Just want to add that it is possible to grow up a mature, functioning adult while living with your parents.
My DH lives at home until his early thirties. Sure he hadn’t learned to cook, do laundry, any housekeeping, and was still seen off at the door every morning with a packed lunch by his grandma. He didn’t contribute to household bills (thought never occurred to him).
He is a highly responsible, organized, and unselfish. He handles all the bills efficiently. Very, very much a functioning adult. He is a better cook than I am and is fully capable of most housekeeping.
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Most housekeeping? What can't he do?
And, as a parent of young adults, that pisses me off. Bigger picture I can be gracious ... different parenting philosophies etc. But on a personal level, that would not fly in my house. When you are a child I care and pay for you. When you are an adult, you contribute to the maintenance of the household you live in. Didn't even occur to him ... ??!!! Uh, parenting fail in my world.
It’s a different culture too. We are Chinese and generally if there is no reason, young adults just don’t move out. There’s not much thought of asking them to contribute to bills. In his case, his grandma was happy to have him since he could help her with many things she couldn’t manage herself. So while he didn’t contribute monetarily, he contributed to the household in many other ways. Plus he functioned as their retirement plan and social safety net. If they had needed financial help, we would have been there.
And after he grew up and married me, we continued caring for his grandmother. Then in time, his mother moved in with us and so on. He assumed the bulk of the elder care between his mother, father, and grandmother who all needed quite intense care until they each passed on.
He can pretty much do all housekeeping although I do handle the majority of it. I don’t think he has ever mopped a house - but I am sure he can. He handles the bulk of daily tasks involved in running a home that I don’t like so it works out.
I had to fly back to my home country for a month some years ago when my stepfather passed away and my mother needed me. He had no issues caring for the home and 2 kids in their early teens. He was fine with my staying another few weeks but my work insisted I come back.
I’m not saying I advocate for living with parents forever. I moved out at 19. I nudged my DD to move out at 19 and it has done wonders for her. My DS19 is away for a year and I am liking it and think it has been good for him. And also for our relationship with him.
Just saying it’s not such a dire thing in all cases. And certain individuals are completely capable of becoming functioning bill paying adults who can manage a home and contribute to society even if they stayed home into their 30s.
I mean - everyone does realize that it’s a pretty new social construct for young adults to move out at 18, right?
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