Is it normal to feel like this?

[41_swish]

After I discovered this community and ultimately crunching way too many numbers, I feel like I have a fire lit under my butt.

After seeing what some sacrifices can lead to financially, I am very motivated. I was always a saver, but fine tuning a few things and giving up some luxuries has gotten my savings rate up to about 40%.

The question is how do I stay locked in? Do I just have to find my "why"? Right now, that "why" is retiring or reprioritizing in my 40s and doing what I want on my time.

[ixtap]

You stay locked in by figuring out what is important to you. You mention giving up luxuries, but if you are struggling to stay the course, you may not have taken time to figure out which luxuries were important to you versus which ones felt frivolous to you.

[K_in_the_kitchen]

I agree with @ixtap that you need to figure out what is important to you.  There’s a difference between giving up luxuries you decide you don’t need versus the luxuries you still want.  Also, it’s helpful if the sacrifices lead to more than just financial gains, or at the minimum, you can see what you will gain in the future besides financial independence and control of your time.  For example, before reaching FI, most people achieve a debt free life, and that’s an amazing feeling.  So is the feeling that you get when you have a fully funded emergency account and income replacement fund (not the same thing in my book).  Many of us enjoy frugality and the satisfaction that comes from making do or coming up with a unique way to solve a problem that doesn’t involve spending money.  For DH and I, one major motivation for choosing frugality so I could be a stay at home mom to our kids, which was important to both of us.

We are FI, but DH still works (last kid ages off his no premiums insurance on 2026 and he decided he wanted to provide that while he can).  We save about about 50-60% of net pay.  That doesn’t include what goes into various funds for annual expenses like insurance, car registration and repairs, etc.  I don’t know how much we save of gross pay with the 401k contribution, but for me, knowing the percentage of net is more helpful anyway.  Lately we’ve been choosing to spend some of that money on more frivolous things (weights, a new bike) as well as some small home renovations, and that’s another great feeling, knowing you can spend money (within reason) without it impacting anything at all.  Knowing you could go out and buy a reasonably priced car using saved money and will never be at the mercy of interest rates or bad deals.

I guess what I’m saying is the more you do it, the easier it is to stay locked in, because you see all sorts of gains and it feels good.

[41_swish]

You stay locked in by figuring out what is important to you. You mention giving up luxuries, but if you are struggling to stay the course, you may not have taken time to figure out which luxuries were important to you versus which ones felt frivolous to you.

I gave up food delivery and lots of shopping. It was very frivolous stuff. I am still spending money on the hobbies I enjoy. It was more of a theoretical question trying to get some words of wisdom.

[41_swish]

I agree with @ixtap that you need to figure out what is important to you.  There’s a difference between giving up luxuries you decide you don’t need versus the luxuries you still want.  Also, it’s helpful if the sacrifices lead to more than just financial gains, or at the minimum, you can see what you will gain in the future besides financial independence and control of your time.  For example, before reaching FI, most people achieve a debt free life, and that’s an amazing feeling.  So is the feeling that you get when you have a fully funded emergency account and income replacement fund (not the same thing in my book).  Many of us enjoy frugality and the satisfaction that comes from making do or coming up with a unique way to solve a problem that doesn’t involve spending money.  For DH and I, one major motivation for choosing frugality so I could be a stay at home mom to our kids, which was important to both of us.

We are FI, but DH still works (last kid ages off his no premiums insurance on 2026 and he decided he wanted to provide that while he can).  We save about about 50-60% of net pay.  That doesn’t include what goes into various funds for annual expenses like insurance, car registration and repairs, etc.  I don’t know how much we save of gross pay with the 401k contribution, but for me, knowing the percentage of net is more helpful anyway.  Lately we’ve been choosing to spend some of that money on more frivolous things (weights, a new bike) as well as some small home renovations, and that’s another great feeling, knowing you can spend money (within reason) without it impacting anything at all.  Knowing you could go out and buy a reasonably priced car using saved money and will never be at the mercy of interest rates or bad deals.

I guess what I’m saying is the more you do it, the easier it is to stay locked in, because you see all sorts of gains and it feels good.

I agree with you. If you give up EVERY luxury, you ultimately deprive yourself and that is not sustainable.

I have cut out the very frivolous luxuries like food delivery and subscription boxes. These were purely consumerist nonsense. I still go skiing and cycling as I like. Those are my main hobbies that I enjoy.

