Why do you focus on credit card spending? I think you should be focusing on what you're actually spending your money on
This is an excellent question.
The issue for my family in the move to Mustachianism has not been me. I'm on board, and I can happily live on very little (at least, compared to what I make).
My wife was--and is, although to a much lesser extent now--a reluctant convert. She likes working, and she intends to keep working until normal retirement age. She already felt like we lived relatively frugally, especially compared to what we made, and compared to our neighbors--who all have nannies or housekeepers, maids, fancy cars, etc. She prided herself on not being one of those ridiculous women who bought fancy purses and had expensive nights out, etc.
That's why the credit card bills were such a shock once I analyzed them. We were averaging over $4,000 a month. I assumed that was based on a few expensive purchases and some miscellaneous charges. But I looked at one month that was $4500 and realized two things. First, we had charges almost ever single day. Second, the three most expensive charges were grocery bills between $200 and $300.
That meant that we were basically charging $125 every single day. Considering we both ate lunches from home and often kept the same $20 in our wallet/purse for a week or two, that was shocking. It was like we were proud of saving $7 by skipping lunch out, but then couldn't leave the office before charging $100. Every single day. It seemed ridiculous.
The thing is, though, that I was initiating less than 10-20% of those charges. So the challenge initially was less about cutting spending and more about convincing my wife what changes we could make and what we could live without. For her, that created a sense of deprivation at first, and challenged her identity as a careful, sensible woman. It sounds ridiculous now, but some of our "essential" charges were 6 daily vitamins and preventative medicines for the kids, a new pair of pantyhose every day, an iPhone plan for 4-year old iPhones that was $100 higher than everyone else in America because we never called, dry cleaning once or twice a week, etc.
The cuts were thus difficult at first, because they involved convincing someone my wife to cut back out of principle--a principle that she didn't really share, other than she wanted to be supportive of me. And that's tough.
But what the cutting has done is shown us over time that we can find things we really didn't need, and after a few weeks, adapt to the fact they're gone without ultimately changing our happiness level.
So the goal is to cut the credit card spending generally, because I can't completely line item the charges. She gets to spend a little bit of what she wants, with my chiming in and trying to find ways to reduce what we spend, or cut the spending altogether. It was very difficult at first, and she still chafes occasionally at what she feels is too much restriction, but the end result is that we've cut way back and rebalanced around a much lower spending level.
For me, this is the challenge of Mustachianism. Getting what I want in terms of financial priorities and freedom without completely wrecking my marriage. And I must give serious credit to my wife for going along as much as she has and being unbelievably supportive of something that doesn't mean that much to her (at least the goal of early retirement). I realize that these spending levels are ridiculously high for most people. But it highlights how we get used to a certain level of spending, a level typically linked to what we earn. Once you detach from that, it can feel like a shock until you adjust.
For those reasons, $19,999, her I come! (Also, we are not offloading any spending from the credit card other than some grocery shopping at Target that we put on the Target red card for a 5% discount. While significant, those expenses have been offset by moving other expenses like insurance and cell phones onto the credit card. I think it's a close enough wash that I'm good with it.)
Thank you for the input. It's very helpful to frame the issues and see what can be improved.