Author Topic: I wrote a piece for CBC about Fire and the online hate towards it, check it out!  (Read 6975 times)


Moustachienne

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 420
Great article! Just crazy how people can feel so threatened by another person's choice. 

srrb

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 132
Well done! The article and building a life you wanted. My experience was once housing was nailed down it was easy and enjoyable to live a cheap and low impact life in Vancouver.

Metalcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17581
I loved your original article and I really love this one. People need to be called out for this shit more often.

lhamo

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3127
  • Location: Seattle
You guys are so awesome -- love seeing an example of how FIRE can be done even without high-flying tech salaries, and in a VHCOL city to boot!

Are you still planning to move to the islands?

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
You guys are so awesome -- love seeing an example of how FIRE can be done even without high-flying tech salaries, and in a VHCOL city to boot!

Are you still planning to move to the islands?

Yes, absolutely, though we want to do some long-term travel for a while before settling down.

JAYSLOL

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2149
I remember reading your article when it first came out and loved it, sorry to hear about the backlash, unfortunately there’s a percentage of people who deal with their own insecurities by lashing out at others online when they read something that challenges their warped perceptions of the world.  Sounds like you both are still crushing it out there in Vancouver, congrats and keep it up!  Before you know it, you’ll be FIREd and riding your bikes down to the beach on a nice sunny weekday while the people making stupid comments on your choices will still making car payments and staring down 20 more years of commuting to work and complaining about how it’s impossible to get ahead. 

halftimer

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 205
Your article was in my news feed and I came here to congratulate you on a well-articulated take. Even having read some of your journals before it was nice to see your progression so briefly in one place. I agree that we all need to challenge assumptions more and that flexibility is a fantastic resource no matter what you choose to do with it.

Wolfpack Mustachian

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1867
Great article! Thanks for both putting your story out there and defending it!

comicguy

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 152
Good for you! Great article. I wish I had the foresight to get started like this when we first started out. Alas, we didnt but now working on a comfortable retirement plan for when we are both 57 (in just a few years!)

Tigerpine

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 495
Nicely written article.

I wish you all the best, and you're probably right.  Much of the backlash you get is probably the manifestation of much discontent in their own lives.  People don't like to have their assumptions and baseline instincts challenged.  When they hear about your story, instead of self reflection, their first instinct is to lash out.  It's probably a self-defense mechanism to reduce their own cognitive dissonance, so it's really nothing to take personally.

Good luck in all your endeavors!

JupiterGreen

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 588
This is a great piece, thanks for sharing! I would look at the haters (aside from the personal attacks) who actually seem to know something about finances as a good opportunity to check in with your plan. Like looking at the counter argument just to see your plan from a different angle. With that said, all of us here know you plan is sound and you both are lovely people BTW. With success comes haters I guess.

Do you have a blog? I'd love to see what you two are doing now/keep up with your progress and travels.

edit: I just realized your blog is in your signature...off to check it out now
« Last Edit: February 07, 2023, 12:04:43 PM by JupiterGreen »

Turtle

  • CM*MW 2023 Attendees
  • Pencil Stache
  • *
  • Posts: 605
Congrats! Great article.

It's amazing how many people in the comments didn't read the entire sentence under the cookie picture.

Hitting 350K in 2018 is not the same as wanting to retire on 350K  Sheesh.

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 23207
  • Age: 42
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Ha, I was just reading that on CBC this morning.  As always, online comments are ridiculously stupid.

Moustachienne

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 420
Ha, I was just reading that on CBC this morning.  As always, online comments are ridiculously stupid.

Some stupid ones for sure but I thought many of the comments were surprisingly supportive.
https://www.cbc.ca/radio/nowornever/what-happened-next-past-guests-reveal-how-life-has-changed-1.6731356/we-weren-t-prepared-for-the-online-hate-when-we-shared-how-we-plan-to-retire-by-35-1.6736817

It's great that Zikorus put the original article and the update out there. Their example will definitely inspire some people to make good changes towards FI if not FIRE.


Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian

srrb

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 132
The article came up in my CBC feed so I took a look at the comments. It's interesting how many think "saving" 350k was literally saving penny by penny and that is all the money you plan to live on once retired so will be up sh*t creek in 10 years.

Of course, my assumption is you've used investable assets to build and continue to grow your retirement fund ...