Edit: Typo

[Treedream]

Motivation and the feeling of 'lock-in' will ebb and flow. Finding your why and finding ways to hold your why top of mind help to keep the mindset. But automating the behaviour you want to keep (automatic investing etc.) will ensure that even when you don't think about it, you get to your goal.

Motivation is a moment, the habbit is what you need to get in place. What helps here is to take away obstructions to the good behaviour and making the bad behaviour harder to do.

In your example around shopping and take-out that can mean deleting the apps, unsubscribing from advertisement emails, putting up an add-blocker on your devices. And having a system through which cooking is easy, and you don't get seduced to get take-out.

[Freedomin5]

We stay dialed in by automating as much as we can. When everything is automatic, you don’t even have to think much about saving. For example, my entire salary automatically gets deposited into our savings account, which automatically transfers a certain amount to our investment account every single month. We follow the mantra to “Pay yourself first”.

[sonofsven]

I agree wholeheartedly with the "pay yourself first" concept, and it took me awhile before I really implemented it (because self employed, and bills...).
I also think it's really easy to justify spending in the moment of need, like you're driving home after work, hungry, you don't have dinner planned, grocery shopping seems daunting, so you grab a burrito.
But when you start to chart your monthly spend, and you notice all sorts of little charges in the month, and they add up to a lager amount in the month, and an even larger amount per year, that you can really get motivated to make a change.
Because it's really just a lack of planning. Go to the grocery store on a schedule and get the basics of what you need to feed yourself at home! (I'm yelling at my young self).
I'm so well trained now that it's not a second thought, I do not stop for food, I go home and eat. It's not a question.
I have to force myself to stop now, lol.
It helps me that I'm in a rural location with fewer choices.

[41_swish]

I agree with all of you, and this is the approach that I have taken. I have tried to automate as much as possible, my 401k and HSA are deducted directly from my paycheck. My ROTH IRA contribution is set up on a monthly automatic buy order. My HYSA gets funded every month by my direct deposit. I am trying to have as little friction as possible. I have found a comfortable amount that I can live on and that is what goes in my checking. This allows me to live intentionally and spend money on the things I enjoy. As mentioned earlier I cut out some very frivolous consumer spending, but I still go skiing, still ride my bike, still run, still paddleboard, still play video games and still take small regional trips with my family. I trimmed out some of the fat and now automate as much as I can. The key I have been telling myself is to live along the way. That balance is challenging to strike, but ultimately, I need to enjoy the journey.

I think the only downside is that I am a YNABer and sometimes I can feel "YNAB Poor", if you know you know. Sometimes being so nitty gritty with the numbers can make things feel artificially worse than they are.

[lcmac32]

I do believe this topic has more to it than meets the eye.  The math to FIRE is simple.  The formula for happiness is complex.  If it takes 10 years of misery to get to FI then you will never have those 10 years back.  You have to work at enjoying life now.  For example, my wife and I visited Venice a few years ago.  We were in our late 40's.  It was fantastic, and I wish I had done it sooner (in our 20's) as I believe we would have enjoyed it even more.  There is no exactly right way.  Yes, you can grind hard from age 20-35, and FIRE, but at what cost.  You will have to make your best GUESS as to what you believe will bring you the most happiness.  Because I enjoyed work and never really saw my self quitting early, I was not as frugal as I could have been.  Even though I will be FI under age 60, I have recently felt that maybe I should have been more aggressive in my savings rate.  The trips I have made oversees for reunions with my wife's family has been the largest expense that had it been invested would have put me at FIRE today.  I had a fantastic time each time, so how do you decide which way is best.  In the end for me, the memories are more valuable than money.  I will likely OMY myself into my 60's with work, but now that I am in my 50's, I can see how retiring at 50 would also have many advantages. 

Best of wisdom and luck to you in how you navigate the process.  I overall think a general rule would be to shoot for FIRE between 40-50.  If you are on track with that savings rate wise, then spend the rest of the money on things (health, travel, hobbies, etc.) that make you happy along the journey.

[41_swish]

I agree with what you are saying. I think that if you can get your savings rate to X %, you should enjoy the rest of the money. This is the approach I am taking these days. I got my savings rate as high as I could while still living a life I enjoy. Now, I spend my money on whatever hobbies I want. I don't live lavish, but I am definitely enjoying the journey along the way.

