$25k for engagement ring

[Kwill]

I cannot get her to shake her desire for a 2 carat solitaire ring. Most of her friends have similar and given our jobs and peer set, this seems to be expected. ....

I sort of thought that rings were supposed to be a surprise and something that the guy picked out on his own according to his budget. Maybe that is only in some musical somewhere, but it sort of seems more romantic, more like a gift.

[RootofGood]

I bought some loose diamonds online to supplement Mrs. RoG's store bought ring. I had a jeweler friend modify her ring and mount the stones I bought next to the larger stone that came with the ring.  Total cost for everything was under $2k I think (maybe closer to $1500?). I paid $75 to my buddy the jeweler for the goldsmithing. Retail is probably $100-150 in my area.  Double it if you're in a high COL area (or drive to chinatown or somewhere that has less expensive craftsmen).   

Right now, we're not really sure where the ring is.  Probably in the box with tons of 24k gold jewelry.  Unfortunately it's nowhere near as valuable as the 24k jewelry.  Diamond was non-negotiable for her at the time, but 11 years later, she's probably changed her mind.

I paid 2 weeks salary from my summer internship at a law firm.  Screw that 2 months salary crap.  Or is it 3 months now?

My advice would be to get realistic with your bride to be on what the diamond means and what parameters you should use to choose what you're buying.  I remember we focused a lot on the 3 C's (or are there 4?) cut, color, clarity and ??  None of your wife's friends are going to know jackshit about any of those things.  None will ever have a jeweler's loop to check for microscopic defects.  If the bling looks pretty and is big and fat with no massive imperfections, then that's all that really matters.  I'd suggest skimping on every non-size related aspect of the diamond to get the price down as low as possible if you absolutely must purchase a 2 carat piece of crystallized carbon. 

But seriously, I probably wouldn't marry a person that insists on spending that much on a ring.  That's almost what we spend in an entire year including vacations, replacement funds for the house and car, etc.  What are the odds that there will be wedding, honeymoon, new car, new house, etc demands placed on you based on what similar earning peers purchase?  You, sir, might consider a $25k ring very inexpensive in hindsight.  I would much rather blow $25k on a trip around the world, or even buy a nice used luxury car (if I'm trying to waste $25k). 

[Grid]

moissanite
picking up the $800 .75 carat equivalent moissanite solitaire ring that my new fiance and I picked out together in about 30 minutes from the post office. will report back!

edit:

we love it!
http://i.imgur.com/lzYzBic.jpg?1

I saw an imgur link and I thought someone had beat me to it!  Along the same lines, here's a post with a couple more pictures of moissanite (And it seems to be actually more brilliant than a diamond.):  http://imgur.com/a/GuPzI?gallery

[Jacana]

Consider me another vote for vintage, bonus points for any heirloom stones kicking around either of your families.  My rings were worn by Mr PoP's great grandmother, and we recently had them engraved with our initials and wedding date next to theirs... which were scribed in there in 1917.  At 1 carat, it's "small" by some standards, but definitely more of a conversation starter than getting a carbon copy of the same ring half of our social cohort has.

Same here, most of our friends have pretty large cookie cutter solitaire or 3 stone engagement rings, but I find them rather boring. My set consists of my great grandmother's engagement ring, wedding band, and her 10 year anniversary band studded with diamonds that became the band we used at our wedding. They are absolutely gorgeous, elegant, and so unique. The diamond itself isn't huge but it is so impressive in the setting and very sparkly. And it is so amazing to see their initials and 1917 still engraved in the band.

The other choice we had was my other great grandmothers set. Ostentatious yellow gold but huge expensive diamonds. I could have taken the stones and reset them in a custom band for way less than retail rings. Also a great option.

Ask your parents, or hers, if there are any heirlooms that would be an option.

[AllieVaulter]

Moissanite!  Diamonds are fraught with all sorts of ethical problems.  If a 2 carat ring is that big of a deal for her, you can get one for $1500 from Moissanite without the ethical mine field.  My ring is moissanite and when I got the ring re-sized the jeweler tested the diamond and it came out with the highest rating of a "real" diamond.  He was shocked when I told him it was Moissanite. 

