How Often Do You Visit Out of Town Family?

[Lia-Aimee]

27, single, no kids.

Parents and sister live a 12 hour drive/1 hour flight from me.  I usually go for about 5-7 days at Christmas and three other long weekends. My dad is not well enough to comfortably travel, so it's easier if I just go there. I do budget this into my regular - an overnight greyhound is usually the win for the cheapest and most time-effective way. 

Sometimes I get mildly cranky that no one ever comes to visit me, until I realize that my sister would end up smoking pot in my house and my mother would attempt to re-decorate it in a decidedly NOT minimalist style.  Then I happily go to them.

[AllChoptUp]

Thanksgiving was always a family reunion at my parent's home.  We both work so would fly to it on Monday and return on Friday - awesome flight prices and empty airports.  Plus we could have both weekends of Thanksgiving week at home to relax and pack/recuperate from the trip.  Now that we live in a tropical place it's spent at our house.  More work but much cheaper :)

Christmas is always spent at home.  Just too exhausting to travel after Thanksgiving.  My parents come out every other year to spend the holiday with us, alternating with my sister's family.  DH's parents are deceased.

We see his sister's family once every other year or so, usually a spring break trip.  Trying to increase that periodicity though.

[UnleashHell]

We have the minor obstacle of the Atlantic between us. 4,000 miles and over $1,000 a ticket.

12 hour drive?? With US gas prices.

Oh my—how terrible…

[Skyhigh]

We don't really visit anyone. We have six kids. Travel is very difficult and expensive. They must come to us.

[dunhamjr]

basically once per year.
at christmas time we head to MN to brave the cold and snow.

with young kids we kind of have to go so that the grandparents are at least a little involved with the kids as they grow up.

we HAVE had a couple of years where we do twice per year, one flight at xmas time and either a flight or drive in summer.
and the wifes parents typically make a trip out to SEA once a year as well.

[coppertop]

I'm coming from the perspective of the grandma here.  My kids are all highly-educated professionals with good jobs; I am still working, out of necessity, and don't have unlimited time off.  I still live where they were raised; they all chose to move away.  Therefore, at least some of the time, I believe they should visit me.  I know it's hard to travel with toddlers, because I had to do it back in the day.  My in-laws were not that keen on seeing grandchildren; didn't fit into their lifestyle, so they only visited us twice in 20 years of marriage.  As for me, I had dreams of overnight visits with my grandchildren, baking cookies with them etc., but those dreams had to change when the kids moved.  I think it's sad that so many people think that grandparents are not very important people for their kids to get to know well.  Children who do not spend as much time as possible with their grandparents are really missing out on a special relationship.  I just know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do not agree that it is a great idea for people to move away from their families so that everyone is spread out all over the continent.  There, rant over.  Now you can jump all over me.

[KD]

Coppertop, I agree and wrote similarly of my husband's opinion when his daughter moved away.

We wanted our kids to know their grandparents WELL.  So, we brought our kids to them, not the other way around.  The grandparents visit some, but we are old school enough to believe the onus is on the younger generation to do more to see that there is a generational passage of wisdom/fun/love.

[Cookie78]

I'm coming from the perspective of the grandma here.  My kids are all highly-educated professionals with good jobs; I am still working, out of necessity, and don't have unlimited time off.  I still live where they were raised; they all chose to move away.  Therefore, at least some of the time, I believe they should visit me.  I know it's hard to travel with toddlers, because I had to do it back in the day.  My in-laws were not that keen on seeing grandchildren; didn't fit into their lifestyle, so they only visited us twice in 20 years of marriage.  As for me, I had dreams of overnight visits with my grandchildren, baking cookies with them etc., but those dreams had to change when the kids moved.  I think it's sad that so many people think that grandparents are not very important people for their kids to get to know well.  Children who do not spend as much time as possible with their grandparents are really missing out on a special relationship.  I just know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do not agree that it is a great idea for people to move away from their families so that everyone is spread out all over the continent.  There, rant over.  Now you can jump all over me.

I can appreciate this. I am closer to the grandparent who I lived nearest to, even though by the time I was 5, they were spending their winters elsewhere and by the time I was 15 my grandfather had died. Part of my closeness with my grandmother was because I went to live with her (in her warmer climate) for one year when I was in high school. My other grandparents I didn't know as well, but they were only 6 hours away and we had many visits.

