Feel free to fact check me in case I have looked at anything wrong, but Walmart is offering a $400 gift card on IPhone 8, 8 plus, or X activations. With the 8 reduced to $599, it looks like you can get one for $199. This in their Black Friday circular spanning a few days.
You do have to get a device payment of $25 for 2 years (Verizon; I'm sure the others are similar), but you can pay it off whenever you want and keep the gift card.
Edit: I realize this isn't quite to "badass" standards, but I wasn't sure where else to post what seems to be a really good deal