This of course is itself a complaint, but I bought this book for my husband this past summer, begging him to read it, because he complains all the time.
It's funny people mention that you make your co-workers' day less pleasant by complaining, because I often find that complaining is a bonding experience between co-workers. I mean, I don't get it, but that seems to be how it works. One of my friends/co-workers almost had a fight with me because she complains a lot about another person who I actually tend to agree with and support. The friend interpreted that as my being unsupportive of her--in the form of my hedging, like, "well, [person] probably did that because..." or "an approach I find works better with [person] is..." rather than just agreeing with the friend's complaint. So, ha ha, what I started to do is just save up all the times I do have a problem with said person and remember to bring up those complaints around the friend. Things are much better now.
He talks about that in the book too, how certain friendships seem to be predicated on mutual griping, and once you stop doing it, the friendship kind of loses its reason for being because the two of you no longer have much to talk about. Also that complainers tend to hang out with other complainers, and vice versa with noncomplainers. So if you notice that everyone around you is a complainer.... :-p
Ironically, I read the book because I noticed that *I* was complaining constantly, and I was going to work every day feeling like, ugh, what a drag, I wish I didn't have to go. It has only been since I've been struggling to stop complaining myself that I've noticed I'm surrounded by other people who also complain constantly, and that this is a major part of our workplace interaction with each other. In spite of my best intentions, it's incredibly hard not to get drawn into a good b*tchfest when my coworkers are rarin' to go (and I feel the same way as they do about whatever issue they're griping about). But, I do not want to live my life as a chronic complainer. So again, I am working on getting myself out of what I now recognize is a generally negative social environment (applying for a new job/career). Not to mention trying to stop doing my part in adding to the general complaint cesspool.
Yeah, when I think about it, it's strange. This co-worker friend is actually usually open to suggestions and solutions when she vents about stuff, in fact that usually seems like why she brings up problems; that's why I was surprised when I did the same thing with complaints about said person and she was sensitive about it.
Similarly with other co-workers, I think it can be about consensus building, not just bitching. For example, none of us can solve the policy problems we're talking about, but it's useful to share opinions and information to learn whether everyone has the same issue with a policy. That then gives the motivation and direction to speak to management about possible solutions.
Another use I'm thinking of is that it can relieve tension if the person is, in fact, annoyed with me personally. For example if my husband and I are arguing about something and trying to just leave it alone, complaining about someone else is a really effective diversion. He takes to it easily and it seems to make him feel like we're back on the same side.
One way I try to balance things out is to make sure I'm saying positive things. About other people and the world. If I find it's really hard to come up with something nice to say, I know for sure I'm in a complainypants headspace and need to get out of it.
I would have liked to voice some thoughts on whether the rain will let up and its impact on newly planted roses and other flowers, but instead just kept a smile on my face and kept my mouth shut. Because no one wants to hear "at least the drought conditions are gone" when they are commiserating.
Yeah, I have to admit even though I don't like neverending bitchfests, I find something rude about really obvious redirects. Maybe it's only when the person's optimism feels forced? Or maybe it's just the usual awkwardness when someone tries too obviously to control the conversation (same as my MIL taking every subject as a reason to start bitching about Obama). Maybe it feels like a denial of what the other person is expressing. Though I don't mind outright disagreement, like if someone wants to say, 'well I think the rain is great,' that seems fine for them to express their opinion vs. a more passive redirect. Though if the complainer is being really aggressive trying to get them to respond it seems fair. Interesting, you never really think about all these social rules explicitly.