[xenon5]

Holy moly!  I forgot that $25k rings are a thing people buy on Earth without being a millionaire already.  I almost never even notice rings in the first place!

[IllusionNW]

Costco.  Seriously.  That's where DH bought my ring and apparently it was quite a bargain!

[kyanamerinas]

if she must have a large diamond, considering looking just under the 2 carat mark, say around 1.9. No one will know from looking (and hopefully people aren't rude enough to aks) but apparently being slightly under a round number brings the price down a little as people want to say they have a '2 carat' ring. Perhaps consider cuts which look bigger, not sure which these are but apparently some cuts do make the diamond look bigger in the setting.

[clarkfan1979]

This is tough. Before you buy it, I would at least have a conversation of the pros and cons of the ring. Someone else mentioned a college fund which I think is a great comparison. I would ask her what she would like to forfeit in exchange for the ring. Maybe bring up the cost of the wedding.

It seems as though the peer pressure from her friends is the driving force. If this is the case, this will most likely keep happening with other shiny objects in the future. If you live in a high income neighborhood, I would consider moving to a medium income neighborhood.

My wife's peer network all had 1 carat princess cut rings in the 5K range. I was a graduate student at time making (15k/year) and told her that my budget was $500. We found a ruby type ring for $650. She just reminded me a couple days ago that she had to pay $150 because I would only pay $500. I did promise her a more expensive ring when we are older (10 year anniversary). This will be much easier because in 8 years my investments will pay for the ring and not my salary. Could you convince her of a 25K ring in 10 years?

I am also fairly certain that she won't really care in 10 years because it was peer pressure that was the driving force, not her own desires. 

Among our peer group, most of our couple friends were making about 50K each for a total of 100K when rings were purchased 2-4 years ago. Based on this, the norm was a 5K ring. If your wife really wants a 25K ring which is 5 times as much I think it would be reasonable to suggest that your combined income should be 5 times as much (500K range).

[Pigeon]

I think some of the sentiments expressed here that the marriage will be a failure or the woman will be a total spendthrift are over the top.

Different people value different things.  I've read plenty of posts here where somebody will say they want something frivolous like a boat.  They've thought a long time about it, and really, really think it will be worth it for them.  They are almost always encouraged to get it by the majority of posters.  Maybe it's a coincidence that most of the posters here seem to be men.

I don't see a ring any differently.  It is a one time purchase, without any appreciable maintenance, unlike a boat.  The woman clearly wants this very badly and it will mean a great deal to her.  She's not asking to throw a big, expensive wedding or go on an elaborate honeymoon, and the OP states she's not otherwise spendy.

I love jewelry and I have a lovely diamond engagement ring.  I have worn it every single day for 30 years.  I still smile when I look at it and it gives me an enormous amount of pleasure.  I like other stones, but for my engagement ring I wanted a diamond.  If all my husband could afford was a small diamond, that would have been OK, but I would have upgraded with when we could afford more. 

I am lucky in that my husband likes to get me jewelry for special occasions.  He used to work in the trade and he loves beautiful stones. That said, I agree with many of the suggestions here to buy estate or otherwise second-hand stones, and you'll do much better staying slightly under 2 carats.  Talk to your fiancé about it and find out how she would feel about that.  If you were to show her some of the beautiful rings on some of the websites that have been mentioned here, she might start to think about it a little differently.  Under no circumstances try to deceive her with something like a white sapphire.  She'll find out and she'll be hurt.  If you want to bring that up as an option to discuss, that's fine.  Sapphires don't wear like diamonds though  They tend to get beat up if you wear them every day.  The same is true for other colored stones.

[FIence!]

Different people value different things.  I've read plenty of posts here where somebody will say they want something frivolous like a boat.  They've thought a long time about it, and really, really think it will be worth it for them.  They are almost always encouraged to get it by the majority of posters. 

This, this, this. I've noticed the posters on this forum get a little emotional about diamonds bought by other people. But a house with a mortgage that would blow my mind is fine because "good schools."