StPatrick

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Age: 43
  • Location: Rural Texas
As I get older, the Matrix wasn't just a movie. People really do live in it and attack people who are pulling the plug. You're doing a great job. The incredible amount of opposition I'm reading in your story only proves these facts.

trc4897

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 121
What a great article! Reading through a bunch of the comments on the CBC page, glad to see that on this one the majority are positive. Hopefully this has at least opened a few people's eyes on how pretty simple changes can make a huge difference in your finances.

GreenQueen

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 124
  • Location: Up North
Great article! Very accessible and focus on quality of life.

sixwings

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 545
Great article! I live in victoria but lived in vancouver for year, what you and your partner have done is super badass and you should be proud!

Good to see lots of positive comments.. although what's with all the people really wanting you to have a baby? Some of them seem almost personally vested in whether you procreate or not... weird... also very clear that many many people have no idea how personal finances work...
« Last Edit: February 08, 2023, 08:45:50 PM by sixwings »

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
Great article! I live in victoria but lived in vancouver for year, what you and your partner have done is super badass and you should be proud!

Good to see lots of positive comments.. although what's with all the people really wanting you to have a baby? Some of them seem almost personally vested in whether you procreate or not... weird... also very clear that many many people have no idea how personal finances work...

Right? It's just bizarre because I'm one of the most vehemently childfree people you will ever meet, and shut down any possibility of that literally the minute I could find a doctor willing to do the job (started looking for a doctor at 17 and had the surgery at 21).

Malossi792

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 164
Great article! I live in victoria but lived in vancouver for year, what you and your partner have done is super badass and you should be proud!

Good to see lots of positive comments.. although what's with all the people really wanting you to have a baby? Some of them seem almost personally vested in whether you procreate or not... weird... also very clear that many many people have no idea how personal finances work...
Misery loves company...
Great article!

Missy B

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 607
I was really struck by the ignorance in the comments of the first piece.
Quite a few people assuming that the money was not invested in growth and wasn't earning and would never earn anything, and that any growth in their net worth would come exclusively from new savings.
I would guess those people have never had savings outside of a cash account. And are far more likely to end up flipping burgers at 70 than zikoris.

It'll be fun to read the next article, when Zikoris reaches her goal and she and her partner retire.
 

johndoe

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 196
Thanks for sharing, way to go!  Since comment sections are always good for laughs, I made some material:
1. This dude is named "Celestian Rince" and he's not the one working as kitchen cleaner?! He ought to be endorsing some cleaning products!
2. As if vegans weren't preachy enough, these two want to add "early retirees" to their resumes?! They'll be downright insufferable, telling everyone how to live their lives!

But seriously, congrats on the progress and online "fame". Have your friends / families seen the article?  I imagine it may be an interesting "outing" for people who didn't know your approach.  As you ponder downtown living vs this island, it'd be interesting to see cost implications...I imagine many people wonder about money (and time) trade-offs with home location.

Wolfpack Mustachian

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1867
I was really struck by the ignorance in the comments of the first piece.
Quite a few people assuming that the money was not invested in growth and wasn't earning and would never earn anything, and that any growth in their net worth would come exclusively from new savings.
I would guess those people have never had savings outside of a cash account. And are far more likely to end up flipping burgers at 70 than zikoris.

It'll be fun to read the next article, when Zikoris reaches her goal and she and her partner retire.

Have no fear, there will be plenty of "explanations" about how they must have inherited from a rich uncle or be secret drug dealers...

It's seriously sad. I am worthy of so many face punches for my spending compared to Zikoris, but I see no reason to knock her or try to make excuses for my spending at her expense. Instead, I try to learn from people like her as to how to improve myself.

Zamboni

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3884
Aww, your cookies were really cute!

sixwings

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 545
Thanks for sharing, way to go!  Since comment sections are always good for laughs, I made some material:
1. This dude is named "Celestian Rince" and he's not the one working as kitchen cleaner?! He ought to be endorsing some cleaning products!
2. As if vegans weren't preachy enough, these two want to add "early retirees" to their resumes?! They'll be downright insufferable, telling everyone how to live their lives!

But seriously, congrats on the progress and online "fame". Have your friends / families seen the article?  I imagine it may be an interesting "outing" for people who didn't know your approach.  As you ponder downtown living vs this island, it'd be interesting to see cost implications...I imagine many people wonder about money (and time) trade-offs with home location.