[Zikoris]

I think you're kind of coming to it from the wrong angle. I don't think your lifestyle should rely on motivation at all. I've had a 60%+ savings rate for a long time and I've never been motivated. Here's a three-step process I recommend:

1. Inoculate yourself against consumerism by learning the truth bout how things work. Read books or watch documentaries. For documentaries, The Story of Stuff (re: plastic) and Just Eat It (re: rampant food waste) are good. For books, check out Buyology and Brandwashing by Martin Lindstrom, Why we Buy: The Science of Shopping by Paco Underhill, The Rare Metal War by Guillame Pitron, Dying for an iPhone by Jenny Chan, and Cobalt Red: How the Blood of the Congo Powers Our Lives by Siddharth Kara. Once your eyes are opened to this stuff, you lose most desire to buy, period.

2. Automate or eliminate all the bullshit in your life. Automation beats motivation 100% of the time. Your FIRE process can be automatic and require zero ongoing effort.

3. Focus your time and energy on fun things and enjoying life. This is easy because you've eliminated the desire to consume and automated everything boring. FIRE happens in the background without you having to do anything.

[Metalcat]

I think you're kind of coming to it from the wrong angle. I don't think your lifestyle should rely on motivation at all. I've had a 60%+ savings rate for a long time and I've never been motivated. Here's a three-step process I recommend:

1. Inoculate yourself against consumerism by learning the truth bout how things work. Read books or watch documentaries. For documentaries, The Story of Stuff (re: plastic) and Just Eat It (re: rampant food waste) are good. For books, check out Buyology and Brandwashing by Martin Lindstrom, Why we Buy: The Science of Shopping by Paco Underhill, The Rare Metal War by Guillame Pitron, Dying for an iPhone by Jenny Chan, and Cobalt Red: How the Blood of the Congo Powers Our Lives by Siddharth Kara. Once your eyes are opened to this stuff, you lose most desire to buy, period.

2. Automate or eliminate all the bullshit in your life. Automation beats motivation 100% of the time. Your FIRE process can be automatic and require zero ongoing effort.

3. Focus your time and energy on fun things and enjoying life. This is easy because you've eliminated the desire to consume and automated everything boring. FIRE happens in the background without you having to do anything.

Absolutely agree. We don't "sacrifice" to save here, we maximize what we get out of our money.

I like to say I'm not cheap, I'm a snob about spending.

[41_swish]

I think you're kind of coming to it from the wrong angle. I don't think your lifestyle should rely on motivation at all. I've had a 60%+ savings rate for a long time and I've never been motivated. Here's a three-step process I recommend:

1. Inoculate yourself against consumerism by learning the truth bout how things work. Read books or watch documentaries. For documentaries, The Story of Stuff (re: plastic) and Just Eat It (re: rampant food waste) are good. For books, check out Buyology and Brandwashing by Martin Lindstrom, Why we Buy: The Science of Shopping by Paco Underhill, The Rare Metal War by Guillame Pitron, Dying for an iPhone by Jenny Chan, and Cobalt Red: How the Blood of the Congo Powers Our Lives by Siddharth Kara. Once your eyes are opened to this stuff, you lose most desire to buy, period.

2. Automate or eliminate all the bullshit in your life. Automation beats motivation 100% of the time. Your FIRE process can be automatic and require zero ongoing effort.

3. Focus your time and energy on fun things and enjoying life. This is easy because you've eliminated the desire to consume and automated everything boring. FIRE happens in the background without you having to do anything.

Thank you, Zikoris.

I 100% see what you, and others are saying, about coming at it from the wrong angle. Half of this is all about my attitude and how I frame it.

1. When it comes to consumerism, I used to be very bad. I have upper middle-class parents who raised me in the burbs and always had car payments on SUVs and trucks. We always took big vacations on credit cards and had every consumer thing you could want. As I have gotten older and lived on my own, I have had to learn how to handle consumerism and find the things that bring joy and cut out the nonsense.

2. I automate EVERYTHING now. 401k and HSA are taken out of my paycheck. My ESPP is taken out of my paycheck. My Roth IRA contribution is set up on a monthly buy order. I am taking as hands off of an approach as possible.

3. What is the point of life without fun? Since I save and invest ~40% of my income now, I tell myself to go enjoy the rest of it. This means running whenever I want, cycling whenever I want, paddleboarding as much as I can when its warm out, and skiing on the weekends.

