Anybody else uncomfortable RECEIVING inheritance?

[iluvzbeach]

I don’t understand why anyone would want their parents to give them money that put them at risk of needing to be placed in a Medicare (Medicaid?) funded nursing home, should such care be required before their death. If my family member needed nursing home care at the end of their life, I’d want them in the best place their money could buy vs. having given the money to heirs in advance. Not to mention that giving money in an effort to get around the 5-year clawback period feels a bit icky, if not downright fraudulent.

For a relative who had plenty of money to get them through their final days, I wouldn’t have an issue accepting inheritance in advance of their passing or after they pass. I say this yet my own father recently passed away (literally having $.10 in his only bank account and no other real property assets), but there was a life insurance policy on which I was beneficiary. It did feel weird to receive this money as I didn’t want to benefit in any way from his death. In the end, we’d paid so much money out for him in recent years that the proceeds really just offset some of those expenses.

[Rural]

Just lost FIL last week and inherited nothing but funeral costs, but let me confirm: you don't want anyone you love in a nursing home that Medicaid will pay for. He was only there a week, but that was plenty of time to be clear on that much.

[zolotiyeruki]

Might to think how you will feel when the roles are flipped down the road.

I’d take the money and save it for a good future use or ask the parents to rent a beach house for a week instead and invite the family for free to build memories.

This is something my parents did--every two years, they rent a large house (or other location), and all their posterity come for a week of good, homemade food, games, activities, and memories. One of their goals is to make sure their grandkids know their cousins well, something that their kids (my generation) didn't get. We are all responsible for funding our own travel and food, and my parents pay for the lodging and activities. It has been a huge blessing for the whole extended family, and we usually have 60-70 in attendance.

[FIREin2018]

I don’t understand why anyone would want their parents to give them money that put them at risk of needing to be placed in a Medicare (Medicaid?) funded nursing home, should such care be required before their death. If my family member needed nursing home care at the end of their life, I’d want them in the best place their money could buy vs. having given the money to heirs in advance. Not to mention that giving money in an effort to get around the 5-year clawback period feels a bit icky, if not downright fraudulent.

For a relative who had plenty of money to get them through their final days, I wouldn’t have an issue accepting inheritance in advance of their passing or after they pass. I say this yet my own father recently passed away (literally having $.10 in his only bank account and no other real property assets), but there was a life insurance policy on which I was beneficiary. It did feel weird to receive this money as I didn’t want to benefit in any way from his death. In the end, we’d paid so much money out for him in recent years that the proceeds really just offset some of those expenses.

in my mom's city, pay out of pocket nursing homes also accept Medicaid.
The medicaid  double up on a room.

Same care, same nurses/doctors

[Dicey]

I was thinking about this very topic the other day.  I won't really need a $1,000,000 inheritance when I'm 65 because I'll have my own portfolio and I'll be too damned old to do anything fun anymore.  BUT...I could really use $250,000 now to help set up my kids' college savings plans, give me some additional options in my professional and personal life, and be able to enjoy it while my mom's still around to see me enjoy it.

My mom's not interested in doing that.  Out of one side of her mouth she's always saying how she has more than enough, could live off her retirement even if it was entirely in cash for the rest of her days and social security is a bonus, etc...  But out of the other side of her mouth she feels insecure that it's not enough.

So yeah.  It's her money, not mine.  And her money will probably end up going to the nursing home.

set up a trust and let medicaid pay for the nursing home.
stick EVERYTHING she currently owns in that trust (house, non-retirement $) so the state doesnt see it when it does their 5yr look back when she requests the state pay for her nursing home.

after she creates the trust, she cant buy anything of value unless she modifies the trust (and restarts the 5yr clock)

It seems weird that you are so blatantly advising cheating in such a blase manner, FIREin2018.