My brother lives on salt spring island, one of the gulf island zikoris might be contemplating. He is very much not mustachian and has no need to be as he sold his first company for hundreds of millions and he built a whole compound on 5 acres of waterfront, so his experience may not be entirely representative, but he HATES it and is probably going to move off, it was never a good fit for him and i dunno why he did it. Basically getting on/off the islands is a real pain in the ass, in the summer there's multiple ferry waits every ferry and in the winter they get cancelled frequently, so he just ends up hermiting on his property, and no one really goes to visit, like I havent gone there in a year even though his property is incredible, I get my own amazing house, and he has a personal spa, but getting on/off is such a nightmare, if that's what you want then great but it's not working well for him. It's also dark, like really dark. There's no city lights or anything like that so from like 4pm-8am from October - March there's just no light other than the light from your own house, so you end up just staying inside your house and not leaving, great for star gazing, bad if you have to walk your dog where there's no sidewalks and the only light is the puddle of light around you from your headlamp or your kids are cooped up inside. He also finds that everything is just harder, like going to the park with his kids is a big ordeal getting them into the car, driving 10 mins to the only park on the island, there's no other kids there, and then driving back. Finding someone to clean his gutters, mechanics, daycare/nanny, etc. (ya ya do it yourself but he's not going to),  Just basic services like that are really hard to find. Also islanders can be an odd group... his circumstances as a tech star probably isn't winning him any friends. He posted on facebook marketplace looking for a nanny, was offering $60-80/hr for one, he thought simple solution to simple problem and that was a pretty generous rate of pay, and they got absolutely BLASTED for that posting, people said really mean/rude things to him about him and his family because he's rich (his kids are awesome and very fun/easy). He ended up having to get an au pair because there was no daycare/nannies available. Food options are limited, there's minimal grocery stores so getting ingredients that might be more specific for cuisines is really hard, like good luck finding asian, mexican, indian, etc. ingredients and getting on/off the island to get those is a pain. That said, because of these drawbacks, it can be easier to live cheaply because you're not spending money on much and it's easy to live very simply and it does provide a lot of quiet and solitude which is amazing for people who want that.

TLDR: Move to the islands for peace and quiet and just be really really prepared that is EXACTLY what you will get. I love the idea of it, no way I would want to actually live that way for an extended period of time. Amazing place to visit for a weekend or week, but not the place for me to live.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2023, 09:23:30 AM by sixwings »

sonofsven

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2052
Great article! I'm really glad you two are putting yourselves out there to have a positive influence on others.
The comments on the article did not disappoint, lol.

lhamo

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3127
  • Location: Seattle
Thanks for sharing, way to go!  Since comment sections are always good for laughs, I made some material:
1. This dude is named "Celestian Rince" and he's not the one working as kitchen cleaner?! He ought to be endorsing some cleaning products!
2. As if vegans weren't preachy enough, these two want to add "early retirees" to their resumes?! They'll be downright insufferable, telling everyone how to live their lives!

But seriously, congrats on the progress and online "fame". Have your friends / families seen the article?  I imagine it may be an interesting "outing" for people who didn't know your approach.  As you ponder downtown living vs this island, it'd be interesting to see cost implications...I imagine many people wonder about money (and time) trade-offs with home location.

My brother lives on salt spring island, one of the gulf island zikoris might be contemplating. He is very much not mustachian and has no need to be as he sold his first company for hundreds of millions and he built a whole compound on 5 acres of waterfront, so his experience may not be entirely representative, but he HATES it and is probably going to move off, it was never a good fit for him and i dunno why he did it. Basically getting on/off the islands is a real pain in the ass, in the summer there's multiple ferry waits every ferry and in the winter they get cancelled frequently, so he just ends up hermiting on his property, and no one really goes to visit, like I havent gone there in a year even though his property is incredible, I get my own amazing house, and he has a personal spa, but getting on/off is such a nightmare, if that's what you want then great but it's not working well for him. It's also dark, like really dark. There's no city lights or anything like that so from like 4pm-8am from October - March there's just no light other than the light from your own house, so you end up just staying inside your house and not leaving, great for star gazing, bad if you have to walk your dog where there's no sidewalks and the only light is the puddle of light around you from your headlamp or your kids are cooped up inside. He also finds that everything is just harder, like going to the park with his kids is a big ordeal getting them into the car, driving 10 mins to the only park on the island, there's no other kids there, and then driving back. Finding someone to clean his gutters, mechanics, daycare/nanny, etc. (ya ya do it yourself but he's not going to),  Just basic services like that are really hard to find. Also islanders can be an odd group... his circumstances as a tech star probably isn't winning him any friends. He posted on facebook marketplace looking for a nanny, was offering $60-80/hr for one, he thought simple solution to simple problem and that was a pretty generous rate of pay, and they got absolutely BLASTED for that posting, people said really mean/rude things to him about him and his family because he's rich (his kids are awesome and very fun/easy). He ended up having to get an au pair because there was no daycare/nannies available. Food options are limited, there's minimal grocery stores so getting ingredients that might be more specific for cuisines is really hard, like good luck finding asian, mexican, indian, etc. ingredients and getting on/off the island to get those is a pain. That said, because of these drawbacks, it can be easier to live cheaply because you're not spending money on much and it's easy to live very simply and it does provide a lot of quiet and solitude which is amazing for people who want that.

