Anniversary Dinner? What do to...

[trailrated]

Fellow Mustachians, I am in need of advice.

Tonight marks the 25th wedding anniversary of my Mother and my Step-Father. I could not be happier for them and they have shown me nothing but love and support my whole life. They invited myself and my 3 brothers to celebrate with them tonight over a fancy dinner at their favorite restaurant (they go mayyyybe every other year). Cost per person is likely in the $150 range including tip/drinks/dessert/tax. So we are talking $900 dinner... Holy Shit!

Here is where I don't know what to do... I will be bringing a card, along with my other brothers and we are bringing wine as well. Beyond that should I

A) Offer to cover the dinner. I could afford it, but my two little brothers would not be able to pitch in. The older brother could, but has voiced reservations against doing so. If I did, I would just say it was from all of us.
B) Have some other gift for them. (Ideas?)
C) Settle with the card and wine.
D) Insert your own option that I did not think of.

[surfhb]

You go and pay for it all.....but I'd ask nicely if your brother could chip in a little.   Explain how wonderful they've been to you all you and see what he says.   

This is the cost of being part of a family.....a good family too:). 

Enjoy your time with them now....it will be a good memory for all of you

[larmando]

Or not? It's their anniversary, their celebration, their 900 $, their choice. Go, bring a present, and be present in their life, but let them decide how to celebrate and spend.

[jprince7827]

Not only do you pay for it, you hand the maitr'd your credit card earlier at night when "going to the bathroom" and say "just bring me the check after you've charged it," so they have no chance to protest.

[coffeelover]

Well first of all if I could work I would want to be a waitress at this place. Omg the amount of tips I could make would be awesome.

If you can pay for this easily and it won't hurt any of your bills or harm you/family financially then I say hand over your card and be thankful you have a family like this.

I would suggest calling your brother ahead of time and saying hey let's split this 2 ways. I'll pay half and you the other half. If brother isn't willing then say what are you willing to help with. Hopefully he will offer a bit to bring your total down and it won't hurt so bad.  Don't let this cause a rift between a good family. 

[LibrarIan]

I agree that you shouldn't allow this situation to cause problems in your family. However, doesn't everyone think it's a little unfair that someone else has hit a milestone in their life and it's now somehow trailrated's responsibility to pay for not only the parents but also the other people in attendance? How did this decision get made? Have you made your financial badassity so known that now everyone just thinks, "Oh, well trailrated will take care of it because of all the money they have."?

I would talk to the others in attendance and see how much everyone can chip in. Say you're willing to put forth some dough, but you can't handle it all at once/shouldn't have to handle it all yourself.

[ImCheap]

I have been married for 20+ years, if I made the invite to my kids too join us I would pay. I would not want and or expect my kids to pay for anything.

Its part of still being able to spoil your kids a tad while you still can.

Get them a nice bottle of wine if they like that etc. and enjoy a nice meal, don't get caught up in gift part of it. Its all about creating memories.

[trailrated]

I agree that you shouldn't allow this situation to cause problems in your family. However, doesn't everyone think it's a little unfair that someone else has hit a milestone in their life and it's now somehow trailrated's responsibility to pay for not only the parents but also the other people in attendance? How did this decision get made? Have you made your financial badassity so known that now everyone just thinks, "Oh, well trailrated will take care of it because of all the money they have."?

I would talk to the others in attendance and see how much everyone can chip in. Say you're willing to put forth some dough, but you can't handle it all at once/shouldn't have to handle it all yourself.

Thanks everyone for the kind replies so far. Just in response to this:
The older brother is stretched pretty thin until Jan or Feb due to working for commissions only and the process for him getting paid on a deal takes a few months. I feel if I were to pull the trigger and drop the tab it could make him feel a bit awkward. The other brothers are in college and not making a whole lot. Maybe if I do go that route I will use it as an excuse to give skimpy xmas gifts ;) As far as my situation, I am still working on my "financial badassity" and have already surpassed the goals I set to accomplish for the year. That being said my NW is around 45k so while I could handle it.... it does make my eyes bulge a little.

[trailrated]

Get them a nice bottle of wine if they like that etc. and enjoy a nice meal, don't get caught up in gift part of it. Its all about creating memories.

Thanks for bringing the focus back to what really matters :)

[GizmoTX]

Host a separate dinner or experience with just you & your parents apart from their family celebration. This way no one gets embarrassed or overdrawn & your parents get more time with you one on one.

