The student has become the master. My DH has significantly surpassed me on the path to badassity! Not that it’s a contest, but if it were… he’s kicking my butt! And it's awesome! But it wasn’t always this way.
DH Before:
- Bought lunch every weekday
- Ate dinners out 1-3 times a week
- Went to concerts or movies at least once a week
- Purchased books
- Wanted brand-new furniture ($$$)
- Didn’t know about investing / didn’t care
- Was comfortable with debt (“it’ll get paid off eventually”)
- Thought nothing of vacation expenses ($$$)
- Didn’t have a budget
DH Now:
- Buys lunch maybe once a week
- Eats dinners out 1-3 times per month
- Concerts and movies are more carefully chosen, probably 3 times a month
- Books are from the library, now
- Furniture is purchased second-hand (major savings when you’re not buying lifetime furniture!)
- Read “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” – devoured it, loved it, enacted it. Opened up RBC direct investing and is saving all his “fun money” for investing!
- Is NOT comfortable with debt, and now is horrified when his coworkers say “It’ll get paid off eventually”
- Carefully weighs vacation costs, goes on “staycations”
- Has a budget, and uses mint
What worked for us:
- At the beginning, I made the lunches for my DH. He’d bring it and eat it if I made it. Over time, this turned into us just making a bigger dinner than usual and eating the leftovers for lunch. Easy, peasy!
- Eating out is more fun if you do it less often. It makes it more of a treat that way! We also sometimes just go out and share an appetizer. That way we get the atmosphere and the outing, without the cost. MMM posts had a lot to do with this change.
- I’m a librarian. Books come from the library, not amazon. ‘Nuff said!
- Think you need new furniture? Just LOOK on craigslist and kijji. See what you can find. You might be surprised! My DH was very pleasantly surprised.
- I put “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” into DH’s hands. Told him, “I think you’ll like this book”. He did.
- I introduced DH to the debt is a “hair on fire” emergency concept. Explained how much we’re throwing away in interest. He got the picture. And speaking of pictures – I made a variety of debt repayment charts. Our current one is a bar graph taped to the wall, but one I made in the past was a money tree: every time he packed a lunch to work, I taped a leaf that said $8 on it, onto the money tree. Watch it grow! Lol.
- I planned some pretty epic staycations.
- I suggested mint, and DH LOVES it. Sometimes exposure is all you need.
I have to point out that these changes took about two years. At the beginning, it was really exposing him to stuff that I found interesting or that was in line with my values. I am so happy and proud of him, he has come SUCH a long way and we are a fantastic team. I found that leading by example and also by making it as easy for him as possible (i.e. making his lunch) was very helpful. Also, picking your battles. He still has a phone plan that would make most mustachians cringe, but hey – you gotta give a little sometimes. I hope this post helps people that are frustrated with a spouse. Be patient. And warning: your SO might become better than you! My DH is now the one keeping me in line ;) I never would’ve seen that coming!
I hope it goes without saying that the MMM community was a big part of these changes. Threads in the forum, and posts on the main site had a big effect on both of us. Sometimes I would print one out and put it on his pillow so he could read it before bed. Thank you to everyone here who takes the time to share ideas and best practices. We have taken our collective debt from $100,000 to $19,000 in the past three years. This has been HUGE for us and would not have been as possible without the support we have received here. Thank you.