TLDR: Move to the islands for peace and quiet and just be really really prepared that is EXACTLY what you will get. I love the idea of it, no way I would want to actually live that way for an extended period of time. Amazing place to visit for a weekend or week, but not the place for me to live.

Holy moly -- if I could get permission to work in Canada I'd happily be his estate manager as long as it included housing!  I'd take care of his kids, walk his dogs, arrange all his construction projects, etc.  I'd probably want at least 6-8 weeks off a year to travel/visit my own family. 

If he can sponsor me for Canadian citizenship, pm me....

GilesMM

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1540
  • Location: PNW
You didn't mention much about finances in the article. Where are you guys and how far to go?

sonofsven

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2052
Great article! I'm really glad you two are putting yourselves out there to have a positive influence on others.
The comments on the article did not disappoint, lol.
Ditto!! I'm glad there are brave people like @Zikoris putting their info out there to inspire others despite the negative comments (which are pretty nasty and personal sometimes but mostly funny or just clueless). Mostly it seems lime the people who make negative comments just don't get it though so maybe, after some time, things from the article will.sink in and they will have an "Ah Ha! I can do this too" moment.
Maybe, but I think for most of them it just reinforces what they already think: "This isn't possible! The media is full of lies!".

draco44

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 527
I enjoyed your article! Well done and congratulations. Also, I like labyrinths too :)

jnw

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2020
Congratulations to the couple!  Since these strangers freely shared their opinions about these two, I"ll share mine about them; two words:  ignorant fools.   One day they'll look back at what they said with regret.   When they are in poverty and learn their lesson.

stoaX

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1008
  • Location: South Carolina
  • 'tis nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so
I was really struck by the ignorance in the comments of the first piece.
Quite a few people assuming that the money was not invested in growth and wasn't earning and would never earn anything,

I was struck by that as well. 

And well done Zikoris!

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
I was really struck by the ignorance in the comments of the first piece.
Quite a few people assuming that the money was not invested in growth and wasn't earning and would never earn anything,

I was struck by that as well. 

And well done Zikoris!

I'm always surprised at the massive mistakes average people make when doing what I consider pretty simple math. It does go to show how we tend to live in bubbles to some extent. I don't live in an ideological bubble, but I definitely live in an intellectual bubble where people don't forget that things like interest exist.

Chris Pascale

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1356
I see a lot of positive comments, but addressing something in the article from past comments: I'm confused by how you can live in a cheaper rental in place of "someone more deserving."

Unless you come clean about the horrible things you've done, I'm left to speculate on how many kittens you've kicked, orphans you pointed/laughed at, and phony care packages you sent to troops that had books by Sean Hannity instead of peanut M&M's.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2023, 06:32:48 AM by Chris Pascale »

bacchi

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7093
Ernie Zelinski commented! I read his book "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won't Get from Your Financial Advisor" right after I read YMOYL.


ixtap

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4575
  • Age: 51
  • Location: SoCal
    • Our Sea Story
I see a lot of positive comments, but addressing something in the article from past comments: I'm confused by how you can live in a cheaper rental in place of "someone more deserving."

Unless you come clean about the horrible things you've done, I'm left to speculate on how many kittens you've kicked, orphans you pointed/laughed at, and phony care packages you sent to troops that had books by Sean Hannity instead of peanut M&M's.

Oh, I have felt this myself. If I am only paying 10% of income for rent, some part of me considers that maybe I should leave that unit for someone with less income who couldn't afford what I could afford. I still end up choosing what I want rather than acting on that consideration, but it does exist.

Whether having lower income makes someone deserving or not is highly debatable...

Extramedium

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 155
Good for you! 

