Well, here is my update. It's not happy news, but something good has come out of it. So I've made it to 3 weeks, 2 times since I started this challenge. At that point, the withdrawals had never subsided, and I was really a horrible person to be around. I mean that quite literally. I usually try to be a happy person, and it has been a long journey to become that. I had never been what I called a good person, naturally, and when I finally decided that I wanted to be better, it took a lot of work (hence the whole journey of self-awareness I referred to earlier).
3 weeks, and my withdrawals didn't subside one iota...it made me start to question a lot of fundamental aspects about my life.
Did all the work I did really make me a better person, or have I been self medicating subconsciously?
Who am I without cigarettes?
Are these stupid little things really that big of a part of me as a person?
3 weeks. Constantly miserable, being angry at everything, all those little things that I blew way out of proportion, and just wanting to be left alone. Damn near ruined a relationship of >5 years (details on that down below). So I started again, but this last time, with a passion. I smoked two cigarettes for every one I was smoking before. I actually broke 2 packs a day consistently for the first time in a long time. And still at that point. Grrrr. My body has been freaking out due to the consistent shifts in my physiology, which makes it harder to sleep, which makes it harder to bike in, which puts me in a bad mood, which...
Well that is where I currently am at. That being said...ONWARDS AND UPWARD!!! Here is what I am not going to do: stop the challenge, or pick the gauntlet back up. And here is what I am going to do: quit smoking. I'm still working on a plan, and I'm still going cold turkey. But here are the things I have put in place:
I negotiated a more flexible schedule, so starting tomorrow, I can bike the 10 miles to work, even when my sleeping schedule gets all messed up.
I've allotted specific blocks of time for meditation and breathing exercises. This may include guided meditation, but will definitely include brainwave hacking and binaural beats.
I'm starting a 30 day challenge of no alcohol (I might extend this out like I did previously to only drink water, but not sure yet)
I started reading the Allen Carr book mentioned earlier in this thread.
And this is the big one: I sat down and talked with my SO, and while she was definitely pissed about my behavior during withdrawals, we talked about how much better it would be once I get through them (and she would quit after that). One month. She said she'd forgive me in advance for an entire month of stupid withdrawal behavior.
So I'm resetting my stats, and I will commit to posting at least once a day. I don't have a specific quit date as of yet, but it will be sometime this week. I'll continue moderating this thread, and will freely offer face-punches and support to anyone who needs it. Also, if there is a reference or resource you don't have access to, just PM me and I'll see what I can do.