Author Topic: Have a difficult conversation every day  (Read 6600 times)

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Have a difficult conversation every day
« on: August 23, 2016, 10:34:44 PM »
I think I read this quote somewhere on this forum:

"A person's success in life can be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have." - Tim Ferriss

It struck a chord as I feel I could be more successful in all areas of life (growing my business, health, relationships) if I could stop avoiding these tough conversations. Having these conversations will make FIRE happen earlier!

Today I made a call I've been putting off for a medical thing. Sounds stupid but I've put a procedure off for two months and it's a real roadblock on the rest of life. Today I realised the longer I left it, the more difficult it was going to be, doh.

okobrien

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 107
    • Up From Wage Slavery
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2016, 09:09:50 PM »
That is a great idea man.  Good for you, facing the difficult shit and getting it done! I have recently started being intentional about starting up conversation with people I don't know or wouldn't have talked to without a specific reason.  There is something rewarding about going out and taking a risk--even if it is something small like an uncomfortable conversation.

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8579
  • Location: Australia
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2016, 09:29:27 PM »
Can I extend the concept to non-verbal conversations, e.g. emails? If yes, I will totally be IN! I find most interactions a bit difficult and tiring, so it's good for me to get some practice in. I've been doing well already this week, contacting people for quotes on house stuff. Today I really need to reply (politely!) to somebody who sent me an email man-splaining probably honestly trying to teach and help me on a topic I know far more about than he does. And it's somebody who I like, and who will be in my life whether I like him or not anyway, so I need to exercise my diplomacy in my response.

What's yours for today?

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2016, 12:09:37 AM »
Can I extend the concept to non-verbal conversations, e.g. emails? If yes, I will totally be IN! I find most interactions a bit difficult and tiring, so it's good for me to get some practice in. I've been doing well already this week, contacting people for quotes on house stuff. Today I really need to reply (politely!) to somebody who sent me an email man-splaining probably honestly trying to teach and help me on a topic I know far more about than he does. And it's somebody who I like, and who will be in my life whether I like him or not anyway, so I need to exercise my diplomacy in my response.

What's yours for today?

Yes we will include emails and SMS but not anonymous notes!

Today I asked a client for late payment. It was fine, not at all awkward and there was no dispute or anything.

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #4 on: August 25, 2016, 12:20:58 AM »
Some tips for you to deal with your mansplainer, HaH ;)

http://www.bustle.com/articles/175472-non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women-by-sarah-cooper-will-make-you-laugh-facepalm-at-the

I'm having trouble accessing the links to the original website, I think it is very popular since this series of cartoons hit FB!

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8579
  • Location: Australia
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2016, 02:06:15 AM »
Some tips for you to deal with your mansplainer, HaH ;)

http://www.bustle.com/articles/175472-non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women-by-sarah-cooper-will-make-you-laugh-facepalm-at-the

I'm having trouble accessing the links to the original website, I think it is very popular since this series of cartoons hit FB!

Argh that article hit a little too close to home. I dumb myself down SO MUCH at work and it's still not enough. NEVER ENOUGH.

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2016, 07:00:29 PM »
How did you go with your email, Happier?

Today DH stole my difficult conversation which was to talk to our neighbours' builders about some damage they inadvertently caused on our side of the fence. So I'm thinking up another one. It could well be to ask more clients for money they owe me - I don't know why I am so scared of chasing them. This thread will be a bit boring though if all I do is ask people for payment...

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2016, 07:01:34 PM »
That is a great idea man.  Good for you, facing the difficult shit and getting it done! I have recently started being intentional about starting up conversation with people I don't know or wouldn't have talked to without a specific reason.  There is something rewarding about going out and taking a risk--even if it is something small like an uncomfortable conversation.

Thanks! Did you have any conversations today Okobrien?

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8579
  • Location: Australia
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2016, 07:38:49 PM »
How did you go with your email, Happier?

Today DH stole my difficult conversation which was to talk to our neighbours' builders about some damage they inadvertently caused on our side of the fence. So I'm thinking up another one. It could well be to ask more clients for money they owe me - I don't know why I am so scared of chasing them. This thread will be a bit boring though if all I do is ask people for payment...

I didn't end up sending that email yesterday, but I did have a very difficult conversation with my manager in which I gave her some negative feedback on how the team is working right now. She took it like a champ, but also told me she basically isn't going to address any of it and is instead hoping that the rest of the team just starts following my good example of their own accord :-/ UNREALISTIC. Oh well.

