Author Topic: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!  (Read 5766 times)

Simple Abundant Living

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Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« on: January 27, 2015, 08:42:23 AM »
I think a few here can relate to having a non-mustachian spouse. My DH was ok with saving and investing, but he makes a lot and spends a lot too. I think I turned him off with my new-found zeal for MMM, and he began to resent it anytime I said, "You know, I just read on Mr. Money Mustache that..." But still, he supported me when I cut the satellite tv, refinanced the mortgage, and paid off debt like a mad woman.

DH just got a new job in a new state and a 40% raise. We found out that our home we are selling has increased 100K in value in the last year, and DH started looking at similar priced homes in the new state. I was hoping to downsize and downgrade our new home and pay off the mortgage to be completely debt free. DH was looking at homes overlooking golf courses and private pools. The other day, he started showing me houses in a price range that I could stomach. And he told me he wants to be sure we can live off half our salary. And he said he can picture in a few years wanting to do something else (semi-retire)!

I can't believe the change! It's amazing to start to agree on our financial goals!! I still have to tip-toe around the subject of MMM, but I think he'll eventually get there as well. There is hope!!!

SunshineGirl

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2015, 08:43:44 AM »
Great news!

gluskap

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2015, 11:36:16 PM »
I hope my hubby will do the same too! I convinced him to cut the cable, refinance, and combine our accounts so we will see how it goes!

UKMatt

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2015, 08:11:14 AM »
My wife has come on board quite easily actually. She's been nagging for years about going through our finances properly (we just lived month to month) but never actually did anything about it. Now that I am going through everything with a fine tooth comb, she's going along with most things. We've been fairly mustachian in some areas anyway (no pay TV subscription, only very occasional meals out/takeaways) but woeful in others. There was some resistance when I asked how much she spent on haircuts and how often she had them and almost fainted when I got the response, but I think she knew she was being somewhat extravagant so agreed to cut the cost and frequency. I think she's even starting to see what a big mistake she made getting a brand new car on finance. I'm trying to sort a better deal on it now but she was adamant at the time that she needed it, despite my protestations. Not that we're in a position yet that I could suggest selling it, (although I may broach that a little further down the line).

I did get her to agree to start making her own lunches for work (she asked if I would do it, but I don't have the time and do all the cooking anyway so wasn't prepared to to do it) but I notice that she hasn't actually done it yet. Maybe I'll start off doing it for a little while to get her in the habit of not buying, and then start getting her to do it.

be

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2015, 12:50:50 PM »
UKMatt, don't know if this would help you, but I don't like making my lunches for work either.  Ok, well to be honest I don't like doing any chores.  I'm just lazy like that.  However one thing I've discovered is if I get to talk on the phone while I do my chores -- no problem.  I don't feel so deprived, and it really is amazing how many chores can get done while I'm chatting away.  I had a friend yesterday say they had to talk to me about something, and my first thought was -- great I have 3 loads of laundry to fold.  Head set on while doing chores so I can talk on the phone, and I don't even notice when all the chores are done.

Now if your wife isn't the chatty sort, what about books on tape, or even watching tv while packing lunch.  This assumes of course she's not in a big time crunch.  I like to watch tv while I wash dishes.  Yes i realize it might take a bit longer than if i had really concentrated, but i figure if that's what it takes to get my chores done -- so be it.

be

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2015, 01:00:23 PM »
UKMatt, I have to admit, if I were your wife, i would suggest i make both our lunches one week and you make both our lunches one week.  or some other agreed to amount of time.  I mean it doesn't take twice as long to make 2 lunches.  However I have to admit i make my lunch for the week at 1 time.  my lunches consist of most cut up fruit and veg and stuff that will keep for the week.  good luck.

yoga mama

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2015, 06:17:29 PM »
That's great!  Congrats on the move, the equity in your current home, and good luck on the search for a more mustachian home!  This is exactly like my hubby - after my initial enthusiasm I had to really tone it down and start referring more to things I had read on other financial blogs because I think I was really annoying him.  He is naturally frugal but has yet (6 mos after I discovered MMM) to really watch costs nearly as careful as I do. 

Retired To Win

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2015, 04:04:10 PM »
I think a few here can relate to having a non-mustachian spouse. My DH was ok with saving and investing, but he makes a lot and spends a lot too. I think I turned him off with my new-found zeal for MMM, and he began to resent it anytime I said, "You know, I just read on Mr. Money Mustache that..." I still have to tip-toe around the subject of MMM, but I think he'll eventually get there as well. There is hope!!!


I can relate.  My wife (who even though "retired" has a $175-an-hour side gig) basically either shuts down on me or starts going ballistic if I start a sentence with "You know, MMM..."  And yet, over the past year or two she's started making good solid frugal moves on her own -- and on occasion has even beat me to suggesting and implementing a household money-saving idea.  So, yeah, there certainly is hope.

Good luck.

hunniebun

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2015, 05:59:07 PM »
I guess spouses can learn by osmosis!  I hope mine comes around a little more in the near future too...but if not...oh well. He can work while I retire! LOL!