But I still moved away from my parents due to the lack of opportunity for growth in my town, especially for women. If I stayed there my life would certainly have been different, and more than likely much worse. I don't have children, so I don't suppose it makes a difference in my case, but I can appreciate the multitude of reasons why people choose to move away.

[Helvegen]

But I still moved away from my parents due to the lack of opportunity for growth in my town, especially for women. If I stayed there my life would certainly have been different, and more than likely much worse. I don't have children, so I don't suppose it makes a difference in my case, but I can appreciate the multitude of reasons why people choose to move away.

ITA. There was just more opportunity outside of where I mostly grew up. That's just the way it is. I miss my family sometimes, but I can't struggle to survive paycheck to paycheck like I did back where my family is from. The job market just isn't that hot and wages are depressed. We literally quadrupled our earning power with the cross-country move. It is just insane the difference this move made. Not just financially, the quality of life is generally better for us. I think it would be great if my family would make the move out here, but they feel stuck where they are for whatever reason.

Eventually, when we are ready to ER, we plan on returning to the general area, though it is very unlikely we will live in the two places my family is concentrated in. Probably a good 4-6 hour drive away, but better than the whole day of flying (no direct flights) we experience now.

[nvmama]

My husband and I live in MA.  We have 2 kids (7 and 4) and one on the way.  His family is only 30 miles away so we see his parents once a week. 
My family: Mom and Step dad are in WI, Brother, Grandparents, and extended family also in WI.  my Dad and step mom along with 3 of my siblings are in CO, and I have a sister in MN, and a brother in FL.

When we were first married we did a 3 year rotation for Christmas (mom's, dad's, inlaws).  However now that we have kids that only lasted for a while.  The last time we were in CO my DS was 5 weeks old.

I would love to get back to WI more, but we haven't been there for about 3 years.  We are due to go again soon.  My mother and sister travel out to us once a year.  My dad hasn't been to MA since we were married.  My husband refuses to travel to CO again (3 trips to 1) until my father travels to us at least once.

One of my brothers travels for work, so when he is in the area we visit.  We have also traveled to FL once to visit him.

We all have growing families.  I have yet to meet one of my nephews, but hopefully that will happen before he is too old.

It is what it is.  We put our family first and encourage all our extended family to visit when ever they want.  I have had a couple of cousins come and stay with us when they wanted a cheap vacation to Boston.  I tend to push that angle.

[minimalist]

I travel from DC to California about 3 or 4 times a year for free using airline miles, but I want to do that less and do more international travel.

[madamwitty]

We visit my parents (1100 miles) about once a year, and they come see us ~twice a year. With three kids now, the economics may start to favor a road trip rather than airplane when we visit. This would require longer time off from work but I think I may be able swing it. I do think it is important for the kids to know their grandparents. That's part of why we had kids earlier rather than later. We might be able to relocate near my parents if/when we FIRE in 6-8 years.

We visit my in-laws (180 miles) 2-4 times per year on various holiday weekends and Christmas. They visit us a few times per year on their way in and out of the country via LAX. (They are retired and do a lot of traveling.)

[coppertop]

Not meaning to be argumentative, but those of you who are saying "We put our family first ..." Does it ever occur to you how you will feel when your children grow up if they choose to move far away from you?  Which family will be first then?  Will you move to be near your adult children? 

I love my grandchildren passionately. It makes me feel bad when I finally get to see my infant granddaughter and she cries and turns away because she does not know who I am.  It is my humble opinion that family is a lot more important than making a ton of money, but I realize that is not the culture we live in these days.  I really do think it's sad. 

[Cookie78]

Not meaning to be argumentative, but those of you who are saying "We put our family first ..." Does it ever occur to you how you will feel when your children grow up if they choose to move far away from you?  Which family will be first then?  Will you move to be near your adult children? 

I love my grandchildren passionately. It makes me feel bad when I finally get to see my infant granddaughter and she cries and turns away because she does not know who I am.  It is my humble opinion that family is a lot more important than making a ton of money, but I realize that is not the culture we live in these days.  I really do think it's sad.

Again, I can appreciate your position. I too am not trying to be argumentative. But I picture my life in a world where it was not acceptable for me to move away from my parents, out of my small town with no opportunity for me, and presumably marry someone from that town, because it's important to be near both grandparents, right? and it fills me with dread. I am SO thankful my parents encouraged me to leave that town and to find greener pastures, knowing how much I would have suffered if I'd stayed. It's not a matter of making enough money vs a 'ton of money'. It's a matter of having an enjoyable life where you have a stable income, or having a life where you are stuck, with such limited opportunity.