Today I will send the email previously discussed, and also call the guy who quoted for me on shade blinds for my deck this week to clarify a particular option and get pricing on it. Which isn't difficult because it has the potential for conflict, just difficult because I get a bit socially anxious with that kind of call.

swick

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2016, 02:00:44 PM »
I so love this thread. It keeps coming up for me that this is the thing I hate most, I have some serious blocks around having difficult conversations and just feeling worthy of being heard. (I'm an introvert - INFJ)

It's even the little things, like approaching someone I really admire and gotten value from and want to tell them. To talking on the phone and following up with things that need changing or follow-up (It took me 3 years to call and get my blender jar replaced, it was under warranty and stopped working after the second time I used it)

So, I have noticed I will stage conversations in my mind automatically for a lot of things, and then feel like an idiot for not being able to express them to someone else. So if it pops into my head as something I "should" say I am going to use that as a signal that I do in fact need to say it!

Some big difficult conversations coming up:

Telling several clients I can no longer serve them.

Navigating a business start-up with my best friend (we have a great relationship, and are open about everything, but this will be a whole new experience for both of us and need for deep communication)

Telling several people/projects that have asked for my help "No" as I fully invest in my own business.

I am appreciating everyone who has been sharing and their insights :)

KiwiSonya

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 274
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2016, 04:19:01 PM »
Difficult conversation bonanza for me today! I am a leader of a parent run co-operative early childhood centre and half our children have fallen ill with a vomiting bug. Appears some hummus provided by a parent for shared lunch may have been contaminated. If we accept the "random bug" theory that some would prefer we need to spend the next 4 days cleaning our centre and all the toys in it. Or I can gather evidence and have a tricky conversation with a single parent where we find out more about the likelihood of food poisoning and avoid a massive cleaning job. Will keep you posted.

Shor

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 480
  • Location: Orange County, CA, USA
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2016, 04:49:19 PM »
I need to have a very serious, difficult conversation with someone... but they are running (for the first time) a half-marathon this weekend.
Don't want to throw them off their game.. I think I will just wait on this one until next week sometime..

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2016, 04:51:21 PM »

I didn't end up sending that email yesterday, but I did have a very difficult conversation with my manager in which I gave her some negative feedback on how the team is working right now. She took it like a champ, but also told me she basically isn't going to address any of it and is instead hoping that the rest of the team just starts following my good example of their own accord :-/ UNREALISTIC. Oh well.

Wow, good for you! Fingers crossed your team follows your good example.

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2016, 04:54:11 PM »
I so love this thread. It keeps coming up for me that this is the thing I hate most, I have some serious blocks around having difficult conversations and just feeling worthy of being heard. (I'm an introvert - INFJ)

It's even the little things, like approaching someone I really admire and gotten value from and want to tell them. To talking on the phone and following up with things that need changing or follow-up (It took me 3 years to call and get my blender jar replaced, it was under warranty and stopped working after the second time I used it)

So, I have noticed I will stage conversations in my mind automatically for a lot of things, and then feel like an idiot for not being able to express them to someone else. So if it pops into my head as something I "should" say I am going to use that as a signal that I do in fact need to say it!

Some big difficult conversations coming up:

Telling several clients I can no longer serve them.

Navigating a business start-up with my best friend (we have a great relationship, and are open about everything, but this will be a whole new experience for both of us and need for deep communication)

Telling several people/projects that have asked for my help "No" as I fully invest in my own business.

I am appreciating everyone who has been sharing and their insights :)

I think you also just described me! Good luck with those convos and the business. It's so hard to say no, isn't it? I keep taking on work that is easy to get instead of going after the stuff I do want which involves marketing conversations :(

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2016, 04:56:25 PM »
Difficult conversation bonanza for me today! I am a leader of a parent run co-operative early childhood centre and half our children have fallen ill with a vomiting bug. Appears some hummus provided by a parent for shared lunch may have been contaminated. If we accept the "random bug" theory that some would prefer we need to spend the next 4 days cleaning our centre and all the toys in it. Or I can gather evidence and have a tricky conversation with a single parent where we find out more about the likelihood of food poisoning and avoid a massive cleaning job. Will keep you posted.

Yuck on so many levels! Reminds me to throw out that old hummus in my fridge... Good luck with the chat.

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2016, 04:57:59 PM »
I need to have a very serious, difficult conversation with someone... but they are running (for the first time) a half-marathon this weekend.
Don't want to throw them off their game.. I think I will just wait on this one until next week sometime..