[41_swish]

I think you're kind of coming to it from the wrong angle. I don't think your lifestyle should rely on motivation at all. I've had a 60%+ savings rate for a long time and I've never been motivated. Here's a three-step process I recommend:

1. Inoculate yourself against consumerism by learning the truth bout how things work. Read books or watch documentaries. For documentaries, The Story of Stuff (re: plastic) and Just Eat It (re: rampant food waste) are good. For books, check out Buyology and Brandwashing by Martin Lindstrom, Why we Buy: The Science of Shopping by Paco Underhill, The Rare Metal War by Guillame Pitron, Dying for an iPhone by Jenny Chan, and Cobalt Red: How the Blood of the Congo Powers Our Lives by Siddharth Kara. Once your eyes are opened to this stuff, you lose most desire to buy, period.

2. Automate or eliminate all the bullshit in your life. Automation beats motivation 100% of the time. Your FIRE process can be automatic and require zero ongoing effort.

3. Focus your time and energy on fun things and enjoying life. This is easy because you've eliminated the desire to consume and automated everything boring. FIRE happens in the background without you having to do anything.

Absolutely agree. We don't "sacrifice" to save here, we maximize what we get out of our money.

I like to say I'm not cheap, I'm a snob about spending.

You can see my other replies, but it definitely isn't a "sacrifice". I am prioritizing where my money goes. Now that I have my savings level at a point, I like I live off the rest and enjoy as much of it as I can.

I like how you frame it as being a snob about spending. There is nothing wrong with buying stuff, just do it intentionally.

[Zikoris]

I like how you frame it as being a snob about spending. There is nothing wrong with buying stuff, just do it intentionally.

The issue is there actually IS something wrong with buying stuff, intentional or not. That's why you should check out some of those books and documentaries. Buying a bunch of electronics on a whim versus intentionally doesn't change the fact that the raw materials were mined by child slaves in the Congo and assembled by near-slaves in China. The plastic and packaging from intentional buying ends up in the same landfill as the impulse buys. Buying stuff "intentionally" really means nothing once you learn about things like neuromarketing, and the fact that something like 90% of the things you want to buy is purely manufactured desires by corporations with massive marketing and research budgets.

My tinfoil-hat suspicion is that the entire "intentional buying" concept is in and of itself a form of stealth-psychological-marketing by high-end companies to sell expensive products that people might not otherwise buy. Because people don't "intentionally buy" a popsicle - the idea normally comes up when people are thinking about buying an expensive thing.

[J.P. MoreGains]

Yeah I mean I have a fire lit... but also because I'm 45 years old and it kind of feels like now or never.

With priorities... I feel like if I would've known about this whole path to FI in 10 years I would've done this earlier.

When I graduated college in 2002 I knew I didn't want to be a corporate stiff and work until I was 65 so I went and did a bunch of other stuff instead. Learned languages, lived in countries, got a master's degree, etc.

But... I think I could've got my money situation sorted and then had all those same experiences.

I think working a lot (and saving it) is a great idea for people in their 20s. All the energy to work and also have fun.

[41_swish]

Yeah I mean I have a fire lit... but also because I'm 45 years old and it kind of feels like now or never.

With priorities... I feel like if I would've known about this whole path to FI in 10 years I would've done this earlier.

When I graduated college in 2002 I knew I didn't want to be a corporate stiff and work until I was 65 so I went and did a bunch of other stuff instead. Learned languages, lived in countries, got a master's degree, etc.

But... I think I could've got my money situation sorted and then had all those same experiences.

I think working a lot (and saving it) is a great idea for people in their 20s. All the energy to work and also have fun.

I think the thing that motivates me the most is the idea of not working until 65. That is probably why I have a fire lit. Regardless, I have to enjoy the journey along the way.

[HenryDavid]

Even the question of working/not working sort of fades in importance, once you see very clearly what matters to you.

So much of consumerism is just zombie, reflex behaviour programmed by outside forces that have nothing to do with what you genuinely value.

Once you operate from your own genuine values, all of that just falls off the table.
So, there’s no “sacrifice.” Just living by your own values.
And if a job matches those, well fine. And if not, you can more likely afford to change things, if you’ve stopped blindly consuming.

[41_swish]

I think I had to reframe how I was looking at things. I have started to shift away from the highly consumerist lifestyle that my parents raised me in.
I have found what matters to me, and I focus on that.