Family is more important to me than a ton of money too. Family is not more important to me than having a life.

PS. I miss them. I occasionally miss them enough to think about moving back. If I ever verbalize that they are incredulous and ask me what I would do there! When I'm FI and don't need to worry about income I will most certainly spend much more time there.

[minimustache1985]

We visit my in-laws at least once a year, and they usually come out to us at least once a year as well, so it tends to end up being 3 visits/year between us.  I think it's a two way street, if they NEVER came to us I would be much more hesitant to spend our vacation time visiting them.  My mother is 20 minutes away after moving to us- she was always planning to retire away from the snow we grew up in so when we landed in one of her top 3 cities it seemed a natural choice- and travels back several times a year to visit my sister.  Sister does not travel here but in that case it's mom who moved away from her, and mom enjoys traveling there since she gets to see all of her other friends and family in the area.

We do not have kids yet though and know when we do that we want them to know their grandparents, but recognize there may be years we miss or pick dates other extended family isn't in town if I am too preggo to fly at Christmas, we can't get enough time off, etc.  Hopefully ILs will be retired shortly after we have kidlets and buying their tickets will be an option in those years.

[Retire-Canada]

My husband and I both live far away from our families. We tend to spend quite a bit on traveling to see both our families once a year. I would like to cut back our visits to save money, but dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. We had our first baby recently and everyone is dying to see her, so the pressure is on to travel. Both our families have little money so they cannot come to us. I was wondering how often others go to see their families that require plane travel? Do you set aside a budget for this?

My parents live across the country. They can't travel to see me due to age.

I used to visit them once/year when they were able to travel. They never did visit me, but I figured they could so that was cool.

Now that they are old and they can't travel I go to see them twice a year.

I pay for at least one trip with travel points on my credit card. The second trip I pay cash.

Once I am there it doesn't really cost me anything other than subway fare and the odd meal out.

I would decide what you can afford and then travel to see the relatives as much as possible on that budget.

-- Vik

[MrsPete]

Clearly you're looking to make a change in your visiting schedule.  I'd point out a couple things:

- Having a new baby is a great reason to stay home.  Babies thrive on routine, so staying home and letting her sleep in her own bed is a realisitic reason to stay home.
- If your family wants to visit you, they will find the money.
- Not being together physically don't mean not keeping in touch. 

I say decide how often you can realistically visit, and let them know, "Now that we have the baby, we'll be able to visit every other year -- but we'd love for you to come see us in the years we can't make it to you."  Or whatever details work for you. 

[Villanelle]

I'm coming from the perspective of the grandma here.  My kids are all highly-educated professionals with good jobs; I am still working, out of necessity, and don't have unlimited time off.  I still live where they were raised; they all chose to move away.  Therefore, at least some of the time, I believe they should visit me.  I know it's hard to travel with toddlers, because I had to do it back in the day.  My in-laws were not that keen on seeing grandchildren; didn't fit into their lifestyle, so they only visited us twice in 20 years of marriage.  As for me, I had dreams of overnight visits with my grandchildren, baking cookies with them etc., but those dreams had to change when the kids moved.  I think it's sad that so many people think that grandparents are not very important people for their kids to get to know well.  Children who do not spend as much time as possible with their grandparents are really missing out on a special relationship.  I just know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do not agree that it is a great idea for people to move away from their families so that everyone is spread out all over the continent.  There, rant over.  Now you can jump all over me.

Thanks for posting this. Sometimes I really wish we were geographically closer to our families. I guess my excuse to myself is that if we didn't live where we do right now, the kids wouldn't likely have a stay at home parent and we wouldn't be socking away nearly as much money as we are. They also wouldn't be growing up bilingual. We're not sure how much longer we'll be in this situation, but for now it is the best for us. But a real hug from grandma/grandpa/auntie/uncle sure would be nice now and then.