[DaMa]

I don’t understand why anyone would want their parents to give them money that put them at risk of needing to be placed in a Medicare (Medicaid?) funded nursing home, should such care be required before their death. If my family member needed nursing home care at the end of their life, I’d want them in the best place their money could buy vs. having given the money to heirs in advance. Not to mention that giving money in an effort to get around the 5-year clawback period feels a bit icky, if not downright fraudulent.

For a relative who had plenty of money to get them through their final days, I wouldn’t have an issue accepting inheritance in advance of their passing or after they pass. I say this yet my own father recently passed away (literally having $.10 in his only bank account and no other real property assets), but there was a life insurance policy on which I was beneficiary. It did feel weird to receive this money as I didn’t want to benefit in any way from his death. In the end, we’d paid so much money out for him in recent years that the proceeds really just offset some of those expenses.

in my mom's city, pay out of pocket nursing homes also accept Medicaid.
The medicaid  double up on a room.

Same care, same nurses/doctors

I have a friend in nursing home administration.  The key is to go in as a paying customer.  They don't kick you out when your money runs out and Medicaid pays.

[ROF Expat]

[/quote]in my mom's city, pay out of pocket nursing homes also accept Medicaid.
The medicaid  double up on a room.

Same care, same nurses/doctors
[/quote]

When I am in my twilight years, I seriously doubt I would want to limit my income to below Medicaid income requirements for five years before I needed nursing home care (and then the rest of my life) and share a room with anybody who is not my spouse after I had spent a lifetime building up a substantial net worth.  Doing it so I could leave more money to my heirs would be a complete non-starter.  Of course, everybody's different and how they spend their money is up to them.  Maybe some people just love their children more than I do. 

[FIREin2018]

I don’t understand why anyone would want their parents to give them money that put them at risk of needing to be placed in a Medicare (Medicaid?) funded nursing home, should such care be required before their death. If my family member needed nursing home care at the end of their life, I’d want them in the best place their money could buy vs. having given the money to heirs in advance. Not to mention that giving money in an effort to get around the 5-year clawback period feels a bit icky, if not downright fraudulent.

For a relative who had plenty of money to get them through their final days, I wouldn’t have an issue accepting inheritance in advance of their passing or after they pass. I say this yet my own father recently passed away (literally having $.10 in his only bank account and no other real property assets), but there was a life insurance policy on which I was beneficiary. It did feel weird to receive this money as I didn’t want to benefit in any way from his death. In the end, we’d paid so much money out for him in recent years that the proceeds really just offset some of those expenses.

in my mom's city, pay out of pocket nursing homes also accept Medicaid.
The medicaid  double up on a room.

Same care, same nurses/doctors

I have a friend in nursing home administration.  The key is to go in as a paying customer.  They don't kick you out when your money runs out and Medicaid pays.

This makes sense.
That might be what my mom was saying about self pay nursing homes also accepts medicaid but you double up with someone in the room if medicaid.

So to whoever said medicaid nursing homes are bad, you maybe right if it's a medicaid only nursing home

[FIREin2018]

in my mom's city, pay out of pocket nursing homes also accept Medicaid.
The medicaid  double up on a room.

Same care, same nurses/doctors

When I am in my twilight years, I seriously doubt I would want to limit my income to below Medicaid income requirements for five years before I needed nursing home care (and then the rest of my life) and share a room with anybody who is not my spouse after I had spent a lifetime building up a substantial net worth.  Doing it so I could leave more money to my heirs would be a complete non-starter.  Of course, everybody's different and how they spend their money is up to them.  Maybe some people just love their children more than I do.

you don't limit your income.
my mom's pension + social security puts her above poverty levels.

but a good nursing home costs $100k/yr.
pension and SS will not cover that amount.
if there's no other assets in the 5yr look back, then medicaid kicks in.

[Tyson]

When I was younger, I was unwilling to ever accept financial help from my parents (or anyone, really).  I felt a strong need to do well, and 'make it' on my own. 