[Glenstache]

I think that having a social environment that reinforces FIRE and mustachianism (or equivalent) and provides a place to discuss and learn can be really helpful. This makes it more normalized and provides ongoing innoculation against consumerist sucka influences. I attended some MMM meetups early on, and spent time on this forum to help. Some of my friends were also into the concepts, and we would occassionally talk about the process over beers, etc. There are some long stretches in there where the dollars are accummulating and things are pretty boring. Setting intermediate goals can help with that. ALso, making sure you have your emergency/FU money plan set up and funded realy helps reduce the pain of economic downturns... which will absolutely happen.  My path to FIRE included plenty of skiing, biking, and fun in the mountains, but didn't include a new bike every year. Friends and family have been what provided satisfaction and happiness, not shiny new toys. Our hunter-gatherer biology is set up for the dopamine hit of acquiring things to wear off pretty quickly, but provide a more sustained good feeling from social relationships. To the extent that you can work on making yourself socially happy and dovetailing that with a frugal approach and you will be on a great, sustainable trajectory regardless of if your savings rate is 40% or 42% this year.

[41_swish]

My final though process was, if you are saving ~40% go enjoy the rest of your life. So now I am heavily prioritizing all of the hobbies that I love. Like you said, I don't buy new skis every year. I don't buy a new bike every year. However, I still do the hobbies I enjoy.

[lcmac32]

My final though process was, if you are saving ~40% go enjoy the rest of your life. So now I am heavily prioritizing all of the hobbies that I love. Like you said, I don't buy new skis every year. I don't buy a new bike every year. However, I still do the hobbies I enjoy.

I think you are spot on.

I am certainly fine with people being conscious of being endlessly marketed to, and to set up guardrails for yourself to minimize its impact.  Some of the posters replying are, as one poster self-described "tinfoil hat" about it.  I believe there are too many plastics in the world for sure, so I am on board there, but some balancing is in order.  Most Mustachians are by definition not the problem of wasteful spending and environment harming.  They are many times pillars of society and very charitable. 

I believe they are so, b/c they focused early on themselves and took the time to do hard evaluations of their life situation.  Their potentially selfish introspection causes them to make positive changes in multiple areas of their lives.  In turn, they are a net positive overall to those around them and society.  When one saves 40% of take home income, you are by definition 40% less of a consumerism stoog than someone of equal income who saves nothing.  At your savings rate, you are the solution, not the problem.

[J.P. MoreGains]

I feel like I have a fire lit under my butt.

Nice! Me too!

At 26 you have a lot of time which is great! I'm 45 so there is more urgency for me to figure all of this out.

At 26 you could always save and hit a big milestone (100k, 250k or something) and then take time off...

And you would be way ahead of most people! And you could still enjoy being young and doing some of the things that you really want to do while young or young-ish.

[41_swish]

I feel like I have a fire lit under my butt.

Nice! Me too!

At 26 you have a lot of time which is great! I'm 45 so there is more urgency for me to figure all of this out.

At 26 you could always save and hit a big milestone (100k, 250k or something) and then take time off...

And you would be way ahead of most people! And you could still enjoy being young and doing some of the things that you really want to do while young or young-ish.

I had always been a good saver, but now I am being a great saver. I wrote this post when I was recalibrating, and it was all fresh. Once I got everything on auto investments, like the 401k, HSA, and ROTH IRA, it has all felt normal.

If I save that much, I have as much fun as I want with the rest of the money. I don't lavish, but I still do what I enjoy when I want. I mostly just cut out some true luxuries like food delivery.

Now that I have accliminated to the new savings style, it kind of feels just like it did before.

[baludon]

Got divorced with an added bonus of not having a job before I was thirty. I had tiny savings. Found a job in a HCOL and had to live like a poor college student.  Vowed to have a financial cushion before I could start discretionary spending but had no concept of retirement plans.  Realized that living like a college student wasn't all that bad.  Spending freely wasn't all that important to me compared to having financial security. I paid myself first by maxing my retirement accounts and lived on whatever what was left. A decade later, I discovered FIRE and that was my focus until I retired at 50.  Now having a first world problem of constantly having to argue with myself to even spend the money I have budgeted for in retirement.

[41_swish]

Oh goodness. You went through it at a young age. I think now that I have fine-tuned and chopped the fat from my spending it feels good.

Next year I plan on maxxing my 401(k), HSA, and Roth IRA. This year I only maxed the Roth IRA and got money in the 401(k) and HSA.

