Just like other financial metrics, you define it in a way that makes it a useful metric for you......and, therefore helps to make decisions. Why would anyone get stuck on the definition? Are people really discussing actual numbers with others, but saying "oh, but you included your house"?
I calculate it including all financial assets (including 529's, which I know will be used) and physical assets (homes and cars) since, if needed, I could sell them. I include mortgages on the debt side and home value on the asset side (less the ordinary sales commission). It reflects the total in cash that I could produce if needed.
That said, I do break it into:
- Financial vs physical
- Financial liquid (cash, stocks, etc.) vs. financial illiquid (retirement and 529's)
- Financial less 529s (for long term returns that can be used for living expenses)
- Total less cars and 529s (since long term neither is worth anything ....... except perhaps that kid ROI ; ) )
why limit yourself on the information? I know my total includes home equity, but that's not what I use to determine expected investment income. Longer term, 50% or so of that home equity will be used for investments as we downsize.
Net advice - use what is helpful to you in making decisions. You only need to agree on definition if you are comparing.....which isn't always a fruitful activity.