Author Topic: Being... bored...  (Read 6964 times)

use2betrix

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2492
Being... bored...
« on: March 20, 2016, 01:57:39 PM »
I have done pretty good with my impulse spending since joining this site. I have completely turned my life around in the last year.

I work a lot. 50 hrs a week minimum but more often 60-70 as of late.

In addition to work, my wife and I spend another 7-8 hrs a week at the gym. On our 3 off days we usually just relax and watch movies and such, occasional nice dinner. That's our life which I enjoy for the most part. We don't have kids other than an older dog and she doesn't work aside from teaching spin classes. Thus, my time not working is 100% free time. No laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. it's a trade off for the less income, but worthwhile with how much I work and my income.

Fast forward to last Sunday. My first day off after 13 days of consecutive 10 hour shifts. Standard Sunday routine. Wake up, eat, relax a bit, hit the gym. Come home, relax some more, then around 1 pm I started to get stir crazy. I was genuinely bored. This became almost depressing as I had just worked 13 days in a row, and working the next 13, and here I am, bored on my one day off??

We travel for my work often to places without a ton to do. Right now we're in a town of around 25k people. I love snowboarding, mountain biking, hiking, etc., but often can't do those things, so the gym has always been our hobby.

I read enough at work and listen to audiobooks to/from I'm not interested in more of that. I am starting to think of other things to fill my time, hobbies I've loved or would love, but at the level I'd like they all cost money. I used to play the guitar a ton and was decent but sold my equipment. I've had several motorcycles over the years and enjoyed those. I thought about getting a rifle for the range, but the closest rifle range is over an hour. I haven't purchased any of these things because I'm starting to be so focused on savings. I'm not at some crazy low spending level (we aim for $5500/mo) and do afford myself some nice things (just bought a very nice pair of steel toed work boots). I just bought us plane tickets to two weddings on the other end of the country soon, so that will be fun.

I guess I'm just looking for ideas to fill those voids, or maybe some push to even justify spending some money.

So far this year, I've saved around $40,000, and will save another $20,000 just in the month of April. So dropping a couple grand on a hobby really "shouldn't" hurt me, but it still does. This savings is not always standard, but my current contract saving $10,000/mo is reasonable still.

Any suggestions? I just work so much and do need time to recover, but that feeling of "bored" really got to me. Fortunately that doesn't happen much, but I don't want it to happen again either.

nobodyspecial

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1464
  • Location: Land above the land of the free
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2016, 02:04:17 PM »
I just hike on my day off. Get exercise (admittedly less than the gym), get a change of view and let your mind wander.
Have all my best ideas and feel a bit more enthusiastic on monday

Quote
We don't have kids other than an older dog and she doesn't work aside from teaching spin classes.
Old dog not only learns, but teaches, new tricks ?
 

Batastrophe

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2016, 02:08:06 PM »
Your work description seems identical to mine with 60+ hour work weeks and tons of business travel. My only recommendation is to identify some things you really enjoy doing and that give you some tranquility to optimize the downtime. For me, I have more hobbies than I can keep up with, which I think is a good thing since there's always activity to look forward to.  All of which are pretty inexpensive.  Things that have worked for me are reading, fishing, hiking, kayaking, archery, cooking, knife throwing, playing music and early retirement planning.  Even with the fishing or archery, with used gear, you're still at less than $150 to get started, same with getting another used guitar.

Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3493
  • Age: 94
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2016, 02:45:02 PM »
On the guitar front, you could pick up a used Taylor Big Baby for ~$300 off of ebay. These sound surprisingly good for the price point. It will never compare to my 814, but nobody would expect it to. That said, it is a go-to guitar for me even though there are nicer instruments in the house.

Taylor Big Babys usually need a bit of truss rod adjustment (actually pretty easy to get it 95% of the way there; instructions on Taylor's webpage) to get the action and intonation right when you buy them used (actually, almost all guitars do after you let it adjust to your local humidity levels for a few weeks). Get a new set of elixir strings and you have a decent guitar that you could also easily take on your work trips. If the guitar bug sets in for real, you'll have your chops back and can play and decide what you want from there and sell the Taylor for what you have in it. Or, if your interest fizzles, you could sell it and not lose much more than a little time.

Bracken_Joy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8927
  • Location: Oregon
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2016, 02:55:45 PM »
It sounds like you're at the point of looking at your 'fun' spending- the example you gave was nice work boots. That isn't all that 'fun', now is it? =) So I would consider re-adjusting how you use the money you do use for leisure, or possibly increasing it if needed. Spending has a purpose. If you're bored, and not enjoying life, then obviously your spending patterns aren't doing the trick.

