-section scar factor into their relationship decisions.

"Nearly one in two children in single-mother homes live with mothers who have never been married."  Source: U.S. Census Bureau Current Population, 2011

It's not an assumption, it's a statistical fact.  As noted sociologist James Q. Wilson wrote:  “Marriage is a socially arranged solution for the problem of getting people to stay together and care for children that the mere desire for children, and the sex that makes children possible, does not solve.”  The Marriage Problem, p. 41 (2002).  I know, I'm a big meanie for pointing out some inconvenient truths, but I feel that people should go into big decisions like this with their eyes open, and not worry about political correctness.

OthalaFehu

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #53 on: March 02, 2017, 09:34:13 PM »
It was nice to have our twenties to ourselves. But we waited too long, we both went to law school which retards your life by about 5 years at least. Then had our first kid at 31. Second four years later. I would have had 3 if it was up to me. But now the considerations are these; 1, my knees hurt when I try to wrestle on the rug and 2, I am worried I can't retire early b/c my kids won't be off to college yet.

Metric Mouse

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #54 on: March 02, 2017, 09:47:54 PM »
Hey all,

I am currently 25 and do not see myself having kids for at least 10 years (hoping to FIRE at ~35). My main reason is that I want to be a significant factor in my child's education, I feel reaching FI first will help with this greatly.

I have heard information ranging from "don't have kids too late" to "having kids at 40 is a great idea".

I want to hear the following from you all:

-When you had (or plan to have) kids
-What age you feel is best to have kids and why
-Any other opinions / input


Thanks in advance, I look forward to hearing from you all!

Are you married?  Don't have kids if you're not married would be my advice.  Men tend not to stick around once a baby comes along--they're too much work, and most women are less desirable post-baby for a whole host of reasons.  It's awful hard to raise a kid alone.  And children do better in a stable, two-parent home anyway. 

As for age, as others have mentioned, the medical community views any pregnancy at 35 or older as "high risk."  Taking that into account, you need to (1) get married if you're not already, (2) do most of the stuff you want to do that will be difficult post-baby, and then (3) start having kids.
Wow.. blatant sexism from all directions, along with some 1950 's relationship advice.  Good work.

Here is some support for my advice:  http://theweek.com/articles/678323/new-study-shows-how-important-kids-have-married-parents

This doesn't "prove" I'm correct, but that advice was not invented out of thin air, nor was it based in 1950s nostalgia.

GU, I think Metric Mouse's criticism was out of line in regards to dismissing your advice as being from the 1950's (and, presumably, no longer wise).  It's spot on.  Marriage provides stability for children, and stability is good for their well-being.  I welcome any attempt to argue or provide evidence to contrary, but this concept is old as dirt and has been proven time and time again. 

However I do find it is quite sexist against men to throw out the blanket assumption that most men leave when a baby is born out of wedlock.  I don't have statistics but I've known quite a few men who "manned" up and proposed marriage, took their jobs more seriously, etc when they found out their partner was pregnant.

I agree that it's a bad idea to assume a man will do this.

I also think it's sexist against women (and men) to say that they're less desirable post-birth for a whole variety of reasons.  Sexist against women for obvious reasons and sexist against men because it assumes they're shallow enough to let a few stretch marks or a c-section scar factor into their relationship decisions.

"Nearly one in two children in single-mother homes live with mothers who have never been married."  Source: U.S. Census Bureau Current Population, 2011

It's not an assumption, it's a statistical fact.  As noted sociologist James Q. Wilson wrote:  “Marriage is a socially arranged solution for the problem of getting people to stay together and care for children that the mere desire for children, and the sex that makes children possible, does not solve.”  The Marriage Problem, p. 41 (2002).  I know, I'm a big meanie for pointing out some inconvenient truths, but I feel that people should go into big decisions like this with their eyes open, and not worry about political correctness.
You're not mean, you're sexist. Of course marriage is good for stability; but to assume "men tend not to stick around" or "women are less desirable post-baby " is terribly misinformed, and offensive to men and women. Which is why I congratulated you; it's not easy to be so offensive towards so many people in so few words.

Like the census Bureau quote though: would suggest that half of all single mothers were once married, and half were not. Doesn't back up your argument on marriage being a cure-all for family instability.

Kiwi Fuzz

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #55 on: March 03, 2017, 12:31:25 PM »
A wise friend of mine once told me: If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have them.

Sounds like a good motto. I shall continue to delay indefinitely - maybe that can be by new excuse for people who put their nose where it doesn't belong.
"I'm waiting until I'm ready (which I never intend to be)."

I want to hear the following from you all:

-When you had (or plan to have) kids
-What age you feel is best to have kids and why
-Any other opinions / input


Thanks in advance, I look forward to hearing from you all!

- never had kids
- no age is best just don't have them
- save the planet have a great life and whenever you need a "kid moment" just borrow one from a friend or relative it's amazing how happy they are to share! ;)

This is my favorite response so far...I would have loved to be borrowed out to family or family friends as a child - it might have given me a little stability.

But here's my input:

-When [do] you had (or plan to have) kids
I don't.

-What age you feel is best to have kids and why
Whenever you're ready. My mother had children from the start of her twenties to the end of her thirties (I think 39 was the last one). She had 6, her mother had 12, so if I change my mind (before menopause) I have little concern about 'waiting too long'. Medical science is advancing quickly and maternal outcomes for people who can afford high quality health care are ever improving. If fertility is a concern then there's always egg freezing (if you're willing to deal with the discomfort and the bill). As for why: I don't think it's a good idea to have children before you're prepared. I didn't enjoy my childhood. I suspect this is because my mother didn't intend five of her six pregnancies (and resulting children), both parents were 'trapped' in abusive relationships, and they were not prepared financially, emotionally or otherwise for children.

-Any other opinions / input
To plagiarize MMM - Great News: You’re Allowed To Forego Kids! (I know he said Great News: You’re Allowed To Have Only One Kid! but stick with me a moment.)
For some people it's just an assumption that they will do it. But it's not mandatory. If you know it's something you really want, you've considered it thoroughly, then I wish you all the best and I'm glad to see you actively planning rather than spinning the wheel as my parents did.

I don't consider reproduction to be a moral imperative. On a philosophical level, I sort of think it's amoral or potentially even immoral to force a sentient being into existence. This doesn't seem to be considered very widely or is overridden by religious doctrine and holdovers.

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Re: Best age to have children?
« Reply #56 on: March 03, 2017, 12:48:18 PM »
My theory is there is no perfect age.  I would have them as soon as you want to.  You will adapt quickly to having children.  If you wait for the perfect age to have them, that is never, as perfection doesn't exist.  I have two, ages 5 and 7, and had them at 33-34, but that's because I didn't get married until 30.

Had I married earlier, I imagine I would have had children younger as well.