My ring is probably on the more expensive side as far as this forum goes, and I love it. My husband picked it out because he knew I would love it, and he spent more than I "expected" him too based on what I told him I liked. People I know (irl, not on this forum) will make semi-snide comments about my ring, but the very same people will turn around and scrunch up their noses when asking "isn't it about time to get a new car?" or passively-aggressively refer to our house that is more than enough space and luxury for us as our "starter home." 

OP, I am just like your fiance... I spend almost nothing on clothes and beauty, but I really love and value my ring, which I will wear forever. We shopped together so he could see what I liked, and I steered him exclusively to vintage. I really recommend that route. It avoids a lot of the ethical complications of modern diamonds, you save some cash, and personally I just find old cuts much more beautiful. You might want to check out some diamond district dealers of vintage pieces.

Is your gf interested in vintage? Feel free to pm me if you would like any more specifics from someone who has shopped this way.

[tomsang]

Not much more to add, but to second everyone's suggestion to talk with your fiancé to be. I would have her read this forum thread and then discuss the ring. This is a great topic to start the communication frontier. There will be many of these types of conversations over your marriage and how you set up the communication environment at the beginning will determine how well you two will handle the stress of life through compromise. If you are not comfortable having this conversation, I would strongly recommend that you hold off on marriage. Good luck!!

[fiftyincher]

Holy crap was my first thought.

My wife wanted some diamond jewerly recently (we have very modest rings, her's was around $700). We're simply people, no one we know and certainly not us, would be able to tell real from fake diamonds. After a few semi heated discussions, I finally convinced her it was crazy to pay for real diamonds. It took awhile but she came around. Now, had I not found out about Dave Ramsey, then MMM and others, diamond marketing would've worked on us. I can't imagine spending $5k on a ring, much less $25k. Her friends all have bigger/fancier rings. So what? They also have huge houses and the 30yr mortgages to go with, newer cars and the payments too. Good for them.

If we didn't have kids, $25k would get us through most of a year of spending. A year!

Can she tell the difference between real and fake???? I'd be really tempted to get her a fake one and carry that secret to my grave.

[tomsang]

This, this, this. I've noticed the posters on this forum get a little emotional about diamonds bought by other people. But a house with a mortgage that would blow my mind is fine because "good schools."

My ring is probably on the more expensive side as far as this forum goes, and I love it. My husband picked it out because he knew I would love it, and he spent more than I "expected" him too based on what I told him I liked. People I know (irl, not on this forum) will make semi-snide comments about my ring, but the very same people will turn around and scrunch up their noses when asking "isn't it about time to get a new car?" or passively-aggressively refer to our house that is more than enough space and luxury for us as our "starter home."

I think the difference is that your fiancé was in alignment with your needs. You also did not buy new, it wasn't just about keeping up with the peers, etc.

I am also convinced that 99.999% of peers would not know the difference between a cubic zirconia and a diamond. I have seen this first hand as I have an income and peer group where women are wearing 2 one carat earrings of the finest grade. The wife told me not to buy her real earrings as she tends to lose or misplace them and she did not want the stress of dealing with real. We purchased one of one and a half carat cubic zirconia studs in a professional setting and she gets tons of compliments of how beautiful/amazing/brilliant her earrings are. No one would know that they were less than $200, except that my wife is terrible at keeping secrets or lying.

[Copperwood]

Asking where to buy a $25,000 piece of jewelry on the MMM forums is like asking a vegan for advice on buying a fur coat.

LOLOL  /truth

[Tetsuya Hondo]

Do it on the condition that she first spend two weeks researching the history of the diamond cartels.

Diamond companies are fucking evil.

[rubybeth]

Diamond fanatic here! I'm more into antiques and secondary market to find good deals, but for an engagement ring for a guy who doesn't know a lot about diamonds, I'd suggest joining the Pricescope.com diamond forum and saying your future wife wants a 2 carat look and post the budget you're actually comfortable spending. You can also PM me directly if you'd like.