Sounds ominous. I agree that you should wait, they probably need all their mental focus! Good luck!

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #16 on: August 30, 2016, 11:08:30 PM »
Ooo, just had a difficult conversation. Kind of cheating... but a client rang to ask me how we will work things going forward as her needs have changed a bit and did I want to change the arrangements at all? I said yes I want to do less work for more money (not in those words) and she agreed. Due to a lack of experience when I took on the job I had undercharged her but hadn't plucked up the courage to raise the issue.

The client totally paved the way knowing I wanted to charge more/ that she'd been getting a sweet deal, which is great. People on the whole are nice and want to pay a fair price - I sometimes forget because when I worked corporate I had some pretty awful experiences with clients.

Today I also contacted every single debtor (6 in total) and asked for the $$$. Three paid immediately & I haven't heard from the other three.

CanuckExpat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3003
  • Age: 36
  • Location: North Carolina
    • Freedom35
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2016, 12:40:05 PM »
I like this thread and idea. It's one of those easier said then done things.
Been keeping this tab open on my phone for inspiration.

After putting it off for a bit, I walked into my managers office and gave notice today.
Probably a few more difficult conversations to go as we hammer out details.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2016, 05:37:44 PM »
Whoah that's a big one, CanuckExpat. Every time I've given notice (three?) my heart has been beating out of my chest, it's terrifying! What's next for you?

Secretly Saving

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 418
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2016, 06:57:22 PM »
Did this today with:
- a renter that is in a house that we need to raise the rent on.
- financial advisor who needs to explain some fees.

Looking forward to more of this!



Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #20 on: September 01, 2016, 10:48:15 PM »
I find it really embarrassing to do marketing but I just composed a note that will go to all my clients to try to cross-sell a product.   

scrubbyfish

  • Guest
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #21 on: September 01, 2016, 11:41:26 PM »
Great thread!!

This week I called into question the purpose of a meeting (and attempt to reschedule said meeting) for a volunteer gig.
That took courage.
Result: No meeting, and it's all happening easily, without schedule, via email, hoorah!

theadvicist

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1447
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #22 on: September 02, 2016, 05:25:26 AM »
Brilliant thread.

I have been wanting to organise a landscaping consultation for our garden (yard) for ages, but have been putting it off. I have sent the initial email today.

This is non-mustacian, but we bought a cheap house because we love the setting. I want to make the most of our glorious but previously neglected garden, but recognise landscape planning is not in my area of expertise. We are just paying for the plan - we will do all the work ourselves. (Sorry, had to justify myself!).

I know this is the most first world problem ever - I don't want to call a garden designer, wahh! - but this thread motivated me to get it done, thanks!

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #23 on: September 02, 2016, 05:48:49 AM »
Brilliant thread.

I have been wanting to organise a landscaping consultation for our garden (yard) for ages, but have been putting it off. I have sent the initial email today.

This is non-mustacian, but we bought a cheap house because we love the setting. I want to make the most of our glorious but previously neglected garden, but recognise landscape planning is not in my area of expertise. We are just paying for the plan - we will do all the work ourselves. (Sorry, had to justify myself!).

I know this is the most first world problem ever - I don't want to call a garden designer, wahh! - but this thread motivated me to get it done, thanks!

Hey I can totally understand wanting a beautiful environment. You can waste a shitload of money on plants that are wrong for a location and die so well worth getting some expertise in to plan it out. You can also save by using free/ cheap recycled building materials and plants, and buy small plants that will grow into the space if you plan to be there a while.

theadvicist

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1447
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #24 on: September 02, 2016, 06:00:06 AM »
Thanks Freshwater! Yeah, I'm hoping they will do us a five-year type plan for what to plant now so it looks good then, rather than buying mature plants.

We are doing a lot of work to the house - it was derelict when we bought it - so our timeline is long before the place is looking respectable anyway. We do plan to be here a long time, so there is no point in doing things twice. If I can get a decent plan in place we can make sure all our decisions are in line with it from the start.

I hope she gets back to me! And thanks again for the encouragement, I am excited about this now rather than kind of dreading it.

CanuckExpat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3003
  • Age: 36
  • Location: North Carolina
    • Freedom35
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #25 on: September 02, 2016, 11:53:36 AM »
Whoah that's a big one, CanuckExpat. Every time I've given notice (three?) my heart has been beating out of my chest, it's terrifying! What's next for you?

I had the follow up similar conversation with someone else involved, went much easier. I'm going to have to find a new difficult conversation to have in the coming days!