One thing I noticed was no mention of friends or other community involvement. It sounds like you move a lot. That could play a bif role- I know it does for my husband and I. Community is an anchor, in both good and bad connotations. If you want or need a more transient relationship with a local community, volunteering can be a good 'temporary tie' to a place.

Something that always helps me when things are feeling "off" is Zig Ziglar's life wheel. http://freshtakeoncontent.com/wheel-of-life-goals/


I've seen a few variations on it, but basically, we all tend to be weak in at least one of the areas, if not several. It can get things off "whack". Another version is WHO's dimensions of wellness:
Quote
The Constitution of WHO (1946) states that good health is a state of complete physical, social and mental well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
http://www.who.int/trade/glossary/story046/en/
And there are some variations on that one, but I've seen these put forward a lot:

Lmoot

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 844
    • Journal
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2016, 03:04:35 PM »
Maybe you should get involved in something. Be a part of something greater than skiing, learning guitar, or shooting guns at a range, or the gym. These are nice hobbies, but their effects don't seem to last long outside of the activity. This will sound corny, but giving of yourself to a mission outside of continually fulfilling your employer's mission, will have more lasting and deeper meaning to you than having a hobby for the sake of a hobby, or going to the gym. Improving yourself is great, but its shallow at some level....and non-shallow people tend to sense this which might explain your disenchantment with former and current hobbies. You didn't say it, but the excuses you make: too far to gun range, skiing too expensive (though you admittedly can afford it), sold guitar (though you can afford to replace it), shows me that those things aren't as meaningful to you.

I love hiking and will happily drive several hours for a good hike. Those crazy folks in the Audubon society will travel to different countries and camp in the weeds for days for a glimpse of a bird. When something is fulfilling to you, no excuse is great enough. You don't need more hobbies (or more time, as your day off with nothing to do, proved), you need a personal mission.  I work 50-60 hours per week (and that's just the full time job). Three years ago I started working part time on the side for a non-profit that deals in wildlife conservation. I never get bored working on a new project, writing education materials, teaching the public about nature through tours and handson workshops. It stays with me long after I've finished it, and I look forward to the next time. Even when I'm not working on something, I'm thinking about it....and I carry that excitement with me into other parts of my life. If you find a self-worthy mission, you might find that you begin to enjoy the things you use to again because they won't carry with them the gravitas of being your main source of enjoyment. The hobbies will merely  be an addition to an already enriched life...as hobbies should be.

When you give so much of yourself to your job, if it doesn't give as much back then you need to find something that will. Something that will take your skills and give you back a purpose. What will you do when you're FIRE? If you can't answer that question now, then what are you working for?
« Last Edit: March 20, 2016, 03:14:28 PM by Lmoot »

use2betrix

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2492
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2016, 05:12:32 PM »
As always, thanks everyone for the awesome insight. I'll try to address most the key points. Most my posts on the forum are from my phone, so quoting is a bit of a challenge.

The reason I'm not hiking, snowboarding, or mountain biking more is my job currently has me in rural Texas. I was able to snowboard over Christmas but other than those occasions, winter sports are pretty much out. There's a decent mountain bike trail about an hour away, but it can't have rained for about 4-5 days prior, and that's tricky to time around my occasional days off. Same situation for hiking. I could probably plan some more extensive mountain bike trips on other trails a couple hours away more often.

The friends mention was a good one. Due to our work (we move 1-2 times a year, all over the country) making new friends in new places isn't always the easiest. I work in construction and typically I don't really fit in with most my coworkers who basically like to go sit around a camp fire and drink after work, or something similar. Some jobs I do make friends with coworkers or people we meet at the gym. We recently met a woman at the gym who hangs out with my wife and I sometimes. I do have a very close core group of friends I keep in touch with regularly around the country. Honestly though, my wife and I are like two peas in a pod and love all the same hobbies and get along great, so it's awesome to enjoy all the same interests.

Lmoot - you do make some good points about the hobbies. It is something I need to think deeper about. I do actually have a "list" of things I would like to do more of when I'm FIRE, but don't often have time for now. The gym, which I don't quite agree with your view of it, has been a staple in my life since I was 14. I'm 27 now. With the exception of 2-3 years I can honestly say I've probably worked out 3-5 days a week on average for the other 10-11 years. It IS my hobby, but I don't do it every day so have a bit of time to fill otherwise. When I FIRE I look for my lifting to stay the same but I'll have time for more.

After my current contract ends I'm hoping to take a 1-2 month sabbatical in Southeast Asia. Basically just relax and try something different. I've been working like this since I was 21 with verrrry little time off. I am really hoping that I can make it work and it opens my eyes.

