20 somethings - a TED talk

[Anatidae V]

A ted talk that I thought hit some notes for me and what I've observed in others. Doesn't just apply to 20 something's, and I know a lot of the ones on here are likely to be more driven than the general population anyway, but it's a good reminder that just because you aren't hitting milestones or don't know the exact direction you want to go doesn't mean you can't grow.

http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20/transcript#t-877364

[deborah]

Fantastic talk - thanks for posting it anatidaev!

[mxt0133]

As a mustachian I felt like I wasted my time during my 20's but after watching that TED talk I don't feel like such a looser anymore.  I was conscious of my education, career, and personal relation ships.  I even managed to stay out of debt, save a decent sum (unfortunately not by mustachian standards), and move to greener pastures.  Now if they only have a TED talk for those of us in our mid 30's going through a mid-life crisis with a family and young kids.

[Milspecstache]

Great article, thanks for posting!

[soccerluvof4]

I often look back at my 20's and I made alot of mistakes but also was a workaholic. I think the best thing is to move slowly and have balance. Its important to enjoy your 20's but also to make sure your being responsible as well and preparing for the future. The earlier you get started the better.  I thought the article was very good and reminded me why I didnt enjoy so much my 20's as much as I should have. I got my shit together at 27 and though some peaks and valleys ever since at least I had a direction. Thanks for sharing the article!

[Left]

I'm not out of my 20s yet, but I don't feel too bad about it, sure I'm single but well, so what? I'm not looking for a partner yet, not to say if I meet one I won't go for her but I haven't really met anyone I want to be with for life yet. Aside from that, I'm working in a field that I like and I started my investment muscles so by the time I'm out of it and into my 30s I should be able to retire by 40. Yes I know she didn't mention FI but compounding works in the same manner and it's a skill best started early.

I kind of feel MMM should start a "talk" to 20s about getting started early and by the time their career picks up in 30s and get more money, they won't inflate lifestyle as much and they'll enjoy their life more and not have the crisis. I'm already planning my mid life crisis at 45 and it's going to be deciding where I want to be FI.

[Grid]

Thanks anatidaev.  The talk is a good kick in the butt for anyone in their 20s, me included.

[CarDude]

I think the best thing is to move slowly and have balance.

The older I become, the more I can assert that this works best for me. The number of situations where things have gone wrong because I didn't move quickly pale in comparison to the number of those where I moved too quickly.

[EarlyRetirementGuy]

A great talk, thanks for posting!

As a later twenty-something I sometimes forget all the things that have happened since I turned 20 because it's just been so much! My life has drastically changed and Meg Jay is correct when she says that most of our life defining moments happen your your 20s.

[EscapeVelocity2020]

I particularly liked this:  "Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time."

Also, reminds me that I should go talk to the interns today, get them inspired about their career in engineering. 

[dragoncar]

Thanks for posting the transcript instead of the video

[Cheddar Stacker]

Thanks for sharing anatidaev. Good read.

Now if they only have a TED talk for those of us in our mid 30's going through a mid-life crisis with a family and young kids.

You don't need a TED talk, you have this forum. I'm not sure I would call it a mid-life crisis but something lacking in my life last summer led me here. I'm no longer in "crisis mode" or "lacking" with this new found focus.

[Sunshine23]

Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed this article. As a 23-year old, I haven't yet wasted it all away... haha but seriously I loved the part about choosing your family, and who you want to be with for the rest of your life. You could meet the "one" at any time and if you're not thinking of it that way, you could miss out.

[Anatidae V]

Thanks for posting the transcript instead of the video

Oops? I intended to post the video (which I watched)...

Glad it's been thought provoking for people. I've also noticed different people come away with different things from it. A friend said it validated her choices, which she saw as all moving her forward, even though many others told her she was too young, and she now considers herself more accomplished than many others her age. I thought it was more about working on growing yourself, rather than hitting a holding pattern and not leaving your growth or living your life for "later". That would also look different for different people (travel, career, wherever your focus is).

Regarding her comments on dating, I didn't think she was telling people to go out and find a partner NOW, rather the " your best time to work on your marriage is before your marriage" to me meant "work on yourself and what you want/need, rather than picking someone at random when you panic about everyone else getting married".