Online jewelers are generally less expensive because they don't have the high store front costs of brick & mortar stores. James Allen is a good choice, as you are seeing the actual stone you will purchase in high resolution. Blue Nile is a drop shipper so I'd avoid. My engagement ring is from Whiteflash (www.whiteflash.com) and another good online seller is Brian Gavin Diamonds (www.briangavindiamonds.com) and he originally started Whiteflash before he moved onto his own business.

I'd also say to stay slightly under the exact 2 carat mark, as another poster suggested. If you get a very high quality cut (like from Whiteflash, James Allen, or Brian Gavin), visually it is going to be so sparkly and the spread will likely be the same as or better than poorly cut 2 carat stones that her friends likely have.

Something like this 1.75 I VS2 Hearts & Arrows round from Brian Gavin: http://www.briangavindiamonds.com/diamonds/diamond-details/1.758-i-vs2-round-diamond-ags-104073209013

Or this 1.87 I SI1 A Cut Above from Whiteflash: http://www.whiteflash.com/loose-diamonds/round-cut-loose-diamond-3227674.htm

James Allen's site isn't working for me well right now, but if you'd like, I can look later and make a suggestion based on their stock.

Another bonus with some of these online sellers is the option to upgrade, so if you get slightly less than 2 carats and she decides later she wants larger, you can trade in the ring. Read up on these policies before buying if you think you might use them, though.

And I'm probably similar to your future wife in that nothing else about me is 'fancy' and I don't spend a lot on appearances, but I love my jewelry and wear it all the time and it brings me great joy.

[midweststache]

1. Costs don't end with the diamond. A piece that expensive should be insured individually, in case it is lost or stolen. So there's that cost (forever).

2. Are you making sure your diamonds are ethically sourced? You'll pay a premium for that (assuming you go the "real" diamond route), but perhaps it might be worth looking at the cost of diamonds in terms of human labor. Sure, your fiancée's hand will look pretty, but at what cost (and I'm not just talking the $25,000)?

My partner and I are getting married this year, and I'm thrilled to inherit a now-deceased family member's ring. It's (most importantly) meaningful, (also importantly) beautiful, and (less importantly, but a nice perk) free. I recognize this isn't the route for everyone, nor does everyone have access to family pieces, but this prospect is much more exciting to me than any new piece of jewelry could be.

[BPA]

Asking where to buy a $25,000 piece of jewelry on the MMM forums is like asking a vegan for advice on buying a fur coat.

LOLOL  /truth

ha ha I thought the same thing but he's gotten some pretty good ideas here. 

[Cookie78]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam - Adam Ruins Everything

[Lia-Aimee]

What I find a bit concerning is not that she wants a large/expensive diamond ring because she loves large and expensive diamonds, but because of her peer group.  For many people, myself included, one of the biggest barriers to living frugally is peer expectations.  If the 25k diamond is a one-time thing, I say absolutely get it for her...but I wonder what else she will need down the road that her friends have.  This is particularly true as you age, when a tiny house and 10-year-old car become less and less acceptable.

[yandz]

Do you know if she is open to any diamond alternatives?  Moissanite is a common one, but one I came across (after I had a ring, or else this is what I would have) is Spinel. Lesser known because they are rare enough that a mass market never developed so the rarity makes them less, not more expensive.  It comes in lots of colors (some bright!) but there are some colorless and grey options (I am obsessed with the greys).  Like diamonds, they are singly refractive, so have a very similar shine as diamonds.

Gaze with me for a moment: https://www.google.com/search?q=light+grey+spinel&safe=active&rls=com.microsoft:en-US:IE-Address&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=mp-RVJalEoX8yQTtk4HQBA&ved=0CB8QsAQ&biw=1680&bih=994

But yeah, not everyone wants something "interesting" sometimes they want what has been established as typical.  Lots of good suggestions here on getting a hold of what you are looking for an a better price.

[FIence!]

What I find a bit concerning is not that she wants a large/expensive diamond ring because she loves large and expensive diamonds, but because of her peer group.  For many people, myself included, one of the biggest barriers to living frugally is peer expectations.  If the 25k diamond is a one-time thing, I say absolutely get it for her...but I wonder what else she will need down the road that her friends have.  This is particularly true as you age, when a tiny house and 10-year-old car become less and less acceptable.