Bob W

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #9 on: February 01, 2015, 07:37:52 PM »
That is great!  I just sucked my wife in with republic wireless and cutting cable using Rokus. Baby steps adding up.

frozzie

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2015, 03:59:03 PM »
My wife today while watching an ad for Jeep : "40k for a car! sorry for a truck! How much stuff do they need to carry around?" ...
Me : "I think I'm in love ..."
Wife while turning around to look at me : "What! this is a ridic.... Oh! me? :) Thanks ..."

I just have to keep working on shopping with the middle finger and all will be good :D

LucyBIT

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2015, 04:39:41 PM »
Last night I was doing our taxes, and my husband picked up our W2s and asked me, "How much are your student loans, again?" I told him, then he looked down at the W2s, and said, "So, if we lived off just your income, we could pay that off in like a year, right?"

I was like "YES!!!" but didn't push it, this is seriously HUGE progress! I've been [gently] pushing towards living off one income, and he's open to it, but thus far it's been a little hard for him to get behind it, because he didn't really have a goal in his head other than "what if one of us gets laid off or something". I've mentioned paying off the loans before, but he seems to need to come up with some things on his own to really wrap his head around them.

Spondulix

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2015, 09:10:06 PM »
I guess spouses can learn by osmosis!  I hope mine comes around a little more in the near future too...but if not...oh well. He can work while I retire! LOL!
They sort of do... and it actually makes sense. DH sends me links to finance stuff he comes across, and talks about finance things he hears on the radio that he thinks I might be interested in. it's just a byproduct of being supportive - but by doing that, he's getting exposed to things he might not have paid attention to before.

wintersun

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2015, 12:38:29 PM »
My dh is getting it bit by bit.  Using YNAB has helped me to be able to explain our situation more accurately which helps.  Last week he wondered why we ever used a dryer which was fantastic to hear.  He also is realising the cost of not maintaining things (oil tanks have to be filled sometimes) which is sobering.

It is osmotic I think.  Now that my focus is on reducing spending he is way more aware. When I was oblivious he was oblivious too. 

One day at a time.


HenryDavid

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2015, 08:07:50 AM »
The power of simple feedback and information can be amazing.
Years ago I started tracking spending and reporting on where the money went each month.
"No shame no blame" as the saying goes. Just information.
Then we started to have moments where we got rewarded for having cut a cost, like our landline, so we could celebrate that.  "Hey the money we used to spend on that bill, which we shifted to the mortgage means we're 3 years closer to paying it off."
Repeat. Never mentioning anything that sounds like blame or pressure. Never ever saying "if only you changed this we could be retired sooner."
And voila. Mortgage done this spring. Taking part of next year off work as "pre-tirement" to test drive living on the same income we have now, but without the luxury of a large reassuring monthly surplus.
Helps if your spouse is extremely smart and resourceful and not the least bit consumer-y all on her own. Which mine is, lucky me.

Candace

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Re: Non-mustachian hubby is finally getting it!
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2015, 09:24:54 AM »
I think a few here can relate to having a non-mustachian spouse. My DH was ok with saving and investing, but he makes a lot and spends a lot too. I think I turned him off with my new-found zeal for MMM, and he began to resent it anytime I said, "You know, I just read on Mr. Money Mustache that..." But still, he supported me when I cut the satellite tv, refinanced the mortgage, and paid off debt like a mad woman.

DH just got a new job in a new state and a 40% raise. We found out that our home we are selling has increased 100K in value in the last year, and DH started looking at similar priced homes in the new state. I was hoping to downsize and downgrade our new home and pay off the mortgage to be completely debt free. DH was looking at homes overlooking golf courses and private pools. The other day, he started showing me houses in a price range that I could stomach. And he told me he wants to be sure we can live off half our salary. And he said he can picture in a few years wanting to do something else (semi-retire)!

I can't believe the change! It's amazing to start to agree on our financial goals!! I still have to tip-toe around the subject of MMM, but I think he'll eventually get there as well. There is hope!!!

Congratulations! I bet you're even more in love now. When you feel like you're both pulling toward the same goals, and you both have your eyes on the prize, and the process is part of the fun, I'll bet it feeds an upward spiral of love, love, love. I'm sure you and your husband are well on your way to your goals. Mazel Tov.

If I'd stayed with my ex, I think we'd be FIRE'd by now. Oh well. Too bad. No sense crying over spilt milk.

Now, I have a boyfriend who is semi-Mustachian. He doesn't have any debt, and he doesn't buy stuff for himself. He has so few clothes he doesn't even use a dresser -- the nightstand holds all his clothes. He has very few needs or desires for himself. His history is that he spends whatever he earns on other people, and his ex-wife pretty much spent what he brought in. Now, he spends on taking me and his adult kids and their spouses out to eat, to events, activities and trips. He has something like $30k in an IRA (he's 53).

Before meeting me, his idea of retirement was sitting around on a rocking chair, so he just figured on working till he keeled over. Now that I've explained my idea of ER/FI, he is supportive of my goals for us. If he never starts saving more of his money, that's okay. As long as he understands what *my* money is for, we're good. I would be fine with being the one to supply the means to stop working and start enjoying more free time and travel. He would probably work on a contract basis to supply his desires to keep us eating out and doing more spendy things here and there.

As long as we keep our money separate, this kind of arrangement would work for me. But he also shows signs of "getting it", so I'm hoping he ends up pitching in more toward joint FI as time goes on.