[dragoncar]

Thanks for posting the transcript instead of the video

Oops? I intended to post the video (which I watched)...

Glad it's been thought provoking for people. I've also noticed different people come away with different things from it. A friend said it validated her choices, which she saw as all moving her forward, even though many others told her she was too young, and she now considers herself more accomplished than many others her age. I thought it was more about working on growing yourself, rather than hitting a holding pattern and not leaving your growth or living your life for "later". That would also look different for different people (travel, career, wherever your focus is).

Regarding her comments on dating, I didn't think she was telling people to go out and find a partner NOW, rather the " your best time to work on your marriage is before your marriage" to me meant "work on yourself and what you want/need, rather than picking someone at random when you panic about everyone else getting married".

Haha, well I wasn't being sarcastic.  It's a lot easier for me to just read the transcripts.

[Simple Abundant Living]

Thanks for posting.  I watched it with my 20-yr-old and we both liked it. I was married and had a family in my twenties. It was very young, but I don't regret it. Like I tell my daughter, I'd rather marry the right person at the wrong time- than marry the wrong person at the right time. 

[m8547]

This is great. And kind of scary.

Thanks for posting the transcript instead of the video

Yes! I read the transcript in exactly half the time the video would have taken, based on the time stamps. Videos are a waste of time (though Ted talks are better than most). I will use the seven minutes I saved to ponder what I will do with the rest of my life...

[FireYourJob]

As a mustachian I felt like I wasted my time during my 20's but after watching that TED talk I don't feel like such a looser anymore.  I was conscious of my education, career, and personal relation ships.  I even managed to stay out of debt, save a decent sum (unfortunately not by mustachian standards), and move to greener pastures.  Now if they only have a TED talk for those of us in our mid 30's going through a mid-life crisis with a family and young kids.

How about those of us in mid 30s and no kids feeling life is getting late?

[arebelspy]

Posted this in the other thread you were talking about this TED talk, cross posting here in the new thread:

Hopefully all the 20-something's on here watch this:
http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20/transcript#t-877364

I have mixed thoughts on this.  On one hand, I agree that slacking/delaying in adulthood too long is not good.  On the other, I'm okay with someone in their young 20s taking a year to travel, or not being quite sure what they're doing yet.  I don't like the idea of a bunch of pressure on someone in their early 20s.

There's a balance that can be struck, IMO.  Waiting until you're 28-30 to take charge is probably waiting a bit too long, and I agree with the author.  Feeling that pressure when you're 20-22 is probably too much.  Somewhere in the middle, maybe 25ish, one ought to go "Okay, I'm done doing ___, time to get serious" (about romance, about careers, etc.)

As with pretty much everything, extremes are to be avoided.  So that's where I disagree with this link - it goes too far the other way, IMO.  But it is sage advice for those in their mid 20s (24-26), that they might want to start thinking about getting serious.

For me personally though, 30 will be the new 20.  A lot of 20 year olds have their first kid in their early 20s.  A lot take time off to travel internationally.  Me personally, at age 30, I'll have my first kid and quit my job to travel around the world.  I did it backwards - instead of delaying the work, etc. and having a drifting, laid-back 20s, I did all that up front and will have a drifting, laid-back 30s-70s (though my 20s have been very enjoyable as well, including the two month backpacking through Europe trip).  That's my favorite route to then be able to say "30 is the new 20!"  :)

Also a big +1 on the transcripts.  I've seen the video for this before, so I didn't read the transcript this time, but I can read something way faster than I can watch it.  I hate news "articles" that are just video links.  Does every TED talk have transcripts?   Probably just the popular ones.  That's something I didn't realize was even an option, so thanks!

[LonerMatt]

This was a fantastic talk, it was focused, clear, well reasoned and imploring. There were a few points, in particular, that I found myself reflecting on:

1. I got started in a career relatively young (just turned 22) and am now 3 years into it - I don't know if I'll do it forever, but I'm already building niche skills and have developed many valuable traits and skills. A lot of that development wasn't purposeful - I fell into something that led to something else that led to an opportunity being offered, etc. Looking over the last three years I can see tremendous growth.