Mmm, good point. OP, has your future wife pointed out any rings/styles that she personally loves or has dreamed of, or is it all, "Well, Lisa's ring is this size, and Jenny's stone is this shape, and everyone is doing platinum..."? You know her well enough that you are going to marry her, so you might have a good handle on if she really loves jewelry (does she wear any now?) or if this is a societal fitting-in thing.

[starguru]

Just an idea...suggest getting a really nice 10k diamond now and upgrading to the 25k one in 10 years, when you renew your vows?  Maybe by then she will not want it.  Many jewelry purveyors will allow you to turn in the old one and apply the amount payed to a new purchase.

[Jouer]

Never buy a ring with a round number for carat. The difference in price between 0.9 and 1.0 is massive....but the difference in size is negligible. I assume the same can be said for 1.9 and 2.0 though I would never look at anything that large.

I got my wife's ring designed by a friend who is a jeweler - he made a cool setting that everyone seems to love. When I told him I wanted 1 carat he told me he'd punch me in the face if I insisted on a round number. He also told me that the other C's are much more important than size. MY SIL has a larger diamond than my wife but it's way shittier and she wants a new one. My wife gets all kinds of compliments on hers....even from strangers.

You are right in thinking that retail is a bad idea. Ask around some friends to see where they got theirs. There must be some places in your area where you can by diamonds and also a setting. Some local research will help you there. If you pay more than half of what the insurance people say the ring is worth, you've overpaid.

Also, don't tell her what you paid for the ring. She can know what it is worth but keeping the actual price secret is a nice little game....at least it is for me.

[TrulyStashin]

I'm trying to imagine wearing that big a ring on my hand all the time, every day.

What a pain in the ass!

[senecando]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xj2ivyQSnBs&t=1m6s

[Pigeon]

Can she tell the difference between real and fake???? I'd be really tempted to get her a fake one and carry that secret to my grave.

That's a very bad idea on so many levels.  At some point, she will probably need to get the ring resized or the prongs checked.  Any jeweler who has a clue will be able to tell the difference.  There are visual difference between diamonds and Moissanite, and there are testing machines for Moissanite as well. 

[DollarBill]

About to throw $25k into the incinerator. The GF is otherwise very Mustachian (she has spent less than $500 this year on clothing, almost nothing on beauty, nothing on transportation, cooks at home when possible and is a high earner), but I cannot get her to shake her desire for a 2 carat solitaire ring. Most of her friends have similar and given our jobs and peer set, this seems to be expected. Marginally, I can likely find something for closer to $20k, but I know that even at that price, the purchase will cause lasting pain in my brain.

I am at the point of surrender; so, any suggestions on how to purchase something like this? I've checked bluenile.com and jamesallen.com and am leaning towards jamesallen.com. I do not personally know any jewelers, but I know that retail is not a great way to go. Any suggestions (or commiseration) greatly appreciated.

Thanks all

Somebody please tell me this is a prank?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam - Adam Ruins Everything

I'm surprised this wasn't posted in earlier writings.

[CheapskateWife]

I'm trying to imagine wearing that big a ring on my hand all the time, every day.

What a pain in the ass!

From a personal safety standpoint, a ring this large would really get attention, and maybe not the kind your future wifey wants.  Has that conversation come up?

I talked my DH out of a crazy expensive diamond ring for our engagement and settled on a rather lovely custom aquamarine trio.  They are gorgeous.  Fast forward 7 years and one baby...that sucker doesn't fit any more and I just don't have the time/motivation to go get it adjusted.  Oh, did I mention my job has changed and wearing the ring at work would actually be a hazard?  So now it sits in my jewelry box, and makes me smile that I wasn't a bigger sucker and fell for the Diamond Cartel Sales Pitch.  OP, these are all very reasonable discussions to be having with the proposed wifey.  If she can't have reasonable discourse on this very expensive expectation, I think you might be looking at a grim future.