Glenstache - I'm more of an electric guy really so would probably go that route. I may just pick up a cheap epiphone les paul and see if I can get back into it. I used to have a epiphone les Paul and a PRS custom 24 with the bird inlays (drool). I played the entire stairway to heaven for a talent show one year, and that's the kind of music I play. That sounds more appealing and less of an investment than going all out on gear right now. I could get one and see how much I use it.

Thanks for all the advice thus far. A lot of things I really didn't think about, and a bit deeper than I was initially expecting, which is very good!

Glenstache

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3493
  • Age: 94
  • Location: Upper left corner
  • FI(lean) working on the "RE"
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2016, 05:38:08 PM »
Glenstache - I'm more of an electric guy really so would probably go that route. I may just pick up a cheap epiphone les paul and see if I can get back into it. I used to have a epiphone les Paul and a PRS custom 24 with the bird inlays (drool). I played the entire stairway to heaven for a talent show one year, and that's the kind of music I play. That sounds more appealing and less of an investment than going all out on gear right now. I could get one and see how much I use it.

If you like the Les Paul style electrics and PRS, you might look for a used PRS SE Tremonti or Marsden. I found a Marsden in mint condition for $300 a few months back and it is a fun monster to play.... though a custom 24 wouldn't be so bad, either. ;)
« Last Edit: March 20, 2016, 10:31:10 PM by Glenstache »

Rollin

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1230
  • Location: West-Central Florida - USA
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2016, 05:44:24 PM »
My comments are taking a little different tack from the others.

Try to see that you are running fast (i.e., working) for so many hours it can be difficult to slow down (you said stir crazy by afternoon). I wouldn't think that is for a lack of things to do (even though you can benefit from being outdoors during this time), but rather you are still in stress mode and the habit of working hard. Slowing down can be difficult. I am reading Slow Down to the Speed of Life that was mentioned in this blog http://livingafi.com/2015/11/06/done-detoxing/ and it helps you understand what is happening. Also, although his blog post is about his experience in retirement with TFB it can be applied to one day off in 13.

OneDollarAtATime

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 85
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2016, 06:52:08 PM »
I know the feeling -- kinda.  Just 5 minutes ago I listed out the evening plan to the fiance and said 'wow, that's what normal people do with downtime, right?'  Between my career, school (working on my 3rd degree), starting a business, wedding planning, dog, kid, soccer, running, half-assed triathlon training, etc. my days are usually full 24/7.  Today, I caught my first basketball games all year (somehow I'm winning in my bracket??).  While I don't work 13 days straight, I usually go 10-12 weeks straight with work, class, projects, workouts and all the other stuff that fills the day. 

It sounds bad on the surface, but volunteering just doesn't fill that void for me of 'things to do in my downtime'.  I'd (selfishly) rather be out doing something solo.  I did the whole 'Big Brothers Big Sisters' thing a few years back and that was pretty cool, we got free tickets to a lot of things and it was awesome to make a positive impact in someone's life who really needed it (and stabilized and is about to graduate from college soon).  But today, with my schedule, that would be nearly impossible to take on.  If you have the time for it, I do recommend looking into it.

Are there any hands-on things you can take up -- hit the local hardware store and find ideas for projects around the house?  Take up some kind of cool arts project?  Start a side hustle that is low-maintenance for your spare time (start a blog?  buy / sell online and see how much profit you can make in a year, then try to beat that the next year?  freelance?)

I understand if none of these ideas fit what you're looking for -- none of the ideas that people give me when I have similar down time seem to appeal to me, but I hope something triggers the light bulb and leads you to find a good alternative.  Good luck.

Ricky

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 842
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2016, 08:29:46 AM »
We don't have kids other than an older dog and she doesn't work aside from teaching spin classes.

That’s one impressive dog ;)

I think your problem is that you think you need to be doing something on your day off. I mean, sure, do something, but why does it have to be a super “active” activity? Get a hammock and take it to your local park and just lay in it and read. Try a new recipe. Play a game. Invite some friends over. Try to make new friends. When it comes to your mental health, there’s nothing that’s more productive than anything else if you actually let yourself enjoy it.

Quote
I work in construction and typically I don't really fit in with most my coworkers who basically like to go sit around a camp fire and drink after work, or something similar.

You actually don’t fit in, or you just think you don’t? If you haven’t given it a try, how are you to know? That sounds very relaxing and fun in my opinion. Good conversation, a few drinks, maybe some food, around a fire? Sounds awesome.