My dad was in the military so he had no say in where he lived. And we never ended up close to grandparents.  (Both sets lived within about 20 minutes of each other.)  My aunt and uncle also lived far away.  As a kid, I never for a single second felt deprived or felt a void.  It was just the way it was, and I had no reason to think that it should be different.  Had my parents openly lamented how sad it was for me not to get grandma hugs, then I'm sure I'd have been sad about it and felt that there was something wrong.  But they treated it as 100% normal, and I took my cue from them.  Your kids won't realize they are "supposed" to see grandma and auntie more often, unless you give them that impression. 

Grandma was that awesome lady we saw avery couple years and who sent gifts and letters.  She was the voice that, on special occasions, I got to speak to on the telephone.  And that was wonderful and delightful.  I still managed to have a wonderful relationship with her (and the other grandparents), to the point that when I finally did move, coincidentally, to her city and she was nearing the end of her life, I moved in and became her full-time caregiver, though some very personal and difficult times.   Proximity isn't required to have a relationship, and that's all the more true today with cheap phone calls, and emails, and Skype. 

As for who should visit whom, I think it's silly to put the obligation on someone else if it prevents you from getting what you want.  Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face.  Which is more important--seeing the grandkids, or making sure that the person who you feel has the most obligation does the traveling? If it is the latter, then by all means sit and be upset that they moved and that you don't see them as often as you'd like.   If it is the former, them make it a priority and do what you have to to see them.  "Not unlimited time off" shouldn't prevent a couple trips a year, at least.  If you want to spend your time off doing something other than family visits, okay.  But then you are just as guilty as not putting family first as is someone who doesn't visit you as often as you'd like. 

If you have dreams of overnight visits, go visit overnight.  And when the grandkids are of an age to do so, ask about flying them to see you and spend a week at your house during the summer.

If you want something, make it happen.  It seems like you are spending energy being upset that their values aren't quit the same as yours, rather than spending that energy see how you can get the most of what you want. 

[AllezAllezAllez]

800-mile round trip, about every 2 weeks. <sigh> Close family, and I am the only one who is "away." Yes, I am looking for a job closer to home, and in fact, just had a first-round interview. Hoping for the best!

[MrsPete]

As for who should visit whom, I think it's silly to put the obligation on someone else if it prevents you from getting what you want.  Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face.  Which is more important--seeing the grandkids, or making sure that the person who you feel has the most obligation does the traveling?

I don't see why the traveling isn't a shared responsibility.  Let the adult children do the traveling half the time, let the grandparents do the traveling the other half. 

The "cutting off the nose to spite the face" goes two ways. 

[KD]

I always told my Mom "The road runs both ways" when she got too complainypants about it.  "I've been to see you six times in the last 2 months Mom, it's your turn to come this way."  She was always working and in and out of town/state so even knowing when she was available for a visit was difficult.

[Villanelle]

As for who should visit whom, I think it's silly to put the obligation on someone else if it prevents you from getting what you want.  Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face.  Which is more important--seeing the grandkids, or making sure that the person who you feel has the most obligation does the traveling?

I don't see why the traveling isn't a shared responsibility.  Let the adult children do the traveling half the time, let the grandparents do the traveling the other half. 

The "cutting off the nose to spite the face" goes two ways.

It does go both ways.  But you're the one who has a problem with the current situation.  They seem fine with it.  So if you want it to be different, make it different.  Getting bogged down in what you think they should be doing, and refusing to do more until they do what you think they should--is just preventing you from getting what you want.  That's the cutting off the nose part.  You are only hurting yourself by not seeing them more because it appears they aren't hurt by the current amount of visits.  You are refusing to give yourself what you want--more time with them--simply because they aren't behaving in the way you think they should.

Which is more important--them living up to what you think should be their responsibility, or you seeing your grandkids more?  If the answer is the former, then keep doing what you are doing--waiting for them to see their responsibilities in the way you think they should.  If the latter is more important, then arrange more visits. 

[WYOGO]

I used to be more aggressive about this. I no longer feel the same. Life is short and relationships are precious. I refuse to live with regrets. I am more financially capable than almost all my family members and most certainly more than any in my generation. Since I am virtually at the cross over point on the journey to FIRE and am not ready to hang up the towel just yet, I figure dropping my savings rate to around 60% is worth the enjoyment of living along the process...

...so 3-4 times a year ranging from 1500-3000 miles...