Good luck to you OP, I sincerely hope you are able to bring her around to the dark MMM side!

[surfhb]

Can I ask what your incomes are?     I think this is the largest factor in this discussion

[AJDZee]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam - Adam Ruins Everything

I'm surprised this wasn't posted in earlier writings.

It was.  :D


I don't think providing cheaper options for a big diamond will cut it for this princess. I obviously don't know her (but I know the type), but part of 'I must have a 2 carat diamond' to keep up with the Jones' IS spending $20-25k on the ring. In the eyes of many, they are not mutually exclusive.

[AJDZee]

Oh also... I officially nominate this thread to be moved into its correct forum category: 'Antimustachian Wall of Shame'  haha

[Cookie78]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam - Adam Ruins Everything

I'm surprised this wasn't posted in earlier writings.

It was.  :D

Ooops!
Sorry!

[Tetsuya Hondo]

I hope that someday people can come to their senses and realize that spending a shit-ton on a little trinket to go around your finger and on a wedding is one of the worst things you can do to a young couple starting out. And why? Because we worry what our peers and family may think if we don't have a fancy wedding or a rock of X size on a finger. All because those vile fuckers at deBeers brainwashed us into thinking that diamonds - amongst the most common of gemstones - are somehow rare or an integral part of engagements. It's really disgusting.

I sympathize with the OP. Because I too spent more than I wanted on a diamond ring - and it wasn't even that big! And, we had a big fancy wedding. Now, it makes me kind of sad to think of how much our families and we spent on all of this and all of the better things we could have done with it. It's really baffling that we do this.

To the OP, if you worry about what your peers will think, please, buy a fake (with her permission, of course). Your peers will never know. And you won't have help fund this stupid, stupid industry and perpetuate this insanity.

/rant

[Rage]

Someone mentioned an option up-thread that I think is a perfect solution - buy something cheap now (and it's funny to me that the amount that I spent -$1200 - which I consider to be an absolutely tragic waste of an insane amount of money - is small compared to what you're thinking about spending) with the understanding that you will buy her a fancy ring on precisely your 10th wedding anniversary. 

In the intervening years she will come to love her original wedding ring and grow attached to it.  You might occasionally send her links to articles about how pointless and unethical diamonds are, without an apparent motive (commenting only "huh, didn't realize...", etc.)

10 years is a long time.  You might have kids, add a few sister wives, whatever.  The chances that she still wants a $25K ring in 10 years are very low.  And if she does, then spend the $25K.

Here's a fun story: we took a few years off to travel the world and didn't want to travel with her insanely expensive $1200 ring, so we got her a $50 gold ring to travel with.  Super thin, super light.  Well, many years later, THAT is the ring that she wears all the time.  It's more comfortable, doesn't draw attention, doesn't get caught on pockets, she can wear it to the gym, etc.  We've looked into selling the $1200 ring but guess what?  It's not worth shit because diamond rings are fucking worthless.

[BarkyardBQ]

Holy moly!  I forgot that $25k rings are a thing people buy on Earth without being a millionaire already.  I almost never even notice rings in the first place!

This made me think of a stat from the book The Millionaire Next Door, and that statistically the average self-made millionaire spends at most $24,000 purchasing a car. So OP, wants to spent as much on a ring as a millionaire would spend on a durable good.

[Beric01]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU

Why Engagement Rings Are a Scam - Adam Ruins Everything

This - a thousand times over.

A tradition is fine (even one that costs money), but one started entirely by a company that is solely seeking to maximize its profits is nothing I want a part in.

[socaso]

I read this thread and couldn't determine if the op's intended is asking for a certain ring or just a certain diamond size. If it is the second the op might suggest to his gf that she start looking at rings to see what sort of designs she is drawn to. She may be surprised to find that the rings she likes best are actually smaller than the diamond size she thinks she wants. If it is peer pressure driving her to desire a certain diamond size, why not break from what her friends are doing and tell her that rather than spend that amount on a ring you would love to take her on a romantic engagement getaway? I did not receive a ring at all when my husband proposed but we took a trip to Paso Robles wine country and got such kind attention from all sorts of people when they found out we had just gotten engaged. Afterward I made a photo album of our trip and that means more to me than the ring I eventually got (which cost $400.) The whole trip was under $700 and that was with us splashing out and treating ourselves to lots of bottles of wine and a couple of pricey dinners.