Well when I gave notice, I said we were taking an indefinite break to spend time travelling and visiting family. We'll see if indefinite stretches out forever :)

KiwiSonya

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 274
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #26 on: September 02, 2016, 09:38:15 PM »
To update the bad hummus scenario above. I'm glad I played the no blame game in the end because the illness turned out to be viral.  But I did have to step up and lead because everyone around me was dropping like flies. Two of us cleaned the centre, which took most of a day. And everyone seems to  be coming right. Except me - having had both kids puke on me  it's my turn to be sick. Oh well, it's giving me a chance to catchup on the forum.

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8579
  • Location: Australia
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #27 on: September 07, 2016, 11:02:54 PM »
I had one today. It was really only a minor thing (communicating with a loved one about something non-controversial) but I was so keyed up about it... I feel good now that it's done.

theadvicist

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1447
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #28 on: September 08, 2016, 03:27:04 AM »
Just had a difficult work conversation about a legal matter that is ongoing. Feels good to get it off the list.

Also, renewed our house insurance, which requires a phone call. Ugh, why can't everything be online?!

swick

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #29 on: September 08, 2016, 07:50:09 AM »
Hey guys, I'm wondering how to you prepare or prefer to have your difficult conversations?

I hate, hate, hate talking on the phone so I think I add a lot of difficulty to some conversations just because I dread having them on the phone in the first place. I'm also someone who likes to process, so if it is something I have to bring up, I prefer writing it. I've always been that way.  I definitly do play out conversations in my head first, or write down the main ideas I feel like I need to cover before going into a conversation. What do you do? Does it work for you?

I've been saving up all my difficult conversations for one weekend.

Traveling 20-ish hours over Thurs-Sun to see my grandma. This will involve:
 
- Probably the last conversations I will have with her in person (although I have thought that the last couple of times I have seen her, more serious this time though)

 - Trying to convince her she shouldn't go home when she gets out of the hospital and go to a retirement home with people to take care of her instead of having to rely on her freeloading, sociopathic daughter, who is currently trying to lay the groundwork to make people believe she has dementia and trying to get control of her finances. She's 95 and mentally sharp as a whip.

 - Confronting said, sociopathic aunt. She goes on the prowl we have at least one blow up every time I see her anyways - no matter how much I plan for and keep telling myself I am going to be a calm, collected, logical, rational adult. I still feel obligated to stand up against racist/bigoted/hate speech. She gets me, every time. Now that my grandma is in the hospital the game has changed.

 - Dealing with various extended family members, several I have ideological and personality clashes with. I am hoping everyone plays nice, I doubt it. There has been lots of off-hand comments about what is "expected" from the estate. Which I think is damn insensitive and premature.

 - Also, because I don't have enough on my plate I'm using this trip to adopt a dog from a family friend who can no longer take care of him. There is going to be some difficult conversations there and raw emotions, even though it is what is for the best, it will be still be difficult.

Wishing everyone ease and grace with their difficult convos :)

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8579
  • Location: Australia
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #30 on: September 08, 2016, 05:53:58 PM »
Oh, swick, those are tough. I'll be sending luck your way this weekend!

Personally I'm a huge fan of scripts. I tend to note down the points I want to make sure I cover. If a conversation will be emotionally difficult, I find preparing myself with lots of calm, stabilising activities can be helpful. Everyone is different, but a walk outside in nature helps me to bring my calmest face, voice etc to the conversation. Endorphins for the win!

Pistachio~

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 1
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #31 on: September 08, 2016, 09:50:15 PM »
This is timely!   Need to discuss with my boss possibility of performing some weekend contractual work outside of the work place in the same field, despite a non compete.  Technically not allowed, but others have had some flexibility, but were grandfathered in.   Don't want to sound like asking for permission (passive) or sound like its a done deal (aggressive).  Such a chicken...... avoidance not going to get me anywhere.

theadvicist

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1447
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #32 on: September 09, 2016, 04:09:24 AM »

 - Confronting said, sociopathic aunt. She goes on the prowl we have at least one blow up every time I see her anyways - no matter how much I plan for and keep telling myself I am going to be a calm, collected, logical, rational adult. I still feel obligated to stand up against racist/bigoted/hate speech. She gets me, every time. Now that my grandma is in the hospital the game has changed.

 

So sorry you are dealing with all of this.

FWIW, I don't think, under these circumstances, you are obligated to call her on every instance of racist/bigoted/hate speech. You are not going to change her. You may just be making your own life more difficult (though I really appreciate the spirit of your calling her out).