[Runrooster]

I'm a good saver of money but eat too much food.  My parents (senior citizens that I now live with as a caregiver), instilled both sides of this in me.
Actually, while being overweight/obese their whole lives, they don't love variety/ ethnic food the way I do.
Anyway, I go on diets for 6 months, I go off diets.  I eat my fruits and vegetables, I cook and eat out rarely, I walk at lunch. But I am overweight and struggle.  Joy or frustration, I want to eat.  Yummy or mediocre, I love free food.  My boss was offering me sugar cookies her 3 yo made; I had to remind myself I do not like cookies.  The week before I inhaled a free donut which again tasted all sugar.  Why?

My point is that I'm lucky that my parents taught me and reinforce frugality.  If you grew up with consumerism, it can be a struggle to cut back.
Like dieting, it's easy at first.  You delay buying new clothes or sports gear, but at some point your family will nag you to level up with new stuff.  Maybe at first they'll pay for your travel with them, but at your income expect you to contribute.  Your friends will want to do a spa day, hair day, girl's trip.  Not to mention the destination weddings.  Having a burning desire for FIRE only gets you so far.  My Mom had a heart attack 30 years ago so I'm conscious of the health effects of being overweight. I did really well for about 10 years, then began the slippery slope.

[41_swish]

I'm a good saver of money but eat too much food.  My parents (senior citizens that I now live with as a caregiver), instilled both sides of this in me.
Actually, while being overweight/obese their whole lives, they don't love variety/ ethnic food the way I do.
Anyway, I go on diets for 6 months, I go off diets.  I eat my fruits and vegetables, I cook and eat out rarely, I walk at lunch. But I am overweight and struggle.  Joy or frustration, I want to eat.  Yummy or mediocre, I love free food.  My boss was offering me sugar cookies her 3 yo made; I had to remind myself I do not like cookies.  The week before I inhaled a free donut which again tasted all sugar.  Why?

My point is that I'm lucky that my parents taught me and reinforce frugality.  If you grew up with consumerism, it can be a struggle to cut back.
Like dieting, it's easy at first.  You delay buying new clothes or sports gear, but at some point your family will nag you to level up with new stuff.  Maybe at first they'll pay for your travel with them, but at your income expect you to contribute.  Your friends will want to do a spa day, hair day, girl's trip.  Not to mention the destination weddings.  Having a burning desire for FIRE only gets you so far.  My Mom had a heart attack 30 years ago so I'm conscious of the health effects of being overweight. I did really well for about 10 years, then began the slippery slope.

This is actually a very good point. It is easy to want to save a bunch in the beginning, just like it easy to start a diet. Sticking with it, the frugality or diet, is the hard part.

As I have mentioned earlier, I have basically automated as much of it as I could. I have created as little friction as possible for my savings.

Now for the consumerism. I grew up in an upper middle-class family in Canada. My parents never struggled. We always had nice cars, did all the sports and activities we wanted, and always took a big international trip. I have definitely gotten better about the consumerism over the years, but I still run into issues with them nagging me and such about not always having the nicest gear or whatever.

My WHY is that I just want to gain control of my time as fast as possible. I think that is what will keep me going.

[lcmac32]

Now for the consumerism. I grew up in an upper middle-class family in Canada. My parents never struggled. We always had nice cars, did all the sports and activities we wanted, and always took a big international trip. I have definitely gotten better about the consumerism over the years, but I still run into issues with them nagging me and such about not always having the nicest gear or whatever.

My WHY is that I just want to gain control of my time as fast as possible. I think that is what will keep me going.

Those not on the path never understand the why.  It is about having/creating the largest set of options as soon as possible.  If my current age self could go back, I would make eating out the biggest priority change, and probably be FIRE'd already if I did.  Did I enjoy eating out with my family and friends?  You bet I did, so it would still be a hard sell. 

I do also remember in my young married life, my wife and I limiting going out to eat with friends to once a month.  They were going out twice a week.  We simply refused to go and spend beyond our means.  We said unashamedly that we could not afford to do that.  Of course now, we are on the brink of FIRE, and they will have to all work to and probably will well beyond full retirement age for SS.  They are of course still dear friends, but wish they had made a few different choices and the outcome slightly for the better.