[cpa cat]

No sense in arguing because that will just lead to her sad and me feeling bad.

You and your future wife should be able to discuss $25,000 expenditures without guilt/sadness.

In the end, the ring is just an item. It is just about the least important thing about your life together. As is every other $25,000 item. You're not talking about spending $25,000 on chemotherapy. You're talking about a bauble.

If you can't discuss whether or not to spend $25,000 on a piece of jewelry in a calm and rational way with your wife, then what can you discuss?

I assure you, in your life with your wife, there will be many disagreements and discussions to be had. Avoiding these discussions because of feelings of sadness and guilt is not the path to a healthy, successful marriage.

[NUF]

I'm surprised that you're judging her desires without fully understanding them. It's human to have irrational desires and unconscious needs; I never got the impression that this website was about full out asceticism.

Perhaps she has seen family or friends pity or snub others with small rings, perhaps she likes sparkly things, perhaps she had a formative experience that included a 2 carat ring, perhaps she's competitive. Perhaps she's insecure about your priorities and would like to know that you're willing to value her happiness over money gift of the magi-style.

She may not even be able to articulate why she wants this particular size ring, but I can assure you that your upcoming marriage will work better if you are willing to talk her through helping you understand why she has this desire. Once you understand it, you can better know how to fulfill it in a less expensive way. I always thought that this was the crux of mustachianism; to pursue the things that really make you happy by exploring cheaper alternate options and by cutting out the things that don't add value.

I don't see this as a decision for you to make on your own, I see this as a a decision that you and she should make together. I would like to point out that no two people will ever have all of the same values and priorities, this is an opportunity for you guys to understand how to work these things out in a mutually supportive way.

[AJDZee]

OP - I'm sorry but wanting a $25k ring "just because" its extremely inconsiderate of your SO.
Would she also want it if she was the only one paying for it?

This would be a deal breaker for me. No I'm not lying at all. If my wife had given me this type of ultimatum, we would both be living separate lives now.

Smartest man in the entire forum, right here! 100% agree.

[stuckinmn]

I think some of the sentiments expressed here that the marriage will be a failure or the woman will be a total spendthrift are over the top.

Different people value different things.  I've read plenty of posts here where somebody will say they want something frivolous like a boat.  They've thought a long time about it, and really, really think it will be worth it for them.  They are almost always encouraged to get it by the majority of posters.  Maybe it's a coincidence that most of the posters here seem to be men.

I think the biggest difference here is that if someone loves fishing, skiiing and all other things you can do on a boat, then it adds real value to their lives and they should get the boat.  If they want the boat mainly because they want to be cool for all their friends that expect them to get a nice boat, then they are being idiots.

I just can't see a situation where someone can honestly say that a $25,000 ring improves their life appreciably, other than due to an elevated standing among peers.  Definitely not a mustachian purchase, but to each his own, and if the OP wants to buy it he should as it is his money.  But I'd personally view this as a giant red warning sign flashing for the OP.   

[OSUBearCub]

add a few sister wives, whatever. 

ROTFL

[partgypsy]

Oh man. That is a lot of money. Prices for diamonds really go up astronomically by size past say the half carat mark. I love gemstones and jewelry, but has she thought this through? Does she think that if she gets a smaller stone her friends will judge or smirk at her (not if they are real friends) or that you don't love her as much as someone who gets a giant ring (of course not). Have her look at Mark Zuckerberg's wife engagement ring. Even if you are well off, don't have to spend to show it.
1) smaller but nice stone Any way to take her to stores and try on ideal cut stones that are in the 1-1.5 range? Really an ideal cut stone is going to look so much nicer than a not so nice stone.

If she is set, and you are OK with it, and it doesn't negatively impact finances (no borrowing or emptying of efund) I would go via internet, for ideal cut stones (AGS) or GIA (look at Pricescope for cheat sheet for good numbers).

