Back to school

[Mattzlaff]

So my GF just applied for a 2 year program at a technical college here in my province.

She had taken a 2 year course already and became a nurse, she had taken a lot of student loan debt to do it. Basically paid rent and living expenses as well as tuition books ect. She also has payments on a car. She wants out because she doesn't like where she's at and the scope of work she has. She works at a remand center, basically where criminals go if they cant pay bail and before they are actually tried at jury so she has to deal with a lot of scum yelling at her for Tylenol. She also worked in a hospital before that. Now I'm all for getting the job you want for mental stability but I don't like the math for the additional debt she will be taking on.

We have been dating 2 years this month, she lives in my house and pays a little rent. We don't have designated amounts split between us for groceries. I pay utilities and for internet. There's no formal agreement(aka paper work) regarding this arrangement.

She wants to take on more student loan debt to do this new two year course this new career path will pay about the same as she's making now. I fear she doesn't really understand how bad all this debt will be and I don't feel like it's my responsibility to relax any of our previously agreed upon rent payments. I'm entirely able to carry the financial weight of my mortgage and all the grocery expenses but I also don't feel like I should be spending for her to go back to school either. She can change her work schedule to accommodate weekend/evening shifts but she expressed that she would only do it as a last resort. Her father is where she gets all of her information she takes it as if it were written in stone. He told her to go through with it I don't have a leg to stand on since that happened.

I feel this will lead to arguments...I guess I just posted this to open a dialogue with some people instead of bottling this up.

[mxt0133]

Have you voiced your concerns to her?  You don't have to change her mind she is an adult and should be making her own decisions.  However, if you are not comfortable supporting her indefinitely then tell her that you expected her to being contributing more to the household expenses. 

Does she know what your financial goals are?  How do those align with hers?

I don't see why it should lead to arguments.  You should be able express your expectations, future goals, and concerns with what her plans without it being confrontational.

Better to have this conversation now and work on your communication skills than having the conversation after you are married with a few kids.

[Goldielocks]

Ask her how much debt she is going to take on.

You may be surprised how low it is, if she is going to go full time to a public college.  the Canada Student loan should see her as an independent student, if she has worked at least 2 years or has been out of high school for 4 years.

As such, she will get subsidized loans for the majority of the costs, and some grants (free money), and some of the loans will be forgiven when she graduates on time and / or goes into public health service.

I think this could be a terrific start for her, with loans that are actually quite easily paid off, if she has a plan.   

The main challenge will be for her to work a bit part time to pay for as much of her monthly living expenses as possible until she finishes, so the borrowing is less, although summer work as a nurse will go a long way.

[Goldielocks]

So my GF just applied for a 2 year program at a technical college here in my province.

She had taken a 2 year course already and became a nurse, she had taken a lot of student loan debt to do it.

Oh, here is another question -- how did she qualify for "very high" student loans on a 2 year program? What is her student loan amount now?

Her family income must have been low, so she could qualify even when considered a "dependent",  but there is a maximum to what they will loan you, and those that manage to qualify as "dependent" based on family income tend to also get more grants offsetting it...

e.g., Canada Student Loan: $320 per week x 32 weeks / year x 2 years  MINUS grants and other sponsored rebates.
Maximum of $20,480 minus grants.   ....   

???

Another helpful thing for her would be to sell the car to get out of that loan, and just buy an old car to get around, or use public transit.

[J Boogie]

Her father is where she gets all of her information she takes it as if it were written in stone. He told her to go through with it I don't have a leg to stand on since that happened.

I feel this will lead to arguments...I guess I just posted this to open a dialogue with some people instead of bottling this up.

Can't help but think she needs to learn to stand up on her own two feet for a while.  She's more or less dependent on you (has been throughout the majority of the relationship, so it can't be chalked up to a period in the relationship where half of the couple supports the other while they pursue their dreams) and what you say about her father's influence makes it sound like she might benefit greatly from being independent.

I believe anyone seeking to get married or move in with someone else should either learn to be independent before they get engaged or submit to their established partner when it comes to household decisions (not ideal in today's world).  Makes no difference if male or female.

How is someone who hasn't learned how to be independent going to know how to budget and make wise financial decisions? They might find the budget and decisions of their previously independent partner too constricting because they themselves haven't had to make it on their own without a fallback. 

Just some thoughts, that you probably already have in the middle of the night and try to chase away ;)

My wife never lived on her own before we got married, but she was the one with the apartment in her name, paying the bills, and her parents lived with her.  Thankfully they are back on their feet now.


If her loyalty to her father is an obstacle in your relationship, I think that's something you two should probably talk about.  For the first year and a half of our long distance relationship, I would be the only one traveling to visit my then-girlfriend.  I didn't mind or think anything of it, but when I asked her to visit me for thanksgiving she told me her parents would get upset because they're traditional.  At that point we had a few conversations and I ended up breaking up with her and wishing her the best.  It felt clear to me that they come first in her life, and that was a deal breaker for me.  I went out on a limb for her many times and she did not reciprocate.

Anyways, she ended up coming to visit me for thanksgiving.  Her parents did get upset.  And they let it go.  And now, 4 years later, they live upstairs in our duplex :)

I hope you are able to reach a point where you are both happy.  It is good to be patient and thoughtful.  Good luck!