2. I've been in the habit of moving, changing directions and trying new things - in careers and personally. This had led to a lot of personal growth and maturity, as well as a lot of great experiences.

3. I've been inspired by a quote on a bad blog "don't focus on building routine, focus on building habits" and have been trying to build habits a lot this year which has, thankfully, been working quite well. It's good to know the habits I'm struggling to develop now will have long-lasting impact.

4. I have wanted to take a year off or so recently and travel. I've been traveling in my generous 15-16 weeks of paid holiday regularly, but now I'm thinking of getting a job at an international school and traveling abroad before the job starts. There's a lot to think about there, and this talk re-affirms that I'm at a point now where choices are crucial for personal development and career development. Do I want to get to 30 and say 'I'm great at my job' or 'I had a great time'. For me: both. Just one isn't good enough.


I think her point can basically be summarised as: resist pressure to fuck around - live purposefully and consciously in your 20s, as it pays dividends. If that means traveling, working, interning, experimenting, whatever then that's fine - as long as there's a purpose and a reason. It's the idle coasting and directionless meandering of some 20 somethings that she's addressing (and the social norm that such attitudes are ok, acceptable, normal or to be encouraged).

Thanks anatidaev!

[Tempe]

This is great. And kind of scary.

Thanks for posting the transcript instead of the video

Yes! I read the transcript in exactly half the time the video would have taken, based on the time stamps. Videos are a waste of time (though Ted talks are better than most). I will use the seven minutes I saved to ponder what I will do with the rest of my life...

I was thankful for the transcript as well. I hate it when I can't find transcripts for videos. My listening skills aren't that great, although the text is missing the emotions of the speaker compared to hearing it. I read it sooo much faster.

It was an interesting read, I'm turning 26 next month and have been feeling like I'm on a better path than some of my cousins my age, some of who are in perpetual maybe I should do this, do that, and/or have kids and never get anything off the ground beyond that. The aimlessness in the early 20's was painful and difficult to go through and I do feel like I wasted some good years to get onto the current path, but the current habits I have working on are solidifying. On one hand I feel like I wasted time, on the other those years eventually got me on the right footing.

[LonerMatt]

I loved the video - I was playing video games and listening. She has such a pleasing accent and her tone really is appropriate and emphatic.

It's less time consuming to read, yes, but I find I read less in depth on screen.

[ch12]

This is great. And kind of scary.

Thanks for posting the transcript instead of the video

Yes! I read the transcript in exactly half the time the video would have taken, based on the time stamps. Videos are a waste of time (though Ted talks are better than most). I will use the seven minutes I saved to ponder what I will do with the rest of my life...

I was thankful for the transcript as well. I hate it when I can't find transcripts for videos. My listening skills aren't that great, although the text is missing the emotions of the speaker compared to hearing it. I read it sooo much faster.

It was an interesting read, I'm turning 26 next month and have been feeling like I'm on a better path than some of my cousins my age, some of who are in perpetual maybe I should do this, do that, and/or have kids and never get anything off the ground beyond that. The aimlessness in the early 20's was painful and difficult to go through and I do feel like I wasted some good years to get onto the current path, but the current habits I have working on are solidifying. On one hand I feel like I wasted time, on the other those years eventually got me on the right footing.

As someone in the midst of those years, I find Meg Jay's work interesting. After one of my close friends recommended the talk and her book, I read The Defining Decade, which explains her concepts a bit more. Fair warning though: she did the heavy hitting in her TED talk, and you definitely get 80% of the book from it.

http://www.amazon.com/Defining-Decade-Your-Twenties-Matter---ebook/dp/B005SCSCAU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1405047561&sr=8-1&keywords=meg+jay

[J Boogie]

I think the best thing is to move slowly and have balance.

The older I become, the more I can assert that this works best for me. The number of situations where things have gone wrong because I didn't move quickly pale in comparison to the number of those where I moved too quickly.

What!??? I would have thought the car crash detective would recommend breakneck speed and reckless decision making!