I'm deciding between cremation (but who the heck will want the urn?), green burial, and whole-body donation. The latter two require some prior action and documentation but seem like the best of the lot. I like the idea that my remains could help protect land against development (green burial), or may turn into some crazy science experiment (I could end up in a body farm!).
Ever since I saw "A Will for the Woods" I've been intrigued by the green burial idea. http://www.awillforthewoods.com/
I've seen this film; it was good. I like idea too.
My grandfather and grandmother died within a few months of each other a few years ago. (Sounds kind of romantic, but they were separated for many years until my grandpa had a stroke and required full time care, so he moved back in with my grandma and she just put up with it I guess? They had an odd relationship, the opposite of a role model. Anyway, I digress.)
Their funerals were very similar too. They both had a closed-casket graveside service. We all arrived, and the body was already in a casket in the back of the hearse. The pallbearers brought it from the hearse to the grave, where it slid on top of a metal rack over the enormous, heavy steel vault. There was a priest on hand to give the service, though he didn't know the deceased. With everyone standing in a rough circle around the grave, it
really felt like a funeral scene in a Mafia movie. I was half expecting to see some feds with long range parabolic microphones and binoculars standing at the edge of the cemetery.
I appreciated how the service was short and sweet. I think it was about 20 minutes. Then we each had a chance to lay a hand on the casket and "say goodbye". After that, we relocated to a nearby restaurant where we had one of the private rooms. There were photos and such to look at and spark storytelling. There were plenty of things to snack on, and an open bar. I think I would term this part a "reception" but maybe that term is only used for weddings?
The part that made the least sense to me was: after the service, we all just left the casket sitting there above the grave. I wanted closure! Literally! But that involves loud, ugly machinery, both to lower the casket into the grave and then to rebury it, tamp it, etc. It made me feel like there was unfinished business we were leaving behind.
Between those funerals and seeing the green burial film, I have a clear picture of my ideal funeral. Before anyone arrives, my body has been wrapped in a cotton burial shroud. The grave has already been dug - it's fine if it was by machine. There is some kind of ceremony, details not super important to me, but appropriately somber and reflective. What is important is that at the end of the ceremony, they lower me into the grave. Maybe through some flower or pine boughs or whatever on top to keep me smelling fresh. Then, my guests bury me. I hope everyone in attendance can shovel at least one spadeful of earth. (Once everyone has had a turn, ideally the booze would start to come out, but the cemetery management probably discourages that.) After you've shoveled at least once, you can tap out, or keep going until you need a break, with folks cycling in and out. The group remains at the grave until I've been fully buried by hand. (I will concede tamping to take place by machine if needed, after everyone has left the graveside, but I think most green burial places don't allow that anyway, preferring the mounding approach.) After that, they can move to another site to have the party with food and more drinks, the fun stories, and so on.
My fiancée always says "here's what I want for my funeral, but remember, funerals are meant for the living. I'll be dead, so I won't care whether you heed my wishes." Fair enough!