2) preloved Other preloved for sale sites are in Pricescope (you will have to register to look in this section) diamond bistro, and loupetroop if you are game.

3) older cut Another option is getting an OMC or OEC (older cut stones). These typically are in lower colors (more tinted) but they can be attractive stones and less per carat than traditional round brilliants. You would typically find these in estate but also internet estate websites specializing in jewelry.

also 4) colored stone. A 2 carat sapphire will be much more reasonably priced and yet still gorgeous. But keep in mind sapphires do look smaller by carat weight than same size diamond.

[partgypsy]

http://www.jewelsbygrace.com/loose-diamonds/2-01-to-3-00/2-51ct-round-brilliant-bgd-blue-ags000-j-si1.html

Just an example. This one is a modern cut but usually the antique cuts are more competitive.

[Pigeon]

I think some of the sentiments expressed here that the marriage will be a failure or the woman will be a total spendthrift are over the top.

Different people value different things.  I've read plenty of posts here where somebody will say they want something frivolous like a boat.  They've thought a long time about it, and really, really think it will be worth it for them.  They are almost always encouraged to get it by the majority of posters.  Maybe it's a coincidence that most of the posters here seem to be men.

I think the biggest difference here is that if someone loves fishing, skiiing and all other things you can do on a boat, then it adds real value to their lives and they should get the boat.  If they want the boat mainly because they want to be cool for all their friends that expect them to get a nice boat, then they are being idiots.

I just can't see a situation where someone can honestly say that a $25,000 ring improves their life appreciably, other than due to an elevated standing among peers.  Definitely not a mustachian purchase, but to each his own, and if the OP wants to buy it he should as it is his money.  But I'd personally view this as a giant red warning sign flashing for the OP.   

Well, as a few of us have noted, having a nice diamond ring does bring us joy on a daily basis.  Mine is going on 30 years of daily joy with no sign of stopping.  We didn't pay $25K for it, but we did pay a fair amount and I don't regret it for an instance.  (On the other hand, I do regret my big fancy wedding that my parents paid for.) You may not see that.  I see a boat as a total maintenance PIA and a hole in the water in which one throws money.  We value different things.

I think the OP needs to  have a conversation about this with his fiancé, and they need to come to understand if a ring that will make her sufficiently happy can be had at a lower budget, and there are other options than paying retail for a 2 carat stone.  Maybe she wants it because she wants it or maybe it's because she feels it will give her status with her peers.  I'm sure many a boat has been purchased to impress one's friends.

[cpa cat]

Well, as a few of us have noted, having a nice diamond ring does bring us joy on a daily basis.  Mine is going on 30 years of daily joy with no sign of stopping. 

On the other hand, I know many women who have stopped wearing their nice diamond ring.

They often stop when they become pregnant, and then get used to nor wearing it. They stop if their weight fluctuates. They stop due to arthritis. They stop because they have to wash their hands a lot at work. They stop because it snags on things. They stop because it became too wide/heavy/whatever when combined with the wedding band.

A $25,000 ring is a lot of ring to wear around on a daily basis.

[austin]

OP, arguing about money and money problems is one of the major reasons people get divorced. Think about that before you go through with this $25k purchase and whether or not you truely believe that this will be the last ridiculously expensive trinket your spouse will ever demand. (PS divorce is really expensive too)

[RootofGood]

I'm trying to imagine wearing that big a ring on my hand all the time, every day.

What a pain in the ass!

DW figured this out pretty quick.  Wash dishes?  Change a diaper?  Dig in the garden?  Go hiking and climb up some rocks?  Haul some sticks or rocks in the yard?  Put on a latex glove?  Put on a leather glove?  Or a glove of any kind when it's cold out?  Major PIA.  And then there's the "oh crap the soap made my ring come off in the sink and I think it's in the garbage disposal" moments occasionally. 

The last thing she wants to worry about is losing a multi-thousand dollar ring.  Make it $25k and that's some serious brow furrowing worry right there guys.