My house is now complete. Here's a list of projects I've done, including a few that I maybe wouldn't do again:
Necessary for decarbonization
1. Heat Pump Water Heater: Total Cost $2.5K (partial DIY, but before incentives were available). Saves about $250-$300 in utility costs per year
2. Electric cars: I'm not sure how to compute costs because we would have bought cars anyways. And we bought overpriced face-punch worthy cars.
3. Heat Pump: Total cost $12k after incentives. Operational costs are roughly break-even, and possibly slightly higher. It really depends on whether gas costs are high or low in any particular year.
4. Gas fireplace replacement: Cost $1.5k as a mostly DIY project, although I hired a handyman to patch the vent-hole in the side of my house. While I didn't have to do this, I wanted to fully cut my gas meter fee, and I didn't want a non-operational fireplace.
5. Solar just installed!: It's a big system at 18.4kW, which cost $35k after incentives.
Optional things for decarbonization
1. Whole House Fan: $2.2k. This was my gateway drug into energy efficiency projects. It probably saves $150-$200/yr in energy costs. I probably wouldn't do it again with the added efficiency of the heat pump.
2. Induction Stove (replaced electric) $1.2k: I love it and you can pry it from my cold dead hands. A lot of what I like is the mid-tier oven functions like air-fry and convection. Cooktop touchpads are dumb though. Avoid those at all costs.
3. Heat-pump washer/dryer combo 1.4k: I like this. I wouldn't replace a good working set for one, but I'd put it at the top of the list when it's time to replace an old one. It saves me about 500kWh/yr, and I find it slightly more convenient than the traditional setup.
4. Sense Home energy monitor: $350. This is critical. Knowing where your energy goes is the key to understanding what to change. Buy one if you care about energy efficiency.
I overall spent about $50k on the required items, and about $56k if you count the optional items (still leaving out the cars).
That sounds like a lot of money, but we were paying $5k/yr in utilities and gasoline per year. We hope to be in this house for 20+ years. It's still a 10 year undiscounted payback, and maybe a 5-8 year discounted payback if you assume a reasonable rate of inflation on gas and utility prices.