It is funny how these concepts can be so alienating/offensive/strange/threatening to people not practicing them.  Reading the comments for this article (about the comments from the previous one) showed the irony of this so well.  Thanks for sharing, and keep at it.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7946
I was glad to see the many positive comments despite the negative comments by others. Congrats on doing so well towards your goal!

Chris Pascale

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1356
I see a lot of positive comments, but addressing something in the article from past comments: I'm confused by how you can live in a cheaper rental in place of "someone more deserving."

Unless you come clean about the horrible things you've done, I'm left to speculate on how many kittens you've kicked, orphans you pointed/laughed at, and phony care packages you sent to troops that had books by Sean Hannity instead of peanut M&M's.

Oh, I have felt this myself. If I am only paying 10% of income for rent, some part of me considers that maybe I should leave that unit for someone with less income who couldn't afford what I could afford. I still end up choosing what I want rather than acting on that consideration, but it does exist.

Whether having lower income makes someone deserving or not is highly debatable...

On the flip side, if you are renting from someone with only 1 unit, you are helping a person who might be living close to the edge of their budget while trying to build wealth.

When I had a rental house, a renter who couldn't afford to pay really hurt my personal finances. I wasn't rich. I bought a home in 2007 that slowly dropped from $110k to $70k, so couldn't sell it, and the rent fell below my mortgage payment. since I had a 15-year I was getting ahead on equity each month, but I was paying $100 or more a month during good months and $900 when there was a gap between renters. To keep renters, I might offer them a month free to renew the lease.

If I had a family that just wanted to stay because it was so affordable, I'd have been a fool to ever let the place go.

dandarc

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5482
  • Age: 41
  • Pronouns: he/him/his
"More Deserving" means someone with lower income could be in that unit usually. This deflecting of policy-level problems onto individuals is what is behind that concept.

I could buy a $500,000 house or pay $3,000 per month in rent relatively easily, so I should do that rather than stay where I'm at so that presumably the less expensive place I'm living goes to someone who cannot afford those things which are more readily available.

That's a very common tactic - blame individual decision making vs. doing the work on policy that helps whatever the issue is. In this case, in many areas, capitalism has fundamentally failed to provide sufficient housing that is affordable on lower incomes. And policy needs to change to get the incentives in place so that development can happen.

On a lot of issues, we need to be doing both things, because there are certainly areas of life where individual decision making can make a big difference to a household. At the same time, we cannot ignore policy because no amount of individual decision making is going to make 1,000 or 10,000 or 100,000 more housing units available where they are needed.

fuzzy math

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1733
  • Age: 42
  • Location: PNW
I see a lot of positive comments, but addressing something in the article from past comments: I'm confused by how you can live in a cheaper rental in place of "someone more deserving."

Unless you come clean about the horrible things you've done, I'm left to speculate on how many kittens you've kicked, orphans you pointed/laughed at, and phony care packages you sent to troops that had books by Sean Hannity instead of peanut M&M's.

Oh, I have felt this myself. If I am only paying 10% of income for rent, some part of me considers that maybe I should leave that unit for someone with less income who couldn't afford what I could afford. I still end up choosing what I want rather than acting on that consideration, but it does exist.

Whether having lower income makes someone deserving or not is highly debatable...

On the flip side, if you are renting from someone with only 1 unit, you are helping a person who might be living close to the edge of their budget while trying to build wealth.

When I had a rental house, a renter who couldn't afford to pay really hurt my personal finances. I wasn't rich. I bought a home in 2007 that slowly dropped from $110k to $70k, so couldn't sell it, and the rent fell below my mortgage payment. since I had a 15-year I was getting ahead on equity each month, but I was paying $100 or more a month during good months and $900 when there was a gap between renters. To keep renters, I might offer them a month free to renew the lease.

If I had a family that just wanted to stay because it was so affordable, I'd have been a fool to ever let the place go.

Or possibly someone who can't afford much is still choosing to spend more than they have for the illusion of being able to afford to live somewhere nice. Take the cheap living! Unfortunately its a self sorting situation. Those who have the resources and mental faculties to make good choices tend to find those options. Often those who need those accommodations can't be bothered to look for them because *gasp* they have "paper cabinets and I'm not going to live somwhere like that". (ask me how I know)

srrb

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 132
...