Well, I did that, I 'made it' on my own.  And now that I'm older, I'm a lot less rigid about money.  Nowadays I feel more that if my parents (who are even better off than I am via lifelong frugal living and saving) want to help out financially, it's much better for me to simply be grateful and accept their help, with grace. 

I should also point out that I have a very good, loving relationship with my parents and in no way does any of us play any kind of power/control games that seems to plague other families.  Man, I hear those stories from others (including in this thread) and it just makes me sad that they have to experience that, and from their own family, no less. 

[rocketpj]

My parents were original mustachians and RE at 55 ages ago.  AFAIK their investments continue to grow, largely because they live happily on their pensions and don't really need more.  I have been encouraging them to travel as much as possible, but COVID has put a damper on that. 

They talk about leaving us money, but honestly we come from long lived stock (literally all the non-smokers on both sides made it to 100).  Any inheritance I might receive will probably come when I'm about pushing 80.  I'm FI now and still working, so I see no reason to let them give me money. 

That said, I know they like to help and can more than easily afford it.  In general I redirect their offers onto my kids.  Here in Canada we have RESPs (Education savings), so their occasional offers get put in there to help the kids attend whatever school might be of interest to them.  My older kid plays a sport at an elite level, which is effing expensive, and they like to help with that and I let them.   

At 3 points much earlier in our lives either myself or DW received a modest 'early' inheritance from an elder relative.  2 of those became the seed that led to our current wealth (downpayment on a home before the insane property increases, which then was leveraged into a business, which then leveraged into etc. etc.).

Put the money to good use, show them what it is for, and everyone feels Good.  In the event that something goes sideways later, you will be in a position to help them when they might not be able to help themselves.

[seattlecyclone]

When I was younger, I was unwilling to ever accept financial help from my parents (or anyone, really).  I felt a strong need to do well, and 'make it' on my own. 

Well, I did that, I 'made it' on my own.  And now that I'm older, I'm a lot less rigid about money.  Nowadays I feel more that if my parents (who are even better off than I am via lifelong frugal living and saving) want to help out financially, it's much better for me to simply be grateful and accept their help, with grace.

This is basically me as well. My wife and I don't need the money, but if my parents or in-laws want to give us some we'll accept it with grace. The past several years they've given us some monetary gifts around birthdays or Christmas, adding up to less than 5% of our income each year. These just go into college funds or general savings, nothing fancy.

We'll regularly tell them that they should please not worry about leaving anything for us, that they should enjoy their money while they're here. Take a fancy vacation from time to time while they're still young enough to travel, that sort of thing. Neither set of parents really seems to have any interest in travel though. They've got their gardening or woodworking or other hobbies around the house and are happy enough living below their means. From what I know about their finances I'll probably expect to receive ballpark $100-200k when my parents pass, and a bit more than that from my in-laws. With luck it will be 20 years before that happens.

[Ozlady]

I am reading this thread with much interest ..my kids will come into a not insubstantial inheritance from me and DH when we cark it...

I will now go ask  each child if they are uncomfortable..if Yes..i will donate their share to charity...haha!

But seriously,  i remember someone else posted that she was a roommate with a wealthy Jewish trust fund baby...and she did not know that until they were about to graduate ...and when she suggest they take out an amt and blow it out on enjoyment...the TF baby replied..

"Oh no!...it is not for that purpose...when the inheritance  was handed early to me,  it was emphasised that it is now my duty to look after it, grow it and then pass it on to the next generation"....

[RWTL]

  I'd rather they go nuts with spending on themselves- pick up a new hobby or 10.  I think I get my frugality genetically...

They are spending it themselves....They will receive the benefit of seeing you receive the money now.   As long as they are of sound mind and can take care of themselves otherwise, I don't think you should feel guilty or uncomfortable receiving the money. 

I've worked hard for decades to accumulate the amount of money we have.  I look forward to sharing that with my kids some day.  If they rejected that gift, I might feel put out.  Whether I should or not is a different story....but I've always worked for my family and would like to see them have 'enough' when I pass on.