[41_swish]

Now for the consumerism. I grew up in an upper middle-class family in Canada. My parents never struggled. We always had nice cars, did all the sports and activities we wanted, and always took a big international trip. I have definitely gotten better about the consumerism over the years, but I still run into issues with them nagging me and such about not always having the nicest gear or whatever.

My WHY is that I just want to gain control of my time as fast as possible. I think that is what will keep me going.

Those not on the path never understand the why.  It is about having/creating the largest set of options as soon as possible.  If my current age self could go back, I would make eating out the biggest priority change, and probably be FIRE'd already if I did.  Did I enjoy eating out with my family and friends?  You bet I did, so it would still be a hard sell. 

I do also remember in my young married life, my wife and I limiting going out to eat with friends to once a month.  They were going out twice a week.  We simply refused to go and spend beyond our means.  We said unashamedly that we could not afford to do that.  Of course now, we are on the brink of FIRE, and they will have to all work to and probably will well beyond full retirement age for SS.  They are of course still dear friends, but wish they had made a few different choices and the outcome slightly for the better.

I know Dave Ramsey is corny, but he does have a point about living like no one else so later you can live like no one else.

Short term "sacrifices" while you are young can compound a long way. I work your run of the mill salaried engineering job. A lot of the guys and gals I work with drive nice big SUVs and trucks. They all rent nice apartments or have hug mortgage payments. They go skiing every weekend and take multiple trips a year. That is cool, but it does make you pretty dependent on your job.

I think since I have recalibrated my savings and trimmed the fat, I am happy with my current lifestyle. I spend on what brings me joy and cut out the fat. The biggest difference is I rarely go to the bars anymore. Right when I graduated school a couple years ago it was all too common to go to a Nuggets/Avs game on a Friday/Saturday and then go to the bars afterwards and rack up a $100 bill and take an Uber home. Once a year this is fine, but two times a month was costing me. One day I sat down and opened a credit card statement that got mailed to me and I said oh my goodness I need to be better. This isn't even really bringing me joy. It was also making me feel very unhealthy.

[roomtempmayo]

My experience has been that it gets easier as you go.

You mention growing up upper middle class, which probably means you have all sorts of money habits and expectations to unlearn.  That's hard.

But the good news is that you develop new habits, and perhaps even more importantly sort out the big stuff like houses and cars, and then things are kind of on autopilot.

Once you have your basic habits and lifestyle sorted out, it only takes occasional effort to resist lifestyle inflation.  Every now and then maybe you need to tell yourself not to buy a new car or a bigger house or go to Whole Foods, but mostly you just do all the ordinarily frugal stuff that's now normal for you.

This isn't a matter of waking up every day and deciding not to buy avocado toast or whatever and living in perpetual self-denial.  It's mostly about developing habits and systems that take some energy at first but then don't take much maintenance. 

[41_swish]

My experience has been that it gets easier as you go.

You mention growing up upper middle class, which probably means you have all sorts of money habits and expectations to unlearn.  That's hard.

But the good news is that you develop new habits, and perhaps even more importantly sort out the big stuff like houses and cars, and then things are kind of on autopilot.

Once you have your basic habits and lifestyle sorted out, it only takes occasional effort to resist lifestyle inflation.  Every now and then maybe you need to tell yourself not to buy a new car or a bigger house or go to Whole Foods, but mostly you just do all the ordinarily frugal stuff that's now normal for you.

This isn't a matter of waking up every day and deciding not to buy avocado toast or whatever and living in perpetual self-denial.  It's mostly about developing habits and systems that take some energy at first but then don't take much maintenance.

I have only been on the mustache lifestyle for about four months now, but holy cow you adapt fast. The first month was a little weird but I basically put everything on automatic contributions and now I am just on cruise control. It has gotten easier in just a few months so I bet as time goes on, I really settle in.

[roomtempmayo]

Glad to hear it, @41_swish !

[Glenstache]

Hedonistic adaptation works in both directions... only one of those directions makes you comfortable in a broader array of situations, though. Glad you are adapting well and that it suits you. I found that having the forum and a few people I knew that I could talk about money and mustachian type things was helpful along the last decade plus. It is easy to drift.

[41_swish]

Having the forum definitely helps. It helps keep me in the right mindset. It reminds me that what I am doing is not ordinary and that's a good thing.

[lcmac32]

Just a quick note on my on journey.  Currently completing day three of the week without eating out.  Not as easy as expected, but love the result.  1/8th the price and healthier food.  I have reined it in significantly from my 20-40's and was still not eating out as much as most.  I want 2025 to be the year I max out on some items that I should have corrected years ago.