Or possibly someone who can't afford much is still choosing to spend more than they have for the illusion of being able to afford to live somewhere nice. Take the cheap living! Unfortunately its a self sorting situation. Those who have the resources and mental faculties to make good choices tend to find those options. Often those who need those accommodations can't be bothered to look for them because *gasp* they have "paper cabinets and I'm not going to live somwhere like that". (ask me how I know)

Or "I can't live here, I like to entertain!" in reaction to visiting one of our early house hacks. Those places were rough, granted, but we were early & mid-twenties and were homeowners. It's a mindset.

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
Well done on both your savings path and a great article!

THANK YOU for mentioning the gendered criticisms! I think as a society we've built an unhealthy association between things we spend money on and our sense of identity. The idea that a person needs to eat meat and drive a truck in order to be a man, or regularly go to the salon for fake nails and lashes to be a woman is just weird.

Right? I have NEVER in my life had my appearance so brutally critiqued as when I started doing FIRE stuff on video, and I am really just a normal-looking person, but clearly too ugly for tv, lol. Print and radio is really the way to go if you're anything other than super-attractive. And because our lifestyle stuff involved mainly changes on the part of my boyfriend (who grew up affluent and high-spending), I've never managed to dispel the idea that I'm some sort of horrible harpy dictator forcing the FIRE lifestyle on him and depriving him of everything good in life.

It is kind of interesting online sometimes to see the difference in response when people think I'm a girl versus a guy. I'm pretty active on Reddit with a gender-neutral username and virtually every time I post people assume I'm a dude from the get-go. FYI I apparently I make a terrible boyfriend because I deprive my partner of a budget for beauty treatments, among other things.

Metalcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17581
Well done on both your savings path and a great article!

THANK YOU for mentioning the gendered criticisms! I think as a society we've built an unhealthy association between things we spend money on and our sense of identity. The idea that a person needs to eat meat and drive a truck in order to be a man, or regularly go to the salon for fake nails and lashes to be a woman is just weird.

Right? I have NEVER in my life had my appearance so brutally critiqued as when I started doing FIRE stuff on video, and I am really just a normal-looking person, but clearly too ugly for tv, lol. Print and radio is really the way to go if you're anything other than super-attractive. And because our lifestyle stuff involved mainly changes on the part of my boyfriend (who grew up affluent and high-spending), I've never managed to dispel the idea that I'm some sort of horrible harpy dictator forcing the FIRE lifestyle on him and depriving him of everything good in life.

It is kind of interesting online sometimes to see the difference in response when people think I'm a girl versus a guy. I'm pretty active on Reddit with a gender-neutral username and virtually every time I post people assume I'm a dude from the get-go. FYI I apparently I make a terrible boyfriend because I deprive my partner of a budget for beauty treatments, among other things.

Lol. Yep, for the brief time I was on Bogleheads before the sexism drove me out, I was gender neutral and always, always assumed to be a man, and I got so many comments about my "poor wife" and how I'm basically a dictator who won't let her have anything nice. And I how she'll probably end up leaving me for someone less stingy.

*Looks over at my 6 figure earning husband who is decidedly more frugal and happier than I am*

It's crazy the assumptions people make. It gives you a view inside their heads and the imaginary pressures they must have on themselves.

It just makes me sad for the realities that these people live in.

Zikoris

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4550
  • Age: 37
  • Location: Vancouver, BC
  • Vancouverstachian
Lol. Yep, for the brief time I was on Bogleheads before the sexism drove me out, I was gender neutral and always, always assumed to be a man, and I got so many comments about my "poor wife" and how I'm basically a dictator who won't let her have anything nice. And I how she'll probably end up leaving me for someone less stingy.

*Looks over at my 6 figure earning husband who is decidedly more frugal and happier than I am*

It's crazy the assumptions people make. It gives you a view inside their heads and the imaginary pressures they must have on themselves.

It just makes me sad for the realities that these people live in.

And I guarantee you if it was the other way around, with me adapting to his prior high-spend lifestyle, not a single person would say Oh look at that horrible guy forcing her to live such a wasteful and excessive lifestyle against her beliefs, even though that would be a terrible experience for me.

never give up

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7894
  • Location: UK
  • Kindness is free to give and priceless to receive
I’m sorry you’ve had to face a barrage of unfriendly and unhelpful comments. I wish there was more kindness in the world.

They are nice articles though. I always tend to think on something like this that there will be someone out there, you won’t know who they are, they won’t have commented, and they never will, but they’ve taken the article onboard and made positive changes to their life as a result. Without the article they would never have done this, but the content can’t be unseen and their life has forked off at a tangent as a consequence. Always think of this symbolic person if ever a comment gets you down.

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!