[galliver]

I'm coming from the perspective of the grandma here.  My kids are all highly-educated professionals with good jobs; I am still working, out of necessity, and don't have unlimited time off.  I still live where they were raised; they all chose to move away.  Therefore, at least some of the time, I believe they should visit me.  I know it's hard to travel with toddlers, because I had to do it back in the day.  My in-laws were not that keen on seeing grandchildren; didn't fit into their lifestyle, so they only visited us twice in 20 years of marriage.  As for me, I had dreams of overnight visits with my grandchildren, baking cookies with them etc., but those dreams had to change when the kids moved.  I think it's sad that so many people think that grandparents are not very important people for their kids to get to know well.  Children who do not spend as much time as possible with their grandparents are really missing out on a special relationship.  I just know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I do not agree that it is a great idea for people to move away from their families so that everyone is spread out all over the continent.  There, rant over.  Now you can jump all over me.

Coppertop, I lived with my paternal grandparents until I was 4, then in the same city as my step-grandparents until I was 6, and we visited my maternal grandparents for long stretches during that whole time period. Then we moved to a different continent so my stepdad could pursue his career, which was a literal impossibility back home. There were a few month-long visits where we tried to see everyone. It wasn't enough. I know how hard it is to be far from family.I genuinely wish there had been a way to have my grandparents closer, to have more visits, to stay longer.

But I really can't condemn my family for seeking better opportunity, and fulfillment on more than the family front. Family is important, but it is not everything. There is the matter of wanting to contribute professionally, to pursue work that feels worthwhile. There is the matter of wanting to leave your house and enjoy where you live. There is the matter of seeking good education and socialization for one's children. I'm really glad my family immigrated; it's hard to give up, but my native country is not where I want to be today; it's not a good place.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that moving away from family doesn't mean family has no value; it means something, somewhere else, has value in a different way that outweighs being near extended family, that makes the sacrifice be, or at least appear, worthwhile.

[MrsPete]

As for who should visit whom, I think it's silly to put the obligation on someone else if it prevents you from getting what you want.  Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face.  Which is more important--seeing the grandkids, or making sure that the person who you feel has the most obligation does the traveling?

I don't see why the traveling isn't a shared responsibility.  Let the adult children do the traveling half the time, let the grandparents do the traveling the other half. 

The "cutting off the nose to spite the face" goes two ways.

It does go both ways.  But you're the one who has a problem with the current situation.  They seem fine with it.  So if you want it to be different, make it different.  Getting bogged down in what you think they should be doing, and refusing to do more until they do what you think they should--is just preventing you from getting what you want.  That's the cutting off the nose part.  You are only hurting yourself by not seeing them more because it appears they aren't hurt by the current amount of visits.  You are refusing to give yourself what you want--more time with them--simply because they aren't behaving in the way you think they should.

Which is more important--them living up to what you think should be their responsibility, or you seeing your grandkids more?  If the answer is the former, then keep doing what you are doing--waiting for them to see their responsibilities in the way you think they should.  If the latter is more important, then arrange more visits.

I think you're taking this awfully personally.  I don't have a problem at all:  I have a great relationship with my family, and I see them often -- every other week for Sunday for lunch, and fairly often in between too.  Friday night cookouts are a standard thing in the summer months.  When my mom was sick recently my girls and I took turns staying with her.  We travel with family occasionally.  And my kids are 17 and 21; I don't have any grandchildren yet.  No problems here. 

But the OP does have a problem.  She seems to feel that her family is taking advantage of her, pushing her to do all the traveling, even now that she has an infant.  The best option is to establish some boundaries and share the responsibility of making the trip, which is not an outrageous expectation.  Making yourself a martyr because the other half of the equation doesn't wish to be incovenienced is only going to lead to resentment in the long term.   

[PatStab]

We used to come up here maybe every year or so.  Other then that no out of town family.  Neither of us have many relatives and most are deceased.  Don't know our cousins.

[NumberJohnny5]

We used to live 3-4 hours away, and would make a trip fairly often (at least once a month). Start early in the morning and make all the rounds (her family who lived really close, my dad, my mom, then home; we sometimes reversed this).

We currently live in Australia, and it's quite a feat to get our family of five (including infant, he was under 2mo for his first trans-pacific flight) back to Tennessee. We ain't goin' all that way for a measly week! Year one in Australia, we didn't go back (though my mom visited). Year two, we didn't go back (my mom and great aunt visited). Year three, we had a new baby and went back. Year four (this year), we've bought tickets and will go back for the holiday season (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas). On the one hand, it seems silly to go back this year when we went last year, and plan on moving back at the beginning of next year (around March-ish). On the other hand, two trips back home in four years isn't bad, and we may not go straight home early next year (our situation could find us anywhere in the US for the first 6-9 months, fingers crossed for Alaska again!).

