**share update**
I had called my [car mom] to expand our plans through the end of the year. This is working for me, even if it's not perfect. I got a little wobbly when right after i told her let do this through the end of the year her reply was basically, "great, haven't really done anything on the Bankruptcy!" Well that left me feeling not so great. It made me realize i was hoping for a friend to share the joys and pains of this financial journey. Feeling like i'd just enabled her to continue to ignore her stuff made me feel like a bad friend. I decided my benefit was worth sticking it out for.
Almost immediately after I called her and lengthened our commitment, she stopped contacting me as often. It had already been trickling off a little and i thought in our last convo i'd said i need more, but i know it can be easy to hear what works for you and not always hear anything else. I do this all the time, so it's no real stretch to see how she could, too. Our interactions became fewer and fewer and almost always at the very last minute.
She left town and i had the car back for about 2 weeks. Again, she must have emailed me as she was boarding the damned plane to come home. I expressed that i need somethings changed. Her response was mostly resistance. That furthered my wobble. I was beginning to feel like maybe this really isn't working for me...
We email back and forth and agree to call Wed, last Wed. It was a week before i heard from her. I was fucking pissed at this point. I felt utterly taken for granted and unsupported. We arranged the drop off of the car for this weekend, but i refused to discuss her pick up until we spoke.
"I'm stressed. It feels like my bowels are about to fall out my ass! I don't know if you realize it's been 6 weeks since we've had our last check in, but it has and I've barely heard from you and this right here is not working for me!" I was very emotional at this point. I get very upset when i just don't know what's going on. It's one of the hardest things for me to manage. There is a very physical reaction when I can't make sense of whatever and my instinct is to real in all my tenderness and GTFO! She listened and asked before giving a response.
"First and most importantly, It's your car. If you need it back for any reason it's yours and I'll bring it to you. Second, I feel like I'm hearing that you're in this with me in a way that i didn't understand before. I didn't realize you wanted to be a part of my journey like that and it's really nice to hear!..."
We talked back and forth for about 30min. We never made any decision about what we're doing next just shared and remained open to each others needs. I had to cut it short as i was at work.
Later she wrote me,
"1- I want to restate my apology for not sharing enough about my BK situation, for not calling on Wed, returning your call on Fri, and just in general, NOT staying in as close contact as you had requested. The one thing we didn't talk about in this call was that you clearly requested early on in our car relationship that I check in with you every other week about YOUR car needs. I dropped the ball on that.
My new traveling life... I am still learning to balance it... and I dropped several communication balls along the way this last trip.
I apologize.
2- THANK YOU for bringing up everything you needed to (and if there is more, pls bring that up, too!) and for calling me first. Even though you were upset, I was STILL happy to hear you. I WANT to know what's going on for you... and I was very glad to hear all of this... how I COULD clear up some things, how you cleared up some things for ME, and how I feel like we are on much similar pages now...
THANK YOU for calling.
Gratitude and respect..."
I still don't know how this is going to end up, but i felt like it would be shitty of me to act like this is all peachy keen. It's taken a little work and it's not easy, but i'd still chose to share.