[41_swish]

Just a quick note on my on journey.  Currently completing day three of the week without eating out.  Not as easy as expected, but love the result.  1/8th the price and healthier food.  I have reined it in significantly from my 20-40's and was still not eating out as much as most.  I want 2025 to be the year I max out on some items that I should have corrected years ago.

For me it's a convivence thing. I have tried to build systems to avoid the temptation. For example, I will keep some frozen prepared meals in the fridge and always try to keep some frozen leftovers. I am trying to eat good and stay in shape, so eating out less is good for that.

[Just Joe]

For us eating out doesn't feel as convenient as going home for dinner at this point. I mean we still enjoy the treat out occasionally but not like we used to.

Now living high is going home - switching to comfortable clothes and making dinner. I cook and she cleans up or vice-versa. And we can eat in those same stretchy clothes or on the porch or wherever.

Drink refills are "free" from the fridge and we don't have to wait on anyone.

And it all costs a fraction of going out.

[lcmac32]

For us eating out doesn't feel as convenient as going home for dinner at this point. I mean we still enjoy the treat out occasionally but not like we used to.

Now living high is going home - switching to comfortable clothes and making dinner. I cook and she cleans up or vice-versa. And we can eat in those same stretchy clothes or on the porch or wherever.

Drink refills are "free" from the fridge and we don't have to wait on anyone.

And it all costs a fraction of going out.

I 100% agree.  I am doing much better on this front.  I am going for the no eat out at all week this week. One more day to go.  I am going for the not eating out all next month.  (the shortest month).  I bet it is close to 1/8th to 1/10th the cost minimum.  If figure if I get really serious, I can FIRE in 2-3 years (not any monumental sub 30 yo or 40 yo FIREing, but still can't wait to get there).

[41_swish]

I was eating out like a lot. Like every other night for dinner type stuff and barely any groceries in the fridge. Alas, now I meal prep and eat 9 out of 10 meals at home.

[NorthernIkigai]

I'm a good saver of money but eat too much food.  My parents (senior citizens that I now live with as a caregiver), instilled both sides of this in me.
Actually, while being overweight/obese their whole lives, they don't love variety/ ethnic food the way I do.
Anyway, I go on diets for 6 months, I go off diets.  I eat my fruits and vegetables, I cook and eat out rarely, I walk at lunch. But I am overweight and struggle.  Joy or frustration, I want to eat.  Yummy or mediocre, I love free food.  My boss was offering me sugar cookies her 3 yo made; I had to remind myself I do not like cookies.  The week before I inhaled a free donut which again tasted all sugar.  Why?

My point is that I'm lucky that my parents taught me and reinforce frugality.  If you grew up with consumerism, it can be a struggle to cut back.
Like dieting, it's easy at first.  You delay buying new clothes or sports gear, but at some point your family will nag you to level up with new stuff.  Maybe at first they'll pay for your travel with them, but at your income expect you to contribute.  Your friends will want to do a spa day, hair day, girl's trip.  Not to mention the destination weddings.  Having a burning desire for FIRE only gets you so far.  My Mom had a heart attack 30 years ago so I'm conscious of the health effects of being overweight. I did really well for about 10 years, then began the slippery slope.

I am starting to think that the same thing works for both eating and consuming/spending your time and money: Do so much of the good stuff that there is no time/space/attention/headspace over for the bad stuff. Don't just "eat your fruits and vegetables" but purposefully plan so much of them into your everyday eating that you always feel full and happy after eating. Then if you encounter a cookie or a donut, have one, so what? You probably won't stuff yourself with them if you are already full on vegetables, nuts, fruits, etc. We tend to have few unhealthy things at home, because when we do, they get eaten. If we don't have them, we might end up eating something unhealthy outside the home, but at least not both.

Similarly, I like to squirrel away our savings into investments on autopilot. The amount we keep in our accounts is enough to not get stressed but not so much that we feel flush with cash. That way, we can spend more on stuff sometimes but we have to make a conscious decision about it and sometimes move some money around for it. Of course I know we could sell investments every day and do whatever, but by being invested that money is put into a different mental box and left to grow. So we llive on what's in our accounts and only leave enough there for to do just that.

[41_swish]

The environment you surround yourself with will set you up for failure or success, especially when it comes to eating and money.