My wife got a major guilt trip from her side of the family, particularly her mom. Her mom was in failing health and reminded my wife that she may not live much longer (so we should not go to Australia, of course). Wife pointed out all the times that she WAS in good health and didn't visit us that often. There's a bunch of history I won't get into, but suffice to say the family dynamic was not a healthy one.

Shortly after our first was born, I instituted a semi-rule that we'd spend Christmas itself at home, the whole freakin' day. People were more than welcome to come to our house if they wanted (my mom did at least once). We'd come and visit before/after. But not the day of. Of course that rule has been bent/broken multiple times, but on our terms.

For a few years before coming to Australia, we'd be gone 6-9 months of the year, and spend the rest back home near family. We like spending 3+ months back home while neither one has to work. Makes the holidays a bit less stressful.

[renter4evah?]

I'm single with no kids, and I fly from TX to MI to visit family two or three times/year. It's much more expensive now that it was when I moved here 8 years ago. I used to fly for approx $300; now it's like $500 every time. Then I spend a lot when I'm in MI, because none of my family have money and everyone lives like 45 minutes from each other. So, each visit is costing more than $1,000 these days. I miss them terribly if I don't go, though. (I'm actually considering moving back.) What I've done is create a separate savings account for travel money. I now have a small amount directly deposited to that account at each pay period. If I want to go to MI (or vacation anywhere else), I can't unless there's enough money in the travel account to cover it.

[Villanelle]

As for who should visit whom, I think it's silly to put the obligation on someone else if it prevents you from getting what you want.  Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face.  Which is more important--seeing the grandkids, or making sure that the person who you feel has the most obligation does the traveling?

I don't see why the traveling isn't a shared responsibility.  Let the adult children do the traveling half the time, let the grandparents do the traveling the other half. 

The "cutting off the nose to spite the face" goes two ways.

It does go both ways.  But you're the one who has a problem with the current situation.  They seem fine with it.  So if you want it to be different, make it different.  Getting bogged down in what you think they should be doing, and refusing to do more until they do what you think they should--is just preventing you from getting what you want.  That's the cutting off the nose part.  You are only hurting yourself by not seeing them more because it appears they aren't hurt by the current amount of visits.  You are refusing to give yourself what you want--more time with them--simply because they aren't behaving in the way you think they should.

Which is more important--them living up to what you think should be their responsibility, or you seeing your grandkids more?  If the answer is the former, then keep doing what you are doing--waiting for them to see their responsibilities in the way you think they should.  If the latter is more important, then arrange more visits.

I think you're taking this awfully personally.  I don't have a problem at all:  I have a great relationship with my family, and I see them often -- every other week for Sunday for lunch, and fairly often in between too.  Friday night cookouts are a standard thing in the summer months.  When my mom was sick recently my girls and I took turns staying with her.  We travel with family occasionally.  And my kids are 17 and 21; I don't have any grandchildren yet.  No problems here. 

But the OP does have a problem.  She seems to feel that her family is taking advantage of her, pushing her to do all the traveling, even now that she has an infant.  The best option is to establish some boundaries and share the responsibility of making the trip, which is not an outrageous expectation.  Making yourself a martyr because the other half of the equation doesn't wish to be incovenienced is only going to lead to resentment in the long term.

Sorry I confused you and Coppertop, whose posts I think we were both responding to.  My response was directed at her, as she is the one who seems to take issue with how much her kids visit, while wishing she saw them more.  Somehow, in the quotes within quotes, I confused the two of you. 

[Sibley]

I'm 29, single, no kids. When I was 21 I moved 2,300 miles away from my family. I saw them about once a year, but not for holidays. I moved closer (about 300 miles away now) and thus see my family much more frequently.

There are consequences to where you decide to live. If you move away, then you're not going to see them as often. Don't like it? Move closer. And that goes both ways - if family moves away from you, either accept not seeing them, visit them (without complaint), or follow them.

We don't live in the times anymore where most people were born, lived, and died within a very small geographic area.

I probably seem harsh, but you made a choice - either to move, or not to move. Live with the consequences. (and no complainy pants please about other circumstances - I've been there. I moved back.)