I've lived all over the country and world, and most of the time I was in low cost of living areas. For the past 6 years, I've lived in an affluent area. I've concluded the differences come down to this:
- Housing costs
- Falling into the patterns of people around you. The kids friends go to Disney World every year so the kids want to go to Disney World too. Birthday presents cost more. Hanging in the social circle costs more.
You are so right. I was at a kid's bday party full of white people. The only person of color was the nanny. Instead of gift bags, each child got a Melissa and Doug stamp set (probably cost as much as our birthday gift).
In this affluent area, the assumption appears to be that you are "the help" if you are of color. That is what they see over there. At a different party, a friend of mine was taken for a nanny and given dirty looks because she had her own children with her and did not know when the host child (her supposed charge) had been fed.
I'd honestly experienced nothing like the above before and found it shockingly racist.
To address the school district, I would not use this area's school district.
I do pay for private school, which is not frugal to all. The kids next door got into a situation with guns and boys in a basement. It was not a hard decision to make to pay for private, and I NEVER thought I would support a private school ever. I am a public school person all the way...so I thought until I had a kid in an areas with suspect schools and, apparently, a lot of guns.
On the other hand, another local kid who went to public school told me he was building a microwave and learning Japanese. So, YMMV. Another friend of mine has her kid in a school where they learn a second language and seems willing to sacrifice a good curriculum for her kid learning another language. The teacher eventually got fired for not teaching (and he was not even that good at the second language) so that was a waste of a year for the kid, IMO. I looked at the $$ I pay and strongly feel it's worth it. My kid was learning algebra concepts at age four and knew all the parts of speech by age six and writes fairly complex sentences. Heck, she's writing reports, which I did not do until a much later age and I was supposedly in the adv classes.
We have a gang in our area. Hence, I won't ride my bike to work (got chastised here for that here, but whatevs). Too many people have been beaten up for my taste. And nothing was stolen. They just beat people up for the heck of it.
I am now able to distinguish gun shots from other sounds. I've perfected that skill.
We have had a domestic violence victim hiding in our driveway. Our older neighbor was held up at gun point in his front yard. I just assume 50% of the people walking down my street are armed and act accordingly.
Even at the White House--which I walk past 2-3 times per week--a man was caught with guns in his pockets. I had walked past just before/after he was arrested.
My neighbors have been held up at gun point. In one situation, a neighbor was a cop, fired back, and killed a guy. You'd be surprised how quickly that becomes the new normal. So far, my street skillz and Spidey sense have kept me safe. I have a very strong Spidey sense.
If you go into the fancier neighborhoods, there's still crime. One of my former neighbors was a high level guy who got in a lot of trouble. He tried to kill himself in his garage. It was all over the news. Maybe they do not use guns, but they are committing crimes like anyone.
You might walk through a parking garage and find a bag of marijuana with a police vehicle sitting a few yards away. Mysteries abound.
I know the above will be quite shocking to those of you who have not grown up in a gun heavy city.
I've said all the bad stuff. Now, the good stuff is we have a strong community. People help each other. If you need a meal, someone will make one and bring it to you. We have porch parties and laugh and drink wine. If your kid is in the hospital, you can be sure the neighbors will bring you food and make cards to encourage you through the hard time. People are crazy smart around here for the most part. We have parties where we go from house to house drinking beer or wine and have funny and fine times. It's like we're in an ecotone. Danger lurks are the edges and sometimes that danger spills in. If you need someone to watch your kid, you can ask a dozen different parents/families to do so. We compost. We recycle. We care deeply about our area. The school are probably getting better. The parks are amazing. The libraries are very good.
The guns are actually a small part. I have not been directly affected. I've seen them at the edges. I've seen people not be smart about safety and get into trouble. The guns command a lot of attention because they are loud and scary and frightening. If you add it all up, though, they are still a small part of living where I do.