Author Topic: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?  (Read 8333 times)

alm0stk00l

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #100 on: January 14, 2022, 08:09:16 PM »
I ultimately moved out of my parent's house when my wife made me. I guess I was 30 or 31 at that point. We lived there for the first 6-12 months of our marriage, but eventually, she decided she no longer wanted to do that which made sense to me.

Everyone mentioning the dating thing is weird to me. I dated while living with my parents and it was never once brought up as an issue with any woman I dated. I know there are movies and stuff that make it seem taboo, but I never experienced that in the entire time I was an adult with a professional career still living with my parents. I am ridiculously charming and I have a carefree attitude that rubs off on those around me which may have contributed to my dating success, but I don't think people actually care that much about where you live.

Many (most?) parents aren't OK with their child bringing a woman home and having loud sex before marriage.

I mean my parents had sex many times over the course of me living with them and I never heard them. It was never an issue going that direction so I'm not sure why it would be in the opposite direction. I guess if I am being honest I am only assuming my parents had sex as I never actually heard them doing so. You are correct though that if you want to have unencumbered sex in the middle of the kitchen it may be time to move out.

I think most parents wouldn't consider the rules being the same for parents and (even grown) children in the same house, I think. Whether on this topic or on many others.

For sure there are rules and they must be respected. I never meant to insinuate otherwise. I was speaking very specifically about the concept of "loud sex" in a shared home. I don't remember overhearing my parents having sex, I don't believe my kids hear their mother and me, and I believe that is a "challenge" that society (especially movies) invents in America.

Additionally, somehow this flipped from my original point. People were saying that you should move out BECAUSE potential dates will pass you over while living with your parents. I was pointing out that my experience was completely different.

elaine amj

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #101 on: January 15, 2022, 08:35:37 AM »
Just want to add that it is possible to grow up a mature, functioning adult while living with your parents.

My DH lives at home until his early thirties. Sure he hadn’t learned to cook, do laundry, any housekeeping, and was still seen off at the door every morning with a packed lunch by his grandma. He didn’t contribute to household bills (thought never occurred to him).

He is a highly responsible, organized, and unselfish. He handles all the bills efficiently. Very, very much a functioning adult. He is a better cook than I am and is fully capable of most housekeeping.


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Sibley

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #102 on: January 15, 2022, 12:17:31 PM »
Just want to add that it is possible to grow up a mature, functioning adult while living with your parents.

My DH lives at home until his early thirties. Sure he hadn’t learned to cook, do laundry, any housekeeping, and was still seen off at the door every morning with a packed lunch by his grandma. He didn’t contribute to household bills (thought never occurred to him).

He is a highly responsible, organized, and unselfish. He handles all the bills efficiently. Very, very much a functioning adult. He is a better cook than I am and is fully capable of most housekeeping.


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Most housekeeping? What can't he do?

srrb

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #103 on: January 15, 2022, 12:43:32 PM »
Just want to add that it is possible to grow up a mature, functioning adult while living with your parents.

My DH lives at home until his early thirties. Sure he hadn’t learned to cook, do laundry, any housekeeping, and was still seen off at the door every morning with a packed lunch by his grandma. He didn’t contribute to household bills (thought never occurred to him).

He is a highly responsible, organized, and unselfish. He handles all the bills efficiently. Very, very much a functioning adult. He is a better cook than I am and is fully capable of most housekeeping.


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Most housekeeping? What can't he do?

And, as a parent of young adults, that pisses me off. Bigger picture I can be gracious ... different parenting philosophies etc. But on a personal level, that would not fly in my house. When you are a child I care and pay for you. When you are an adult, you contribute to the maintenance of the household you live in. Didn't even occur to him ... ??!!! Uh, parenting fail in my world.

Dicey

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #104 on: January 15, 2022, 12:56:40 PM »
Left at 20 when I got married. Bought our home soon after, closing on the house before finishing my undergrad. 
It makes sense to move out when you are ready.  It could be now, next year or never. No judgement. Everybody is different.
I judge people who start threads asking for advice and then vacate the premises. JudgeJudgeJudge.

He replied once, and I think that he got the general opinion of the forum by that point.
I checked before I wrote that. Still judging.

Maybe he's too busy packing? ;-)
Almost spit out my tea. Good one!

laughing while reading these nested quotes.

Didn't log onto the forum for a few days and was not expecting this many replies.  I'm from a family where all kids are expected to carry their own weight and no one sees moving in and out and back in as at all strange.  One of my relatives did that in her 40s to take care of her mother.
You understand that is 100% not the same thing, don't you? Where did you mention that you are "taking care of" your parents?

Cassie

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #105 on: January 15, 2022, 12:59:00 PM »
Because of a unique set of circumstances my youngest son is living with me and is 42. He was working in another country and came back because of the pandemic. He was using our house as a base and going off to work remotely for months at a time. Then I divorced and he came back to remodel my condo.  I told him to stay as long as he wanted. He buys all the food for us. It’s been a win win and saved us all money. He is leaving soon for 3 months. He has been able to save a bunch of money. I saved a fortune by not having to pay someone to remodel. We share household tasks and each do our own laundry.  I know it’s not permanent as he will want to live alone again.

elaine amj

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Re: At what point does it make sense to move out of one's parents house?
« Reply #106 on: January 15, 2022, 02:34:29 PM »
Just want to add that it is possible to grow up a mature, functioning adult while living with your parents.

My DH lives at home until his early thirties. Sure he hadn’t learned to cook, do laundry, any housekeeping, and was still seen off at the door every morning with a packed lunch by his grandma. He didn’t contribute to household bills (thought never occurred to him).

He is a highly responsible, organized, and unselfish. He handles all the bills efficiently. Very, very much a functioning adult. He is a better cook than I am and is fully capable of most housekeeping.


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Most housekeeping? What can't he do?

And, as a parent of young adults, that pisses me off. Bigger picture I can be gracious ... different parenting philosophies etc. But on a personal level, that would not fly in my house. When you are a child I care and pay for you. When you are an adult, you contribute to the maintenance of the household you live in. Didn't even occur to him ... ??!!! Uh, parenting fail in my world.
It’s a different culture too. We are Chinese and generally if there is no reason, young adults just don’t move out. There’s not much thought of asking them to contribute to bills. In his case, his grandma was happy to have him since he could help her with many things she couldn’t manage herself. So while he didn’t contribute monetarily, he contributed to the household in many other ways. Plus he functioned as their retirement plan and social safety net. If they had needed financial help, we would have been there.

And after he grew up and married me, we continued caring for his grandmother. Then in time, his mother moved in with us and so on. He assumed the bulk of the elder care between his mother, father, and grandmother who all needed quite intense care until they each passed on.

He can pretty much do all housekeeping although I do handle the majority of it. I don’t think he has ever mopped a house - but I am sure he can. He handles the bulk of daily tasks involved in running a home that I don’t like so it works out.

I had to fly back to my home country for a month some years ago when my stepfather passed away and my mother needed me. He had no issues caring for the home and 2 kids in their early teens. He was fine with my staying another few weeks but my work insisted I come back.

I’m not saying I advocate for living with parents forever. I moved out at 19. I nudged my DD to move out at 19 and it has done wonders for her. My DS19 is away for a year and I am liking it and think it has been good for him. And also for our relationship with him.

Just saying it’s not such a dire thing in all cases. And certain individuals are completely capable of becoming functioning bill paying adults who can manage a home and contribute to society even if they stayed home into their 30s.

I mean - everyone does realize that it’s a pretty new social construct for young adults to move out at 18, right?


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