[jennifers]

Do your parents have considerably more wealth than you?  If its not a big deal for them to pay, I'd let them.  If it was me I'd try to find a way to 'repay' them for my portion of the dinner in the future without making it obvious.  Maybe you could take them out to eat for a non-special occasion or pick up something they need for around the house.

[lakemom]

I would never invite guests to a restaurant and expect them to pick up the whole tab.  If I wanted to go out and have my kids join me and wanted them to cover their own tab I would be up front about that with the invite.  But if I just said join us for dinner at 'restaurant' on Friday at 7 "I" would be planning on picking up the tab as a treat for my family.  Additionally I would be hurt if they went behind my back to pay for the meal I had planned particularly since they are all just starting out in life and dh and I can certainly afford to treat them all a few times a year.

[lifejoy]

Twenty years from now, would you regret not spoiling your parents?

I can be sooo frugal, but my philosophy is to never be cheap when it comes to friends and family. Some investments give more than FIRE.

[lifejoy]

For my gramma's 50th anniversary her daughter made them a photo album. Cheap project, time consuming, and heartfelt. That's an option.

[trailrated]

Update on the evening:

My older brother brought two bottles wine to dinner which were much much nicer than I had anticipated. My parents absolutely loved them and could not stop talking about how much they enjoyed it. My Step-father had left his card with the waitress at the beginning of the evening and covered dinner. Many more drinks were had during dinner, my two little brothers and my parents were going to make a two hour trip home that night but we ordered more drinks and myself and my two little brothers split a nice hotel for our parents for the night and a cab for them. My two little brothers came back and crashed at our place and it was a hell of a night! Truly memorable and an amazing time.

[ImCheap]

trailrated

Good for you, sounds like you had a great time. Be thankful you have a family that gets along and can celebrate together, many don't.

I'm lucky that all my brothers and sisters get along, live close by and see each other often. I feel for the families where this is not an option/will never happen. 

[MrFancypants]

trailrated, it's good to hear that everything worked out well.

In response to the original post, my answer would have depended upon where you were and what your resources were.  For some here, paying for the entire tab wouldn't have been an option as it would have been a significant portion of their annual expenses.  For others who, for a variety of possible reasons (working later in life, higher income, etc), have managed to save a larger sum of money, showing some generosity would have been entirely appropriate.  With zero judgement for those who wouldn't have been able to, I personally would have tried to cover the bill because I'm fortunate enough to be in a position where I would be able to.

[dragoncar]

Definitely don't invite Gweneth Paltrow

[myteafix]

Update on the evening:

My older brother brought two bottles wine to dinner which were much much nicer than I had anticipated. My parents absolutely loved them and could not stop talking about how much they enjoyed it. My Step-father had left his card with the waitress at the beginning of the evening and covered dinner. Many more drinks were had during dinner, my two little brothers and my parents were going to make a two hour trip home that night but we ordered more drinks and myself and my two little brothers split a nice hotel for our parents for the night and a cab for them. My two little brothers came back and crashed at our place and it was a hell of a night! Truly memorable and an amazing time.

Sounds like everything balanced out really well. Glad to hear you had a lovely night. :)

[Dollarbill49]

Glad things worked out so well.
I thought you were originally asking what to eat for an anniversary dinner.

My DW and I just celebrated our 24th earlier this week.  Just the two of us were home so we made chicken saltambucca with risotto.  Nice quiet uneventful evening--it suited us both just fine.

[Bob W]

Turned out awesome.  Remember on your 25th when you have your millions to be very generous and to tell everyone ahead of time that their presence and gift of time is all you desire.   

[Apples]

Let your parents pay for this one, but mentally plan to pick up the tab for a nice evening out for their 30th in 5 years.  Idk how old you or your parents are, but you have a brother in college so I'm assuming they're not 70.  If that's the case, while we never know what will happen, I think waiting until their 30th and planning a lavish night with the whole family for that would be great.  Assuming, of course, that they aren't going to take themselves on a big vacation for it or something.  But then you could do it at a different time anyway.  In 5 years all of the brothers will most likely be on more stable financial footing, and possibly split the bill.  Or you'll have this money set aside in your head for 5 years, so even a $2,000 meal wouldn't bother you.  I say let them pay tonight, take a nice gift and enjoy time with each other.

[trailrated]

Turned out awesome.  Remember on your 25th when you have your millions to be very generous and to tell everyone ahead of time that their presence and gift of time is all you desire.

Cheers to that!