The other solution is to do everything you can to create more time. Right now it sounds like there are things you’d love to be doing like skiing/snowboarding, but you don’t have the time. You do realize you’re saving a ridiculous amount of money? Invest wisely, slash that $5,500 budget down as much as you can, go part time, and before you know it you’ll have tons of time. That should keep you very busy working on those areas on a Sunday. I think the sabbatical is rather necessary at this point. You don't have to travel across the world, but whatever gets you going.

JLee

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7513
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2016, 08:36:53 AM »
If you're even remotely interested in music/dance, see if there is any blues dancing in your area.

I'm not sure about TX, but I know Phoenix/Tucson, Seattle, Denver, and NYC have great blues scenes.  I moved from AZ to the NYC area - I'm trying to build a new social circle and finally had time to connect with the local blues community. Turns out I have mutual friends with some of them...a lot of dancers move frequently (I knew people in AZ that moved to CA, WA, CO, and NYC) so the community becomes intermingled.  I've only been twice so far, but the first night there felt like home.

That is generally more of a Friday/Saturday night activity, but I strongly recommend it.

RetiredAt63

  • CMTO 2023 Attendees
  • Senior Mustachian
  • *
  • Posts: 20747
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2016, 09:03:04 AM »
Just a tangent - your wife may not have a paying job except for the spin classes, but it sure sounds like she is working hard - all the laundry, cleaning, cooking, plus uprooting herself every time you move for a job.  She is also losing friends every time you move and having to make new ones.  So maybe the two of you could find some way to get out as a couple and socialise?  Seriously, if I were her I would be going stir-crazy.  You two sound like you are in social solitary confinement together.  Lifejoy had a similar experience following her husband.
 
There are solitary hobbies/activities and social ones, and sometimes the solitary can be social if you find like-minded people.  Look at all the knitting and spinning (fiber not exercise) groups out there, and those are considered solitary activities.  Not any more!


 she (I am guessing wife,not dog) doesn't work aside from teaching spin classes. Thus, my time not working is 100% free time. No laundry, cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. it's a trade off for the less income, but worthwhile with how much I work and my income.


use2betrix

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2492
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2016, 10:34:58 AM »
More very good insight. Much appreciated.

I lol' hard at the dog comment. I didn't catch that the first time it was mentioned lol.

Last weekend my wife and I went out to dinner then had a drink at a local bar after. We ran into some old coworkers that we worked with last year, on a job site 1200 miles away, so it was nice to catch up with them.

In addition to teaching the spin classes, my wife also does yoga. So she either does yoga or cycling on her own, 6 days a week, and there she meets people and such. Last weekend she went to a movie with her friend from the gym, the weekend prior she drove a few hours away to see some family. So she's not at a total loss for social interaction. With how often we go to the gym, we socialize a decent amount there and have met people we talk to regularly.

Regarding my coworkers, I get along with many, but just not very similar in terms of hobbies and social things. I grew up, up north, and many of them are from the Deep South lol. If that makes sense. As mentioned, some are great.

I'm thinking about just taking next weekend off regardless and heading to Austin for the weekend. Do some hiking, exploring, etc. my wife hasn't been there much before and it's one of my favorite cities. I guess more of my intent of this thread was filling in some voids during the weeknights and weekends where we don't go to the gym, but don't have a "lot" of time.

A great idea mentioned could be a side hustle, especially with my wife not working much. We have thrown some ideas around. We live full time in a fifth wheel (toy hauler so we have a 12' garage) so we are limited some on space. I would looooove to be able to weld or do woodwork, but that will have to wait until we quit traveling and have a house/garage.

Fishing could be another idea. I have an employee who's a great guy that would love to take my wife and I and show us the ropes. There's tons of red fish around, so we could probably kill two birds with one stone. Another thought and good idea to keep in mind.

Thanks again, I really appreciate all the viewpoints here. I am making an effort to better myself in spare time. Hence the gym, audiobooks, etc, so picking up hobbies are great. Maybe after a sabbatical I'll find that i need to do those more often, even if it does minority extend our time to FI.

JLee

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7513
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2016, 10:45:05 AM »
More very good insight. Much appreciated.

I lol' hard at the dog comment. I didn't catch that the first time it was mentioned lol.

Last weekend my wife and I went out to dinner then had a drink at a local bar after. We ran into some old coworkers that we worked with last year, on a job site 1200 miles away, so it was nice to catch up with them.

In addition to teaching the spin classes, my wife also does yoga. So she either does yoga or cycling on her own, 6 days a week, and there she meets people and such. Last weekend she went to a movie with her friend from the gym, the weekend prior she drove a few hours away to see some family. So she's not at a total loss for social interaction. With how often we go to the gym, we socialize a decent amount there and have met people we talk to regularly.