Perhaps limit yourself to only doing so if you are with other people. Then you still get to live by your principles (because she should be shamed and other people need to know you won't let stuff like that go unnoticed), but you're not riling her for the sake of it when it really won't make any difference to her opinions. Unless other people are present, I would just fully ignore. Like, blank face, say nothing.

Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. Deep breaths. Don't get caught up in trying to outwit or outlogic her. She does not understand logic, I can tell from your limited description.

Tell her what you want / need, clearly. Don't argue about who's right or wrong, just what you need from her. If you don't need anything from her, I honestly would not try to engage with her at all, just leave her be.

Are there any other ways you can protect your grandmother from her? That don't involve actually confronting your aunt? Might be worth trying to circumvent her altogether if she's only going to get nasty.

Not sure if this is any help. Feel free to ignore.

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #33 on: September 13, 2016, 05:00:44 PM »
I'm on my way to a potential new referrer of business to spruik my wares! Mission: arrive on time, hand over business cards and tell them I exist. Anything else is a bonus...!

scrubbyfish

  • Guest
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #34 on: September 13, 2016, 07:35:48 PM »
Go, Freshwater!!!

Fresh Bread

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1950
  • Location: Australia
  • Insert dough/bread/crust joke
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #35 on: September 13, 2016, 08:52:24 PM »
It was so awkward! Got there and I see a proper professional sign at the entrance that's advertising a competitor. Then....my competitor actually turns up at the place while I'm waiting! I so nearly chickened out but I remembered this thread, took a teaspoon of cement and did what I needed to do. Wasn't my best moment as I just wanted to get out of there as fast as poss but I ticked off the bare minimum items above and they seemed really nice people.

scrubbyfish

  • Guest
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #36 on: September 13, 2016, 09:20:24 PM »
Ack, that IS tricky stuff!

But you did it! Really awesome :)

I can do so many more things when I can "hear" the forum peeps encouraging me along the way.

swick

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #37 on: September 19, 2016, 10:38:28 AM »
Thank you for the extra dose of luck, HappierAtHome!

Thank you for the awesome advice, theadvicist!

The weekend went better than expected. I actually didn't see my aunt at all. I decided, as per your advice, to support my grandmother without confronting her. We were there for such a short amount of time, we didn't want to waste time visiting with anyone else.  I know the confrontation is coming, but it didn't have to be this time. There is still no timeline for her getting out of the hospital, so right now it is just important to keep her motivated and on the healing path.

Yesterday, I sent emails to two clients who take up way more of my life energy, creativity and time than billable hours allow telling them I will no longer be able to serve them. I have heard back from one and the response was really positive and supportive. Not sure how it will go with the other, but it was a conversation I have been meaning to start for a few months now, so it feels good.

How is everyone else doing with their difficult conversations?



markbike528CBX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1159
  • Location: the Everbrown part of the Evergreen State (WA)
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #38 on: September 19, 2016, 11:16:44 AM »
Had a difficult phone call with colleague.
 Situation:
    We are on a field job, we have completed all the preps.
    I have large home office commitments that I can't do at field job site.
    We are supposed to have today off of field job (72 hour clock reset)
     I'm trying to swap to night shift.
     Colleague wants to go in to do stuff / get paid.

  I told Colleague that I didn't think it was necessary, and wasn't going in. 
  Now Colleague agreed and is not going in.
       

scrubbyfish

  • Guest
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #39 on: September 19, 2016, 06:07:47 PM »
Yesterday, I sent emails to two clients who take up way more of my life energy, creativity and time than billable hours allow telling them I will no longer be able to serve them.

Nice one! Hoorah!

Glad it went well (low key) with Grandma, too.

Now Colleague agreed and is not going in.       

:))))

I haven't had any difficult topics, but using a phone is very hard for me, especially about really detailed stuff (math, variables, etc). Today I did two of those! What helped was:
  • getting myself to an area with great cell reception,
  • sitting in my quiet car vs anywhere with ambient sound,
  • eating first,
  • pretending the other person was "Pam" from The Office,
  • going over things as many times as I needed to to make sure I had it right,
  • letting them go over things as many times as they needed to to make sure they had it right,
  • feeling open to any answer/info/facts from their end.
It felt like a huge success for me :)

swick

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2884
Re: Have a difficult conversation every day
« Reply #40 on: September 20, 2016, 08:18:15 AM »
Way to go Scrubbyfish!!

I fall under the "hate using phone camp" too. What you described is pretty much one of my nightmares. GOOD JOB! on making that call!