Regarding my coworkers, I get along with many, but just not very similar in terms of hobbies and social things. I grew up, up north, and many of them are from the Deep South lol. If that makes sense. As mentioned, some are great.

I'm thinking about just taking next weekend off regardless and heading to Austin for the weekend. Do some hiking, exploring, etc. my wife hasn't been there much before and it's one of my favorite cities. I guess more of my intent of this thread was filling in some voids during the weeknights and weekends where we don't go to the gym, but don't have a "lot" of time.

A great idea mentioned could be a side hustle, especially with my wife not working much. We have thrown some ideas around. We live full time in a fifth wheel (toy hauler so we have a 12' garage) so we are limited some on space. I would looooove to be able to weld or do woodwork, but that will have to wait until we quit traveling and have a house/garage.

Fishing could be another idea. I have an employee who's a great guy that would love to take my wife and I and show us the ropes. There's tons of red fish around, so we could probably kill two birds with one stone. Another thought and good idea to keep in mind.

Thanks again, I really appreciate all the viewpoints here. I am making an effort to better myself in spare time. Hence the gym, audiobooks, etc, so picking up hobbies are great. Maybe after a sabbatical I'll find that i need to do those more often, even if it does minority extend our time to FI.

http://www.austinbluesdance.com/learn-more.html
http://www.austinbluesparty.com/  April 1-3, 2016
Quote
Blues Bootcamp
On Saturday, we're going to once again offer a Blues Fundamentals Bootcamp!  Our instructors will bring four+ hours of custom-built, progressive blues classes, designed especially to drill the skills we all need to dance our best.  As a bonus, it should serve as both an awesome way for beginners to jump-start their blues dance AND a way for experienced dancers to work on those oh-so-important fundamental skills.

In case you're looking for something to do. ;)

JoRocka

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 256
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #15 on: March 21, 2016, 10:50:21 AM »
Sounds like you need a flexible hobby- something you can do on your own time in your own way- I sew- I can pick it up and put it down whenever and outside of my performances needs as a dancer- I can do it whenever I want- keeps me occupied in my down time.

Finding something like that might be useful- wood working or birdwatching (barf- to each their own)- take some basic classes on something and sit what catches your interest.

stlbrah

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 430
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #16 on: March 21, 2016, 02:21:41 PM »
I can relate, my age and hobbies are almost 100% the same as yours. It is especially bad when I have an injury in the gym and can't go all out.

Sometimes I think living somewhere with better outdoor activities would help. Midwest just doesn't have any mountains, bodies of water... anything

Lmoot

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 844
    • Journal
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #17 on: March 21, 2016, 04:35:49 PM »
Maybe you can take up a hobby that has incremental milestones....something that is standard across the US for when you move, so you can pick it right back up. Something that presents goals and challenges and levels to attain, and that presents ample opportunity to practice the craft through tournaments...like martial arts (jiu jitsu, taekwondo etc). Possibly something that fosters community as others have suggested. Sometimes the feeling of isolation (whether you're conscious of it or not) can create or excacerbate melancholy. If you can find a group that has a national reach, you'll be able to make friends quicker wherever you live, and will have a "ready-made" community.

I'm a member of my state's trail association and whenever I go out of state I try to link up with that state's trail association for a day out on a local trail.

Noodle

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1316
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2016, 06:42:03 AM »
It sounds like you are the kind of person who likes active pastimes (personally, I will never have enough time for reading, but each to their own). I know you said your wife handles all the cooking (and perhaps doesn't want another person in her space) but there are food-related projects that are more like a hobby than daily cooking--baking bread, preserving, smoking meat, etc. Maybe your wife would like to have someone cook for her once in awhile! Textile hobbies are pretty compact and while traditionally they are gendered female, there is nothing about a Y chromosome that prevents one from using a needle, assuming you are a guy. Knowing how to mend or alter clothes is very Mustachian!

Also, a yen that I think is hardwired into humanity is doing for others. For a lot of people parenting or taking care of family or pets covers this area, but many studies show that the happiest people are giving themselves away somehow. Volunteering isn't for everyone, and probably wouldn't work for someone on the move like you but the power of the Internet is that there are projects you can do from anywhere, from making blankets for pre-emies or nursing home residents, to sweaters for penguins (really! although I think they ended up getting enough sweaters), to transcribing historical archive documents, to sending cards to vets at VA care facilities or military overseas.

Exenos

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Age: 30
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2016, 08:55:39 AM »
Buy neglected motorcycles and restore them :)

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8927
  • Age: 67
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
Re: Being... bored...
« Reply #20 on: March 24, 2016, 09:06:13 AM »
Or neglected bicycles!

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!